Thinking it will never happen....

[Marshmallow1992]

I’m due to ovulate in the next few days.
I have regular 29 day cycles, get EWCM, confirm ovulation by temping.
Been ttc #1 for 7 months and have never had a hint of a BFP.
I genuinely feel like I will never fall pregnant. My husband thinks there must be something wrong with us! I keep telling him it can take a while.... etc but that’s just me trying to sound hopeful. Inside I’m falling apart! Every month after ovulation I feel slightly positive then AF hits with a bang.
I just wanted to know if there was anyone else out there who felt so convinced it would never happen and got their happy ending?
I know 7 months isn’t a long time compared to some people - but it’s just how I feel right now (that it won’t ever happen). Why am I feeling this way!? Help please 😥😥

I was totally convinced it would never happen for us, mainly due to DH being near 50. Every month for 20 months I was desperately upset at the thought it wouldn't happen and even looked into fertility clinics and adoption. We'd done plenty of tests but nothing visibly wrong.

Month 20 I conceived and was totally amazed and we were overjoyed, although sadly miscarried at 7 weeks. It took 4 more months to conceive again and I'm now here with my newborn.

Ttc is the most soul-destroying thing I've ever been through, and I've had depression in the past. It's the constant cycle of your hopes rising over the month, only to be dashed again. And there's nothing you can really do. Sure, people will say "x, y, z worked for me" but you'll always find others who tried the same thing to no avail.

My only advice is to try to have something you can focus on that's not ttc, for example studying or making things. Having small goals you can achieve will help mentally and hopefully give you some respite from the sadness.

Lots of luck to you, I hope you conceive soon and have a successful, happy pregnancy and birth. x

It seems most people either fall into one of two camps, they get pregnant straight away, or it takes bloody ages. Buckle up it might be a long road so if you get your head straight and try to manage the process the time will pass quicker. Most people get there in the end. I'm in the same boat and just trying to get on with life as normal. Good luck.

@Soozc Thank you for your message and sorry for your loss and I’m glad you got your happy ending. I don’t know why I feel so negative. I have a stressful job so that keeps me busy but any spare time I have it’s all I can think about.

@79andnotout I just keep thinking there is something wrong with me! I really hope there isn’t but I keep thinking to myself everything seems normal; regular cycles, EWCM, ovulating so there must be something else wrong with me why I’m not conceiving and I can’t seem to be positive about it. It’s so hard. Thanks for your message and good luck to you.

I get it. It's really shit isn't it? I felt like it would never happen for us but after three years and one unsuccessful IVF cycle, we got out BFP just before Christmas. I've never been so shocked as I'd totally given up hope. Wishing you all the best and I hope you get that sticky bean soon

I take it you're quite young @Marshmallow1992 judging by your username so just try not to panic. It is entirely normal to take a while for some people even when nothing is wrong, there are so many aspects to TTC and the fertile window is so short that it can take ages. Obvious question but are you having enough sex?

Also, everything might be completely fine with you, your partner may have an issue. I'd wait until a year has passed before following up with that though.

Having said that I made my partner do a semen analysis even before we started TTC but I'm a different kind of crazy.

But, the point remains, seven months is definitely far too early to panic!

@Marshmallow1992 we seem to have crossed paths quite a lot in the last 7 cycles! I can’t offer any success story I’m afraid as we are in the same boat at 7 cycles and no sniff of a bfp for me either! I just wanted to say that I think what you’re feeling is totally normal and that in all likelihood, you’ll get your bfp before the 12 months is up (repeating what a doctor said to me last week!) I hope that it will happen for you soon. Are you doing opks/tempting? My doctor also reminded me (and I needed some firm reminding), that stress has a negative impact on fertility and that dtd for the middle two week of cycle was best and minimised stress of timing ovulation.

@mynameiscalypso that is absolutely amazing news, massive congratulations and I wish you a healthy, happy 9 months.
@79andnotout I am 26, was on the pill for 10 years and came off June. Cycles were regular as soon as I stopped and I was ovulating right away. I have also made my husband do a home sperm test and all was fine! Yes we are definitely having enough sex. Everyday during fertile window! I feel so bad for complaining and feeling down when so many people have taken years to conceive but I just can’t help the way I feel right now 😓 it’s been so so tough as all my friends fell pregnant within the first 1/2 cycles so I can’t really speak to anyone!

Hi @marshmallow1992 this was me. Regular cycle, a good five days of ewcm, ovulation confirmed by blood tests and OPKs, some other tests including semen analysis showed nothing else was wrong, sex every other day from the end of my period until about day 20, and until I finally got my bfp at just shade under two years of trying I had not even a sniff of a positive pregnancy test.

That bfp is now 18 months and we are thinking of trying for number two and it's taking a lot of courage to put myself in that position again. People who tell you you'll fall quickly the second time are always the people who never had any trouble getting pregnant in the first place.

There might be something wrong, and there really might not be. Sometimes it's just really that had. Good luck and be kind to yourself x

I know how you feel.

I got my period today - cycle 13 of trying for dc2. Did have an early miscarriage cycle 2. Jut feels like it will never happen!

Took us about 8 months to conceive dc1.

I try and remember that it most likely will happen and there isn't an immediate rush.

I'm sooooo fed up of sex. Tonight I've drunk wine and had three muffins for dinner. I'm going to get back on he healthy wagon this month after using Xmas/winter as an excuse to stuff my face.

Good luck!

This never makes fair sense to me. So many unplanned pregnancies yet when people try and conceive it’s like mission impossible!

I really feel for you.
The only advice I can give is to stop trying as hard. There’s a lot of truth in as soon as people give up, they end up pregnant.
Also, we all seem to know the basics of conceiving, ovulation, af etc but we don’t all understand the mechanics.
I’ve had babies but until my last one, I genuinely had no idea sperm can live for a few days and it takes them some time to reach the destination. So as hard as we were trying, we were waiting for ovulation, then doing the deed. By the time swimmers got there, the egg had gone. We found forgetting about ovulation kits etc and going the deed day 9, 11, 13, 15 cracked it. The rest of the month recovered from baby dancing . Take folic acid as it can help.
I’m sorry if I’m teaching you to suck eggs. It’s just that I thought I knew it all. I’d focused on day 14 for so long. As soon as we covered a larger window it clicked. ( you don’t need to baby dance every day) swimmers will just sit and wait. Give your dh lots of steak, loose pants and avoid him bike riding. Bike riding can reduce sperm production.
Good luck x

Ladies thank you so much for your replies. It really does make me feel a lot better to know I’m not alone and to hear nice stories of success. @ChangeyMcChangeChange I totally understand what you mean putting yourself in that position again! I feel I’m ok leading up to ovulation then in the 2ww I become insane! @seven201 I am so fed up of sex too. It’s such a chore these days! Your advice is really good @ozziewozzie I am perhaps thinking more about when I ovulate opposed to dtd every other day. I ovulate around day17 so usually dtd day 14-19 - it’s exhausting!
Honestly really appreciate all your replies it’s great to talk to others about this xx

@seven201 I’m very sorry to hear about your miscarriage and I wish you all the luck In the world ttc no2 xx

Hang in there! I now have two sleeping babies - DS1 is 3.5 years and DS2 is 16 months - but our journey was long. 20 months to conceive DS1 and no sniff of anything other than the BFP and we had just had our IVF appt in. Between DS1 and DS2, we had 3 MCs so apparently mastered getting pregnant but then couldn’t hold on. We tried everything and this helped me feel in control but just try to stay positive; try to distract yourself (impossible and ridiculous advice I know) and keep trying. Wishing you all the luck in the world! Xx

Thank you marshmallow. I hope it happens soon for you

@Chanel05 so sorry I completely missed your message last night! I really hope within 12 months it happens for both of us. I feel that I’m ok leading up to ovulation then the 2ww is where I start being a maniac! I do OPKS and haven’t temped this cycle but have used OvuSense in a previous cycle and it confirmed that I’m 100% ovulating but I haven’t used it again. It’s quite expensive at £20 pm. If I didn’t ovulate on the same day each month or had troubles with that I’d continue using. I really hope we both get our BFP soon and I’m going to try and not be crazy during this 2ww. Have you done anything else since we last talked?

@m33r thank you for your message. That’s so nice that you got have your two babies and sorry to hear about your MCs. I’m going to try this month during 2ww to stay calm and chilled. Each time I symptom spot and test from like 10dpo but I’m not going to do that this time! Thank you so much for your positive message.

I am entirely the same. I've even tried reflexology as it makes me so stressed and so upset. I keep trying to visualise me when I am pregnant. Reflexologist advised saying, when I'm pregnant....' rather than, 'if I get pregnant..' it's so hard. I'll be honest I don't know how I'll get through af turning up this month. And there are babies everywhere!! Just know we are not alone.

@Sshsecretenclosed on Wednesday 3 people - on the same night - on my Facebook announced their pregnancy! I feel like it’s everywhere! Yes, I am happy for them but can’t help wishing it was me 😥. I try to visualise myself pregnant too but for some reason I cannot see it at all 😥😥

I've deactivated my Facebook account. The endless back to school photos and Christmas photos were the pits. I don't miss it at all!

@Marshmallow1992 I used soy isoflavones earlier this cycle so will see how things pan out! Drank my weight in grapefruit juice last cycle (🤢) and had no success 🙈 of course. How are you feeling today? I’m having the doubting feeling today and fear is setting in that in a few days time the cycle fate is sealed once I’ve ovulated. I think the hard part is the not knowing hand hanging onto that hope during the tww. If we knew that the egg hadn’t been fertilised just after o day that might soften the blow!

Yep this two week wait is a minefiekd. Oh and the person whose told me they're pregnant and due on my wedding anniversary. I mean babies are just everywhere!! Panic it'll never happen

@Chanel05 when are you due to ovulate? What is soy I haven’t heard of that before? Yeah it’s def the waiting about! It would be great if we just knew there and then 😥. I am going to try and keep myself busy over the 2ww. At least this time I’ll be working and not off over Christmas! I feel I’m better when I’m at work as I don’t really get any time to think. Our cycles are so in sync that I wouldn’t be surprised if we fell the same month 😂 fingers crossed as that would be amazing and hopefully soon. Just need to start and keep thinking hopeful.

@Marshmallow1992 I got my static smiley this morning so will o either today or tomorrow. Hurrah! When are you due to ovulate? Hope you are having a better week so far. Soy is like a natural estrogen so it is a natural alternative to clomid. You take it either cd 1-5, 2-6, 3-7, 4-8 or 5-9 it’s got good reviews online. I took is 5-9 as those days are meant to give a really strong egg.

@Chanel05 I didn’t use sticks this cycle, I wanted to try give myself a break from it but it’s probably made me more anxious thinking did I actually ovulate or not!? I’ve always ovulated every other cycle so I assume I will have. I had quite a lot of EWCM this cycle, more than normal! That sounds really good, I might give it a try. Fingers crossed it has worked for you! I think I ovulated today - according to my app I ovulated today so I’m going with that. Cue turning into a massive maniac over the next two weeks 😂😭. Have dtd every day since Friday so I’m definitely covered. When are you due AF? I’ve been taking the fertility smart supplements they got great reviews online so I thought I’d give them a bash and they are all natural. I’m not sure if they have maybe made me produce more EWCM as this cycle I’ve definitely had a lot more of that than usual. Let me know how you get on this cycle and very best of luck xx