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Original poster

Tell me all the reasons not to have a third

29 replies

wingingatlife · 27/10/2018 17:30

Is anyone else in this quandary of head over heart? Dh and I would both like a third but there's so many practical reasons for us to not...

Dds are 4 and 8.

  • Even if I got pregnant instantly, there would be a 5-5.5 year age gap between these two.
  • Would need a bigger car
  • School fees. We can afford two lots but a third would be too steep and it'd be grossly unfair for a third child to not have the same education.
  • Our house is fine for a baby but we'd need to move in a few years - ££
  • I had PND after dd2 and remain chronically anxious now.
  • Dd1 was a car crash birth, dd2 an elcs so would require another section.
OP posts:
Kewqueue · 27/10/2018 17:31

Holidays are a lot more expensive!
Someone is always left out.

Kewqueue · 27/10/2018 17:33

School fees is a big one. I wish we could afford private but with 3 we can't.

Whereismumhiding2 · 27/10/2018 17:36

Third child is invariably the cheekiest, loudest, naughtiest of all 3 and will capture all your hearts !
You'll age hugely... You'll be a pack, a gang with 3! And they'll outnumber you.... ShockGrin
From a happy Mum of 3 X

Kewqueue · 27/10/2018 17:39

Third child is invariably the cheekiest, loudest, naughtiest of all 3 and will capture all your hearts !
So true!

Original poster
wingingatlife · 27/10/2018 17:52

School fees is the big thing for me too kew.

OP posts:
Stephisaur · 27/10/2018 18:46

Family tickets to everything are 2 adults and 2 children.

It is easier to get a table for 4 than a table for 5.

I’m a third child but there’s a large gap between us, so I was basically brought up as an only child x

limpbizkit · 27/10/2018 18:48

What is your reason for wanting a third child? Are you hoping to add a son to your family?

cheminotte · 27/10/2018 18:48

It’s terrible for the environment. All the bottle and paper recycling in the world is nothing compared to the environmental cost of adding another human being to the world.

limpbizkit · 27/10/2018 18:52

Sorry that question seemed blunt. You've given perfectly valid reasons why you feel anxious over extending your family so there must be a pull for you. Genuine question - what would a third child give to you that you haven't already got? What is your reasoning for wanting another child? If you think of those reasons you can weigh it up before deciding. I echo what previous posters have said. Generally speaking most things cater for a family or 4.

Whereismumhiding2 · 27/10/2018 18:59

Are you wanting to be persuaded out of, or into, 3?
The can't afford 3 lots of private school fees is pretty significant.

But other than that, sure ..3 DC are logistically so much harder but heyho you get on with it, and for me having, our third was the best ever decision!

I think your heart tells you, as I knew I wasn't done and someone was missing. Then she arrived and I knew ... "we'd been waiting for DD2" Felt our family was whole, as soon as she joined us.

WoWsers16 · 27/10/2018 19:06

Probably shouldn’t have read this as I’m currently pregnant with my 3rd- I have a 10 year old and 7 year old so a big age gap- however my reasons are as, being 35- it was now or never to try again and we were lucky to conceive within a couple of months. We also didn’t want to regret not trying and it being too late.
I don’t have the problem with school fees- but will need a new car and probably a new house at some point- however that’s materialistic things- the love another little human will bring is very exciting. It’s a third boy which I’m excited about and my 2 other children are so excited.
Sorry to hear about your anxiety- again something to really consider.
Xxx take care xxx

WoWsers16 · 27/10/2018 19:07

(The reason I don’t have a problem with school fees is because don’t have school fees) xxxx

artemis2 · 27/10/2018 19:08

Well, if you want to be good to the planet, you should only have 2 kids. The world population is growing rapidly and we are quickly running out of resources. In my personal opinion, and no offence to anyone, it's a bit selfish to have more than 2.

If you want personal reasons, then imagine how much money you would save over the years, which you can spend on you current 2 kids and yourselves. You'll have nicer holidays with them, nicer days out because you'll have more money, and when they go off to uni you'll be able to help them more financially.

RandomUsernameHere · 27/10/2018 19:08

Hi OP we are tentatively trying for DC3 after years of talking about it. It is such a hard decision! I have always liked the idea of a big family and now that DD and DS are at school I feel even more strongly that I would love one more. The biggest downsides for me are similar to yours:
School fees
Cars
Holidays
C-section (and just birth generally)
We would ideally need a bigger house

Also days out, for example I took DD and DS to Chessington in the summer and we had a lovely day, just the three of us (it was during the week so DH was at work). That sort of thing just wouldn't be possible with a baby as we wouldn't be able to go on any rides.

For me, I just think I will have regrets later in life if we don't try for a third. However if it doesn't happen for us then I know how incredibly fortunate I am to have two beautiful healthy DC.

NorthernRunner · 27/10/2018 19:10

It’s harder to get a babysitter for three children- with 2 people can be persuaded to help but three, no way!

lalaloopyhead · 27/10/2018 19:14

Well the things you have already mentioned, you will need a bigger car and also holidays are expensive. Also age gap can be an issue, dd3 is 6/8 years younger than dd1 and 2. Where she was a baby they adored her but as time has gone on the age gap has got bigger, interests are different so I feel Dd3 missed out in a lot of small child things that the older ones did. Now dd3 is nearly 11 and older DDS are late teens dd3 is like an only child.

I obviously wouldn't be without dd3 BUT if I had known the practicalities of it....

Satsumadreams99 · 27/10/2018 19:19

Ahhh we were in this quandary! We went for it and I can honestly say the first 6 months of no3 was hard - feeling like the other two were missing out, feeling like we'd never get out of the baby stage but now - we have a 6yr old, 4yr old and 18m old and suddenly its got a lot easier. The third does grow up quicker as they have the others to copy and once they can walk (run!) and eat what everyone else can and only need one nap at some point in the day suddenly you have a third little person that the older two adore and it makes it all worth while! We are fortunate with amazing local state schools so that's not an issue but we did have to get a bigger car and we will need to move house in a few years as the older two share

1sttimeDD · 27/10/2018 21:29

You've only got two hands!

Mamabear12 · 28/10/2018 07:39

Hmm I was/am in the same predicament. But we decided to just try and see what happens. I do think like perhaps this month (third cycle trying) might be the last and ill just leave it at 2. Although, every time I see another person having a third or pregnant with third I feel I also want a third! I’m 35 so it’s also a now or never thing.

Givemeallyourcucumber · 28/10/2018 07:50

It’s harder to get a babysitter for three children- with 2 people can be persuaded to help but three, no way!

Utter bullshit. It's just the same unless you have 3 unruly children. We have never had a problem getting a baby sitter.

ICJump · 28/10/2018 07:55

Well pregnancy three is knocking me on my arse. I was admitted overnight with gastro on Thursday. I’m at home but only just able to get out of bed. I had gastro with number two and was a little tired the next day but nothing like this.

Jasharps · 28/10/2018 07:56

We decided to have another roll of the dice - we ended up with twins. You need to prepare that DC3 could end up being DC4 (or more!) too.

IVEgotthePUMPKINS · 28/10/2018 07:58

My third is a right demanding diva Shock she also clashes ridiculously with her eldest sibling (age gap 5.3 years)

BrightonBB · 28/10/2018 07:59

Would the older child at 12/13 years want to go to the same places as a 4 year old? Or will they miss out on potential things because younger sibling is too young to take/drag along. It is doable but much harder to please all three.
Would your DC like another sibling or would they prefer you to themselves?

Ragwort · 28/10/2018 08:00

For your health reasons alone I wouldn’t even think of having another, what if the CS took much longer for you to recover from, how will you manage with 3 children if you get PND again?

What are your real reasons for wanting a third? Is it to enjoy the ‘baby’ stage again? Is it because you see your role as being ‘needed’ by little children & you feel your own two are now growing up?

But I’m probably not the best person to ask, I had one child & knew I would never, ever want another Grin.

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