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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Saying I’m single to get IVF?

51 replies

Beachgirl232 · 07/10/2019 16:52

I recently went for a fertility appointment in an NHS centre. After having a lot of tests done, we have discovered I have a blocked Fallopian tube, and given my age (39) I was advised to hurry up and go for IVF. However, as my hubby already has a child from a previous relationship (who does not live with us) we are not eligible for funding in our area unfortunately. The doctor handed us a pricelist then sent me for blood tests with the nurse. However, as I was r asking through it, the nurse whispered to me that I should come back in 6 months, say I’m single and using my (ex) husband as a sperm donor. She told me people do it all the time. I then mentioned it to my acupuncturist who said it sounded like a great idea! Now I am not saying for one minute I’m considering doing this, but I’m just curious if anyone has heard of this happening before, and if it would even be possible? Would my husband still be the legal father? We are only very recently married and I’ve not officially changed my name yet, but would they ask for proof or anything like that? Until now we have been considering going abroad for treatment but I’m just curious about this.

OP posts:

Marylou2 · 07/10/2019 16:59

Moral argument aside,if I was 39 and having difficulty conceiving the last thing I would do is wait for another 6 months. You can bemoan the unfairness and the post code lottery all you like but time is of the essence here and having children is an expensive business anyway. Just pretend you're there already here and you need to find the money. Don't reduce your chances by waiting. And yes I've had IVF so good luck!

Marylou2 · 07/10/2019 17:00

Sorry for typos. On the 🚂 train!

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 07/10/2019 17:15

I think it's an awful thing to do, abuse of the system and morally wrong

As you're married yes your husband would be considered the legal father

Original poster

Beachgirl232 · 07/10/2019 17:15

Sorry for my typos too! Typed this out on my phone. Yes I hear what you’re saying and was fully planning to pay for it, we were going to go abroad in November. Would be great to get it free though and locally. I’d be happy with even one cycle, but I’d be stressed with having to be deceitful

OP posts:

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 07/10/2019 17:17

Also most NHS clinics don't offer IVF to single women

AllFourOfThem · 07/10/2019 17:19

I would imagine your leave yourself open to be prosecuted for fraud and reimbursement of the costs incurred if someone reports you or it’s found out.

lyingwanker · 07/10/2019 17:23

I'd do whatever it took to have a child to be honest. If I could afford to pay then I'd do that, if I couldn't afford to pay then I'd do or say whatever necessary. That's probably quite morally wrong but I don't think I'd care that much.

SherbetSaucer · 07/10/2019 17:24

At 39 and considering all the complications could you just skip the kids part all together?! There is a life outside of having children (a great one).

NoCauseRebel · 07/10/2019 17:24

I’m curious as to how this would work.

So you go to the IVF clinic and say that you’re a single woman but your ex has agreed to donate sperm to you. So does the ex then actually have to show up to donate his sperm otherwise the IVF wouldn’t be possible surely? In which case the ex would have to agree? Or alternatively were you planning to lie and say that your DP is your ex?

Either way the idea is morally reprehensible.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 07/10/2019 17:25

@lyingwanker
From the sounds of it OP can afford to pay she's just considering abusing the system to get it free

TildaKauskumholm · 07/10/2019 17:27

Fraud, plain and simple, and the NHS has better things to do with their very limited resources to help people with actual health issues.

PixieDustt · 07/10/2019 17:28

At 39 and considering all the complications could you just skip the kids part all together?! There is a life outside of having children (a great one).

Always one person to make someone probably feel like shit. Do you not think the OP has considered a life without children? Pretty sure she doesn't want that life hence going for IVF.
And because she is 39 doesn't mean she will have any complications, yes it raises the chances of a complication but their are many woman who have children older than this with no complications. Any pregnancy can be high risk at any age.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 07/10/2019 17:30

There are all sorts of tests that get done on a sperm donor so i don't think it is as easy as this nurse suggested

I don't think you can just rock up with a sample and hand it over saying "here use this one"!

LolaSmiles · 07/10/2019 17:34

I think you're trying to game the system that's already pushed to the limits by making fraudulent claims.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 07/10/2019 17:39

@LolaSmiles

Yes it only takes a few bad people to ruin it for others - more people try and play the system means costs go up means more likely the NHS trust will cut IVF funding even further

SherbetSaucer · 07/10/2019 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

inwood · 07/10/2019 17:43

I think the nurse is feeding you a line! What trusts fund ivf for single women?

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 07/10/2019 17:45

@SherbetSaucer

Why are you commenting on/viewing a conception board if you don't see the "appeal" of children??

WrongKindOfFace · 07/10/2019 17:48

There are all sorts of tests that get done on a sperm donor so i don't think it is as easy as this nurse suggested

Exactly. In fact I’d call it bollocks.

SherbetSaucer · 07/10/2019 17:49

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted there is no law that states you have to have a child to comment is there?

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 07/10/2019 18:00

@SherbetSaucer
No but your response to the OP served no purpose and comes across as someone just wanting to push your own childfree agenda

pixelflower · 07/10/2019 18:25

As someone who gets nervous around any rule breaking I couldn't even consider lying 🙈 I would however be very frustrated and upset that I wasn't entitled to help because my partner already had a child so I do sympathise and see why it would be tempting to go down that route.

DtPeabodysLoosePants · 07/10/2019 18:28

Morally reprehensible.

Justmeagain81 · 07/10/2019 18:34

Just a thought your ccg may not fund single women or women of your age, sorry op, our ccg fund one cycle before 35 years. I also think its morally wrong to lie like that but I understand the drive/desire to have a child.
Good luck to you & your husband

LouLouB1987 · 07/10/2019 18:34

@Beachgirl232 wow, a lot of negativity here. I just wanted to add in that you should do whatever you need to. There are lots of people who can comfortably afford it but get it for free. It just so happens that your DH already has a child, but it's not yours so it's really unfair that you have to be penilised for it. I'm sure your a decent person who contributes to our country and the NHS, if you can get, for free, something you deserve as any woman does, why not. This is no one else's journey

Fellow IVFer xx

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