TTC after MC - June 2020

[SmileyT]

I'm 31 TTC #1 after a MC in March this year, AF has just finished and I'm on CD6 and all ready to go for my 2nd full cycle.

This month I will be tracking with opks, CB connected, BBT and following SMEP plan.

@Ejb86 Im very sorry to hear about the loss of your girls too . I think I’m doing ok and coping quite well given the circumstances . I’ve been Focusing on keeping myself busy and although it has been the most heartbreaking experience ever I really do feel that I’ve made peace with it. I know my partner worries that I’ve not grieved properly and that I’m still in the calm before the storm but I really do feel a lot stronger mentally and have found some comfort in the fact that it happened when it did rather than any further into the pregnancy Which I think
I would have struggled with a lot more . I also think that lockdown helped me cope in a strange way as I hadn’t yet announced the pregnancy to family or friends not even our girls and wasn’t seeing anyone Outside our household so didn’t have to face telling people when it all went wrong ( other than my boss and one friend who I had confided in who have both been a great source of support ) . I’m not sure that’s been the best way to think or go about things but it’s what felt right for me at the time and is what has gotten me through each day so far . I had no suspicions that it was twins and never even known there was such a thing as MCMA twins before my scan at 12 weeks . I just thought there was identical or non identical and it was such a shock to go from the news of expecting 2 , to hearing they shared both a placenta and sac and learning just how high risk the pregnancy was along with all the possible things that could go wrong to having my worst nightmares coming true and Silently loosing them both all in such a short space of time.I hadn’t fully gotten my head around it all yet and being on my own when I heard those awful words of no heart beats was just soul destroying but I’m thankful that my partner was able to be there when I delivered the boys despite all the restrictions and he’s been my rock . I have a follow up appointment with my consultant in July but was advised the chances of the same type of pregnancy happening twice are extremely low and Almost non existent therefore there was no reason to wait to try again or to think that any future pregnancy would end the same way . Im not completely convinced that I’m fully ready to face another pregnancy so soon but then I don’t think the fear will ever leave me no matter how much time passes so don’t think there’s any point in waiting to try either .i have a feeling that my body might take a while to physically recover properly so am realistic about the fact that it may take some time for me to settle into a regular cycle and conceive again. I guess I’m just clinging to hope that this won’t be where my Pregnancy journey ends and that there will be some light at the end of the tunnel . I really hope that your blessed with a happy and healthy pregnancy again soon x

@Girlmum83 I was exactly the same. I got to the 16 week scan to be told that they were gone. Absolutely heartbreaking. Did you name the boys? Were you given the option of a post mortem? We did, it took a long time, but basically all of those things they warn you could happen, did happen to my girls.

So I'm now heading into my 9th month since MC and still have irregular periods when they were always 28 day regular cycles before. My last 2 have been 25 days and 33 days, so it definitely can take a while to settle.

I hope that you do get that light at the end of the tunnel xx

So yesterday afternoon I bid on an Ava bracelet on eBay didn't think I'd win it and I did. DP is not happy and I have tried to cancel but I couldn't so I have an Ava coming !!, can't wait x

@Girlmum83 and @Ejb86 you ladies are both so strong 💗 thanks for sharing your stories. Praying for rainbows for you both.. I know a new baby doesn't remove a previous loss but i hope it can give hope for the future and help to heal the pain a little. Xxx

Morning ladies xx second what @1990EM said .. sending hugs to you both @Girlmum83 and @Ejb86
@dipsy77 haha kind of what I did .. didn't think Id win the bid lol … Didn't even tell DH how much it cost until he asked when I had the whole hooha about it not being delivered haha.. I reassured him I can sell it on though and brand new they are double what I paid ! :)

@smileyT yeah used the Ava last 2 nights now and still been doing my temping … but im kinda thinking it is pointless at the moment as with the new puppy my sleep is so broken, she is really good and only really getting us up around 1/2 am and then at 4am which DH gets up for work like 5am so not bad really but then im not sleeping properly listening out for her too. but will continue doing it see if I still get any pattern confirmation of ovulation etc .

Got my first flashing smiley today CD 11 .. normally start seeing peaks around CD12 . so at least my crazy schedule right now doesn't seem to be affecting my usual cycle.

Last night though I barely slept because I was in soooo much pain on my lower right back and it was radiating down to my right thigh. I almost considered A and E . Im not sure if this could be kidney/ gynae / orthopaedic and just be something wrong with my back/hip since Ive been doing all this walking with new pup....
I thought about calling GP today but last Friday they sent off my urine sample to test for kidney related infections and they have requested I have an ultrasound so I guess that can cover gynae... so maybe it would be pointless going to GP again as they would only do what theyre already doing I guess

Im also wondering if could be a cyst on ovary … I had one years ago that just burst on its own and was bloody painful. but cant remember if same pain as this...

anyone have any lower right back pain... going to leg and any thoughts ? :) xxxxx

@Ejb86 I had a strong feeling that they would be boys and had it in my head already that they would be Sam and Noah but my partner wanted to name them and chose Lewis and Chester 💙 did you name the girls? Yes we were also offered a post-mortem but opted out . After lengthy discussions with the obstetrics team and fetal medicine consultant I felt that it wasn’t going to bring me any further answers or comfort and as it wouldn’t change the outcome decided that it wasn’t for me . they really helped me to understand what had most likely happened and I really did feel at peace with the situation already and that I needed immediate closure to allow me to grieve and move on so decided it wasn’t something I wanted to proceed with .I do however totally understand the need to do so and am so glad that you were able to get the answers that you needed. I hope that it helped in some way xx

@Ejb86 @Girlmum83 sending you both massive hugs, as the others said you are incredibly strong ❤️

Can't wait to hear you both have your BFPs xx

@Renna haha, my partner would absolutely go mad at me if I bought one of them 😂😂

With the pain, the only thing that I would think is sciatica! Do you think it could be?

@Dipsy77 just tell him you'll sell it next month once you get your BFP ❤️

@VP91X exactly what others have said to me too about sciatica, I'm going to see a chiropractor tomorrow so I'm hoping I may get some answers there . I've never had it before so unsure on how it would feel . Xx

Your bodies are strong and soon enough there will be a bundle of joy on the way @Ejb86 @Girlmum83 I'm curious who from all ladies on chat will have BFP this month 😻

I don't think DH would be happy if he sees another package arriving home( ava bracelet)... haha apart from all supplies for ttc, I have been ordering quite some online. So for me I will stick to just cheapies and CB ovulation tests.

I had down day today. I guess it goes in waves for me. Mostly I see hope but there are times in a day, I feel down and still grieving over two losses 🥺.

@ejb86 & @girlmum - cannot imagine the pain & strength you 2 have. Definitely praying for you both! This month WILL be your month 💕💕

Hello all 👋
I’ve only skim read some of the messages but you all sound lovely and supportive, so I’d like to join the group.

Have to warn you right now I feel quite low, really hope I don’t bring the mood of the group down. Should start by saying we have two children already, and I feel very lucky to have them. Would love a 3rd. After 3+ yrs of trying, one MMC early last year (was horrible, physically & emotionally) and a MC in middle of last year, I feel slightly lost and in a baby lacking limbo.

And it doesn’t help that for the first time I’m having brown discharge, to do with ovulation I’m assuming. And also for the first time my vagina has been non spot painful for 36hrs. Ouch

Anyone having a better, non-painful day?? x

@Girlmum83 you are so strong being ready to start again and both sets of names are so beautiful ❤️

@Renna haha OH got his 2nd amazon delivery of the day of random shit to go in his shed so I've just told him he needs to buy me a gift if AF comes and it will 100% be the Ava, no idea what it does but if others are trying it I'll give it a go - he is definitely the impulse buyer in our house, I've never met a guy that loves shopping as much as he does 😂 Really hoping you get your static soon and can join me in the TWW, will fly by with your new addition to keep you company xx

Welcome @NightDreaming this ttc journey can be a bit shitty so don't feel bad about having low days especially after your losses. Feel free to vent whenever you fancy it, and get as much sun/ vit D as you can, as cheesy as it sounds it really helps to lift my mood 😎

Hey ladies sorry to hear the stories of the newbies in here, so sad but its a great thread to be part of and i wish u all the luck ttc again

@renna ur static face is imminent.. very exciting indeed, really hoping this is ur month! X

My 1st scan is booked for Monday (1 day after what should have been my baby girls due date) ... I feel so so nervous! But glad its only a week away too but it will be the slowest week ever! Hope ur puppy is settling in well and ur enjoying ur AVA :) x

@SmileyT ur dh def needs to treat u to an ava, tell him we said so! X x

Ps: I literally feel ZERO pregnancy symtoms its actually weird and worrying me more...id rather feel something than absolutely nothing atall xx

@Renna yeah it definitely sounds like sciatica. I've had before when I was PG and just normally. I literally used to limp because it hurt so much right down one side. It is quite a distinctive pain! I had to do loads of stretching and take painkillers etc. I'm sure the chiro will be able to offer you good steps to get rid of it.

@NightDreaming I'm sorry you're in the thick of feeling shitty. Honestly, we all have our days and you don't need to worry about bringing the mood down it is what these groups are for! It is horrible to suffer a loss. I am coming up in July to what my babies due date would have been so, I would be so grateful to be pregnant again by then. I also have a little girl and she makes the hard days easier ❤️

@Hayleylou89 so excited for you to have your scan. Don't stress over not necessarily feeling PG it is still technically early days - if anything will be a total win if you don't get any sickness etc and you just sail through the 9 months. Xx

@SmileyT I hope you never have to buy the AVA as a treat! 🤞🤞🤞

Ladies - shall I buy the CB ovulation sticks again this month!? 🤔 I have my cheapies already. Xx

Thanks ladies 💕not a journey any of us would have chosen to be on but so glad that we have each found such a supportive and positive group of ladies to share it with . Lots of love and luck to each of you waiting for your bfp I really hope this is your month 🙏 and can’t wait to Share in the joy with you . To those who have already been blessed with that moment a huge congratulations and all the luck in the world for a happy healthy and successful pregnancy . This is my first time “actively trying “ so I’m looking forward to picking up some helpful tips and advice from you all along the way xx

Welcome @NightDreaming . I'm sorry to hear about your journey. Having the support and ladies to relate to in ttc journey is feeling great. Very warm welcome to you and baby dust to you 😘

@Hayleylou89 to me it sounds like you are the lucky one with no symptoms😘I'm so excited for your first ultrasound. Thank you for continuing to share your story. It gives me hope for more BFPs in this group ☺️

@VP91x I would definitely go for CB as with cheapies you can be guessing but once you get the smiley, then you know.

@SmileyT a good way to convince DH about Ava bracelet 😂 mine is not a shopper that's why I'm being judged every time there is a package delivery 😅

@HopeForRainbowbaby I've been the opposite those flashing smilies have taunted me for the last two cycles but last month got my peak on cheapies and then confirmed with BBT but I kind of want the satisfaction of finally getting that static 😂😂

I always get judged for yet another Amazon delivery, haha xx

Hey girls

I’ve been one of the weird ones, reading and following your posts for a while. It’s helped me a lot, so thank you.
Sorry to be here with you all, and Congrats to those of you I’ve seen get your happy results .

We fell pregnant with our first baby in February, but had a miscarriage confirmed on the 17th March, we were only about 6 weeks but were devastated. I don’t think we realised how much we wanted it until we didn’t have it anymore.
Anyway, we sort of tried first month but I started thinking more about it from the second. I haven’t been tracking much, except for on an app and we have a pretty active sex life so it’s not been too bad. I just know I’m getting more stressed by it now, especially since last Thursday when my oldest sister called me to tell me she was pregnant!! She felt terrible but it just hurts so much. It was a one off and a complete accident and she’s probably now about 10-12 weeks. I can’t stop crying!! I feel awful that I should be happy for her but I’m heartbroken. I keep thinking we should have been ahead of her and that she’ll be buying all the stuff and doing the things we should be

Anyway, that’s me in a nutshell. Hope you don’t mind me appearing after being a silent peeper for a while. But you all drew me in with your loveliness.

Oh, I bought an ava a few weeks ago so this month might give more insight. I’m trying so hard not to let it all get too stressful but it’s hard when you can’t think of anything else (stupid lockdown!)

If I’ve missed anything, ask, but I’m looking forward to being able to vent a little. It’s quite lonely sometimes xxx

Hi hun @NightDreaming sorry you're having a down day totally normal and hopefully finding some support here can help xxx

@SmileyT Haha only fair then aye .. 🤷‍♀️I'm feeling positive for you you wont even need ava😘🤞 BFP deserved for you lovely lady , ava is just more data really and you love data so think you'll like it lol x xx probs start seeing stronger lines on cheapies tomo maybe a static in PM if not weds AM :) XX then I'll be joining you xx deffo going quick with pup. I've followed SMEP so far not particularly intentionally though . X

@Hayleylou89 hey babe xx excited for your scan xx puppy doing so well shes so clever x I'm liking what ava does but its difficult at mo as my sleep is more broken than usual with pup 😂🐶🙄
I didnt have any pg symptoms in the first few weeks babe so dont panic xxxx

@MichT4 welcome! 👋 I'm glad you have had some comfort through our posts and you have decided to join us😊😊

I'm really sorry you have suffered a loss recently. Regardless of how far along you were it really is devastating. I hope you have allowed yourself to feel as sad as you need to and properly grieve? It must be so hard to hear your sister is pregnant now but take comfort in soon you will be too and they will be close in age and you will have support there too.

It is good that you got the Ava to track and get your ovulation. The apps can vary so much with the ovulation date if you don't have the extra bits of info.

Fingers crossed this is your month 🤞 xx

@MichT4 hi hun welcome to joining in the thread xxx sorry for what you've been through xx hope you feel less lonely here I think we all know what you mean about that feeling xx

@VP91x thank you ☺️

To be honest I think I haven’t really grieved much. Suffering the MC just before lockdown meant not being able to process it by talking too much, and I had that weird guilt that the Corona situation meant I couldn’t moan about my own woes. I felt bad crying a lot in front of OH because he hates feeling helpless. I don’t know what your boys are like, but he’s not really processed it either. I found that out when I was sobbing about my sister and he finally said he hadn’t grieved. Men don’t talk though, and he’s always wanting me to be happy so doesn’t really say.

It will be lovely if our turn is soon. I just felt so hard done by that she and her oh did it once, and weren’t trying, and they’ve caught it. I think it’s helped me grieve a little more though so might be a blessing in disguise.

I hope Ava helps. I have pretty long cycles, and Ava and the apps are currently close on ovulation but all slightly different. I felt positive last month and thought we’d caught it, period was late going by the app but nope, just probably ovulated later. Hence the impulse purchase and I really hope it’s wasted money!!

Feeling positive again, aside from the occasional weep, and hoping June is the month for all of us! Let’s empty this thread this month 🤞🏼🤞🏼

How are you girls keeping your minds occupied?

xxx

@Renna thank you. That’s what made me jump in, it’s lovely having support from people that know how it feels, and don’t just tell you ‘stay positive, it’ll be fine’ (which is nice, but not always welcomed 😂)

Your pup is absolutely heart meltingly gorgeous by the way 🥰

xxx