Don’t want to leave too late for #3 with new partner ...

[Startingagaingirl]

Hi! I’m new, pls be kind :).
I have 2 children with ex husband ages 6/9. I met a lovely man, who’s my soul mate, last year, who has no kids of his own (he is 10yrs younger than me ) we’ve discussed kids and he/we would love one. I am
35 and have read so many stories of it taking forever to get pregnant the older you are.. I also don’t want it to be stressful TtC. We were going to have the coil out in Oct/Nov time... but I keep thinking maybe we just have it out now and see what happens! I’m scared of leaving it too late and wishing we started trying sooner. Oh the dilemma!!

You’ve only known him a year?
I’d wait a year or two.

I would wait until you have known your partner longer. A year is still v v early days and I think he is still quite young for children.

I don’t think having a baby with a 25 year old after a year of knowing him is a particularly great idea tbh.

Think of your children you already have, it would be very difficult on them if you suddenly became a single mum of 2 and a baby. Soulmate or not, you need to really think this through first. But that’s my opinion. Take from it what you will.

We’ve been together over 18months, he is definitely the man for me. That’s not the issue. It’s the concern about my age and the fact that it could take a while.

I was a single mum of 2... then I met a new partner after my marriage of 13yrs broke down a few years ago. It’s unfortunately common these days to meet someone else and then want to continue your family.

It’s unfortunately common these days to meet someone else and then want to continue your family

Yes I’m sure it is. I still think it would be wise to wait a couple of years. 18 months is still the honeymoon phase and you have your existing children to think about.
Fertility does not drop off a cliff at 35. Yes people can encounter problems as they get older, but equally many many women have successful pregnancies into their 40’s.

Thanks, I wasn’t after relationship advice! Just wanted to chat to other women TTC around same age as me, who maybe are having a baby with a partner that isn’t the dad of their children. that is all :(

It’s unfortunately common these days to meet someone else and then want to continue your family

And you just have to look at the step parenting/relationships boards here to see how often that doesn't end well. Wasn't your first DH the man for you when you decided to have children?

Really, it's too soon and you're wrong to think the only issue is how soon you can get pregnant. There are two children to consider. Have you fully discussed living arrangements, finances, childcare, chore-sharing etc? There's all sorts of issues around this. You can't choose to ignore them.

Yes he was the man for me. But unfortunately he decided to have an affair.
We live together and have done for a while now. Do not worry i will just chat to friends/family in future. I really hoped to find another mum in my very common situation. Never mind

Sounds like you got married very young if your marriage of 13 years broke down a few years ago, and you're currently 35. Also sounds like you got with your new partner on New Year's Day 2017 to have been with him for more than 18 months, from last year.

Every woman is different. You could get pregnant very easily at 35, who knows. Wait until the relationship is ready before you start trying.

I will just chat to friends/family in future

In other words, just talk to people who will say they agree with you whether they do or not

Okie dokie....

Pfft I’d been with DP for 10 months when I fell pregnant with DD (plenty raised eyebrows and snide comments from many people) and there’s 11 months between DD and DS2!

We’ve been together 7 years and we’re quite happy.

Obviously I can’t speak for you and your relationship, but it’s not always a stupid idea or whatever other gems MNetters will pipe up with.

DS1 loves his sister and brother, and I wouldn’t change anything.

Take no notice. I was pregnant by my new dp 3 months after meeting him (contraception failure) and we’re still together 12 years later. I already had 2 children from a previous marriage that sounds a lot like yours.

We took the plunge and had another dc last year as I was 36 and was worried about leaving it too late. Ttc again now at 38.

Well thanks to those ladies for making me feel everything is my fault (marrying young, being wed for 13 years, my husband having an affair and leaving me with 2 young children, meeting someone new...) none of the above is unusual, . And of course I’ve thought stuff through... I am a 35 year old women... we share finances, our families are all pals etc etc. Please do not worry about our relationship, that is not why I am here!!

I guess everyone is different, Thetart .. I fell pretty quick with my last 2.. but could be different this time! Have so many friends who’ve gone for their 2nd or 3rd and it’s taken months or years for some reason :/

Hi OP, i don't have your experience but having read felt I should reply. Firstly glad you are happy with new dp after suffering the cheating scumbaggery. Not happened to me personally but I know it is bloody horrible.
I would say if you start the ttc process worrying, (even subconsciously like I probably did), I think it has a somewhat negative effect. As I am 38, I think 35 is still very spring chickeny. 🙂 And I am not (hopefully) past it! So I think best to start from a place of positivity, (which appears to be a little lacking in some very small parts of MN, sorry...)

October is not far off, if you have a specific reason to wait for then, you and DP can just spend the time doing some of the terribly virtuous health prep stuff* and getting yourselves in a good place, but otherwise, if nothing holding you back then why not give it a go now! What's to lose?! Good luck 🙂
*I have never done anything remotely virtuous in my life but just a suggestion 😉

I would definitely wait.
It is far too soon tbh and your fertility does not drop overnight.
You have to do right by your current kids and I say this kindly but what if this one has an affair? Nothing is guaranteed and you would be a single parent to three kids and all the financial and normal hardships that come with it.
Tbh in your place I wouldn't agree to a third at all. You don't need a biological child to cement or make official your relationship.

Ladies, it is very clear from the original post that this thread was created to seek advice re pregnancy and fertility at the age of 35 not to ask for opinions on a relationship that we know absolutely nothing about! For all we know (and I am only giving an example, not assuming anything), this lady's new partner may be extremely mature, may be a successful business man and may have stepped up to the plate already looking after another mans children. I know people who have been much more mature in their 20's than others in their 40's, relationships that have sustained the test of time despite not following the usual pattern (i.e previous children, fast moving, slow moving, age gap) etc. My mother was with my father for 8 years before they married and had me and my sister. He left. She remarried a man she had only known for 1 year and they are still together today. He was the best father/role-model I could have asked for.

These forums are created for us to support one another and offer NON-JUDGEMENTAL advice. And before anyone hits me back with a comment about the original poster simply not agreeing with the advice sought I totally agree that advice may not always be that which is wanted however this irrelevant if the advice is nothing to to with the question that has been asked.

Startingagain....good luck in your future ventures. If this is what you, your partner and your family want and you have thought about it carefully as I'm sure you have then I wish you all the best.

With regards to your original question my own mother waited to have another child after my sister and I thinking all would be well. She always wanted 3 but she chose a mid-life career change for a number of reasons hence my she and my step-father wanted to wait a few years. Unfortunately she struggled to conceive and suffered from an early menopause in her early 30's. This is a rare example I know, many women continue to have good fertility well into their 40's however what I'm saying is go for it when you, your partner and your children feel ready. You can never guarantee what is going to happen in the future nor can any of the other posters who have commented on this post.

Good luck!

I'm ttc my #4 And my partners #1 at 38 soon to be 39. We had a missed miscarriage in May. I feel age and time are not on my side.

Oh and fyi we have been togeather a year and living togeather 6 months. I've known him for years and he is my forever! Our baby would complete us all. Good Luck with your plan's.

Adviceplease360 so you have had children, what if your husband had an affair and left. You would decide to not let yourself meet someone and be happy again Incase it should happen once more??
And did you need children to cement your relationship? That’s a very odd way of looking at things...
you lot all sound incredibly old fashioned.

Thanks to the ladies who have replied to my actual reason for posting,(I have never asked for relationship advice!!!) really nice to hear your thoughts and experiences!! It’s very exciting, the October thing was because we have a family holiday and I don’t want to potentially spoil it by feeling I’ll with sickness or tired if I were to fall before then, it could be our last family of 4 holiday. So want to make it special!

Happysbno I wish you all the luck, would be amazing for you xx

I still think that having a baby with a 25 year old after 18 months whilst having 2 children already is a terrible idea. I know “soulmates” etc. But has he travelled yet? Has he honestly done everything he wants to? Because the reality of a newborn is very different to what people perceive it to be.

No one is being harsh here. They’re thinking about your wellbeing. I wouldn’t take that as an offence tbh.

Travelling isn't for everyone. Some people do want children earlier on. I'm 26 and have been ttc for 18 months. 2 misscarriages. Not everyone wants 'to live' before having children, some people want a life WITH children from the off. Her partner may be the same. And yes you may feel I myself may be young and naive but you don't know me, my life, my experience with children, nor my past so it would be very presumptious of you to draw this conclusion based on your sterotypical knowledge/experience of those around my age.

I'm not trying to argue with anyone here but do feel many are jumping to lots of conclusions here when none of you actually know the guy involved. He may have 'lived' more than many of us despite only being 25. We don't know anything about him!

Just out of interest what do all you ladies think is an acceptable age for a man to have children? And how long is long enough in terms of being together before it is not frowned upon to start or expand a family? I'm curious if there is a magic age/number of months where by future stability and success is more likely?

I say do what feels right. I have only been with my husband for 2.5 years and we have a 15 month old! Honestly couldn't be happier! When you know you know! No one here knows your relationship like you do; do what your gut tells you. X