Losing the will to live with TTC

[MrsLBear]

Hi 👋🏼

Anyone else losing the actual will to live with this whole TTC thing?
Come June it will be 2 years, with one mmc 6 months into first TTC. I've tried the relaxed approach, the obsessive approach, the "I will pretend not to care" approach. And I know with covid19 now isn't a good time to put extra pressure on the nhs but still doesn't soften the blow of a temp drop 12DPO. That's even if I am 12DPO. I think I have. FF can't pinpoint ovulation and opks weren't playing ball this month. Maybe I didn't ovulate this cycle. Was meant to go for investigation next week but ofcs and very understandably this has been cancelled.

Rambling but anyone else in my shoes?
Seeing people post about TTC for 2 months and stressing is just too much!

Edit. Now FF says I'm only 7dpo due to today's temp. I can't deal with this. What is going on!!!!!! And it looks so wrong. I think I O'd cd23? Any thoughts.

@CL1234 welcome ! It's perfectly normal to feel like that . It's tough to get your Hope's up for something and then for it not to happen, especially when you want it so much . And it's hard to talk to people , no one I know is going through this except me. I dont really have any advice for you I'm afraid but just keep on going really. Mate of mine just got pregnant on her first try. It's an awful kick in the gut when your trying so hard. But all you can do is just try and keep going with it

@dublino thanks for the reply, I know your so right but it’s hard to think positive when in this situation,! How long have you been ttc if you don’t mind me asking?
I thought I was the only person in this situation!

@CL1234 I will be trying 2 year come september . I did get pregnant after 6 months but that ended in mc . I've pcos and currently taking metformin and was only having 5-6 chanes a year as my cycles can be quite long but the last two seemed a bit more "normal". At the moment there are loads of people I know after having babies or getting pregnant so definitely be feeling fed up. It's so frustrating . I feel like putting my head through a wall sometimes! I'm a firm believer that its gonna happen at some stage, I just need to be patient though. Have you been to any specialist or clinics??

@dublino sorry to hear that your going through this Aswell, hopefully you will get your baby soon! I think it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been through to be honest. I totally understand how you feel!
I was supposed to see a specialist yesterday but with all this COVID-19 it got cancelled which I am gutted about, have you been to see any?

@CL1234 sorry you're going through this to, it is hard to be around people, ive put off meeting with friends because they were pregnant and my head wasnt in it. Its hard to stay positive but you cant give up and all you can do is keep hoping.
I hate all the usual sayings of dont stress, dont think about it, go on holiday etc etc. How can you not think about something you want so much!
I was meant to have my fertility appointment on the 9th april but thats been cancelled to.

@MrsChicken89 yes your right it’s super hard! Really trying to stay positive but think being stuck in the house has got me overthinking again.
Sorry your ferlitily app got cancelled Aswell it’s so upsetting, I was doing a session of acupuncture for fertility once a week Aswell I found that helped me massively with cervical mucus, regulation of periods and getting more high fertility days on opks if you ever wanted to try it x

@CL1234 its something ive thought about, but never got round to it. Does it hurt?

@MrsChicken89 no doesn’t hurt at all! They do different points depending what point your at in your cycle, if you go to a vita west certified one they are fertility experts, if you gon on the vita west website you can find one in your area, I would highly recommend as it worked massively for me

Hi all!
I hope it is okay for me to jump on to this thread.. I need to vent at the anger of getting AF 😩
Bit of a back story - we had a failed pregnancy 5 years ago at 6 weeks. We weren’t really trying so when this happened we decided to TTC, and after a short while of no hope we decided to be more careful, not that we didn’t want it, but we had other things we could do first and maybe it wasn’t our time. Since then we have got engaged, married and a dog and now the void is as big as ever. We haven’t really been careful in the grand scheme of things, I’ve always thought there might be a problem and in hindsight have probably been trying for around 3 years properly. We decided we should maybe see the GP and started proceedings. I had the 3 day blood test, all okay except estradiol was 55. They didn’t elaborate why this was a problem, just said that it was, and to have day 23 test and repeat day 3. Within that time covid-19 took a hold, and all remaining tests got cancelled.
Now stuck inside, in limbo, with no answers at the moment. I’m new to all the personal testing, i’m a big believer in it will happen when we are ready, though it isn’t happening and my patience are wearing thin 😬. I’m testing LH and BBT which I am getting results in both.
Every month after DTD I feel super positive that this month will be different, symptom checking everything just to be let down over and over again. In with the disappointment of AF there is usually some agony involved too, I just feel deflated.

I’m with you all on the ebay advert!! And all the other baby promotion stuff too, as if it is really easy to just pop one out, it just adds to the stress of it all.

Thanks for listening and sorry to rant x

HI @Gangly1701 and welcome, Hope your feeling okay, and this is what this is for, to rant!
Im sorry that you feel so frustrated, i think we are all in the same boat so your not alone!
By high estrogen what measurement is that in? I requested my blood results from my doctor and my estrogen is 869 but thats in PMOL, my fertility acupuncturist said mine is on the higher side as it should be between 70 and 510 but my doctor stated it as normal. What is your FSH? (Follicle stimulating hormone) and this works in conjunction with estrogen i think? do you have a copy of your results?

I totally feel your pain when AF arrives, i was in the midst of going to fertility clinic and its been pushed back, im just trying to think there is nothing any of us can do at this moment in time, so we are best not stressing out any more than we already are :) hope your okay xxx

Hi @Gangly1701 just looking on the internet and maybe yours seems on the lower side which is why your doctor may be concerned? You could read this article and see if you have any symptoms of the low estrogen? www.verywellhealth.com/low-estrogen-levels-4588661 it does say there are many ways to lift your levels, including natural ways so maybe give it a read if thats what you think your blood results meant xx

Hello all,
I hope it's ok for me to join? I think I've found my people; your struggles and frustrations sound very familiar. We've been TTC for 20 months, but I've wanted to start for years before that which compounds the emotional pain for me. In this time, friends who weren't trying have had pregnancies, babies, and are pg again. It sucks. I'm 35, had a CP/MC at 5 weeks which was horribly painful, last September, days before my birthday.
I've been very open and honest with family and close friends, as it helps me to talk and for them to know why I might be feeling shit from time to time. But the misguided comments can be excruciating "just relax it'll happen" "my friend's sister in law's accountant , just went on a long holiday & it just happened". Yeah thanks, why didn't I think of that
I feel like we have tried everything we can, and had first appt with subfertility clinic days before lockdown. Now in limbo with far too much time to think about it.
Sorry to read about all your experiences too. We are all doing the best we can ❤️ I just wish there was more timely and sensitive support for us from the professionals x

Hey @Alpacapicnic1 and welcome!!

I dont think ive ever read a post more relatable! i am sick to death of hearing the same things, its so hard for people to comment on something theyve never been through, so until theyve experienced something themselves i would take ther words with a pinch of salt! i think alot of people do get pregnant in the 2nd year of trying, so keep hope that you will, however if it doesnt happen get yourself back to the doctors and try and sort it that way?

are you taking all supplments you need to? excersize and healthy eating? maybe give the feritlity acupuncture a go to that really helped with me :) xx

Thanks @cl1134. The latest today from a well meaning friend is "have you considered adoption?" 🤦

Yes me and DH are on a mighty concoction of fertility vitamins and supplements; recently topped up for me with ubiquinol to (as the theory goes) improve egg quality. We'll see if it make a difference 🤞 I've been reading 'it starts with an egg' and heading some of the advice (around suppliments and diet), as the consultant recommended IVF before lockdown started so feel like we have a long path ahead. Has anyone else read this book?

We are both healthy weights, and exercise regularly...I love yoga, but are now trying to do more of a Mediterranean diet and have upped fish intake.

Where is everyone up to with their cycles? I'm in the dreaded 2ww, 8dpo, getting AF twinges already I think!

All my fertility appointments have been cancelled too, god knows when ill have my next one, but im not thinking about that, not much i can do.

Cd12 awaiting ovulation. Ive been doing opks simce day 8, i had a nearly positove on cd10&12 the rest have been negative, so hoping for one in the next few days.
Still taking macca root tablets.

Anyone else fed up of the "they'll be a baby boom in 9 months"

Hello, thanks @CL1234 for your advice. Sorry for the late reply, i had a day off life yesterday lol. It really got to me this month, but I have woman’d up and resuming positivity. Maybe this will be the month...
There wasn’t any explanation on the estradiol level, just that it was abnormal. All other levels were okay I believe.
@Alpacapicnic1 i’m with you on the pregnancies! Babies seem to be popping up everywhere. I am 29 and everyone I know seem to be starting a family.
I get really annoyed with baby comments too, be it the ease of getting pregnant, or the baby boom in 9 months. We should be so lucky! I know they are said harmlessly but sometimes it isn’t what you need to hear.
Anyway I am back on the positivity train 🚂 and sending you all some your way 🌟 x

Hi ladies,

Sorry to see you all on this thread.
It's incredibly frustrating when people say oh it will happen don't stress or I get it happened before so will happen again - yes that ended in a miscarriage so hardly a helping thought. We are both 28 and I've had numerous scans for pcos and nothing was meant to have more check but can't at the moment.
I always find the tww incredibly hard. I want to not want a baby so so much cos that way I can just get on with my life. I don't think the hormones help pre af either. I really don't know how I will be once my friends start trying and if they fall straight away. Nearly 24 months of hell.
That bloody eBay advert! It's everywhere and it's doing my head in!

I know how you feel @Gangly1701 just after O I feel so positive and think if it happens it does and if not then we will try again but as the time goes on I get more obsessive and less optimistic. Sorry your testing got halted cos of Covid. The frustrating thing is we don't even know when it will all resume.