I guess I'm forced to start here - again. Aunt Flow showed up this morning.
I'm just really bummed that I have to go through all of this again for another month. The month itself isn't too bad; it's all the waiting in between, the days & weeks. Once AF shows her ugly face I'm then eagerly waiting for her to remove my insides, bleed me dry & pisz off back to where she comes from. I really do hate her! All so that I can then start eagerly waiting for that gem of an OPK to give me two blue lines for - go forth & baby dance! But I'm not really looking forward to the baby dance you see - it's not fun like it used to be. I always said that I'm 30 without children because I'm too selfish enjoying my own 'free' time. Now I'm so self obsessed with the baby thang there is nothing fun or free about me to enjoy.
I live by peeing on & in numerous things with a BBT thermometer hanging out of my mouth & I know I have lost it completely because my cervical mucous is my best friend. I know everything about her, when she is most likely to show up & in what consistency, she basically feels like me, when she?s down she is dry, on top of the world - eggwhite, yeap eggwhite. Eggwhite is the holy grail of cervical mucous. My friend Eggwhite Cervical mucous fancies these tail like tadpole things ? sperm she calls them. Every month she?s telling me she going to catch them in her sticky mucous and have her wicked way with them ? Go Girlfriend!
I bet you that bloody Aunt Flow is Jealous & that?s why she is such a cow. She is paying be back for all those years when I had her under lock & key, controlling her. Now that she's free, she's causing havoc.
I haven't even started on Aunt Ovulation - when she damn well 'wants' to show up that is. She is the shy type, elusive, sometimes she doesn't visit for months & I pine when she does not come. I think she lives on a farm far far away because when she does get around to visiting she brings me the bestest egg you've ever seen in your life. I like Aunt Ovulation a lot. Aunt Flow though hates her - but everyone hates Aunt Flow so that?s OK.
So lets say I got those blue lines on my OPK & my CM is the bees knees eggwhite we've all been waiting for - I do the baby dance with darling husband, stand on my head for an hour, trying desperately not to sneeze, cough, burp, fart, laugh, squeeze - in fact DO NOT TALK TO ME AT ALL FOR THE NEXT HOUR(maybe two).
Now enter the wait - the long, long, ever sooo long two week wait. This is the worst, it is in fact torture and I have discovered there is no way of relieving this suffering - you just have to wait the wait. You can test every day with a HPT if you want - still you won't know until good old uncle HCG wants to reveal this information. There is no way to expedite this part of the journey, you can not control it in any way. You are
not in control. Your mind plays tricks on you, your body lies to you, you have every single imaginary symptom of early pregnancy that there is. Do your boobs hurt - yes I bet they do. Are you feeling a little nauseas, a bit queasy? - Ah ha, me too. You know what - I reckon that there?s a good change Uncle HCG is married to that wicked witch Aunt Flow. They both seem to like to play evil games and you just know that when the two weeks expires if those other two little lines on your HPT don't appear, you will hear Aunt Flow's cackle in the distance, right up until she slams her fist in your stomach again that is. I guess I?ll just swallow another folic acid pill and put up with it!