Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Did you tell people you were TTC?

41 replies

Cosmogirl · 02/10/2007 22:33

Bit of a straw poll - just wondering if people told/are telling people they are TTC or whether you kept/are keeping it quiet.
Might be giving it a go next year, and in a way, I feel like I'd like to tell my Mum but I'm not sure....
After all it is an extremely private thing between a man and a woman - does anyone else need to know?....

OP posts:

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 03/10/2007 13:29

Heavens no! Some things are meant to be private IMO.

jockinafrock · 03/10/2007 14:33

nope, don;t tell. telling people only adds pressure to you - the longer it takes, the more pressure you'll feel as people (kindly) enquire after your health etc etc. People start to look for "signs" and tease you. What's wrong with giving folks a lovely surprise when you tell them you are PG?

emmy6781 · 03/10/2007 16:25

I didn't think we were going to tell anyone about it untill his ex wife confronted me about it yesterday after dropping off my step son

ladyhelen2 · 03/10/2007 16:48

We have a DS 2.3 years. For the past 12 months or more, so many people ask, are you going to have another one? I am guilty of asking this of others too! Initially its an easy answer - " at some point we'd love to",
Now we are TTC and have been so for 7 months, its so hard not to blurt out "WE'RE TRYING OUR HARDEST!!!"
A few of my close friends know and when I had a miscarrige in March (after TTC for one month) I kind of had to tell work - hosptial appointments and getting emotional, it was hard to lie about it. Well, told them about the miscarrige not that we were actively TTC but i assume that they assume we are!
It was far easier when TTC no 1 not to say anything at all, but with no 2, people seem to expect it at anytime.

graysongirl · 03/10/2007 18:31

I told EVERYONE (family, friends, people at work, the girl who does my highlights...)and 15 months later with no baby in sight sometimes think that might have been a blunder!! Was a bit silly and naive but got so excited about TTC that couldn't keep it to myself. I am the embarrasing friend that talks far too loudly about anything and everything in public, has a really loud laugh and drinks too much wine.....oh well...
I don't really mind the questions because like spidermama I am one of those people who don't really mind discussing 'private' things. Upfront all the way. Also support when things didn't go to plan from RL friends and family has been great (even the girl who does my highlights is really sweet!!)

If you're ready to have the questions from people and you don't mind discussing it etc.. then I think its fine but be prepared for the interrogation.

BTW what does your DP think?

Mine had no problem until we started going for tests, when I told my best friend that he was having his SA anaylsis he was a bit annoyed but only cos he was worried about outcome (which we won't know till Nov)
Have promised him that only my BF and selected family will know the outcome of tests if its him with the 'problem'... if its me I don't care really!! Will prob tell everyone all over again in full gory detail!!!

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 03/10/2007 18:42

It's as good as going up to someone and saying "Oh yes, we're having lots of unprotected sex!" which, quite frankly, is TMI.

graysongirl · 03/10/2007 18:52

Only if you're a bit stuffy about sex, doesn't matter to me. Am upfront and have strong opinions about everything, friends new shoes, which restaurant is best etc...so if I kept quiet about TTC then would be at odds with my personality

Can also easily accept people saying that my loud mouth someitmes reveals TMI without feeling offended, its takes all sorts and I am obviously a different sort to you! Each to their own I say.

Maybe I should live in Holland and could talk about unprotected sex all day ...

NoviceKnitter · 03/10/2007 18:53

No. I'd told close friends we were thinking of trying but then kept quiet once we did. Also waited 12 weeks once pg except for vfew people. I just think it's such a big, important and personal thing and as soon as other people know it kind of clutters the clarity with which you can get your head round it all. also ( sorry - hippy alert) there's just something very wonderful about having that secret with your DP. I wish I hadn't discussed name ideas when pg as gaging other reactions confused me re my own preferences.

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 03/10/2007 19:16

It's got nothing to do with being stuffy about sex.

graysongirl · 03/10/2007 20:21

"It's as good as going up to someone and saying "Oh yes, we're having lots of unprotected sex!" which, quite frankly, is TMI"

Your point seems to be that if you tell people you are TTC then you are discussing your sex life which you feel is TMI. (if thats not what you meant please correct me)Thats your opinion and is as valid as everyones here.
However I think sex is natural part of life as is TTC and discussions/conversations around this are healthy and normal.

Maybe if more people were at ease with talking about sex and TTC then some women wouldn't feel so bad about not being able to get pg straightaway. I certainly wish someone had told me that there might have been a longer and more challenging road ahead. It would also open up more debates around for young people around safer sex, STI's and HIV. The current education and information is inadequate in some schools and many parents find it hard to dicuss sex and relationships with their kids. The high teenage pregancy rate is indication enough not to mention the massive increase in certain STI's in the under 21's.

I also hope that by talking openly about TTC (which obviously inculdes talking about sex) with lots of people I have opened the discussion for friends and collegues who may find themselves in a similar position and remember the conversation we had which hopefully will give them a bit of comfort.

Sorry went on a bit there, can you tell I work with young people??

Original poster

Cosmogirl · 03/10/2007 21:46

Wow, really interesting comments. Thanks everyone. I have to agree with GraysonGirl. A couple of years ago, I did equate pregnancy/ttc with the whole 'oo they've been having unprotected sex " thought process. But I think we all have to be grown ups about it - each and every one of us is here because our parents had unprotected sex. It is the facts of life and not something we should be embarrassed about.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cosmogirl · 03/10/2007 21:51

....not that I'm saying you should tell people you are ttc if you don't want to, just that those you tell, shouldn't focus on the unprotected sex bit.....it is making a baby not discussing your sex life with friends/family etc...

OP posts:

digitalgirl · 03/10/2007 22:13

Graysongirl, I totally agree. I tried keeping the ttc thing a secret from even my close friends. but after a couple of weeks i felt so utterly alone. this was such a huge decision in my life and I was so excited about it I wanted to share my feelings and concerns with someone other than my DH (who was getting bored with the cm obsession). I'm the first of my friends who's ttc, so I had to find out everything myself because it seems like such a taboo subject. If it wasn't for mumsnet I'd have no idea about how women go through ttc - how they deal with MCs, chemical pregnancies, irregular periods, not ovulating, uncooperative DHs. As much as I love the new friends I've made on here, i'd rather have discussed it with my best friends...but it's just not the done thing. I'm hoping to change this with my friends. The more people feel able to discuss it (close friends and close family) the easier it should be to cope with the problems as and when they crop up.

shoesarefab · 08/10/2007 22:18

I've told the world and his wife, lol. All except the mother-in-law as my boyfriend wont let me.

kerala · 09/10/2007 11:40

I would really really advise against it. Nothing to do with being prudish about sex but if it takes a while. Test is - if it doesnt work out/I have a mc would I want to explain all that to this particular person?

A friend at work told all and sundry in the office they were trying. That was January 2006 and nothing has happened. I really would keep quiet except to those that you would turn to for support if there are difficulties.

Gingerbear · 09/10/2007 11:41

Flip

1 2