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Conception

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Original poster

Did you tell people you were TTC?

41 replies

Cosmogirl · 02/10/2007 22:33

Bit of a straw poll - just wondering if people told/are telling people they are TTC or whether you kept/are keeping it quiet.
Might be giving it a go next year, and in a way, I feel like I'd like to tell my Mum but I'm not sure....
After all it is an extremely private thing between a man and a woman - does anyone else need to know?....

OP posts:

fihi · 02/10/2007 22:36

nooooo!

but i am extreme, we only told parents at 3 months and friends at 6 months pg!!(tiny tiny bumps) things complicated u see, with TTC and PG, then just saying oh, later....

PicknMix · 02/10/2007 22:36

We haven't told anyone - more because I can't be doing with the whole 'any news yet' thing!!! Am sure we'd have some lovely support from RL friends and family but, just in case it takes ages (am ttc #1) we're keeping quiet about it for the time being

Ready · 02/10/2007 22:40

My mum, and a few close friends. Regretting telling any friends at all. Mostly because it is taking time to ttc, way longer than we ever imagined, so it feels weird when we see/speak to those that know. If I could do it again I wouldn't tell anyone.

Good luck.

Jas · 02/10/2007 22:41

Not for the first two, but did tell my mum we were hoping for another before I had ds.

spookykitty · 02/10/2007 22:42

Didn't tell anyone about DD1

or DD2 (who was 9 months after DD1) people thought it must have been an accident (hate calling a baby that an accident) as I got pregnant so quick but we were lucky

DB3 who I mc, never told anyone again happened first month of ttc, again people thought it was a mistake as we already had two have been asked if we will ttc again or leave it, why leave it when we wanted 3 children

so we are ttc again, a few close friends know and I guess a lot of people would guess we are so if we are very lucky to get pregnant again it won't be a shock

IMHO I wouldn't tell anyone (apart from a bunch of strangers on MN of course )

MissusH · 02/10/2007 22:47

Finding out I was pg with dd1 was a total shock so the ttc issue wasn't relevant. However I did tell my mum about the pg way before the 12 week milestone.

Am now ttc #2 and have only told 1 RL friend. Again this is to cut out the monthly update requests as I am not sure how long it will take...

If (or when - positive thinking) I do conceive am def going to keep it to ourselves until after 12 weeks this time...

firstamum · 02/10/2007 22:48

yes, totally agree!! I would like to keep it to myself, but DH insists on tellnig his mum, which is fine by me, as she's like me- doesn't believe in tellnig people (family, relatives) before the first trimester. I, however feel sad at their attitude towards baby girls- they seem to hang on to the notion that 'girls' are 'my fault'. i mean, i thought DH would atleast understand.. we've got 2 DDs and i love beinga mum.. too stressd to try again at the mo, though!!! Will wait a couple of years... any thoughts on how to quash those negative vibes again, for baby girls?? DH is an only son, ofa single mum..

MissusH · 02/10/2007 22:54

Firstamum - I thought that the fellas were resposible for the sex of the baby? I'm sure I read somewhere that the bit of the chromosome/dna thingamebob which determines boy or girl came from the sperm...?

So chuck them neg vibes back at them - it is her DS's fault not yours

digitalgirl · 02/10/2007 22:59

We're ttc our first and I'm afraid i've told far too many people. Got bored with lying to my mates about why I wasn't drinking. I told my mum first, then a couple of really close friends because i felt like i was going to explode if i didn't tell anyone what i was going through. then another friend last week worked it out as I'd been 'detoxing' for two months. have already mentioned it could take a year so not to ask for 'news' all the time.

they're all good friends tho, so if it does take ages then i'd want them to understand why i was down.

chipmonkey · 02/10/2007 23:01

firstamum, that extra X chromosome definitely came from your dh!

bookwormtailmum · 02/10/2007 23:02

Firstamum - it's the sperm that determines the sex of the child, XX or XY. I forget which way round it is though to get what. Sounds like your MIL has 'Henry VIII' syndrome .

Original poster

Cosmogirl · 02/10/2007 23:02

That is bonkers! I don't understand the big thing of people wanting a son or a grandson over a daughter or a grand daughter. I may be biased because I am one but girls are great!! I think it is an extremely old fashioned and out dated view to hold personally.....

OP posts:

bookwormtailmum · 02/10/2007 23:10

My XP wanted a son. He couldn't really say much when our daughter was born .

spookykitty · 02/10/2007 23:24

My mother is the same favours boys over girls has said previously "a woman is not a real woman until she has a son" and only she and one cousin have hit the jackpot i.e. one of each, WTF??!!

When pregnant with DD2 and the one I just lost I had loads of "oh you want a boy then" no I want a f baby why is it so hard to understand thats like saying DD2 is a disappointment

spookykitty · 02/10/2007 23:25

sorry just I'm overly sensitive about the "trying for a particular sex thing"

bookwormtailmum · 02/10/2007 23:29

Some people are hung up on it though. I remember work colleages being asked if they had male grandchildren as well as granddaughters - to 'carry on' the family name . What's in a name?

Excitable · 03/10/2007 12:29

Girls keep their family name much more now anyway, I think that might be dying out.

The clue's in my name, I am monumentally RUBBISH at keeping secrets about myself. I'm sure I'll regret it if I MC, but just can't help myself. Luckily, I don't really like the people I work with v. much and so I've only told one of those people and DH is with me when I see everyone else.

That's because we're very close, it's not a jealousy thing...

There is one couple that I've told in not so many words, but I'm in the doghouse about that and probably won't do it again. Probably.

alwaysdoingsomething · 03/10/2007 13:12

We've told both parents and a few close friends. I've also confided in a work colleague, but only because we are in out 4th year ttc years and have gone through 2 years of treatment and will be starting another cycle in a months time. I've found the rl support invaluable. I also have a few fantastic friends who have at some point been in the same position as me and they have at times been my life line and have seen me at my lowest point and helped me get through the tough times. Despite parents knowing about our problems ttc, we still get the odd 'any news' 'oh don't leave it too late' comment. I've managed to build up a really thick skin and comments like this usually wash over me. Its a very personal choice and once you've told them you can't untell them iykwim. I say choose who you tell very carefully.

goingfor3 · 03/10/2007 13:15

I told my mum and every week she asked if I was pregnant yet, asked if dp and I were having sex at the right time! I mc'd and after that told her I had to wait three months until we could try again but didn't and told her once I was pregnant.

BroccoliSpears · 03/10/2007 13:17

I did but then wished I hadn't because basically you're just telling people you're going to be doing a lot of bonking in the near future. I got teased - in a nice way, but still, a bit embarrassing. Also, now I am pg I don't really want to tell anyone until I have had my first scan, but am sure people have realised as it's all gone quiet on the ttc front.

Spidermama · 03/10/2007 13:18

I always told people. Straight away. I'm a complete open book and never hide anything from anyone. Sometimes I wish I could have a private side, but it just doesn't work.

I had two M/Cs which was difficult because I had to go round telling everyone about those too so that they wouldn't keep saying 'How's the pregnancy going'. It meant that lots of people came and gave love and support though, which was nice.

Just do what feels right to you. There are no rules.

MaeWest · 03/10/2007 13:26

I told my mum, she was really lovely about it. Didn't keep asking for 'updates'. I think it's because it took them a while to conceive me (first baby) and she remembered how those comments felt. I also talked about it with a really close friend as we talk about everything and she was thinking of ttc. As it happened she ended up pg 10 weeks after me.

No one really needs to know if you don't want them to...

kama · 03/10/2007 13:27

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crokky · 03/10/2007 13:27

I think you should only tell people that you are TTC if the person you are telling is someone who would give you proper support if you had MC or trouble TTC. IMO that is either someone very close to you or someone in the same situation.

kama · 03/10/2007 13:28

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