CSG (Thread 2)

[candycrush2298]

Continuation of previous .. what 4 threads lol

@candycrush2298 ☹☹☹☹☹☹☹

@Kaybobx I know its bollocks isn't it. But I am excited for a month off.

@candycrush2298 i just don't get what we are doing wrong or what more we can do! Your right it is bollocks! I'm so sorry hun. A month off will do you the world of good.

@Kaybobx not sure what else is there we can do, havent had a full chat with hubby yet. Just briefly touched on it and I said maybe its just not in God's plans for us to be parents naturally.

I am going to speak to him and I think we do the SA and see on timeframes what we looking at. Dont know whats the right way to go do we focus our time on adoption? I mean what if we go through all the counselling, background checks, home checks, friends and family testimonials, work checks, clearances and for whatever reason they don't think we suitable or there's no children we suitable for and then we have spent years on that when we should have persevered the lengthy waits on NHS. Just dont know what to do.

@candycrush2298 is there any reason why you couldn't do both at the same time?

Morning all.

12dpo and bfn.

@candycrush2298 I'm sure the would be absolutely do reason why couldn't adopt.

I would get the SA done then go back to your GP. You may have a small issue that can be rectified but you just don't know what it is yet.
I agree with @Welliedays do both together ❤

@ReginaaPhalange ☹☹☹ girls I'm literally gutted for you both today. I'm so sorry.

@Welliedays because one of the conditions of applying to be adoptive parents is stopping all methods and treatments pertaining to TTC. No trying to conceive at all whilst in the process of applying to be adoptive parents. Which makes sense in a way becuase what if you get a child's hopes up that they gointg to a family and then the parents conceive and they say oh no we don't want that kid anymore. I would still want both because I am greedy like that lol but maybe not everyone thinks like me.

@ReginaaPhalange sorry for another negative test. Guess we will be riding the AF train together 💜💜

@Kaybobx thanks hun, the only thing I can think of as to why we could be rejected is if in counselling they explain that the bio parents have x amount of months/years to claim the kid and take it from me I will go mental and that will make me bail out before they reject me.

As for the gp yeah they will refer us onto the fertility clinic but who knows how long the waiting list is to even be seen by the fertility clinic. Then waiting list for the first scan, waiting list for the second scan and so it goes on you know. Like i want a timeframe hahah.

@ReginaaPhalange sorry to see the bfn.

@candycrush2298 and sorry for your temp drop ❤️

Think we're all feeling a bit negative in this group at the moment aren't we. Just need to keep supporting each other x

@snapple21 thanks hun and you're right, we need to all just keep supporting each other and help us find our happy places once again. Those that still estrogen running through their bodies make the most of it hahaha mine should kick in tomorrow its like my natural happy drug hahaha. Problem is I have short cycles so my cycle predominantly consists of progesterone and not much estrogen those of you that have longer cycles at least have a while of feeling optimistic lol.

How are you? Still have a few days before O, have you been able to BD at all?

I have the best mother in the world. I told her I dont think i can go on and I am going to speak to hubby tonight about adoption and this was her reply

"Oh my child.... I wish I was there just to hold you and I wish I could make all things right but I know it's beyond and out of my reaching hands.... It's in the lords hands.

I don't understand and only can imagine how you must be feeling but I do understand what you are saying and yes I agree for your health... Mentally and emotionally you need to fix yourself and look at other options going forward.

As much as I would love to be a ouma.... Your health and Wes are more important.

Should you guys opt for an adoption just know that child will also be loved by me and accepted as my grandchild.
I know you guys will make amazing parents. However the lord wants you to become parents... If not biological thrn by giving another child a chance to life.

I pray that whatever the outcome and yours and Wes decision is... Be what's best for both of you and know that I stand by you guys all the way and I am always here for both of you"

For reference ouma means gran.

@candycrush2298 really really sorry about the drop in temp. We were all rooting for Soy to work for you.

From what you’ve explained you have to stop trying for babies whilst you wait for adoption which in itself could be a very long process? If I were in your shoes I personally would go down the NHS route first. Your at a good age for trying to conceive and after your first appointment the NHS does get a bit quicker ( 6 month in between appointments whilst they send you off to do things). The way I see it is if you stop now and go for adoption than you’ll be 32/33 when you try again for babies and that won’t be ideal whereas if you keep trying you have more chance of getting pregnant.

Let’s put this into prospective no one has told you that you’re not able to have kids. No doctor has turned around and said sorry no eggs we can’t even do IVF on you. Until someone says something like that to you don’t lose hope. For all we know you might just need a round of clomid or something really minor like that.

Don’t give up until specialists tell you that they can’t help.

Also wanted to ask could you not adopt from somewhere like South Africa? That way less chance of the child being taken away from you and maybe you’ll be allowed to continue treatment to have kids? ( I have no idea about adoption regulations so unsure)

I’d just keep phoning the NHS and chasing them.

@Elakiya thank you so much, yes TTC needs to stop, mentally though I am not sure I am strong enough for either. I can start losing the weight I gained now in the interim whilst waiting on the doctors my fear is this....
They find a problem with hubby so he gets treatment and we think OK this fixes it so they say try it for 6 months lets see if you get pregnant then it doesnt happen so we go back and they say OK his sperm has improved so must be an issue with you then they wait until i am about to ovulate to scan the follicles OK those look good, come back next cycle and we check the tubes, ok you're pretty fertile after an HSG give it 3 months see if that works, nope not happened ok come back we give you clomid and you try that for 6 months nope that didn't work and then after another 2 years they say ok we will now refer to the fertility clinic for the waiting list for IVF which is 9 months (i know this becasue my friend has been through all this and has been ttc for 6 years and now she is finally going to start ivf hopefully egg collection soon and first round by the end of this year beginning of next year) by then I will be 32/33 before my first round of IVF even happens and you only get 3 tries and if that doesn't work then only start looking at adoption at 34 when I am already beyond broken what if I can't fix myself to put myself through the gruelling process of adoption?

I just dont know what to do and thats the truth

@Elakiya as for adoption in SA no its a very different process and it would be way too difficult and require me to be in SA for a lot of it and I am not allowed out the country for more than 180days during the five years of my visa or I cannot apply for indefinite leave to remain. Its part of the conditions of my visa

Hey girls, just been catching up.

@candycrush2298 I am so sorry you've been feeling so low these past few days, I can only imagine how you feel. Don't give up, you come across as such a strong person and although the waiting to referred may take a while, it may well be truly worth it if they manage to help you. You deserve to be a mummy and I am sure that one day you will 💜

@ReginaaPhalange so sorry you got another bfn, it hurts everytime doesn't it. Really hope it turns into a bfp but if not, sending positive vibes for next cycle.

@candycrush2298 your message from your mum just made me cry! 😭 how lovely.

Its so sad to hear your thoughts but i have to agree with @elakiya you haven't actually been told you can't have kids and it could just be a simple things. If you have to tell a few lies to get seen abit quicker then do it! First steps is get that SA booked in.
You won't know how long it takes until you get the ball rolling, everyone is different.

@candycrush2298 I understand. This journey is not easy and I always end up being really depressed so I can completely relate from the mental health point of view. It's a ashame about the SA thing. My husbands not British either, we've just finished the indefinite leave to remain application (submitted last week) so I understand on the not being able to stay outside the country point.

How about foster care? It's not quite the same as adoption is it? So you'll end up having a child that urgently needs a home for a short time and then they go back? I know this could not be right emotionally as its a bit like bonding with a child and then having the child ripped away but it might also bring the positivity that you need into your life and keep your mental health positive until the 3/4 yrs of the NHS wait? I am sure its not for everyone but if its something that might keep you happy until the NHS wait is over maybe give that a try

Also you have an amazing mother. Truly amazing.

@candycrush2298 I agree with @Kaybobx if you need to say a few lies say it! Go to your GP and say that your periods are getting heavier and you don't find them manageable. GP would do an Ultrasound (some just refer you directly to a gynae). This isn't even a white lie you said your periods were heavy. Then they'll do scans etc, check for fibroids/polyps and there you go, one test required for fertility done :D and then you mention you've been trying for a baby for 2 yrs (maybe say 3) and then they'll look into it.

This is how I got the NHS to look at me. I went in about heavy periods and a septate uterus and came out with your not ovulating which is why you're not pregnant lol.

@candycrush2298 Another question, sorry if this is really silly. Is fertility treatment in South Africa cheaper? Maybe you can just get all the scans and tests done when you go on holiday to South Africa if you're still waiting for the NHS?

@PinkRoseFlower thank you so much, God you girls are making me cry so much you are so amazing all of you truly. I am blessed to have come into contact with you all.

@Kaybobx thanks hun, truly I am just so grateful and thank you just doesn't seem good enough to express my gratitude to all of you. I know that everyone is different sorry what I didn't make clear in my message above was not the timing that bugs me as much as the false hope each thing we try will be a few months of trying and each time we try something I will get so hopeful again and when it fails I will be as low as I am today. Each thing we try and do will break me down more and more, each step we take will lift me up thinking this could be all we need to be parents and each time it doesn't work it will be another nail in my heart. By the time we get to IVF and if that fails then what stregnth emotionally will be left in me to be a good parent? I will be so emotionally destroyed that how on earth could I possibly endure the process of adoption?
In case I am still not explaining myself properly as I know I am super emotional so probably not making a lot of sense but what I mean is each thing the NHS wants to try will be breaking me down more and more each time it fails - maybe it won't and we will conceive but if it doesn't realistically the statistics for unexplained fertility are really high.

@Elakiya thank you just being so supportive, I can't express how amazing you are. You are so strong and so resilient. Good luck on hubby's application I hope it is a smooth process and next year this time he will hopefully be a citizen.

That is one thing I could never do the bonding and giving back is the whole reason I am so hesitant on adoption. And even if I could I would need to give up my job as these kids need full time care (the foster agencies pay towards the care of the children) I am not sure on the exact amount but they do pay towards the needs of the child/ren. And I am not ready to give up my job especially when thats going really well at the moment not sure how when my head is in the clouds lol.

Thank you guys for saying how amazing my mom is she is really great.

Hubby will go for the SA as soon as we get the letter in the post I will let you know when it is booked for. Once that is done we will meet with the GP and see the steps. Once we have spoken to someone hubby and I can talk about our options and decide what is best for us based on how we feeling after that.

@Elakiya not a silly question at all - unfortunately it is just as expensive also about £5000 + for IVF and the HSG, scans etc work out about the same. I could probably get clomid really easily there though haha but besides that yeah it would be about the same financially - unfortunately I had thought about it as well LOL!!!!

@Kaybobx said you can get Clomid online? Why don't you give it a go whilst you apply for adoption @candycrush2298

@Elakiya think @Kaybobx said they not operating at the moment so can't get it just now. I don't know if they do it in the UK but in the USA I have seen men get put onto clomid for low sperm count, has anyone ever heard of it?

Just wondering what they actually do in the UK if hubby does have a low count.

And will need to try it before starting the application to be become adoptive parents as cannot TTC at all if applying for adoption.