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Conception

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Original poster

Trying for a kid Aged 20?

62 replies

rosielou99 · 14/05/2020 21:06

I was just looking for some advice and insight
I really want a baby and so does my partner. We are looking to take the next big step in our relationship and we are ready to try for a baby. I understand it comes with pros and also very miniscule cons at 20. My family would probably be shocked as they have never seen me as the kid type and they would be happy and also the same for my partner. We also both still live at home but moving out would be something we could do anytime we have just not done it yet. I was just wondering whether anyone here feels that 20 is too young and any experiences from anyone here having a child at this age
Thanks

OP posts:

EvolvingElle · 14/05/2020 21:09

You don’t even live together yet.

You have no idea if you’ll love it or drive each other crazy and realise you’re incompatible.

Trying for a baby when you’re both still living at home is utter madness, regardless of your age.

A baby is a person that deserves a good, stable, start...you’re not there yet, not even close.

MidiMitch · 14/05/2020 21:13

Please God wait a bit. You might be in love with the idea of a baby but not the reality of a screaming, teething child and no sleep. Kick start your career, move in together, enjoy your youth and THEN have a baby (which is amazing but only when you are really ready)

Original poster

rosielou99 · 14/05/2020 21:13

I do see what you mean here. But out of lockdown we spent 5/6 nights a week with eachother at eachothers houses and we've done well so far

OP posts:

sweetkitty · 14/05/2020 21:13

Personally I would wait at least 5 years, move in together make a home together. Go on some holidays just the two of you, get some savings built up. There is no rush and 25 is still young.

Viviennemary · 14/05/2020 21:13

Yes of course It's too young. You haven't got a house. You haven't lived together. Try and do things in a logical order.

Original poster

rosielou99 · 14/05/2020 21:13

thankyou midimitch

OP posts:

Rebelwithallthecause · 14/05/2020 21:17

I’d definitely recommend at least doing some amazing things you otherwise won’t be able to do when you have a baby.

I’m 34 now and still reminisce about the wonderful child free experience we had

I don’t regret having children but I am glad I didn’t have them in early 20’s

For me I would have been happy if they came anytime from 27 onwards but everyone in my social group waited until 30’s

The odd acquaintance I have met who had them at 20 and early 20’s wouldnt do it that early if they had the choice again

KateColx · 14/05/2020 21:18

@rosielou99 I went through a phase with an ex partner when I was 20, we both felt like we were ready for a baby but we really really weren't. Honestly you've got so much time to settle down and have a family, enjoy your twenties and having no responsibility. Go on amazing holidays, save for your first home, kick start your career. Just enjoy it, I'm 30 now and married (thankfully not to who I was with at 20 haha) but these past 10 years have set me up perfectly to start a family ☺️☺️ x

majesticallyawkward · 14/05/2020 21:21

You don't even live together, your relationship isn't in the tiny place. You say you stay together often but that's so different from living with someone, you can't just go home when they annoy you. And a baby is a huge strain on a relationship, it would be naive to rush into it without having a very secure home first.

Babies don't come with 'miniscule cons'. They come with massive stress, sleep deprivation, arguments, financial strains and a whole host of other things you can't even imagine before you have one. Not that you don't love them, but it's so much more than that and it never stops.

live your life a little first and try living together and see how that goes.

majesticallyawkward · 14/05/2020 21:22

*right place. Not tiny

Pinkblueberry · 14/05/2020 21:24

We are looking to take the next big step in our relationship

Having a baby is not the next big step if you don’t even live together. How long have you been together?

LovingLola · 14/05/2020 21:25

Just don’t.

Merename · 14/05/2020 21:28

Oh my love there are so many cons! Of course you have to do what feels right for you, and you will be able to do it if you decide - but why now. Save up, travel, study, fulfil your dreams! Do you even know what your dreams are? I’m really serious - it’s a good idea to really spend time thinking about what you want in life, for you. Kids can be on your wish list but you need to know what else makes you happy, otherwise it’ll be hard to be a good mum. Having kids to make you happy is a bad idea - they bring a lot of happy moments but they bring a shitload more work, exhaustion and boredom in the preschool years. I spent a lot of time around kids before I had them and thought I knew - honestly it’s so much harder than you could ever imagine. And like others say, you’ve not lived with your partner - it’s good to try this for a couple of years to know how things work out through the ups and downs over time.

Pinkblueberry · 14/05/2020 21:28

You are both pretty young - why can’t you simply enjoy each other’s company without bringing a baby into the mix so soon? I think young couples who jump straight to ‘I love you so much, let’s have a baby’ don’t actually love each other that much at all - if you did you would cherish a bit more carefree alone time with each other before inviting a baby into your lives.

SylvanianFrenemies · 14/05/2020 21:29

The next big step? Going on holiday, living together... not creating another human. Slow down and enjoy all the stages.

ladyhummingbee · 14/05/2020 21:31

With all due respect, spending 5/6 nights a week together is not the biggest of tests. I assume you have no moneyworries (your parents provide room/food), not many chores as in a normal living at home late teen life?

Imagine spending the last two months discussing/worrying about paying bills, shopping, cleaning, cooking - all the boring things that are so not romantic, but really show if you are on the same page.

Please take your time to move out, get to know each other in this new set up, enjoy being young. And again get to know each other, not the person you are now but when you are faced with all these responsabilities.

Britannah · 14/05/2020 21:31

Gosh I do think it’s too young. Appreciate that plenty of people have them at your age but honestly go and enjoy your life as a young adult. Even just for a few years first. A child changes everything and although I love mine to pieces I’m so so glad that I gave myself a few years first. When the time is right you will know but I wouldn’t recommend it now especially as you aren’t living with your partner.

NC4Now · 14/05/2020 21:35

Living together is more than spending time together. It’s about splitting the bills, sharing the chores, picking up the slack when the other is ill or out of work. Get that boxed off first, make sure you’re compatible and equal, able to really support and care for each other.
Only then can you think about bringing a baby into your relationship.

NewNameWhoDis9 · 14/05/2020 21:37

Well, I had my DD at 22 so not much older than you. But my partner and I had been together for 6 years, were engaged, and had lived together for 3 years. I think it’s not necessarily your age that may pose a problem, more that you two don’t live together. Trust me, you see a WHOLE new side to someone when you live together. There’s also a whole heap of new responsibilities like bills, upkeep of a house, ect.

You don’t say how long you’ve been together but I assume it’s not all that long if you don’t live together. Having a baby is not the next step in your relationship. Moving in together and experiencing what it’s like to live with them 24/7 is.

tigerbear · 14/05/2020 21:38

If you’re thinking that the ‘next big step’ and right thing to do in your relationship would be to have a baby, when you don’t even live together, tells me very much that you’re not mature enough to do so. Sorry to be harsh, but you did ask!

Spending 5/6 nights together a week is in no way the same as being together all the time, sorting out bills, food shopping, cleaning, etc
Having a baby together before you’ve found your footing on any of this would be a disaster.

LockedInMadness · 14/05/2020 21:38

We are looking to take the next big step in our relationship and we are ready to try for a baby.

The next big step is living together permanently.
What do you both do for a living? Why do you still live at home if you can do it anytime?

Mammyofasuperbaby · 14/05/2020 21:39

Don't do it op. I fell pregnant with my first at 21 and had him at 22. As much as I adore him, my life has been consumed by my child.
I have no career as I've had to take masses of time off due to him having additional needs, it takes up every moment of my life.
I have no memories of holidays and trips with dp because we were so young.
I've dealt with nearly losing my life and my son due to pregnancy related illness.
Babies are not sunshine and rainbows, they are hard work and are most certainly not gaurenteed to be healthy and without additional needs. Can you honestly say you can deal with all of that right now.
I know this seems all doom and gloom but it is my reality. We had ds after being together for 9 months and he was premature. It changes everything.
I know I'm extraordinarily lucky to still be with dp after 5 years and our 4 year old is happy but it is very rare.
Take more time, have a life before children. There is still plenty of time for babies when you are more stable

Bubblebee7 · 14/05/2020 21:41

Are you and your partner in stable jobs? Do you not want to study anything or further your career?. These are all important things as a woman if you split from your partner a few years down the line you most likely will be left to support and look after the child and possibly alone if things change.

TinRoofRusty · 14/05/2020 21:46

Shouldn't the next big step be living together whilst you finish your education or training, enjoying a few holidays together? Then saving up for a mortgage whilst getting established in your job, getting married, planning how you'll afford maternity/parental leave and divide the duties of running a household and bring up a child and the costs of childcare, making sure you are both on the same page and agree to all this before even beginning to think of TTC?

Thisbastardcomputer · 14/05/2020 21:49

Live a bit first, get a decent job, have fabulous holidays, enjoy nights out with friends. After this lot is over of course

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