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Conception

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Original poster

Tempted to TTC#2, but shouldn’t...

28 replies

Goostacean · 16/08/2018 16:29

DS is 6mo, and he’s so gorgeous and cuddly that I want another!

I’m off work until April as we’re abroad for a year with DH’s job, and I got promoted whilst on mat leave so am keen to go back and give the new role a good go. One DC is easier than two. I didn’t enjoy being pregnant, although was lucky to have a healthy and “easy” pregnancy.

But these are all “head” reasons... and I just want another one! Anyone else? Any advice on getting my emotions in check and making the right, rational choice?

OP posts:
Original poster
Goostacean · 16/08/2018 19:52

Hopeful bump?

OP posts:
JLG19 · 16/08/2018 20:02

I don't see any reason there why you shouldn't? Go for it.

elmo1980 · 16/08/2018 20:07

I got pregnant when ds1 was 7 months. Was scary at first but i think for us it made much more sense to have them close together especially career wise - my work just carried on without me as before and when I do go back it will be for good rather than me likely going off after another year or two. Go for it if you both want to (sorry if you were looking for people to talk you out of it!).

Beautifulblue · 16/08/2018 20:19

I'm in the same boat OP. I go back to work next week DD is 13 months & we're financially not great. I'm not even sure I'd qualify for maternity pay so soon after returning if I got pregnant now but I soooo want a second. Bloody money.

Original poster
Goostacean · 16/08/2018 20:20

Darn it. Yes, I was hoping to be talked out of it 😂

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BendingSpoons · 16/08/2018 20:23

My friend was broody at 6 months. She was no longer broody at 9 months chasing a crawling baby around the place! Give it a few months and you may feel differently!

Original poster
Goostacean · 16/08/2018 20:32

@BendingSpoons You make a good point, but I have a 15 month mat leave (due to the move abroad) so sooner is preferable to later to minimise time off work, in a way... Plus I don’t want to waaaaait 😂 You do speak sense.

@Beautifulblue, that sounds tough! At least you can know you’re making the right choice to improve your finances before a second. I’m extremely lucky in that we only need DH’s salary, but that also makes it harder decision-wise... After all I don’t HAVE to go back. But I’m ambitious and also want to progress, as DH is doing despite having a young family! The longer term career goal is struggling to hold weight against my hormones RIGHT NOW though...

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Beautifulblue · 16/08/2018 20:57

Oh OP if I didn't have to go back to work & DP could afford that I would 100% have another one! It should be an easy one really if you don't have to go back. Which desire is strong? To progress in your career or to have another baby?

Original poster
Goostacean · 16/08/2018 22:12

Short-term the baby... but long -term I think the job?! I’m really passionate about staying in work, even if I’m not passionate about my current job IYSWIM...

Plus lately I’ve started wanting a large family, and that would mean aaages on May leave. Could just do two and be done...? ARGH I DONT KNOW.

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Original poster
Goostacean · 16/08/2018 22:12

Mat leave, not May leave....

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Beautifulblue · 16/08/2018 22:13

It's a toughy OP, just go with your heart. How does DH/DP feel about having a second? Would he be on board?

Original poster
Goostacean · 16/08/2018 22:14

He’s super keen! But then he didn’t have to be pregnant. He’s from South America so he’s all about the big family 😂

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Beautifulblue · 16/08/2018 22:18

Oh god than go for it! I would Grin but I've never really been a 'career girl' much more family focused so I'm probably being over keen 🤣

Original poster
Goostacean · 16/08/2018 22:22

This thread has gone so badly for me 😂

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Beautifulblue · 16/08/2018 23:21

🤣🤣🤣!

Original poster
Goostacean · 16/08/2018 23:24

Well, thanks @beautifulblue, you’ve been very helpful 😂😂

Anyone got the opposite advice...?!

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MsHopey · 17/08/2018 07:27

Sorry. I've wanted a second since DS was 6 months, he's 13 months now. Running around, crawling, climbing on furniture, never slept through the night once, not ever, throws his food at me every meal time, and we're still TTC #2. I love being at home with him, but I've also only ever worked dead end retail jobs with minimum wage so definitely not career orientated.
I know I want 2 and I want them close together, and in 10 years of regret not trying. My wages don't make it worth paying for child care anyways and I want to spend all my time with him.

Original poster
Goostacean · 17/08/2018 10:57

I know I want 2 and I want them close together, and in 10 years of regret not trying

I guess that’s partly why I’m reluctant - I’m not sure we’d be done at 2, and in ten years I think I’d regret not having gone back to work for a year or two... Hmm. Thanks, that’s food for thought.

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Original poster
Goostacean · 17/08/2018 19:27

Bump for the Friday night crowd... anyone got a view on head vs heart?

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bubblybrit · 17/08/2018 19:41

I’m currently 14 weeks pregnant with DC1. I work in a sales environment and will need to handover my clients to a colleague when I go off on maternity leave. When I return I will need to start from the beginning and build a new client bank which is tricky as the market I’m in is shrinking. Therefore I’ve put my family first over my career as I’d regret it if I never had any children purely to want to progress further in my career. I know my situation is slightly different as you already have one child but family will mean so much more to me in 20-30 years than what my career will!

Original poster
Goostacean · 17/08/2018 20:00

That’s true... just frustrating that I can’t “have it all”...

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bubblybrit · 17/08/2018 21:28

Yeah I feel your pain! It’s a personal decision but it’s best for me and DH. Someone else may think differently of course.

stripeytshirt77 · 17/08/2018 22:44

Dd is 11 weeks and I’d love another one already. Me and dh have agreed to wait until she’s a year though. I’m back at work the week after next so I might feel different then when it’s back to reality.

Original poster
Goostacean · 17/08/2018 23:13

@stripey, I know what you mean about escaping reality. This whole year (til April) feels like that, for me...! I do wonder if I’ve just got too much time on my hands, and am building up a fantasy in my mind.

DS refused to nap this afternoon and consequently has benn SO difficult, and even that hasn’t put me off. Grin

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Hazandduck · 18/08/2018 23:34

OP I am with you!! Since DD was about a month old we’ve talked about when to have the next one! I never expected to utterly adore motherhood the way I do.

I find it so sad that men will never experience the same difficult choice of career or motherhood...even if some women do have it all many do not and have to sacrifice one or the other :( But I think we have a limited window of time to reproduce, whereas your career can always be rebuilt and returned to.

I know I definitely want more than one child so I know I have to rely on DH a bit more financially for the next few years. Our DD is 9 months old, and we decided tonight to officially start unofficially going for it TTC no2! I’m breastfeeding though so I’ve not had my periods back, I am fully expecting it to take much longer than it took to conceive her.

Sorry, I am not helping dissuade you - I say go for it 😄 and yesterday DD tried to climb our stairs 15 times by 8.48am...and I STILL want another! X