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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

So sad about not being able to get pregnant.

46 replies

TickleThePickle · 31/10/2020 00:18

AF is due on Monday, I did a test today and it was negative. I just know I am not. We have been having sex without contraception for 2-3 years and nothing has happened.
DP has had his sperm check and its all ok- I need some tests next which I am waiting on but I kinda know in my heart of hearts that its not going to happen and I am struggling to deal with it.
IVF isn't an option although I would consider an IUI but DP isn't keen on interventions like that. It makes me so sad every month. To make it worse my periods are really painful and everyone else around me seems to be pregnant. Just sad about it.

OP posts:

ireallyamthewalrus · 31/10/2020 00:23

I know exactly how you feel. It’s so so hard every month of trying and not getting pregnant.

Do go for the tests. There are things that can’t be done before you get to IVF type treatment. It’s easy to send yourself a bit crazy trying to work out why it could be.

Be kind to yourself too. It’s really hard.

PullTheBricksDown · 31/10/2020 00:24

I'm sorry. That sounds like a hard place to be in.

Original poster

TickleThePickle · 31/10/2020 00:39

I am going to call my GP on Monday and chase it all up again. I have an amazing DP and we have loads of things in life to look forward to but I can't imagine not having a baby with him- equally I can't actually imagine it happening. Every where I look there seem to be references to babies, people planning babies, people getting pregnant. It's like im being smothered by it all.
Dp has a much more relaxed attitude to it which is great because it takes the pressure off of me but he also doesn't get how painful it is for me.

OP posts:

SetSail · 31/10/2020 00:43

It is so hard. Especially when the whole world seems to be pregnant at the drop of a hat.

DisneyGirl2387 · 31/10/2020 08:02

@TickleThePickle
I'm so sorry you are going through this. As others have said please seek help. I actually felt so much better mentally when I went to the doctors and was referred to the hospital. I felt like I was being listened to and helped after so long. It also took a lot of the pressure of ttc bizarrely. Look after yourself as it is an emotional journey to be on x

namechange7438 · 31/10/2020 08:31

Hey, never give up hope. I spent years being told the chances of me having children was very low - they wouldn't test me for anything due to my age and not "actively" trying to conceive (if ten years of unprotected sex isn't enough I don't know what is!) I went off the rails over it and was convinced I'd never be a mum. Eventually I threw myself into rescuing animals and they became my babies. I was told in the August that I would probably never fall pregnant - but don't worry you can have ivf until you're 35 (no tests or anything)

I now have a 3 year old daughter after a very surprise pregnancy! 4 months after I gave up all hope I fell pregnant! xx

Original poster

TickleThePickle · 31/10/2020 15:37

I am going to call my GP on Monday and ask for more tests. I know they probably have a lot more to worry about with covid and everything but I can't imagine not having a little one running around.

Thank you for replying and just getting it.....my best friend doesn't want kids ever, she has been empathetic but its not quite the same as understanding it. The only way I can describe it is like when you are super thirsty and nothing will quench it.

OP posts:

BriocheBuns · 31/10/2020 17:08

Aw OP hope you’re okay, you sound really down. Pls follow through with all the tests, keep on top of it all and annoy the GP until they’ve done everything for you. Sometimes they need constant reminding or a nudge or two.

Don’t write it off though, if you haven’t been told your infertile then continue with your ttc journey. Even those who’ve been told they can’t have children sometimes conceive much to their own surprise x

MissSmiley · 31/10/2020 17:24

@TickleThePickle I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, we tried for five years before we had our first child, the sadness I felt for so long was life changing, even now I have my children, it has affected the way I parent and I felt very depressed for a long time. My DH was very laid back about everything too and just seemed to have a belief that it would happen but I was much more realistic. We did 3 rounds of IUI, followed my 9 rounds of ivf and it took it's toll mentally, physically and financially.

You haven't said how old you are? It was the loss of control that was so difficult to cope with and the fact we were waiting all the time, for the next cycle, for the outcome, for our lives as a family to begin. My heartfelt best wishes to you

Flutterby8 · 31/10/2020 17:47

@TickleThePickle so sorry youre having a real hard time. I too stopped all contraception 3 years ago and not a hint of a pregnancy. DH is so relaxed about it and doesnt understand that deep down, I'm finding it hard as everyone I know has children. Ive previously had tests and was told everything was fine, so now its his turn.
It is super difficult and I know how you feel.
Get to the GP, talk it through (phone consult may even be easier given covid etc) and get the ball rolling.
Im terrified about more tests in case there is a problem, but you have to cross that bridge when you get to it i guess.
Wishing you the very best of luck with your journey

Chica1990 · 31/10/2020 20:34

Sorry OP, even though it sounds like many of us are going through the same thing it’s a desperate and lonely place to be. Please do try and push with the gp as much as you can.

I was booked for some holistic therapies like acupuncture and reflexology which probably won’t happen with lockdown now, have you ever looked into anything like that? I read the book ‘it all starts with an egg’ and cut out sugar and caffeine, plastic and unnecessary toxins and upped my supplement game. I’ve been trying since July 2019 but conceived 2 months after making the changes from the book, sadly it was ectopic but it’s given me hope. If could have been luck but making the changes made me feel pro active and might be an interesting read for you.

Wishing us both luck!

@MissSmiley my god you have been through the wringer! Well done on never giving up.

Daffodil21 · 31/10/2020 20:40

I second @Chica1990 's suggestion of 'it starts with the egg', and acupuncture and reflexology. I made all the changes, had a few reflexology sessions and only one acupuncture session just before expected ovulation, and fell pregnant 2 months after reading the book and making the changes. Unfortunately I think this pregnancy is going the same way as the other two, but it had been almost a year since a pregnancy so I feel it must have helped to conceive at least?

I'm sorry you're going through this, it really it shite ❤️

FatGirlShrinking · 31/10/2020 20:42

I hope the GP is able to get your tests sorted and that you get good results.

To offer some hope, me and DH were trying for 3 years and had completely given up hope, then one day I realised my period was late, tested and got my BFP. It was completely out of the blue as really had completely given up, to the extent we'd blown a load of money on a fancy hotel in London figuring why be frugal and save for kids, may as well enjoy our money. Apparently all it took was a lot of whiskey and a hotel bed to get knocked up

MissSmiley · 31/10/2020 21:17

@Chica1990 it was a really tough time we had a miscarriage on cycle 2 but we got lucky on cycle 5, 7 and 9 and we now have 4 children from ivf and then got pregnant naturally after 12 years of unprotected sex and 9 rounds of ivf... in the end our unexplained infertility was all down to my undiagnosed coeliac disease, if only we had known

Chica1990 · 01/11/2020 08:23

@MissSmiley what a long painful journey you’ve had, you are a superhero! At what point did you find out you are coeliac and cut out gluten? I am also coeliac and fortunately found out to cut out gluten (March 2019) before I started trying. It took me a while to feel the benefits of cutting it out but I feel good for it now, looking back I used to be bloated all the time and have no energy.

It’s amazing how many people probably don’t know they have it, and I’m sure it can’t even be good for people with even an intolerance when it comes to conceiving as studies are showing how important gut health is. It all starts with an egg and actually most fertility diets I’ve seen in general say to cut out gluten, just in case.

2childrenandout · 01/11/2020 08:30

Having the tests will help you as you'll feel like you're actively doing something. We tried for 2 years then had numerous tests. I went for an HSG where they put dye into your uterus and take an x ray to check tubes aren't blocked etc. The lady doing the procedure told me that they had lots of women saying they got pregnant after it because it flushed their system out. Next month we got pregnant. No idea if it was coincidence or not but doing something helped me be more positive. Good luck.

MissSmiley · 01/11/2020 10:24

@Chica1990 I didn't get diagnosed until after the ivf, they knew it was something to do with my immune system as my nk cells were high, so I took prednisone on top of the ivf and that's why it worked, the first success we had on cycle 5 was after we had spent a year on a low carb diet which purely by accident had been GF, it all makes sense now looking back but it was very frustrating at the time

Daffodil21 · 01/11/2020 11:04

@MissSmiley did you have any symptoms of coeliac? I've read you can have it without symptoms?

MissSmiley · 01/11/2020 11:13

@Daffodil21 yes lots of symptoms but the antibody tests kept coming back negative, it took about 15 years to get diagnosed

Daffodil21 · 01/11/2020 11:29

@MissSmiley can I ask what dose of pred you were on? I'm on 20mg 'just in case' amongst lots of other things, but I think I'm about to have my third miscarriage. I'm just wondering if I did have NK cells/some other undiagnosed autoimmune disease, whether 20mg would actually be enough or if it's just pointless.

Sorry for jumping on your thread @TickleThePickle , I'll bugger of soon! You have my sympathies though, it is really shit

RyvitaBrevis · 01/11/2020 11:45

It's so heartbreaking isn't it, I'm sorry.

If you have painful periods, I wonder if you've considered the possibility that you might have endometriosis? There is helpful info on the Endometriosis UK web site.

MissSmiley · 01/11/2020 12:16

@Daffodil21 it was a long time ago, but 20mg sounds familiar, for about 13 weeks and then tapered, it was enough to grow some fetching facial hair, I remember that much, I'm sorry you're fearing another miscarriage, one was bad enough, I'll keep everything crossed for you that this one sticks x

dobzyj · 01/11/2020 12:21

Hi all may I join? Reading this is like me speaking. It's so strange. I totally feel the same. So so sad. I've even been for tests ans had my tubes flushed etc. May I ask how old people are and how long people have been TTC. Like @TickleThePickle I'm 2 yrs TtC off and on

Original poster

TickleThePickle · 01/11/2020 19:34

@Daffodil21 no not at all, hearing other people stories and the discussions going on on here has made me realise I have lots more things I can try before i am out totally. I think I can feel my period coming (due tomorrow) so I think that has just got me super low.

OP posts:

Daffodil21 · 01/11/2020 20:15

@MissSmiley thank you for your help and kind words. I'm glad you've finally got a diagnosis but I'm sorry it took so long.

@TickleThePickle AF arriving really is shit isn't it?! Have you tried planning something nice in case it does come, something you wouldn't be able to do if you were pregnant? Obviously you would rather be pregnant but it might help?

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