Losing the will to live with TTC

[MrsLBear]

Hi 👋🏼

Anyone else losing the actual will to live with this whole TTC thing?
Come June it will be 2 years, with one mmc 6 months into first TTC. I've tried the relaxed approach, the obsessive approach, the "I will pretend not to care" approach. And I know with covid19 now isn't a good time to put extra pressure on the nhs but still doesn't soften the blow of a temp drop 12DPO. That's even if I am 12DPO. I think I have. FF can't pinpoint ovulation and opks weren't playing ball this month. Maybe I didn't ovulate this cycle. Was meant to go for investigation next week but ofcs and very understandably this has been cancelled.

Rambling but anyone else in my shoes?
Seeing people post about TTC for 2 months and stressing is just too much!

Edit. Now FF says I'm only 7dpo due to today's temp. I can't deal with this. What is going on!!!!!! And it looks so wrong. I think I O'd cd23? Any thoughts.

Hey, sorry that it sounds like it's getting so stressful and taking over so much of your mind. I have only been TTC for a shorter time and I'm still frustrated, can't imagine what it would be like longer. You're so strong!!
Is it your first baby you are trying for?
Have you got some other hobbies you could busy yourself with? Maybe work on you health or finances or some sort of craft project for a future baby? I think it can help with the acknowledgement but also steer clear of letting TTC take over your life.

Hi @MrsLBear,

So sorry to hear about your mmc. I am losing the will to live with ttc too. Been ttc our first roughly the same amount of time as you. July will be two years for us.

How long are your cycles typically? Mine were around 50-80 days and ovulation was erratic at best. I’m now on my second cycle of metformin and clomifene which has brought me down to a 32 day cycle. I agree about the NHS and corona virus but it doesn’t stop me from feeling desperate and sad because I got my period on Sunday. I totally understand how you feel about that.

I’ve found that for my own mental health I need to keep busy with little projects. Sometime I have bad days but keeping my mind busy and having a goal are helping me not drive myself mad. Have you got anything that you can work towards?

Unfortunately I can’t see your chart as I can’t download it. I use FF and because of my PCOS it kept changing my ovulation day and was often inaccurate. I decided to keep temping just to see but I just make sure that I do it every couple of days until I get my period. Obviously clomifene made me regular and showed a clear ovulation day last cycle so I’m hoping that happens again this cycles. I think for you maybe just keep doing it until you get a positive test or your period arrives. That way you won’t potentially miss ovulation.

I think my current pet hate is all the idiots saying there will be a baby boom in 9 months due to lockdown 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️. I’d laugh if it wasn’t so annoying!

I've sat it was CD23 too. It's odd that's your baseline is so high though. Above the temperature usually indicating ovulation. 36.42 I think that is. Do you temp exactly the same time every morning enter the recommended amount of sleep?

Totally understand you. We have been ttc for our first baby for 15 months now, I have tried the relaxed approach, I have let it stress me out more than I should and every month af arrives I just feel like giving up!!! Once all of this chaos with COVID-19 is over I am going to try acupuncture, no idea if it will do anything but I am willing to give anything a go. Best of luck to you, I really hope you get your bfp soon xx

@ladybug92 unfortunately it only gets worse with time haha. Yes it's our first!
I am normally very busy with work etc but since we are on lock down time seems to go even slower atm!
How long have you been TTC for?

@Leodot sorry to hear you're in the same boat. It's so frustrating isn't it. Well normally mine are around 30-33 days but this month it might be 40. Every 3rd cycle or so is a random long one. The unpredictability of them is the worse thing.
I am trying to keep busy atm but it's so hard. Just want af to start so I can get onto the next cycle.
When did you get diagnosed with pcos?
Oh I know everyone's been saying that. I even had someone say oh you better be careful then - she doesn't know we are trying - It really took everything in me to smile and brush it off.

@handbaglover93 do you know anyone that acupuncture has worked for? I started reading e book "it starts with the egg" it's so interesting. But the frustrating thing is I don't know if it's me or my DH or maybe even neither of us.

@mycrazylife85 I know it's so high isn't it. Hasn't been that high before. If it is cd23 I should expect af tomorrow. My LT phase is always 13. And I did a test and got a bfn (yesterday). Most my temps are at the same time. Give or take 15 mins. Would that make a difference?

@MrsLBear a friend of mine has acupuncture and she is now half way through her pregnancy! So I thought why not at least try it. I will give that e book a read. I have just had my results from 21 day bloods and everything has come back normal. Have to have a couple more tests early in my cycle then take it from there. It's really frustrating not knowing what's wrong, if anything! X

@MrsLBear weve just passed the 2 year mark, on cycle 29. My cycles are very regular 26-28 days. I honestly dont know how im still going. Weve has blood tests, sperm tests and pelvic scans and everything is fine, its just not happening for us.
Weve done the dont stress, dont think about it, get drunk, dont get drunk, do keto etc etc
Ive recently started looking seriously in to adoption, but in current circumstances theres no info nights on.

@Leodot ive lost count of the amount of times ive seen people say i wonder how many people come out of this pregnant
Oh and the ebay advert annoys me! "97 fateful seconds was all it took" is it really! Wish it only took us 97 seconds!

@MrsChicken89 I feel exactly the same about that advert!! It makes my blood boil 😡

@handbaglover93 that's interesting will look into that once this is all over. I'm also contemplating trying a moon cup. I've had one in and out of my amazon basket about 104 times already. The amount of money I've spent on TTC is not a joke. Not ideal during these times either.
That's good about your tests though, although sometimes it feels like if there was something wrong you could do something about it and also would explain why it's not happening.
Someone I know fell pg by accident with her first, then second she struggled for a good year due to stress and anxiety and then third she fell again really quick so does show how you're mental state and wellbeing can have an affect. Even on someone who is clearly very fertile.

@MrsChicken89 that's the thing you can only try so much. The only thing I've not done is give up drinking. I don't drink much but (when we could socialise) we would pretty much every weekend. Feels like every time I go on social media I see a scan photo or a bump photo.
@mycrazylife85 I've not seen that but anything like that gives me the hump. Like the old classic "relax and it'll happen" "when you least expect" shut up no susan that doesn't work for everyone.

What cd is everyone? I was expecting af today but no sign yet. So maybe I did ovulate late and it won't come until Monday. Although I woke up all hot like it was coming today and had that real af feeling. Maybe it'll come later.

@MrsLBear same I have spent so much money it's ridiculous!!!
It's really hard when you are trying to not think about it, sometimes I wish I could forget I'm trying and then just relax but that's easier said than done!

@MrsLBear
My temps have also been really high this cycle. Averaging around 36.5 before ovulation then soaring to 36.8- 37 after. Give or take 15 mins shouldn’t make a difference as long as you’ve had 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Let us know how you get on. ❤️

The first time I got diagnosed with PCOS I was 17. They said it was on one ovary. Cue years of long, irregular periods with bad stomach pain on random days. Like I would have a week of constant pain but no period or anything to explain why. Went back again at 21, they said it had got worse and was on both ovaries but as I wasn’t ttc they didn’t really care. Went back again at 25 as I was still having random pain but had now started having random bleeding for the last couple of years. I’d bleed for 3 days stop for 8 bleed for 5 etc. Never heavy enough to be classed as a period but always heavy enough that I’d have to use a thin pad or I’d ruin my underwear. Sex was also very painful. Went back and they said they couldn’t find any of my medical records, did a blood test and a scan, declared I was fine as I have a normal BMI and sent me on my way. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Two years ago (age 28) we decided to start ttc. Went to the GP and asked if I could have something to help regulate my periods as I was currently on day 56. GP said no, you have to wait a year. I explained I already knew there was something wrong as cycles were so screwed up. Got sent away. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Went back 9 months later to ask again as I had only had two periods and was on the third cycle. GP still said no. This continued with me going back every few months until finally, 14 months into ttc he wrote me a referral. This was after insisting that we pratt about for two months investigating my husbands sperm count first (it was excellent🤦🏻‍♀️) yet ignoring my referral.

4 months later, after more scans, more blood tests and an HSG they decided that I did in fact have PCOS and could quite clearly see the cysts. Finally got given metformin and clomifene. 🤦🏻‍♀️

The good news is that I got confirmed ovulation three weeks ago with clomifene and I’m pretty sure I’ve never ovulated before so I was thrilled with that! 😍

Sorry for the essay 😂😂

@MrsChicken89
I’ve not seen this advert yet! Something tells me it’s going to wind me up though 😬 Sorry to hear about your situation ❤️ It makes you feel so tired doesn’t it? Hugs to you. Has your hospital offered you IVF or any other assistance or did you not want to go down that route? I’m sorry to hear that there’s no information about adoption at the moment.

@Mycrazylife85
I’m preparing for rage when I see it now. I’m hoping I’ll be alright as I don’t tend to watch much live tv! 😬

@MrsLBear same here, my best friend has just had her first baby, & my other friend told me shes 16 weeks, she was dreading telling me because shes knows our situation. Im happy for her but it did upset me to.

@Leodot what a frustrating situation for you, annoying when doctors dont listen to you.
Weve been offered ivf but i need to lose weight first to get me in the bmi bracket, same to get a hsg done. Annoyingly our next appointment at the fertility clinic has been cancelled, it was meant to be next week, but atleast it gives me a bit more time to lose more weight.

Yep l totally relate to all of this! We have been trying since August 2018, after stopping the pill in July 2018. Never got anywhere with it, literally the closest l have got was being 3 days late once. Had tests both NHS and private, seen a few doctors but they can’t find anything wrong with either of us. Did a cycle of IVF which didn’t work. Not sure what to suggest to you as l have no answers or insights. I won’t patronise you with the “be more relaxed” nonsense

Don’t get me started on those saying they had r been trying to conceive for “ages” and then you find out they have tried for a couple of months!!. I haven’t seen the eBay advert yet luckily...

@MrsChicken89

That is so annoying. Like you said though hopefully it gives you more time to get yourself into that bracket.

@EL8888

Sorry to hear about your experiences. ❤️ I really hope it works out for you soon.

@Leodot that's insane I'm so sorry it was such a struggle for you, also as much as I can't praise the nhs enough at the moment I do think they love wasting time and money. Had they have referred you in the first place you wouldn't have had to book countless gp appointments to get to where you were inevitably going.
Yay for the confirmed O!! A step in the right direction!
Will do! Where are you currently with your cycle?

I got referred to look into my periods and I explained to the gp we had been trying etc etc and considering I was quite clearly not ok she turned round to me and went this is NOT for fertility but to check your periods. I was shocked. Absolute zero support or just common courtesy was shown. I took what I was allowed but ofcs won't be doing that for a while now.

@MrsLBear

That’s awful, you poor thing. I think some GP’s are just so insensitive. Also I don’t understand how it isn’t for fertility? Surely at this stage, investigating your fertility would be part of checking your periods given the length of time you’ve been ttc? It does amaze me how unhelpful some medical professionals can be when ttc is concerned.

I totally agree. I think the NHS is incredible but they have wasted so much time and money in our case. My fertility consultant at the hospital even said that! She is lovely though and apologised for the mess we’ve had even though it was nothing to do with her. I’m on CD 5 so hopefully getting ready for ovulation again. I’m trying to be really positive this cycle but not get my hopes up.

Hi ladies. Do you mind if injuring you venting group . I'm 36 and ttc 2 years come Sept. I've Pcos also and cycles can range from 30 to god knows when . We managed to get pregnant on our second cycle of clomid this time last year but ended in a mmc also. Think I had it in my head that as I got pregnant then its gonna happen really easy again which isn't the case. Cause my cycles are very long I've only had about 5 cycles since then. I have stopped taking clomid as u found that my cycles were 80+ days with a lot of failed ovulation. Got referred to fertily clinic just before lock down who want me to lose a stone bu june which would be no problem if the gyms were still open. My last two cycles were without clomid and only around 30days so that was good news but I also think I had chemicals with them as I got faint lines that disappeared and then af.

@leodot that sounds so frustrating. I'm based in ireland so I was lucky that I dont have to wait around as my gp could do most the tests as such. I would be pulling my hair out with the waiting .

I was there many years ago - 4 years of ttc, everybody else having 'accidental babies', it felt everyone else was moving on with their life except me. I tried to concentrate on other parts of my life and putting ttc in a little box (worked sometimes but not others) you always had reminders - taking temperatures, folic acid etc.
However I now have 3dc all conceived through fertility treatment (aged 15,11,11) it does seem like another lifetime now. The age gap is because of many failed attempts between but worth every bit of heartache now.

Could it be that FF says you're only 7 dpo due to the later change in CM? It is odd, I would have said you're 12 dpo as well.

Your baseline temp is normal btw, there is no cut off temp which predicts ovulation and baseline temp is individual, some have higher and some lower temperatures, 36.5 is perfectly normal.

@dublino

Welcome to the thread 😊
So so sorry to hear about your experiences. ❤️

Yeah I’ve done my fair share of hair pulling!
My consultant made me take metformin first and said that I should take that until my cycles came down to 30ish days. When I’d had a cycle of around 30ish days, I could then start clomifene as well but keep going with the metformin to keep my cycles short. I’ve now had a 34 and 32 day cycle which has been great. Have they ever mentioned metformin to you?

My BMI was in the normal range but I put on two stone the year before last which put me in the overweight category. I started slimming world and managed to lose a stone and half just before Christmas but have started putting weight on again since Feb and have put on about 9 pounds. I think I’ve been comfort eating a lot to cheer myself up. If you haven’t tried slimming world, I can really recommend it. I lost the first stone in about 6 weeks.

Hi @Historyofeverything1,

That’s so great to hear, I’m so happy it worked for you and you had your family ❤️.

Ive got some vitamins coming tomorrow, some maca root amd agnus castus. Both meant to be good for fertility and regulating hormones to stop the spotting before my period. Recently its been drom 2dpo till my period whoch is annoying. Ive haf all the tests done so nothing medically wrong.

@Leodot thanks. I've been on metformin 1500 mg now for nearly two years doc put me on it before I started ttc . Went to my first consultation few weeks back in the new clinic ( my gp and fertility I usually attend both went on maternity at same time!) . They want me to lose 7kg which at the time wasnt a problem. I did slimmng world before and lost stone and half also but put it back on the past while. Just need to get active but being stuck in the house isn't helping . Trying to get out for walks at the moment but you are not allowed further then 2km from the house . Hopefully when I get back to the fertility clinic they are looking to start me on letrozole. Currently cd 13 so I'm hoping my cycle are as good as the last two and ovulate soon . How do you find the metformin and your stomach by the way. Dont think I've ever had anything upset it as much !

@dublino fingers crossed that you ovulate soon!! The metformin made me really sick at first. Constant upset stomach, throwing up, lost my appetite for the first couple of months but it’s alright now. I find the clomifene makes me feel quite rough for the few days I take that. It’s my last day of clomifene today thankfully.

I know it’s hard trying to get in the mindset for exercise at the moment. I had been doing really well with running but when I started the metformin at the end of Jan I stopped because of the metformin side effects. I keep thinking I should start again but then lockdown but and I’ve just not found the motivation. I’m thinking of thing YouTube workouts though. I’m going to have a look later and see if I can find anything decent.

Hi All

Hope you dont mind me joining this thread. I never normally do things like this but feel like i just need the support and to speak to other people in the same boat at the minute.

I am now on month 15 TTC. Havent been on contraception Since January 2018 so should well be out my system by now. Have a period every month although the length of my cycle does vary around 6 days. I am 27 so i do have time on my side which is a positive

I am just completely fed up and down about the whole TTC now. Its draining and so upsetting. At first i was super positive but now i just feel hopeless and find myself bursting into tears constantly. i also find it hard speaking to other people who say 'oh your still young you will be fine' or other people who say 'oh it happened for me first time'.

Its also VERY hard when all of your friends/family are getting pregnant, i find myself not even being able to be around people at the minute as i just feel drained. Is anyone else feeling like this?