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Conception

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Original poster

TTC after MC - tried to join the other thread but its so big, it wouldn't load on my computer

38 replies

AnguaVonUberwald · 16/06/2007 10:07

Thats it really, had a MC in january, taken till now to feel "ready" to try again. Exited, but also scared! Found the whole MC really traumatic and the worst bit was the whole "will it/won't it" leading up to it!!

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Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 16/06/2007 12:17

Just wondering how others are finding it in the same situation. Feel like we lost some kind of innocence the first time round.

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DUSTIN · 16/06/2007 12:20

I know how you feel, I had 2 mc before I had DS. I was scared about trying again after mc's but glad I did- worried constantly though.

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 16/06/2007 12:24

DUSTIN: the thing that was worst was the waiting around, is it going wrong, is it ok, and I find that I am now worrying about what I do/eat etc, before we have even managed to concieve!!!

Could be a long few months while trying!!

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DUSTIN · 16/06/2007 12:35

I know and that makes it worse. I tried hypnotherapy to help me relax and ate really healthy stuff- wanted to feel I was doing something positive.

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 16/06/2007 16:20

Its funny, what really scares me is the "wait" we had about two weeks of not knowing if it was ok or not, everyday looking for signs, etc. That was the worst bit. Once it actually happened, it was horrible, but at least we KNEW then.

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Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 17/06/2007 09:07

Anyone else out there?

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flosspot · 17/06/2007 13:02

Hello-

had miscarriage at 5 weeks last week. Didn't even have time to have pregnancy confirmed by doctor. As we have been tryin for a while and on Clomid as have PCOS, I'm keen to start again asap. But now find everything worrying, even hoping that I'll conceive makes me think I'll jinx the whole thing!

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 17/06/2007 16:04

flosspot. Its surprised me how scary it is to try again. We have waited quite a long time (more than 4 months) before trying again, and its all still really stressful.

Goodluck to you

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nolembit · 17/06/2007 20:55

Hi,

I've just had MC No.3,four days ago, and I don't know if I can face TTC again. I have 2 healthy DD's but feel that there is room for 1 more - I'm scared of losing another one but even more scared of feeling that I've missed out on completing our family.

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 18/06/2007 14:18

Nolembit. I really feel for you, we are still hoping for our first, but it doesn't sound like it gets any easier.

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feedmenow · 18/06/2007 15:32

Hi Angua. I could/should maybe be here with you. I had a missed mc in January and started not-trying-not to conceive straight away the first month, iyswim! I then spent a few very desperate months ttc and got to the stage where I was just so utterley devastated that I couldn't handle it anymore. So this month I have actually not tried at all. We didn't have sex anywhere near suspected ov, and my period arrived with no stress and guessing, and wondering and double-bluffing like it has every other month. It has been SOOOOO nice to have a "month off" that I wonder if I should have physically NOT tried for a while straight away after the mc. I'm actually going to give myself at least another month of properly NOT ttc, and maybe more. I think I had got myself to the stage where I didn't even know if I really wanted to carry on ttc, or if I was just doing it to overcome my loss, or to prove a point, or for what reason!
Anyway, I've just really wittered on, and don't even really know what (if any!) point I was trying to make!!
Congrats on your decision to start ttc again, and your readiness to be in this place, and good luck!!!

nolembit · 18/06/2007 20:13

Angua - thank you for your kind words. I thought you should know that both my DD's were conceived after a MC. The first time it took me a year before I tried again, the second time a couple of months. Whilst PG I was anxious but I had to tell myself that anxiety was not good for me or the baby and that I was doing the best I could by not worrying. I still did a little but the hardest part was in the run up to TTC, once the decision was made to try again I was really telling myself that I was prepared to risk MC again. I felt more in control and that helped a little IYSWIM. The midwives were also very good, I think they tend to look out for you more when you have had a recent MC. All the best, I hope to hear good news soon

poppy75 · 18/06/2007 21:13

Hello

I had MC last July and was so I really couldn't think about trying again for at least 4-5 months. It is now about 6 months and I haven't conceived. It is so draining and I definately think you do loose that innocence I would worry so much more than I did first time round. Everyone around me seems to fall pregnant at the drop of a hat and I feel like I'm the only one who is going through this. It is good to hear your stories. Makes me realise that I'm not the only one

poppy75 · 18/06/2007 21:14

Whoops I meant to add that it was now 6 months of trying without conceiving

my1stbaby · 19/06/2007 10:22

Poppy: you are not alone. I had a m/c in Feb after trying for 8mth. It was so heartbreaking. I didn't think I will ever get over it but...I've come to accept that my baby was no more and it's time to move on. We have been ttc the last 2mths but I think my body is still in la la land as my cycles are all over the place. I guess my body is trying to tell me that I'm not quite ready yet. I think once you experience m/c it's very difficult not to fear it happening again. I try not to think that far ahead, if I do I'll be too scared to try again. Stay with us here for a bit, perhaps we'll be able to help each other along .

flosspot · 19/06/2007 12:24

Here- here myfirstbaby. We have to stick together, as we are the only ones who really know what the others are going through. I'm sick to death of people saying about mc "Well, there is a positive, at least now you know you can get pregnant." They don't seem to get that I don't want to be positive right now. And as it has taken 18 months and three rounds of Clomid to get to this point, they don't seem to realise that my fear is that it will take another 18 moths to get pg again. And that's if I get rnd to the idea of trying again. Grr. Sorry.

my1stbaby · 19/06/2007 14:48

Oh floss that's EXACTLY how I feel. I almost screamed at my GP when she said that to me after I m/c'd. Even DH said that when I broke down last cycle when AF came. I couldn't believe it . I am so so worried that I'll never get pregnant again. Also in my 40s now, so time is running out. and at the same time. It's really difficult to be objective and calm when it's something that I want so desperately. Life is so unfair sometimes....but like I said earlier I try to take it one day at a time. Can't really think too far ahead or I'll be too stressed out.

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 19/06/2007 15:47

Thats exactly it, my doctor actually said it before we had even miscarried. i.e. when went to see her, about the fact that I was spotting.

It was so difficult, as i was just sitting there thinking, THIS is my baby, and I want him so badly, don't tell me its ok, because I can replace him!

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flosspot · 19/06/2007 16:14

Tragic! Have heard it from literally everyone I have spoken with. I know they are only trying to make me feel better, but they don't know what it's like suddenly being this anxious about everything. I also get fed up with the number of people who tell me "You are still young, you've got plenty of time..." I am aware that I am only 30, but I've known since I was 25 that I'd have difficulty conceiving. We planned to have kids early, now, not in ten years. Don't get me wrong, my1st, am not being age-ist, just anal about planning.....now not only do I have the difficulty conceiving, I also have the panic, the utter panic about everything I do and eat and think, in case it has some bearing on ttc. Nobody who hasn't been throught this understands.

Am truly keeping everything crossed for you both my1st and Angua, that the wait isn't too much longer for you both. If you've been through this, you deserve extra luck!

poppy75 · 19/06/2007 16:58

Thanks everyone,
It definately is getting easier, but I just get days when it seems so unfair. I used to be so relaxed about having babies/conceiving and now I hate the fact that I have it constantly in the back of my mind. I think about 80% of the people I work with are pregnant (probably only about 50%) and they all seem to have just come off the pill and bang there it is. Sorry to moan but it has been one of those weeks. On a positive note it is so good to hear from those who have graduated fromthis thread. I bought a thermometer today so I can have some idea of when I Ov. Is it reliable???

poppy75 · 19/06/2007 16:59

Forgot to mention that if I hear one more person say 'if you forget about it it will happen',or 'a watched kettle never boils' I'll scream

flosspot · 19/06/2007 18:02

With you there Poppy75!

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 19/06/2007 19:03

I cried all over DH tonight about it, turns out hadn't dealt with it all as well as I had thought.

Also having to take some anti-acid medicine already due to stomach problems, so feel like my body is already letting the baby down again!!!!!!! And thats before we have even concieved.

Also, and I do know that this is slightly irrational: We have cats, they are currently indoor cats, so no real risk of toxoplasmosis. but we are planning on moving to a house, with a garden, so risk of toxoplasmosis is higher, so today begged DH that if I do get pregnant, and we move, can we keep cats inside till I give birth, to avoid toxoplasmosis. This seems in some way, to be about making it up to the baby that I have to take medicine during pregnancy (even though not actually pregnant yet) MAD I know!

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Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 19/06/2007 19:07

Poppy75, we are actually using one of those clearblue fertility monitors, they tell you when you are due to ovulate i.e. a couple of days before, as well as when ovulating. They are not cheap, but bought it on e-bay so considerably cheaper and still new!!! I don't know how good they are, but they give me something positive to do, without having to worry about temping etc, the thought of which just stressed me out.

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my1stbaby · 19/06/2007 19:14

poppy: I'm using one that has 2 decimal points. I think as long as it's 2 decimal points and the battery is new'ish, it should be reliable. My problem is not with thermometer but the inconsistent waking time. Have imsomnia and sometimes can't manage 3hrs continuous sleep. But I still keep on charting because I think it's the trend that's important not the absolute value. I might be wrong as not an expert on temp charting as it's only 3rd cycle charting.

flos: it's ok about the age thing. I too intended to start a family in my early 30s but unfortunately got realy ill and had to be on nasty drugs for years which means no ttc. My illness only stabilised in the last 18mths or so which is why we are able to ttc. Sometimes gets so angry when thought about all the time wasted. Really wished someone told me about freezing my eggs before treatment. Anyway, it's too late to be upset about that now. I just want to look forward and hope for a BFP soon.