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Original poster

I want a baby but my partner doesn't and says I don't deserve to have his seeds what would you do.

63 replies

Annmarie33 · 04/09/2018 07:38

I'm 34 I have a 16 year old daughter from a previous relationship I have been with my partner for 10 years I would really love to have another child I have discussed it with my partner but he says he doesn't want to have a child with me and that I don't deserve to have his seeds it's really getting me down I feel like I'm stuck in a dead end relationship with a man who clearly doesn't love or respect me anymore he says things like I can barely look after my self never mind a baby and is constantly bringing me down my own daughter always says to me why are with him he treats you so bad she also likes the idea of me having a baby I am a brilliant mother to my daughter she has grown into a lovely kind young woman and she gets upset when she sees me upset I feel like I have so much more love to give and feel like something is missing in my life I work all the time then come home cook clean and do everything for my daughter and partner I feel like I can't speak to friends or family about this because I don't want them to think bad of my partner I'm not sure what to do I do love my partner but don't think he feels the same way.

OP posts:
CountessVonBoobs · 04/09/2018 08:53

Can you explain what you would mean by "he would take everything", OP? You aren't married, right?

Immigrantsong · 04/09/2018 08:54

Why are you subjecting your daughter to living with such a toxic dynamic? Why do you have excuses at the ready and no action plan? Don't be so passive. Do this for your daughter and forget a baby. You need to resolve your issues.

MattBerrysHair · 04/09/2018 08:56

If you feel stuck and scared to leave then you absolutely shouldn't bring a baby into the equation. Knowingly bringing a baby into a toxic home environment doesn't sit right with me at all.

Screaminginsidemeagain · 04/09/2018 08:59

Do not inflict this man as a father on any child. That would be incredibly selfish.
Listen to what he is tell you.
He has no respect for you
He doesn’t like you let alone love you

notapizzaeater · 04/09/2018 09:01

His seeds ? Run away fast

Flamingosnbears · 04/09/2018 09:03

Your wasting your time with him

OzymandiasFanClub · 04/09/2018 09:19

Why would you want a baby with this man?Leave him right now,for the sake of the child you already have.

StaffiesAndPonies · 04/09/2018 09:38

You and your lovely daughter could have a wonderful life together without this utter knob in it. I know it’s easy for us to tell you to leave and much harder for you when you’re in the midst of the situation, but your partner is not going to make you happy - baby or no baby.

LTB. You might find that the longing for a baby becomes less intense as you heal from this horrible relationship, or you might find that in time you’re ready to look into sperm donation. But let this dickhead bloke keep his precious diamond-encrusted swimmers for himself. You deserve better.

Ariela · 04/09/2018 10:09

Leave, having a baby would tie you to him forever.

physicskate · 04/09/2018 10:10

Leaving is rarely easy. You're very invested in this relationship, but he isn't. It's clear your self-esteem has taken a real hit here. It is hard to leave, but I agree it's probably the best thing for you in the long run. It's definitely the reason fat thing for your daughter as you are currently modelling a relationship that you wouldn't want to find her in.

So if you can't do it for you because you're broken (justifiably so after years of emotional abuse by this man), so it because it's what's best for your daughter. You've got to be a good mom there to her and modelling healthy relationships is part of that. This is not a healthy relationship.

The other way of looking at it is if you want another child you shouldn't waste one more second of your fertile years with this 'man'.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 04/09/2018 10:11

In what way are you “stuck”, exactly? Confused

flowery · 04/09/2018 10:24

Leaving is of course stressful. But not, surely, more stressful than this-

”clearly doesn't love or respect me anymore...and is constantly bringing me down my own daughter always says...he treats you so bad....I work all the time then come home cook clean and do everything”

NutellaFitzgerald · 04/09/2018 10:26

Lol at 'his seeds'. Tell him: 'sweetheart, what you make is pollen'. It is literally the smallest cell in the human body. Compared to the ovum which is the LARGEST cell in the human body.

He needs to go. Not because he doesn't want children. That his right. But for how he's speaking to you about it. He's not worth you feeling this bad about for. Your fertile years are valuable. Worth more than his time.

You're not as stuck as you think.

pinkyredrose · 04/09/2018 10:29

He's right you don't deserve his 'seeds' Hmm you deserve far far better than that.

What's your living situation, do you own/rent? Who's name is the house in?

avoidingironing · 04/09/2018 10:35

Annemarie33 - please post this in relationships pages, you will find many women there who will help you find the right way, and support you through the emotional process of leaving. Don't stay with this man abusing you any longer than necessary. You need to do the leaving for your daughters sake as much as your own.

Womens aid will help, they have all the advice and support you need, check their website and ring and speak to them please?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 04/09/2018 10:38

What's your housing situation?

PinkHeart5914 · 04/09/2018 10:42

No child deserves that as a father tbh, so it’s for the best you don’t have a child with him. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to have dc and I reckon his one

You can’t have his ‘seed’ 🤮 is the king or some such?

You say your a good mum to your daughter but you are letting her see a very toxic relationship and even a 16 year old asks you why you are with him ffs

No leaving won’t be easy but in the long run it’s a small amount of stress compared to a life time with him....

PetraRabbit · 04/09/2018 10:58

AnneMarie- that's a really hard situation but you can leave. Honestly you can! If you can't think of one good thing to say about him now...think how you'll feel in 4 years when you're 40. You do have time to meet someone else, if you want to. What support do you have? Have you got a mum dad brother or sister nearby?

lynmilne65 · 04/09/2018 11:06

Really??

FlipperSocks · 04/09/2018 11:16

Don’t let a child experience the misery of having him as a father. No decent person talks to their partner like this.

Grazek · 04/09/2018 11:24

You don’t deserve to have his seeds???? Lol,this has to be funniest sentence I’ve read today

zippey · 04/09/2018 13:34

I’d guess that you want a child because you want someone who will loves you unconditionally. The need is probably because you are with someone who doesn’t like you.

I’d leave even with nothing. A life without anything is better than getting downbeat all the time.

VeganCow · 04/09/2018 14:21

Just leave. Even if you end up in a tent with your daughter, surely thats better than this.
Oh and this has to be the best thing Ive ever seen on mumsnet - "Let him go and sow his 24 carat gold twattery elsewhere"

Bluntness100 · 04/09/2018 14:25

Cringing at his seeds

So even a child is aware of how badly you're being treated and explaining she doesn't understand why you're taking it. What sort of role modelling are you doing as a mother in terms of healthy relationships. What are you teaching her?

Why are you stuck? Whose house is it? Do you work?

loubluee · 04/09/2018 14:46

Please do not bring a child into this so called relationship

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