What do you wish you knew before trying to conceive?

[sar1988]

Hi all

Sorry if this thread has been asked before but looking for your answers to "what do you wish you knew before trying to conceive?"

Many thanks

My partner's sperm count

Here is my A-Z, either people did not tell me, or they told me something would/wouldn’t happen, and the exact opposite did. Note: this is only my experience!!!!

A- how much children really cost
B- how much I would bleed after delivering the baby
C- that truthfully you don’t sleep properly for years
D- that I had an amazing dp, but found out some partners are actually shit when it comes to being a parent
E- that organising childcare wasn’t as hard as everyone told me it would be
F- that I didn’t have to worry about toilet training, they did it themselves by 2
G- that some dc do actually eat everything
H- not having morning sickness is fine, and doesn’t mean something is wrong
I- that you can get pregnant whilst breastfeeding and on the mini pill at the same time
J- you don’t need half as much baby equipment that everyone tells you
K- you can get really horny during pregnancy
L- breastfeeding is hard!!

M- giving up breast feeding is ok!!
N- you might actually want sex 4 weeks postpartum after swearing a penis will never go near your vagina again, after you pushed what felt like a water melon out
O- it doesn’t matter which may the baby comes out, as long as mum and baby are safe that’s all that matters
P- it doesn’t matter how your baby is fed, as long as your baby is fed
Q- how many different colours of poo a baby can produce
R- it’s true, babies do grow up in the blink of an eye
S- you never stop worrying
T- you surprise yourself by reading school inspections when your baby is still a baby
U- at some stage you experience tiredness like you never imagined
V- you can spend hours gazing at this amazing tiny human you created
W- stitches hurt! Especially when the midwifes don’t believe you are in pain as you’ve had anaesthetic. Then you are diagnosed with hyper mobility years later and told ‘local anaesthetic’ doesn’t work on you. Midwifes take note!!
X- My midwives and each student in with me were amazing people, I did not have to ‘be aware’ of them.
Y- don’t realise how much your boobs will leak. I felt like a cow.
Z- that you fall head over heels in love, the moment you see your tiny human, and without knowing them, your would give your life for them.

P.s:- letter Z never ends ☺️

@Viletta best response ever 😂

I wish I'd know to come off the pill at least 6 months in advance.

That saliva can act as a spermicide

@sar1988 I second coming off the pill in advance. Also hypothetically, I would love to know that I will conceive at some point. If I knew it would happen in 6 months I'd be like ok that's a while longer to try but ok. Whilst currently I feel like it might never happen...

How many things could go wrong. I had an idea because of mumsnet but I didn't know a lot of them could happen to one person. Got there in the end though!

Oh and baby's do really grow in the blink of an eye. You feel like you have just started maternity leave and getting the hang of everything then before you know it it's time to go back to work.

• 😫 That it would happen on the first try (I know I’m blessed I do appreciate it)

• That I’d be FLOORED by sickness, dizziness and exhaustion within the first 2/3 weeks 🙄

• That all the ‘will it happen?’ Intensity suddenly turns into ‘will I lose it?’ Panic 😭 and I assume doesn’t leave until you’re ‘well in’ to the pregnancy. You’ll be googling ‘safe toilet paper brands for pregnancy’ at some point I promise you!’

• That no matter how lovely colleagues and company are, or how long you’ve worked there, or even how ‘expected’ the new is... no work place is pleased to hear you’re pregnant. Especially not when you’re being signed off and you will feel a bit shit in comparison to Angela who has 5 kids and has never once taken a day sick! 😒

• That no matter how lovely your DH is, you will hate him, his body heat, his breath and impecible health! I never thought I’d resent my DH but I see him getting all of the nice fun exciting side but NONE of the miserable poorly body breaking down bit and I’m like 😡!

-That you’ll always wonder if those closest to you really believe it’s ‘that bad’ 🙄🤯

-That hearing ‘it’ll be worth it’ or ‘it’ll be better soon!’ Would make you want to swing for whatever smug mouth it came out of! Your health is now 100% overshadowed by baby and nobody really cares how you’re feeling!

• That nobody wants to hear you complain. For friends and family this is a joyous and exciting time but your ‘MH’ or ‘horrible sickness’ IS NOT something they’re going to want to focus on! There’s a huge element of ‘you chose this’ and ‘women fave been doing this for hundreds of years’ so ya know... get on with it!

^I assume this is the same with birth! I frequently hear horrific birth stories (told by friends/family) followed by ‘but baby is here safe and that’s all that matters’ ... and I’m like NO THATS NOT ALL THAT MATTERS! X has literally been torn apart and gone through something horrible and yes it’s great baby is here saftley but that doesn’t nullify the pain and damage done to her body! Jesus it’s like you have a baby and no longer matter to anyone!

@IsobelRae23

Brilliant advise thank you

Thanks everyone for the advice definitely ones to take into consideration.

@gonewiththepotter thank you, really good advice xx

That there is absolutely zero guarantees that it will be ok.

That you are fucking stupid to assume that everything will be ok.

That 1:3 pregnancies end in miscarriage.
That of those 1:3 it could be you. Easily.

That miscarriage is utter utter shite with bells on.

The impact on career, progression and prospects once much longed for baby arrives cannot be overestimated. It can(will) completely professionally derail you & will take years and years to get back on track.
Pregnancy is fucking hard. It’s stressful, it’s physically hard, it’s painful and exhausting and draining, it’s not “glowing” or “amazing” at all.

That once you are pregnant all you worry about is the pregnancy itself.

And this may sound daft, but I never really knew how few days you are actually fertile for.

@sophr72 exactly that! Not realising that there is only about 6 fertile days and when you do realise that having sex on those non fertile days makes you very aware you will probably not get that BFP that month. Crazy when ttc actually how much we learn in what should be a simple process.

@AllHopeAndNoResults

And 6 fertile days is the theoretical maximum. I've seen estimates that sperm have a 5% chance of surviving for more than 4 days, and it's generally closer to 1.5 days. If you add that to 0.5 day for the egg that gives 2 fertile days.

Yy crosser, I remember a teeny tiny section in my baby book on things that could go wrong. Don't think I even read it! Mind you I'm not sure anything can or should prepare you for when it goes wrong.

That HG is so much more than morning sickness.
I didn't know what it was when I was pregnant with my first until it floored me.

@RyvitaBrevis it hardly seems fair does it? It’s amazing we have so many people in the World considering there is in fact only 2 fertile days really 😂

That pregnancy can be tough. Not for everyone but certainly for me. No-one can prepare you for how sick & poorly you might be. I hated it in all honesty but I’ll only admit that now ..

No-one can prepare you for the sleep deprivation either. No matter how tired you imagine, it’s worse. It’s all consuming at times. But you survive & adapt. I’ve been knackered for two years yet I’m alright!

Contrary to the post above, I went back to work & excelled. I got a promotion & a big salary increase.. I am pretty nervous about telling them I’m now pregnant again though. I’ve not long started the new job!

Mostly, despite the pain & exhaustion & hard days, being a mum is fantastic. Especially as they grow & their personalities appear. My two year old has me in stitches, she’s so funny & bossy! And her excitement at seeing me at the end of a working day fills my heart with more joy than I could ever imagine!

That just because school sex ed tells you if you have sex once you will get pregnant, the reality is that for lots of couples it takes time.
More people find it takes time or they need a helping hand than I ever realised. It was only once I shared fertility struggles with a couple of close friends and then got pregnant did people share their struggles. It's easy to think everyone else just manages it and you're faulty.

I'd be in favour of more accurate sex ed in schools on this front.

@LolaSmiles I also agree with this. We are taught from young to be scared of falling pregnant that one time but in reality like you say a lot of us really struggle.

@LolaSmiles I couldn't agree more. We need to teach what actually happens in women's bodies rather than the monthly cycle and sex means you'll get pregnant - use protection.

That from the moment you start TTC'ing, you will worry for the rest of your life.

This is one thing I was told and you probably have heard but it is true.

Everyone is different. Everyone takes different amount of time to fall pregnant and if been on the pill or other take different times yo 'get back to normal'. There is no one size fits all.

I know people who have taken years to conceive (no issues) I came off the pill expecting it to take a year or so and after 6 weeks had my first period and got pregnant that cycle (unfortunately that ended in an early miscarriage), fell pregnant again the next cycle and am currently 9 weeks. It's amazing it happened so quickly and we were ready but make sure if you do stop contraception you are ready if it were to happen straight away but also aware it's perfectly normal for it to take time.

Also that morning sickness has different levels and it's not bad if you don't get it (I do and it's pretty rubbish but I know it will be worth it!)

How difficult it was going to be to get pregnant then stay pregnant without any complications or issues.
Spent my whole life avoiding pregnancy after the scare tactics at school, only to realise when you actually WANT to get pregnant it can take much longer than you imagine. And that’s only the teeniest first step.
A few years later I’m on my third pregnancy but still don’t have any children yet.

@Bellasblankexpression I'm
Sorry to hear that, I hope it works out for you soon xxx