TTC for 2 years & nothing...

[ReginaPhalange90]

Hi all, I'm new here. This is going to turn into a bit of a rant so bear with me!

Just taken my umpteenth negative PT and I just feel really sad, I was so SURE it was going to be positive this time :( I feel I can't really talk to my friends about it because they're all married with kids and it's just always "aww it'll happen, just be patient" etc etc. I'm 30 and was on the pill for a lot of years, I came off it late 2018 and it took about a year for my cycle to get to some sense of normality, however it's still nothing close to normal. My last six cycles for example have ranged between 33 and 65 days. I've been taking ovulation tests for months and have only ever had one positive reading even though I took one every morning. I just feel that I'm running out of time, I'm engaged to a wonderful 37yo man (been together 5yrs) and we've just sold our tiny 1 bed flat and have been putting offers in on houses but all our offers are being rejected. We were planning on getting married next May but have postponed it due to everything that's going on. So basically I'm at the point of "why isn't anything happening for us?" and I'm just really upset about it. ALL our friends have a house, ALL our friends have children apart from one couple who decided not to, and they're ALL married. Everything happened for them 10+ years ago as well :(

Just feeling really sad and emotional at the moment.

I'm also off the pill since 2018 and no joy here either 😔 it's so so disheartening but this site is great for a chat and a rant. Don't compare yourselves to others EVER❤️ you are your own couple and you do your own thing! We also have yet to buy a house as it keeps falling through for us too. Our time will come 🤗

@xoJellyBean thank you! It's good to know we're not alone! It might be a bit early just now to have taken a test so I'm going to wait a few days and try again, hopefully I'll get a different result!

@ReginaPhalange90 it took me 2 years, 1 month to conceive my first ever pregnancy. It sadly ended in miscarriage and no luck again since. What OPKs are you using? For generic ones morning urine doesn't work well, try between 10am-2pm and test more than once a day when the line gets darker. OPKs don't confirm you're even ovulating though, since it's been 2 years have you gone to your GP? 1 year is usually when they'll start testing so I'd begin with giving them a call 🤞

I second what @Stabal says. Have you spoken to your doctor. Especially with such irregular cycles, it would be worth getting some checks done to rule out pcos and stuff. I would always recommend opk testing and temping so you can get an idea of if and when you are ovulating. I think speaking to the doctor is a sensible first step.

No, not spoken to the doctor although I do have some suspicions I might have PCOS (weight gain, excessive hair etc). I am planning on going regarding that (just hasn't been a right time recently with what's going on) but I don't want any invasive tests or anything and we've both agreed that we won't get IVF or anything like that.

@Stabal I'm now using the ClearBlue ones, I was using Tesco ones but never got a positive, as soon as I switched to ClearBlue I got a positive but this month I didn't, although there was a 2 day gap where I'd run out so I bet you anything that's when it would have been positive lol

Awww it took me 4 years so ended up being 35 with first child rather than 31/32 that I imagined. I didn't get myself tested as just kept assuming it would be OK.
Have PCOS and went on metformin, lost some weight, also had a laparoscopy which was last resort before IVF (I wasn't keen on IVF) and by some sort of miracle conceived first month after the laparoscopy. I then conceived straight away second time which was bizarre.
Go to the GP and have you bloods tested. Good luck!

And yes it's hard when everyone else tells you to 'relax' - it's not always that straightforward!

I really don’t mean this to sound patronising, but would it be worth stop tracking your cycles and just taking a relaxed approach? You do hear of couples who accept it isn’t going to happen, and then it does all of a sudden. Or those who are referred for fertility treatment, then fall pregnant while waiting to be seen. There must be an element of stress that seems to affect conception.

@ReginaPhalange90 is there any particular reason you won't have tests or consider IVF? I'm not really sure how you think you'll get any answers if you don't want invasive tests. For starters to diagnose PCOS you will need an internal scan..

@CausingChaos2 please please don't post to relax. When you want a child so bad it is impossible to switch off. For some people not tracking and not knowing where they are in their cycle is far more stressful for them. Stress does not cause infertility.

When I chose to relax I was overthinking more than ever! Which probably didn't help things 😂 I took soy this month but it's made my period two days late which I'm not so happy about. I'd just got my cycles back to normal 😔

I had a long period of infertility - over 2.5 years- then an ectopic pregnancy, then had my DC. It can happen but I'm really puzzled as to why you havent been to the doctor. This should be the first port of call. There is loads they can do that isn't 'invasive'. Have you actually looked into treatment for PCOS for example? It's not invasive as far as i understand it.

I’ll post what I think may be helpful thanks Stabal

And actually the advice often given at fertility clinics is to stop temping and using opks, and just have regular sex through the month.

It took us 2 years and 3 months to conceive our DD - when I started to think it was never going to happen, we had a lovely relaxing week holiday and I think it must have helped us de stress because there it was that second line on a test. Can't comment on if we would have success again we are probably one and done to avoid disappointment if it doesn't work again. Keep going and good luck

At the start of the year I was "giving it a couple more months just to see" before going to the Dr and then all this Coronavirus stuff happened and I just felt I didn't want to bother them at such a busy time. Thanks for the advice & supportive comments, I've heard of people falling pregnant after just relaxing and not thinking about it etc but I wouldn't be able to not think about it lol. I guess at least if I knew it was PCOS there would be a reason and I wouldn't be putting so much pressure on myself to conceive or compare myself to my friends. It's just so frustrating, I'm not kidding at least 6 facebook friends have announced their pregnancies in the last couple of months, one was an "oops". Plus my OH's cousin announced their pregnancy in the family chat last month (3rd child) and his other cousin (the first cousin's brother) announced their pregnancy (2nd child) in the chat 3 weeks later. It just feels like it should be our turn now. We're not keen on being "older" first time parents though so if we don't conceive in the next year or two we'll just accept that it wasn't meant to be.

Hi @ReginaPhalange90

Sorry to hear about your journey... I've also been TTC quite a long time (since July 2019) and have never seen those 2 lines and can totally understand how you feel when everyone around you seems to manage right away. It's tough!

I'd echo was the other posters are saying and encourage you to go to the GP. A simple blood test showed that my thyroid levels were off and there was no way my body could handle a pregnancy - knowing that and taking medication for it put me in a much better place, mentally, and although it's still a difficult journey, at least I know that I'm fixing what I can.

I don't know much about PCOS but 2 of my close friends conceived with PCOS after a bit of a struggle. Don't give up!

@CausingChaos2 it's not helpful though. It's incrediblely frustrating to be told to relax. Stress alone doesn't cause infertility, that's not the reason they recommend having regular sex rather than tracking. I'm only advising to be mindful of your words, hearing "just relax and it'll happen" for 2 years of my life led me to tears more times than I can count.

I’m approaching my third birthday of significant disappointment that I’m another year older and no closer to becoming a mum.

The first birthday after we were really trying was probably the worst. I’m in my mid/late 30s so I definitely don’t think you’re yet at the point that time is running out for you. But knowing where you stand with a few blood tests would make you feel that you had some constructive support.

I was diagnosed with PCOS in my late teens at university but I’ve never received treatment specifically for it. But it means we don’t really know if I’m ovulating. Despite 4 sets of bloods the docs still aren’t sure.

I’ve tried acupuncture and hated it. I’ve been on 2 rounds of clomid and after it gave me dermatitis my dr now has me on tamoxifen- commonly used to treat breast cancer hormonally but this is just a very short dose and has shown to increase chances when used to treat fertility.

Until this year my periods ranged from 33-72 days. The longer cycles were heartbreaking when I had to test and get the BFN but no understanding of why my period was late.

This year I’ve naturally treated my hay fever which I think has helped to regulate my periods, along with the medication. I’ve all but cut out any essential use of pain relief. Basically trying to limit things that could influence my cycle. The only thing I seem unable to cut out is sugar. And I know if I could shift a stone my odds of a BFP would greatly increase. I should add I also quit my job last year in the hope that reducing stress would help... 10 months later and while I’m happier it hadn’t helped me conceive.

The TTC Journey can be so long and lonely. There’s so many of us suffering in silence. And so many factors at play. It’s hard to understand when it looks so easy to everyone else. All we have to cling to is the trust and hope that someday our time will come. Xxx

OP it's a rubbish feeling I know, I've been there too. Please go see a doctor ASAP. You are in your 30's and have already been trying a long time and you have irregular periods. You need some tests.

@CausingChaos2 yes you do have the right to post what you like, but telling some to relax when they've been trying unsuccessfully TTC for a long time is incredibly frustrating to hear and not at all helpful. If it was as simple as relaxing there would be a lot less infertility around!

@ReginaPhalange90 I'm sorry you're going through this struggle, it does become incredibly upsetting when everyone seems to be having babies but you...been there...cried lots.

I echo everyone else saying to see your GP.
I also just wanted to say don't panic that it does mean IVF just yet.
Obviously it could depend on outcome of tests to see what may be an issue, but there are also oral drugs (Clomid) which can help ovulation. I'm no GP, but just wanted to say there are non-invasive options too.

Good luck x

[quote Stabal]@CausingChaos2 it's not helpful though. It's incrediblely frustrating to be told to relax. Stress alone doesn't cause infertility, that's not the reason they recommend having regular sex rather than tracking. I'm only advising to be mindful of your words, hearing "just relax and it'll happen" for 2 years of my life led me to tears more times than I can count.[/quote]
It might not be helpful to you Stabal but this isn’t your thread. And ‘just relax and it will happen’ is not what I said, so perhaps don’t quote me with your own words.

@CausingChaos2 I'm not the only one in this thread that has said it's not helpful, maybe that should mean something to you. You're being hostile when I'm just trying to make you aware of how frustrating it is to hear.

@ReginaPhalange90 I am a long term TTCer and would echo what the others are saying about going to the GP. There are other things that can be tried long before having to think about IVF.

I understand that making that initial appointment can be a little daunting but once you get that first step out of the way it is much easier.

And to add "just relax" comments are so unhelpful, it may come from a place of meaning well but please don't ever say this to a friend who is struggling to conceive - no amount of relaxing is going to cure PCOS, endo, male factor etc.

Really not helpful to be told to relax.