Did you feel financially ready before trying for a baby?

[Marghe87]

A question that has been asked many times before but I felt the need to post it anyway 

My husband and I are, for the first time in our lives, thinking of having a baby in the near future. It is exciting and terrifying at the same time. I am 31 and he is 36, we have been married for 3 years and together for 6 years so we have already had time for ourselves and enjoyed lots of holidays and built many memories together as a couple. I have done most of the things I wanted to do (ie: finish my studies, find a career path that I enjoy, move abroad, travel a bit) but there is still one main thing missing that worries me a lot: we haven’t bought a house yet and we are nowhere near being close to be able to do so. We don’t have many savings yet (for various reasons I won’t be listing here) and saving for a deposit for a decent 2 bedroom property in London and surroundings (we are currently renting a lovely flat in Surrey, very well linked to central London as we both work there) will take us at least an extra 3-4 years and I just don’t want to wait that long as I am not a teenager anymore.

My biggest concern is not related to baby stuff, nappies and food costs but childcare which, in this area of the country, is incredibly expensive (full time nurseries cost around £1700-£1800 per month and being a SAHM is not an option for me as my husband income is not high enough to support the family + pay for rent and I also don’t want to quit my job as I like working). We don’t have our families here to help as I am not from the UK and my husband’s family doesn’t live that close so we would have to rely on full time childcare for years until school age.

With our salaries and bonuses we might be able to manage the childcare costs (just about and with absolutely no money left for a meal out or a cheap little holiday or any extras) but we won’t be able to save money for at least 3-4 years which would mean we won’t be able to buy a property for a long time still. I sometimes feel bad about worrying so much about this as in a way I know I am “ruining” this exciting moment with my negative thoughts but on the other hand I want to make sure I will be able to offer my child(ren) the best possible life.

Am I silly worrying about all this so much? Has any of you been in this situation before having kids? I am not looking for advice really, I just wanted to share my worries with someone in a similar position.

Thank you!

We were in a steady situation prior to ttc, both in good jobs, household income circa 80k but still the numbers didnt add up when i tried to look at maternity costings and reducing my salary to part time. It's been absolutely fine in reality though. Nothing changed financially with our lifestyle, possibly I save a little less but that's about it.

We were in a steady situation prior to ttc, both in good jobs, household income circa 80k but still the numbers didnt add up when i tried to look at maternity costings and reducing my salary to part time. It's been absolutely fine in reality though. Nothing changed financially with our lifestyle, possibly I save a little less but that's about it. To be honest though, we don't have to pay for child care as we fixed our shifts around each other and granny picks up the extra bit so I'm very lucky. I guess a childcare bill would have made a massive difference but we always knew that we would be able to avoid that. Its a compromise though, I had to change roles (within same organisation) and we have much less time together in order to make it work.

Weird! It posted my message twice but only half the first time!!!

I guess in your situation you can probably realistically have your family over the next 5 years and then save for a house. Or carry on saving now and put ttc on the back burner. Or, like us, see what other tweaks can be made in terms of location or jobs/shift patterns to make both happen a bit sooner.

@Desmondo2016 thank you for your answer. The "wise" thing to do financially would be to put the ttc project on hold for the next 4-5 years at least and try to save up as much as possible and buy a house first but I will be 36 then and my husband 42 already and if can be tricky if we wanted to try and have a second child (especially as having two one after the other would imply a much higher childcare cost which is inevitable given our families not being able to help).
I do think that we might be able to buy a house any time later in our life whilst there is only a certain window of years when we can actually try and have a baby and I don't want to end up regretting not following my heart just to be a homeowner sooner rather than later :/

You will find a way to manage the costs - and you never hear anyone say that they regret having kids!

I think it's better to have them now as you're still young and have energy. Five years from now, you and your husband will have less.

I'm 25 and expecting my first baby in May. We have just bought a house but child care costs means I probably won't be able to afford going back to work after mat leave so it will be tight for a few years until baby is 3/4 and I can return to work. No more holidays or meals out, but it'll work out in the end.

Good luck!

(ps. Also worth considering conceiving at 36 may be harder than now and the risk of miscarriage/pregnancy/genetic issues increases with age)

Also should mention that people on very low income manage to do it! You'll just have to cut back on things that aren't essential and maybe consider buying a property somewhere cheaper than Surrey so you'd need a lower deposit if home ownership is something you really want.

Eg. Basingstoke is a 45 min commute to London and property costs are far more reasonable there.

We're in exactly the same position as you, re not being able to afford to buy. Except we've had our baby and I don't regret a single moment. If having our DS means we never own a house I genuinely, hand on heart wouldn't care. He is my greatest joy. In reality we will own one day but not in the foreseeable future. Consider what you'd regret more- not buying a house, or not having a baby. That was our determining factor.

(Or you could consider looking into changing jobs - life is far more affordable in the North ;) )

I’m in pretty much the exact same position, even similar location. We’d decided to TTC in Jan but now I’m wondering if we should wait a couple more years and hope to buy first. But I’m almost 31 and we want a few, I don’t want to wait anymore. It’s so hard isn’t it. Would you have any hope of working flexibly? Also childminder might be a cheaper option round here, ask around. Or look at towns near and see if there might be somewhere slightly cheaper to buy? I’ve been thinking we’ll definitely need to spend £420k+ but I’ve seen a couple of places near here that are £320k+ ish for a 3 bed house. It’s worth looking.

We didn't own when we had our first although were fortunate to be able to buy shortly afterwards due to a help to buy scheme. We were going to wait to become more financially stable but we were/ are both in well paid jobs and decided to follow our hearts and go for it. Fell pregnant first time and no regrets. We have tightened our belts with childcare costs and a similar situation with no family support locally and of course the mortgage.
Now that we have 30 hours funding, we are trying for our second however we are in month 4 with no luck yet (I'm 32).
What I'm trying to say is that you can buy at any time and home ownership does not improve your child's life in any way but waiting 5 years might affect fertility. I'm finding it very frustrating ttc this time around given how easy it was last time.
Good luck with your decision!

Thank you everyone for your kind messages!

I am afraid moving away from London/ SE it's not an option at the moment and also buying in a cheaper area is not feasible (not because I don't want to, but because we don't have enough savings yet) and I don't want to wait much longer because as many of you are saying, fertility will not get any better with the years.
I know a couple of couples that waited to have big jobs, savings, a property and ended up trying in their late 30s, almost 40. One of them managed to have a baby, one of them didn't and this was a few years ago so no chance left for them. I'd like to at least try and give myself an option as I know I would regret it.
It's just so difficult when you are surrounded by people with amazing jobs, 3-4 bedroom houses, lots of holidays, big diamonds, cars etc lol. It makes you feel like a loser sometimes to not even be able to afford childcare.

I had similar worries and I had to weigh up what was more important. You can always get a house but you can't always have a baby. That was what swung my decision to start ttc whilst continuing to save. x

I think I’ll also tip towards TTC and hoping to keep saving. As PP said there is a time limit on babies that there isn’t on buying a house, and you can always earn more money. I can’t leave the SE either, I wish I could! It’s just stupid money to do anything here.

There is never a right time to have a baby. There is always something that comes up. Saving for a house, a wedding, a holiday etc. If you are ready and really want to have a baby, you will know it and make the sacrifices. You will figure it out. We decided to just go for it and didn’t have a big wedding. As for number 2 we went for it and I had to stop working bc child care was so expensive. Actually I chose not to work. As I could have returned to work after three years. But everything has worked out. My husband did well at work, my parents helped w a down payment so we were able to buy a house etc. Things will work out.

Have the baby now, if you really want one. I'm on the bad side of 35 and me and my friends who waited have almost all had a hard time conceiving. I'm not sure if we're just a particularly infertile bunch, but I got pregnant accidentally in my twenties (missed a few pills when away for a weekend), but now it seems impossible. It's risky waiting, especially if you want two.

If you are the higher earner, perhaps your DH could be a SAHP for the early years if nursery fees are a problem.

It's a tough one... I was 28 and really wanted a baby, however my partner who is 39 said he wanted to wait until we were ready financially. I earn about 50k and he earns 120k! I accidentally fell pregnant and now have a 7 month old son and things are okay 👌

Gosh I must be living in a different world because our salaries are nowhere near what people on MN earn but we consider ourselves financially settled 🙈 We earn £50k between us, have our own house. Our bills including mortgage is £700 a month, so we're left with easily £2k of "disposable" income each month which we either save, or goes on our car payments or own bills such as the gym or mobile phones.

Living in the North West has its perks!

TokenGinger it does, but my job wouldn’t be available anywhere but London and all my friends and family are here. People say ‘move somewhere cheap’ but for many of us that would mean cutting off from our entire support network.

London is where people can earn over 100k and still feel poor not being able to get on the property ladder. Problem is rent is so high that it’s impossible to save when paying rent, childcare, schools etc! We were only able to buy with help. Problem is houses are also so expensive! And once you have kids you need space etc. But I will say it again, things have a way of working it out. I never thought we would be able to get a 5 bedroom house in London, but some how things worked out. We just went for the kids first and I just believed somehow things would work out. We had our first while renting a two bedroom apartment. I wasn’t able to even make a nice nursery as we were renting a furnished apartment and it already had a bed in the room. So it was almost like my dd didn’t really have a room. She was just put in the Moses basket in the spare room. I did feel a little sad about that, but fast forward 6 years and she now has her room, a brother, a playroom, a dog etc 😀 so things work out in the end I believe. If you stay positive and focus on what you want and working towards those goals. You can still attain things with a baby in tow. It might just take a little longer or you may need a little help etc.

I wish I earned anywhere near £100k

@IsTheRainEverComingBack If somebody told me to move away from my family, I just couldn't do it. It's such a shame that there's not more of a balance between the North and South.

I live in London and trust me I don’t earn anywhere near 100k. When I went back to work I agreed one day at home, also my husband is self employed and does he odd day at home to reduce childcare costs. You and your partner could look at working from home on the odd day after kids to help reduce the extortionate childcare costs. And I wouldn’t let not owning a house put you off ttc.

I am in the same position financially, but have realised that there will never be a perfect time (financially speaking) so we've decided to go for it. There are thousands of families who mange to make it work, and I'm sure we will find a way too. If we do find we struggle with childcare when the time comes, as I'm the higher earner, DP will be a SAHP after my maternity leave.

We are 32 and 36 and as we want more than one, ttc now was the best decision for us.

Good luck OP, make the best decision for you.