Dealing with close friends falling pregnant

[FebruaryJuly]

I feel absolutely terrible for writing this and wish I didn't feel like this but I don't know how to make myself feel different😩.

Does anybody else (who has been trying for a while for a baby) find it hard to be over the moon for close family and friends who fall pregnant? I have 3 close friends/family members who have announced that they are due around the same time and a few work friends and more distant friends who are also expecting. I really struggle to be around anybody when they are talking about it and feel like I am seeing pregnant women everywhere I go . All I want is to feel super happy for them and enjoy watching them post about their pregnancies but we have been trying for almost a year now with no luck.

Many people may say that I am being selfish and need to stop worrying, but I tell myself that every day and try to lighten up and I just can't

Feeling really low about it and I have even considered deactivating my social media accounts so I don't have to go through the pain of seeing it all after having so many negatives

I haven't been in this position myself but just wanted to say that it's not selfish at all, it's completely understandable to be struggling in these circumstances. It's easier said than done, but try not to be too hard on yourself for finding it difficult to be happy for others who are in the position you want to be in - it doesn't make you a bad person.

You mentioned that you'd thought about deactivating social media - maybe that would be a good idea, even just for a little while? Also, this may or may not be your thing, but I'd personally recommend looking into a couple of Instagram accounts (once and if you reactivate your social media) that encourage self-compassion, as it may be a small way to help you cope with your feelings if you find you're being hard on yourself.

I'm sorry you're struggling. I hope things turn round for you soon.

When I was TTC my 1st I hated anyone who got pregnant. I used to cry and cry in the safety of my own home. Some of my close friends understood it but I largely kept those feelings to myself. It's so utterly crap but when you do get pregnant you'll forget all the heartache that comes with TTC. Hang in there. Feel your feelings it's natural. And the best of luck on your journey

I felt the same. I was happy for them but also gutted it wasn’t me. Although it happened for us after a year. I think it’s best just to unfollow Them on social media so you don’t have to see it or if they are close friends I’m sure they would understand if you say you are struggling with it. Good luck ttc, I hope it happens soon!

Don’t beat yourself up, it’s completely natural to feel that way. Just feel the feeling and then mentally turn it into a “wow that is great I am so happy that it’s going to be my turn soon”. I know it’s easy to say, keep your chin up your turn will come but it’s so so hard xxxx

I don't think you're being selfish @FebruaryJuly.

As I got older (37 now), I was becoming increasingly aware of my ticking clock.
I wasn't actively trying as you are, but at times I would cry my eyes out when I found out someone else was pregnant.

Obviously I was over the moon for them, but privately my heart broke for myself and worries I'd missed my chance.

Be kind to yourself. Do what you need to to give yourself space. Reducing social media sounds like a good start.

Have you sought any medical advice to check if things are ok?
I was told to seek help after 6 months if I didn't conceive due to my age.
A year sounds like a reasonable amount of time to have tried before checking in with your GP.

Good luck- I hope your own happy news will follow soon x

When I found out one of my family members was pregnant I cried so much out of jealousy that I had to leave the house, faked a family emergency! I felt absolutely awful for reacting the way I did (no one knows the truth apart from my partner) but I wanted to be in her shoes so badly. Now her baby is just over a year old and I absolutely adore her but still don’t have my own. Our times will come 💕

The worst was when they started having 2d pregnancies while I was still trying for the 1st one. Hopefully you'll get there soon! Be gentle to yourself and DH.

This is a life stage and I’m sure many many people feel the same. We’re so used to being able to control all aspects of our lives and yet conception is out of our hands.

I did come off social media and it did help me. So I would say yes, give yourself a break and just concentrate on your own life. Having a baby is not all hearts and roses no matter what anyone tells you. Sleep deprivation is torture and caring for snsll children can be incredibly monotonous.

I don’t know how old you are but hopefully you have many fertile years ahead of you and it will happen soon. I don’t know what your diet looks like but one thing you can do that will help immediately is start a low carb diet. It’s fantastic for helping conception. I’ll try and post s link here for you to look at.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-4669196/amp/Cut-carbohydrate-raise-chance-pregnancy.html

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/07/05/go-low-carb-increase-fertility-chances-five-times-experts-say/amp/

Thank you for your replies everyone. We do already have a four year old son who we so desperately want a sibling for. I know people say that there is no right time to have a baby but based on our future plans and age gap (I don't like my age gap with my siblings) we didn't want an age gap larger than 5. We are still in our twenties, but also don't want to "start all over again" when our son it turning 5,6,7..... we are excited for the days when we can go to theme parks and places for older children without worrying about having a baby. Our son took 2 months to conceive after one chemical so I think I came into this with somewhat high expectations. After nearly a year and knowing that we both likely have our own fertility issues growing which are being looked further into, we are close to calling it a day and sticking with one child, which I would be heartbroken about.

Many people make me feel worse by saying things like "you already have __ he should be enough for you and you should be happy with him" etc. Of course I am happy with him, he is my world and I absolutely adore him, but a second and one last child would complete us and give him the sibling that he will hopefully grow up with and make memories with. Xx

I really hate it when people dismiss your emotions like that @FebruaryJuly.
I split up with my DH at 32 (with him since 17) and I was terrified I'd never meet someone new and have kids.
The number of people who said 'be grateful you didn't have kids with him'. It was like a kick to the stomach.

You have every right to be upset things aren't going to your plans and dreams.
Even if the gap is bigger than you had hoped, I really hope DC2 does happen soon x

You have secondary infertility OP which is surprisingly common. We really struggled to conceive our second after conceiving our first straight away. I was a lot older than you though which probably didn’t help! But we got there eventually and they’re now fighting in front of me why they wrestle with a computer game 😬

Lots of luck to you XX

@justanotherneighinparadise I have read up about that and assumed that I have that, it took my fiancé's auntie 18 years after her first to get her second! It does worry me but again, people say "no it won't be that" and for me to stop diagnosing myself with all sorts, whereas I am quite sure that that is the case

Totally normal feelings. It took us almost 4 years to conceive our second so we had a much bigger age gap than planned and it seemed like everyone and their sister had 2 or 3 children in that time.

Congratulate in public, cry in private, and don't feel bad about doing some judicial muting if you're finding it hard.

[quote FebruaryJuly]@justanotherneighinparadise I have read up about that and assumed that I have that, it took my fiancé's auntie 18 years after her first to get her second! It does worry me but again, people say "no it won't be that" and for me to stop diagnosing myself with all sorts, whereas I am quite sure that that is the case [/quote]
What’s your lifestyle like OP? Are there any health or lifestyle factors of you or your partner that you think might be contributing?

@justanotherneighinparadise

We have never smoked, we don't drink apart from at family/friend's occasions every few months, certainly haven't drank an ounce since the beginning of lockdown. We are both healthy weights and an active family. All I can think of is possibly stress being a contributing factor. Xx

What’s your diet like, ie what are you eating day to day!

I'm a primary teacher and he is an accountant finishing he final chartered exams in two weeks time, so we do have quite stressful high pressure jobs. X

That should have been a question mark not an exclamation mark.

Also do either of you take any supplements or have you tried acupuncture etc?

@justanotherneighinparadise we usually go for chicken based meals or spaghetti bol, tuna pasta, I have a lot of fruit and have started making smoothies with greens.. I love poached egg for breakfast. We have the odd meal out but only the same as your average family xx

@justanotherneighinparadise for the first 5 months of trying I was taking folic acid daily (including 2 months before we started trying). We have also been taking the pregnacare conception Vitamins for him and her. We have used ovulation kids, preseed, more fruit and veg in our diets, sperm meets egg plan, DTD every day, DTD every other day, this month, I stopped everything hoping to forget about it all and relax a bit more... my period is due in 7 days but I'm currently feeling the same now as I have done every other month at this part of my cycle 😩x

I really liked the FertilAid supplements so I got both of us on them. I also did fertility acupuncture as my cycles were short and that lengthened them to 28 days. I didn’t ask about your cycles but if they’re erratic then that’s something to consider (obviously I’ve no idea whether acupuncture is possible in the world of covid 🙄)

My other advice would be bring your levels of inflammation down as low as possible by low carbing. So watch your starches and fruit. I’ve read countless stories of women who couldn’t conceive until they went low carb then conceived the following cycle. It can be that powerful. So if you’ve hit desperation point it’s something you could change today and get benefit from in weeks.

Hello all,
I am in the same situation I had MMC at 20th week in april and soon after my MMC, my bestfriend announced his wife's pregnancy then one of my cousin too was due around same time, I had to attend her baby shower and god knows how I could make it. Then my neighbor who is way more younger than me announced her pregnancy.
I am happy for all of them but always brings my thoughts of what could've been, would've been if I had carried to full term.
Trust me if I hadn't had MMC or if I wasnt pregnant at first place I wouldn't have minded them being pregnant, but my loss always makes me wonder what went wrong with me.
It's my 4th cycle TTC after MMC and everytime AF arrives I breakdown

How long have you been trying OP? If it's over a year, have you contacted the GP surgery for tests? To have you bloods and swabs and husbands semen sample.
It took us 2.5 years to conceive our little girl who is our 1st. It was classed as unexplained infertility for us. Sending baby dust! Xxx

Hi OP. I just wanted to say that I totally understand where you coming from and it's totally normal.
A close friend became pregnant in December. I became pregnant in January. She sadly miscarried at about 10 weeks then I miscarried a few weeks later, also at 10 weeks.
She told us the other day they'd just had their 12 weeks scan and although I'm so happy for her, especially after what she's been through, I was just so jealous. I was supposed to meeting her for a lunch and cancelled.
I also made excuses not to go to a family meal as I had a feeling there'd be a pregnancy announcement and I was worried about getting upset in front of people. I also think people deliberately don't talk about babies and pregnancy in front of me after the miscarriage so it's just this huge elephant in the room. We didn't tell anyone we were trying first time and now I feel like all our family and friends are just waiting for us to make 'the announcement'. It's so much pressure.
Don't be hard on yourself. Do people know you've been trying?
Smile outwardly and be upset if you need to, avoid them if you need to, make excuses if you need to.
Are you temping or recording cm? It might be useful to see if you're actually ovulating as if it's something like that it could be easily resolved with clomid.
I found it really helped me get to know my cycle and I think it's the reason for my recent Bfp (tentatively hoping it's viable as I've had 2 chemicals since the MC). I'm sure we always started 'trying' too early every month so by the time I ovulated we were a bit over it 😂
I'm also a teacher and find the holidays give me way to much time to think and get down over it all.

Best of luck xx