How to manage the monthly disappointment

[123feraverto]

Trying for our second , not for that long but I was convinced I was pregnant this time
All the classic symptoms

Backache
Nausea
Bloating
Mood swings
Bad skin

Then my period decides to show up 3 days early - which is unusual normally 20th each month

I was so certain this time

Just feeling sad

@123feraverto You're not alone in feeling sad. I'm feeling the same having just had AF arrive today and I'm going into my 5th cycle TTC. It's just a shame it's luck a lot of the time, like rolling a dice 🎲

How many cycles have you been trying for? At least you know you have a good chance since you've had success with your first. I've not got any children yet so I'm less confident

🤞

I can’t help because I would love to know the secret myself but here to sympathise and say I could have writen this post.
I’m fine the first two weeks of my cycle and then ovulation hits and it’s a slow decline in how positive I feel. (Currently in cycle #6)

You're not alone

I can relate, it’s tough isn’t it.

Forever in our heads and so hard for anyone not going through it, to know how dreadful it can feel.

I’m trying for second too and I’m trying to hold on to hope that if it happened once, it will happen again but then I start thinking maybe the first was a fluke. It’s just overthinking.

I decided this month if we don’t get our BFP to write down a plan on what I will do next month to maybe up our chances. I wrote this list already so at least I feel a little bit in control. Big hugs to you, know you are not alone.

I will join you ladies.

I am also trying for my second. I know how you feel @123feraverto I have convinced myself I am pregnant that last couple of cycles, it feels so real and then AF just makes you feel gutted. I feel like I know I should put it out if my head, but I think I’m a bit addicted to wondering about it. As you saw @plaw totally overthinking it. I’m just so impatient to know! And to feel that feeling.

@123feraverto it took me 6 months on my first, and then out of nowhere, pregnant! Beautiful pregnancy no complications. It will happen! But waiting is so hard.

I can relate... 🙋🏼‍♀️ came off my Pill october 2019 (after being on it 12 years) were TTC and would be my first but my husband has children so dont think he quite gets the feeling i have every month.... was convinced with all my symptoms that we had cracked it this month but did a early test yesterday and it was definitely a BFN n woke up 2day with a outbreak of spots.. a typical AF sign for me.... so hard to not let it take over your life each month and stay positive.

@HLC24 I know particularly at the moment I think it’s hard not to keep thinking about it. The conclusion I have come to is the only real tell take symptom is the missed period. Everything else could be something else. I know this from my first, but it’s still hard not to read your body and wonder if it’s a sign. I think it just means we really want to be pregnant, and it’s so out of our control in many ways. With you in solidarity!

@123feraverto any sign?

@Bouncytree i think i start to convince myself symptoms are there when there not... i put pressure on myself aswell due to my age n the fact my husband has children.. until we started TTC i didnt realise how much i did want it.. i have always been the one thats watched all my friends have there babys n i have been happy to hand them back 😂 i have a young mum n i think i always thought id be the same but i suppose life doesnt always go the way we want it too... so glad theres groups like this to realise your not alone in these situations xx

@HLC24 I know, it’s easy to put pressure on ourselves and have certain expirations of how things will turn out. There are pros and cons to being an older or younger mum I think. I am now 41, had my first at 38. Seamless pregnancy, beautiful healthy baby. For me being older became a plus, I felt mentally ready, I certainly feel I’ve lived my life. It’s funny how much you want it once you start trying. I have been so off the idea the last few years as I’ve just started to get back to some kind of normality after my first...but as soon as I started trying I was obsessed! Looking at pregnant women no longer thinking that god I’m
Not preg, to I wish that was me!! Try not to be too hard on yourself, all a baby needs is loving parents, everything else are irrelevant societal expectations.

@123feraverto ah yes know that well. Every month : omg my patience is so fine and my boobs are so big and sore! Must be ... then AF arrives and I realise it was just hormones. It doesn't help that the symptoms for both are so similar!! And sometimes even when my period arrives I think ... surely not? I think it is the hope. But then positivity must help, but hard when you have that in bucket loads but your body isn't listening. Just wanted to say, yes totally agree its a shitty process!

Have you downloaded the app called flo to make sure your trying on the correct days? It’s fab. Sorry no advice it’s just a waiting game I’m afraid.

@Bouncytree aww thankyou.. i have been the same i have lived my life, got the career and loved it all but i feel like this is the missing piece.. i was exactly the same i used 2 see my friends pregnant and id think 'god your Ibiza holiday will never be the same' 😂 but since being with my husband i just knew starting a family was what i wanted... good luck on your journey.. xx

@HLC24 lol Ibiza holiday out the window!! it’s a total change of life perspective isn’t it. It will happen, it’s just a bit more of a process than we expect. I think when you have been avoiding sperm most of your adult life you think once it goes near you u will instantly be impregnated! It’s a dark art really. Im unsure of my dates, but think I ovulated and now in the TWW with very sore boobs that are convincing me I’m pregnant. I’m not even really thinking about it this month, but they are so sore it’s a constant reminder. Fingers crossed. Thanks for your kind wishes and good luck on your journey too!

I'm right there with you! 3 days early as well, we were both so certain I was preggy and then BAM AF turned up. Beyond gutted. Feels like it's never going to happen, my husband has been really down today as it hasn't not happened yet so I know exactly how you feel. I just keep trying to think "this time in 4 weeks, we could be pregnant...this month we'll do it more" I know how heart wrenching it is and how you start to think "what's the bloody point" but it will happen. The sadness can be overwhelming and very hard to deal with, we've had a few times now we've thought we are and then we're not and I feel like an idiot. As my best friend said to me when we were discussing it "on we must shag" ❤️

@Bouncytree its so true i thought it would happen quite quickly and i have 2 get out of the habit of just sticking to ovulation days n showing a bit of interest the rest of the month 😂 as @EmmaA91 says we need 2 keep trying.. were all in this together 🤞

@HLC24 yes totally. On my first I was only doing the deed only 1 time when I was ovulating. Tried for 4 months and then As soon as we did it every 3 days before and after ovulation we got pregnant. I always say we weren’t ‘doing it right’ 🤣. It’s a bit of an effort.😅 It’s kinda like the gym, you put off doing it but actually rather enjoy it when you get there 🤣

@EmmaA91 it is so hard to get your hopes up each month...and you have to have hope to keep at it!! I become obsessed with my body and think every ache and pain could be a sign. I remember from my first that the only sign you can really trust is the missed period...but doesn’t mean u don’t keep looking 🤣. You and your husband obviously really want a baby, and it will happen and they will feel the love from being so wanted. And yes, keep on shagging on! 🤣

@123feraverto how are you feeling? Hope you are doing ok

Thank you so much, what you said was really kind - I think we'll try the three days before and after, see if that works for us! 🤞

😊. Fingers crossed @EmmaA91. The nhs website is pretty good on the conception facts. Sperm can live up to 7 days, but the egg is more 24-36. So best to do is regularly and defo before u are due to ovulate so the sperm is waiting for the egg. Better than waiting for a direct hit 🤣. Good luck, it just takes time but the wait is hard

@Bouncytree i think we will be trying the 3 days before and 3 days after... ill give anything's a go... 🙈 except this morning when he tried it on... really couldnt be arsed and in my head am thinking am due on in 3 days whats the point.. ooppsssiii xx

I empathize. It's disheartening. When AF is due I decide on something I can do if she arrives: can continue going into work during covid as not "vulnerable", can have cocktails, can give blood when on AF, can foster kittens etc. This made it easier for me. I also like to wait a decent time as I don't like negative tests, but just AF doesn't annoy me so much. This may not be what helps for you, but do whatever you need to do to get feeling positive again.

@HLC24 lol yes totally. Your sperm is useless right now!! 🤣🤣🤣

@Douya it is nice to have little splurge when u know your ‘off the hook’ for another month.

I’m still waiting to test. Oh the waiting! 🤦‍♀️