Struggling to get pregnant

[1940s]

Currently TTC baby two and despite a super easy TTC journey for baby one, we are really struggling with conceiving this time round.

It's heartbreaking to consistently 'know' even a few days after ovulation that I'm not pregnant.

I keep torturing myself with logistics such as 'if I conceive this month then it's this age gap, or I will have a three month old for the key wedding date next year, or there will be this many school years between them, or the new baby will be here before toddlers x'th birthday.

I'm just upset and need a rant.

I'm doing all the 'right' things so I'm not even necessarily looking for tips, although they're welcome if people do want to share!

For anyone else struggling, I finally understand. Feel free to join as I wait on the inevitable arrival of AF today or tomorrow...

Aww hun i have been there and eventally gave up that month i was due a coil in and fell pregnant. If i can give you any advice its take the pressure off (easier said than done i know ).

Congratulations!!

I do hear consistently that when the pressure is off it happens. But what I don't understand is that if I put down the OPKs and the Temping. Then I'd still have a decent enough guess at my fertile week, I'd still aim for that and I'd still be waiting to see if AF arrived. Also we are a little while off IVF etc and I know unless I'd had multiple rounds of failed IVF that I'm nowhere near 'stopping' and taking my foot off the gas.

I try every month to put everything into perspective and relax and enjoy the process. But I'm quite literally heartbroken at not giving my child a sibling in a 'timely fashion' that it's eating me up!

I feel for you. This is my main fear for of it we decide to TTC #2. I know this won't help much, but I 100% believe your time will come. 🤞

How are you tracking ovulation? And if you don't mind me asking, how often are you DTD and are you altering anything in the run up to / during ovulation? Are you taking any supplements?

This is my actions so far

Temping every morning 'accurately' so I have a good indication that I do ovulate.

Using the pricy digital clear blue OPKs that give a few days of flashing smileys then 48hours of solid smiley. This coincides nicely with temperature tracking so I time sex well.

We have sex casually in the non fertile period maybe once or twice.

When I get my flashing smiley all through to solid smiley we have sex every day. That usually equates to four or five days in a row.

I'm taking generic seven seas conception tablets and b12 and a standard pregnancy vitamin too. This month I've also ordered omega 3, calcium (personal to me) and some extra Iron. I haven't specifically looked into any 'fertility' supplements as they seem so conflicting and I don't want to mess up my cycles (advice welcomed!)

My cycles tend to be long -33-36 days. But my ovulation can change from day 16-25 which is a concern. My Luteal phase always seems just long enough even on a late ovulation cycle so I'm not sure if I should be concerned there yet.

I'm 33, slim (if not verging on a little too slim on a stressful month)

I've not hugely active and have a history of high intensity delaying ovulation so I'm keeping exercise super low key!

Are you remaining still after sex to allow the semen to stay. Legs in the air. Sounds silly but every little helps.

Yes we're having sex last thing at night so I don't even have to stand up afterwards! And I sit with hips raised for 20 minutes or so...

It's just so frustrating and I know it can take a while and I know that my super easy TTCbaby1 journey has made me naive, but this has just been the biggest curveball on top of so much other pressure that 2020 has given (lockdown, job instability, staying at home with a toddler and trying to work) I know stress doesn't help but I just can't manage to turn off my desire for this next baby

Thanks for everyone commenting. I know these threads are so common. But it really helps to vent and get some emotion out online rather than being a broken record of speaking about it to my DH (who wants this as much as I do and feels the exact same sadness as I do)

Hmm, it definitely doesn't sound like you could be missing your ovulation window in that case. But it does sound quite intense/stressful.

I know you aren't strictly speaking asking for advice, but if it were me I'd knock all the supplements on the head and just DTD every other day throughout the month from the point your period finishes and up until the next one starts (although fingers crossed the next one doesn't start and you get a positive test).

I wish you luck though. Just try to be kind to yourself. I 100% believe your BFP will come! And if being pregnant has taught me anything, it's that you're not in control at any point of the process, it's more like you're along for the ride.

Thanks @Curiosity101 advice is very welcome! I just didn't want to tout too much rather just have a big old self pitied wallow ;)

Let's hope for a slightly shorter cycle this month if DTD every other day. DH and I will be sick of the sight of eachother if I have a 40 day cycle :)

I do think that will be my option next month, I think it gives DH the chance for sperm to regenerate and also stops obsessing over temps and OPK readings.

I still stand a good chance of conceiving if I stick to every other day? Or is it best to OPK and try a three night in a row stint, similar to SMEP?

I'm also on the cusp of speaking to GP. But not entirely sure what GP would do if I am ovulating?

Definitely do have a good wallow and a moan. It's good to get it out. And I do get how you're feeling to some extent. In life it feels like we can always try harder, or somehow take control and fix a problem. But pregnancy (frustratingly) often doesn't go that way and it sucks!

Every other day should give you plenty of coverage. All the research papers I've read suggested 2 days before ovulation day, the day before ovulation and ovulation day itself all give very similar chances of pregnancy. And the best day varies depending on the paper.

If you're doing every other day and get unlucky then you DTD on one of the best days, if you get lucky then you do it on 2 of the best days. No tracking involved.

You could up it to include the 3 nights in a row like SMEP suggests but then you have to track ovulation. So it depends whether you want to continue doing that or not. Do whatever feels right for you but try your best not to put too much pressure on.

Reading your later comments OP, I wonder if you are a little underweight (you say yourself a little too slim?). No need to post it here but if your BMI is low then conception will be harder. Google suggests between 19-30 is ideal.

How long have you been trying for?

My BMI is actually in the healthy range, just on the lower end and I tend to be prone to late ovulation if 'random' high intensity exercise occurs. So I'm just a little wary of that.
But I'm certainly indulging in a few extra cakes and biscuits in top of my varied balanced diet just incase ;)

The every other day piece sounds very good with those stats backing it up thanks!! Maybe it will be a time to down OPKs!

This will be month 9 TTC. Baby one was on the first month!'so I stupidly assumed this would follow suit and take 3 months max...

It is hard not to worry, but do try to remember that 85% of couples conceive within 12 months so you still have a few months to go yet and that would be totally normal. Come over to the 6 months / 7 months + thread as there is loads of advice and support on there :)

Ps a few of us have committed to the "every other day" plan too to see if that changes things!

If you can have sex at different times of the day not just before sleep.

@gypsy I will look for your threads, thanks for the invite ;)

Does sex at different times of the day help? I wouldn't be able to lay down / legs cycle that much if we do it in the day...

Fertility lube is supposed to be good, conceive plus is well reviewed on amazon.

We used it last month and had sex every day from day 5 - 21 and it worked. Might be worth a try?

Ah yes I've tried pre seed, tried a few months of inserting a few ml as per instructions and also tried a few months of just using it externally as a regular lube.

Will use it more officially next month if I feel my CM is dry

@1940s - it sounds like you're doing everything right but you're being hard on yourself because you got pregnant first attempt last time. Your GP won't be interested until you've been trying for 12 months and then it's scans / swabs / blood tests for you and sperm analysis for your husband but due to Covid I doubt any of those tests are being done at the moment. I'm on cycle 18 TTC number 2 so I know how you feel

@1940s I just know that my kids were both conceived when we had sex at different time of the day to our usual pre sleep
Sex .

I’m in the same boat. First baby was conceived 2nd month of trying which was also my first month tracking ovulation. I used 2 ovulation sticks, got my static smiley on my 2nd stick, while in America, flew home and got pregnant.

Now in 8th cycle of TTC and can’t believe how difficult it is. I live quite rurally, so the thought of not being able to give my son a sibling breaks my heart.

I’m on my 2nd month of trying SMEP and I’ve ordered a couple of tests that can be done at home from let’s get checked and Medicheck.

I spoke to a GP because I’m over 35 but they wouldn’t do anything until it’s been a year.

I feel you OP, I have been trying for number 2 for about 18 months now! Some months have been a bit half hearted to be honest as it gets so wearing, I've found lockdown has made me worry about it less for some reason although I feel so guilty for my only DD.

If it ever does happen, unlikely, I will be in a state of shock!

@babymoonpie sounds like we are on the same journey with number of months trying haha!