TTC- I'm so sad all the time. AIBU?

[TeacherFarmerWife]

Anyone else feel similar?

We are TTC cycle #7 which I know isn't a long time for a lot of people but I'm currently feeling so "down". I wouldn't go as far as depressed, but just sad/apathetic/tired in general.
I never realised TTC would cause such mental torment or stress on one's emotional well-being. Or marriage for that matter.

It's absolutely heart-wrenching watching my friend announce pregnancies, sending me scan pictures, daily updates etc. Don't get me wrong, I am so delighted for them but my heart physically hurts and they don't even know.

We have been married 2 years and have finished building a house and everyone is sitting on the bench waiting on an announcement from us which isn't going to happen.

I have been tracking my BBT and my temps are up and down like a yo-yo all month, causing concern over a possible thyroid problem? Maybe I'm not ovulating at all?

I have had a few friends ask me if I'm ok lately because apparently I'm not myself. I know I'm not. And I lie and say I'm fine. I can't bring myself to tell friends or family we have been trying as I don't want false hope, or sympathy.

I work out 4/5 days a week and I honestly think if I didn't do that I would be going completely insane.

AIBU? Do I need to chill out and stop being so dramatic? Anyone else TTC feel completely deflated and hopeless ATM?

I can honestly say I have never felt as lonely in my entire life.

Sorry that you are also feeling down about ttc @TeacherFarmerWife
Not being unreasonable atall, it's a difficult time.

I am in cycle day 1 today so feeling especially sad haha. We started ttc for our first baby in June 2019, after 3/4 cycles we were pregnant but sadly miscarried in november. Just feels like it's been so long that this has consumed my every day thoughts.

Next month I am ditching the temping and OPKs and just going to try and relax a little bit. See if that does the trick.

How old are you as if over 35 your doctor will refer you for tests after 6 months usually

I'm sorry to hear that @Anny27 I can't imagine what that feels like when I'm already so sad 😞
I'm 27, had been on the pill for 11 years until last June and started trying in July, knowing that it will take a while for my cycles to regulate. But I honestly thought we would have BFP by this stage (silly of me!).
I'm going for bloods at the end of this month to check if I am ovulating and for thyroid issues because of my mood, BBT yoyoing and tiredness.
They usually wait 1 year but my mum took fertility medication in order to conceive me and my siblings so they felt they should push me on for tests quicker than normal.
I have so much paperwork to do today for today and I just can't focus on it 😰
I know 27 is still young but I feel like the clock is ticking 🙈
I'm thinking of stopping BBT and OPK for next month as it's consuming me! I have a friends hen party and wedding coming up soon and I don't want to drink because I'm so scared it will reduce my chances of TTC. I honestly think I have become to irrational!

@TeacherFarmerWife That's good that you will be getting bloods done soon, will hopefully feel like things are moving in the right direction.

Yeah I love temping as it shows me when k ovulated but I really find I have a restless night waiting to temp to see if my temps have still risen so I think a break is a good idea.

I am 28 so similar age! Yep I also feel pressure haha. Not necessarily that I will be too old but I just really want a baby now and dont want to wait any longer!! I cant wait for the day when I am looking back at this period and thankfully that we have a baby and no longer have to ttc

Oh OP! I can totally relate to you and understand what you're saying. When we were TTC #1 I felt very much the same. I actually found that ditching the OPKs and BBT helped me to chill out and then I got pregnant the next cycle. The main thing I would look for is the CM- really get to know it. This was my only really indicator for whether I was ov and the other bits just drove me nuts and made me a bit psycho tbh. I also did acupuncture which really helped me to relax and I think it helped with conception. My SIL and friend had it regularly before they conceived for other reasons and both fell pregnant after the first cycle. Good luck! Try to distract yourself and enjoy DTD xxx

I feel very down after this month’s failed attempt. OP are you sure you aren’t doing too much exercise? I’ve read quite a bit that it can hinder fertility especially if you aren’t eating enough after.
I think it’s very very difficult to just relax and not think about it, of course you think about it. I’ve just ordered some clear blue ovulation kit off groupon (got 20 for only a few £ more than what boots are charging for 10) so I hope that next month I will know when I’m ovulating since I don’t fully trust my app.

@Anny27 I agree. I can't wait to look back on this time and laugh at how unreasonable I am.

@jimjamjoo the thing is, I'm not really noticing much CM, it just seems very minimal. It's there, but not in any significant amount. Usually sticky or slightly creamy, but I have to "seek" for it myself rather than check my underwear 🙈😂 (tmi sorry). I had been to reflexology twice a month for a while but I've stopped. I might look into acupuncture. I feel like I'm on the verge of psycho lol.

@peachypetite I never really considered exercise could be too much but maybe you're right 🤔 I do CrossFit (sorry I'm one of those people 😬😂) so it's pretty intense workouts and heavy weights... maybe I should take it easy for a while. I definitely don't think I eat enough either. I'm by no means thin but not "heavy" either (I'm 10st 10lb and 5"1 with a strong/curvy build) but my calorie intake can be quite low at times.
I have been using CB OPK the past two months and I just keep getting the flashing smiley faces every single day. It's driving me mad. I've never had a negative and never had a solid smiley. I used the cheapie sticks and I've never had a dark second line. And with these up-and-down spikes on my BBT chart I'm really starting to worry.

Good luck to all you ladies TTC. It's a shit world to be in when it doesn't go your way 😓

Yeh - definitely look into that exercise www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/exercise-linked-to-fertility/ I’m sure there are other studies too. It does sound like something might be amiss if you are tracking ovulation various ways and not getting anywhere. At least you’ve already been referred for tests.

@peachypetite a very interesting read 🧐 maybe I am pushing myself too far at the gym lately. I've been working out more intensely than usual because I'm so stressed out about everything. It's worth talking about at my tests this week (it's actually on Wednesday, I can't believe how quick that has came in)

@TeacherFarmerWife exactly the same situation as you and similar age as well. I’m 28 and we’ve been trying since June but nothing yet. Getting some tests done at the drs at the moment as my periods aren’t regular. Really thought it would have happened for us by now and OH admitted the other day that he did as well. We’ve just all got to hold on in there I guess. Nice not to feel so alone with other people to talk to on here.
I’ve just got OvuSense to try tracking my temps. It’s a device you wear inside you at night so you don’t have to worry about taking your temp as soon as you wake up. Hoping it will show me when I ovulate so I know the right time to DTD. We’ve just been doing every 2-3 days at the moment to keep OHs sperm nice and fresh haha!

@Banoffeepie91 DH is 30 in March and he let it slip the other night he thought he would have at least one child by now. Broke my heart but I also let rip on him about how he shouldn't be setting an age to certain life events. I must look into OvuSense. I've been religious with my temps but they are just all over the place. I shot up from 36.09C to 37.08C two days ago, basically a 1 degree rise. Thought I just be ovulating but dropped to 36.02C yesterday and 35.17C today. Massive zigzags on my current chart so it's scaring me a bit 😓
I definitely think these forums are great for support from people in similar situations! It's a tough subject to talk about to friends because you don't want to cause an elephant in the room.

I get you completely. We’re pretty similar. I’m also 27 and was on the pill for around 9 years prior to trying. Currently TTC on cycle #5. My best friend started trying after me and caught pregnant literally first attempt. I’m so happy for her but I’m heartbroken it hasn’t happened for me too yet. I know it’s still very early days TTC but I can’t help worry. It’s taken over my life!

@Nat4392 it's tough when someone so close to you is pregnant. But part of me is angry that they don't consider the fact that maybe we have been trying too? Is that selfish of me? My friend keeps sending me photos of her scans and photos of her tummy every week. Rings me to tell me how she's getting on, names etc etc and of course she has no idea we are TTC and she is the loveliest person in the whole world, and I am so so happy for her. But it's really getting to me. She would be mortified if I ever told her how I felt. So I just play the good best friend and be excited along with her and laugh at how she tells me she got pregnant "literally the day after the conversation of babies" with her husband. When inside I am crying 😬

@TeacherFarmerWife it is so difficult. My friend does know I’m TTC, although I don’t want her to hide her excitement, and honestly, hearing about her pregnancy is exciting for me too, I just get a bit bummed out that it’s not happened for me yet.
I get more annoyed at people telling me to “relax and it’ll happen”. It generally comes from the people who either have never TTC or caught with no problems...
I have 2 other friends who are having difficulty conceiving and I feel so much better talking to them about things as they actually understand.

Teacher I don’t think there’s any harm telling her. Otherwise you’re going to end up resenting her.

@Nat4392 it's nice you have friends to talk to about it! My friends are still out partying or saving for weddings, or still in their wedded bliss bubble 😂

@peachypetite yea you're right, although I don't resent her at all and like @Nat4392 I am so so excited for her and I love hearing about her pregnancy, and I am flattered she chooses me to turn to about it all. However it does hurt me aswell. Maybe I should slip it in conversation very "off the cuff" so it's not a serious conversation.

Really feel for you! We have been ttc for a year and 3 months and I think the hardest point for me was where I started to realise that maybe it won't be straight forward. If it makes you feel any better I seem to have come to a point of acceptance with it and have started obsessing less. I now find the day AF arrives hard and can feel very down but then I try and distract myself. I stopped all of the ovulation tests and BBT charting as it just makes it constantly in your mind from the moment you wake up. If you DTD every other day or every two days for the most part of your cycle you will cover ovulation and you won't need to drive yourself nuts.

We have had quite a few tests, bloods, scans and tests on OH. I have raised prolactin and OH has low sperm count and morphology. I'm waiting on another blood test to see if my prolactin is still high.

One of my coping strategies is to plan something in for the weekend following AF arriving that I wouldn't be able to do if I was pregnant, like a night out. Then I can think, oh well if I was pregnant I wouldn't be able to go to whatever it is, then if I am pregnant I wouldn't care about cancelling!

Sorry I also meant to say that I chose to talk about it quite openly after about 9 months as I found it really hard people making comments about when it would be for us!

I try and see it as though I'm making it more of a topic that's on the table so other people who go through it don't feel so isolated.

@TeacherFarmerWife I don’t think any of my friends are trying at the moment so I’m quite glad I’ve had a bit of a head start seeing as it seems to be taking a while. My OH is 13 years older than me but doesn’t have any kids so he wants to have them soon as he doesn’t want to be an old dad.
I’d definitely look at OvuSense, it’s quite expensive but I think it’s worth it to really understand your body.

2 things.
I’m also a crossfitter and I ground I had to tone it down a bit in order to conceive dc1. Which was so hard!
You’re really beating yourself up about this, it takes 2 people to conceive and DH, who could also be the problem/part of the problem should not be saying things like he thought he’d have a child by now. It’s very insensitive x

At 27 time is on your side. Don't put your life on hold either. Go to the wedding, have a few drinks and enjoy yourself.

You do need to chill put and stop taking it so seriously - and I mean that in a kind way.

You have only been trying for 7 months. And only married for 2 years and still young. It's not a competition and there is no rush.

I do get it, I really do. But 7 months isn't really a long time.

Thanks so much ladies. I know I'm being irrational but I'm a natural born worrier and can get worked up quiet badly about the small things in life (even though this isn't a small thing!)
@Howcouldyoubelieveme sad to hear I might have to lay off CF for a while. It's an addictive sport 😩 maybe I could still do the wods with scales weights rather than RX and miss out on the strength part of class?
I know it seems insensitive what DH said, he is a real gentleman however in true farmer style he can blurt things out without realising how rude they can be!
@Notthissh1tagain I think I needed some tough love today, thank you 😂❤️

I am the voice of experience. Been there, done that and caused myself no end of pain. Probably delayed me conceiving too.

But we got there. It just took us a very long time. The daft things I did were convince myself it wasn't going to happen naturally. Tell myself I wanted to have a baby by the time I was 30 or at least be pregnant. Obsess every month about symptoms.

There's a really useful and science-based book called 'Taking charge of your fertility' by Toni Weschler, you can pick it up second hand on amazon for not very much.

It's a great way to properly understand your cycles and she has advice on how to increase CM (taking an expectorant cough medicine called Guafanesin) but she explains the science behind this. She really knows her stuff and I found it great to develop a thorough knowledge of my actual cycle, rather that snippets of 'general' info I'd picked up from everywhere.

Also well worth reading 'The Sperm meets Egg plan' can buy on kindle for only couple of pound, or might even be free I can't remember. All about timings etc, I got pregnant twice the first time I followed this, after a while of trying for both DC with no luck.

Sounds like it's worth getting checked out with all the other avenues vis the GP that you mentioned, I find it can be speak soon much of a relief to know what you can cross off, as to what you need to concentrate on.

Definitely have a few drinks and let your hair down at your friends wedding, will be good too let off steam and a few drinks will have no impact on conceiving, they may even help

Oh and I'm also a farmer's wife so k ow only too well how blunt they can be! 😂