Struggling to conceive

[lala04]

Hi...
I've been trying to conceive for 16 months now.

I'm really struggling at the moment. I never really thought I wanted children till I meet my current partner.
We discussed trying a few years ago and something changed in me. People always said it would. "It'll just click" people would say. But I didn't think it would be anything like that. Turns out I was wrong. Although you never expect it to be difficult or challenging when you first try. It's not something you think about.
Today part of me wishes I could turn off the feeling of wanting a baby. It's causing pressure on our amazing relationship. I really don't want it to become something horrible and stressful although I'm afraid it already has. We talk openly and honestly most of the time. It's just so hard.

Any advice is welcome.. or just to talk to anyone who is in or has been in the same boat.

L x

Hello, no advice I'm afraid just some solidarity. We've been trying for about 8 months now which isn't long at all in the grand scheme of things but getting more and more disheartened every month. Totally understand wanting to flick a switch and want to not want it so much. It's exhausting. For some reason I can't relax about it at all which isn't helping probably.

I hope it happens for you soon

I'm sorry you're struggling. It took my partner and I a long while to conceive too. On the attempt that worked I had just had enough by that point and said that's it, I can't do this anymore. I think being resigned to it actually relaxed me more and it happened! Or it did for me anyway. I know it's not helpful and it's far easier said than done, but try and find something to do to take your mind off the waiting. Hugs.

Hi lala
I completely understand where you’re coming from - it took DH and I 18 months to conceive. My heart sank every time I saw somebody new was pregnant.
Have you been to the doctors? After 12 months, we went and we were sent for tests which showed I had PCOS. Although it was frustrating, I was glad to know that there was a reason behind it.
Another bit of advice I’d give is to not put pressure on yourselves in terms of using OPKs, etc. Don’t let sex become a chore.
Wishing you all the luck in the world.

We’ve been ttc for 18 months. It’s really hard with every “failed” month and the abundance of people getting pregnant at the drop of a hat all around you. What’s more, we have unexplained infertility so we can’t even draw a line under it and say “okay this is what’s wrong and this is how we can fix it”. I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP. Have you spoken to your GP yet?

Thank you for all your comments I really appreciate it. It's not till you talk to people you realise how many couples struggle with conception.
I've been to my GP. Had my 21 day blood test to see if I'm ovulating. Which, thankfully I am. Next is to test partners sperm. Which in itself is stressful as it's a touchy subject with men. I'm not pressuring him into doing it however I really wish he would. But I have to let him do it in his own time.
The people getting pregnant at the drop of a hat is so horrible. Makes you feel terrible reacting with envy. I have my cousins baby shower next week. They got pregnant 3 days after deciding to try and she completely freaked out when she found out she was pregnant....
People also always have something to say about whether or not I'll have children. I want to scream at them "You have no idea!"

Thanks for all the hope. I'm sure it'll happen. The trying to relax and let it happen thing is impossible. It's totally exhausting and totally consuming. I hope no idea woman went through this. Crazy the thoughts that go through your head.

L x

I’m also trying to coax my DH into getting tested. I’ve explained that it’s almost certainly just me but I need proof it’s just me to move things forward and he understands but there’s definite reluctance.

We’ve been ttc a couple of years now - have made progress from no periods to ovulating vaguely regularly but still nothing. Feel like my whole life’s on hold. I’m trying to stay positive though as if I get down about it he gets down too and everything feels even worse.

So, no advice, but I get it. Fingers crossed it happens for you soon.

I’m a bit further along. Over two years trying, a surgery to fix my uterus and scrape my endo, clomid, more testing then you can imagine. We are starting ivf this summer.

I won’t lie, it is bloody shit. But I’ve also met the best group I never wanted to be part of. So many people came out of the woodwork to tell me they’ve been in our shoes. Some of them now have natural families, others adopted and some are child free. They all have ‘good’ lives. It helps me to know whatever the outcome happiness is an option I can choose.

Gosh that must be taking its toll on you both. Totally not what you imagine when you first think about getting pregnant.
I ordered preseed through recommendation on here last week. They also have a home testing sperm kit. He first of all liked the idea of it rather than going to the drs.(Although I'm not sure how accurate it is). But when it came to it he said it felt like a science experiment so I just put it away again! Like I said earlier I'm just going to leave it to him to make that decision. It's so hard tho because I just want to know, if there is a problem and if we can do anything about it.

Thanks for some solidarity ladies 💖 baby dust coming your way ✨

It took me 2 years to get pregnant and then I had a missed miscarriage and then it's taken me another 14 months to get pregnant again. I'm 12 weeks now and everything is going well so never give up hope.
I also found that the weekend I conceived was when we had lots of fun together. We had drinks, we went to see a musical at the theatre and we were up dancing. I had such a good time and felt so relaxed. Whereas other months we just concentrated on dtd, and not much else xx

@Littlemisssugarplum88 congratulations 💖 I'm terrified of miscarriage. I've had two. They are just horrendous.
It's easier said than done sometimes. The just relax thing. I sort of go through waves of just let it happen to know you have to do this and that then etc. I didn't ever want it to be this way, I don't think anyone does x

It is hard and emotionally draining when it's all you can think about, and I sort of felt like my whole life was on hold in the hope I got pregnant - for example putting off booking holidays etc.
My friend has only been ttc for about 2 months (she already has a 5 year old and she got pregnant straight away with her), and already she's worrying and fretting that she hasn't got pregnant first cycle this time - I want to give her a shake and say how do you bloody think I felt?!
Infertility is such a rollercoaster of emotions and so cruel.
Wishing you the best of luck for a positive soon xx

We've been ttc no. 2 for over 5 years! I don't know why I can't give up. Can t talk to friends as those that don't have any don't understand and those that do say 'relax'...I think mother nature has made her mind up for.me!

We had trouble too, here's what I think worked for me:-

Was a little overweight so I went to the gym and lost weight and got fitter - definitely helped both pregnancies

Used Angus castus

Used high concentration of evening primrose oil

Stress: both times I'd actively decided to stop trying first at Christmas so we
Could drink and party - found out I was pregnant with my first on 3rd jan
Second baby I got a new job and we didn't try 'properly' for a year .... except I fell pregnant within. 3 months

Good luck

It's okay, sweetie. My DH and I tried for 20 months. It was quite long. At least for me. And one day, it finally worked. When I checked it was a BFT. I was so glad. Now I have 2 babies. They're twins. Wait for your time. I think you'll be blessed soon. Much love. Sending baby dust your way.

It's so hard, I'm sorry you're struggling.

We got our first (only) bfp after 20 cycles but I mc'd at 7 weeks. 4 cycles on and not preggers again. You do sometimes wonder if it'll ever happen and why us? And pregnant friends/family is the worst and the best at the same time.

The only advice I can offer is look after yourself and try not to concentrate on just ttc; take time to do things for you and both as a couple. I'm very aware of having lived 2 years of my life with this hanging over me and I don't want to have "wasted" any more time. So we are planning more things, trips away, meals out etc.

No-one knows if a baby is in their future, but enjoy living in the meantime.

Took us about 18 months to get pregnant, ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks, got pregnant right away again, miscarriage at 6 weeks.
About another 18 months later we were meant to start IVF on the NHS and the same thing happened [ pregnant twice. Only this time I was sent on my merry way to try again as i 'didn't need IVF' so wasn't getting it on NHS.

Now after 4 years all together I am 9 weeks pregnant after paying privately for IVF and have 4 embroys in the freezer.
I don't feel like I am out of the woods yet and I am waiting for it all to go wrong, but I have never got this far before so I'm crossing my fingers!

Some of my friends have had 2-3 babies in the time I have been trying.

It's a tough journey but try not to give up hope.
Going to the GP is a good first step.. get the ball rolling.
(Although everything was always 'normal' for us)
We really let it consume our lives for a long time - I didn't book weekened away with friend 'incase I might be pregnant'

I wish you all the luck in the world and as PP said make sure to make plenty of time for each other

I completely understand the struggle. It took myself and my dp years to conceive dd. I have endometriomas in my ovaries which were there when I conceived so there seems to be no real explanation why it took so long. We've been trying to conceive a second for around 4 years now but as I conceived before no one seems particularly concerned. I do have check ups though and about to start clomid due to low or no ovulation. Can you go to the doctors and ask for some tests on yourself and your partner? One thing I will say though is I conceived dd when I was least expecting it and given up all hope so try to relax although I'm well aware that's easier said than done.

Hey lovely ladies,

Sorry I've not been on for a while. I just wanted to TRY and relax in my pre ovulating stage. I'm now on my TTW. Joy. Back to stress and impatience...

Thank you for all your advice and kind words of hope! It really does help to know it's not just me.

How is everyone this week? Xx

Hi lala04- apparently this is my fertile time but I don't really know because my last blood test said I was borderline ovulating. And we've been away for the last few days so not been able to dtd until earlier (sorry for tmi) . I had a scan a few weeks ago and I have another small endometrioma but they don't seem to think this will affect anything so I'm waiting until day 2 of my next cycle to start clomid. Hope everyone else ok. And keep trying to be patient- it's so bloody hard though. I've had to try not to think about it anymore and be happy I have one dc.

@myusernameisnotmyusername that's good news for you. Hopefully clomid will help you!
It's sooooo hard to relax and stay positive. I'm sort of feeling ok this ttw. But that is partly because we're away in May and I'll be so scared of anything happening because I'm an awful traveler it causes me so much bloody stressful! So if I do get a positive this month I'll be in end the whole holiday and may decide not to go! So I think that's helping me not to get too worked up because it wouldn't be the worst thing not to get pregnant this month. However that said I know we will both be completely distraught AGAIN if/when my period shows up....! Ahh the rollercoaster of emotion when ttc🙄

Baby dust heading your way ✨

Hi ladies,

Just thought I'd see how you're doing?

@myusernameisnotmyusername @TheLastUNIC0RN @SoozC @lilly28 @HanRichie @TTCnum2

Hi chick. That's nice of you. I was also wondering how everyone was getting on. I'm just on my second cycle of clomid. I have no idea if I ovulated last month but dp was really ill during that week so we had no chance anyway! We were dtd every other day until just before the crucial time but he couldn't help being ill. It was just frustrating. How are you and everyone else getting on?

@myusernameisnotmyusername you never know! Sperm can live up to 5 days. Fingers crossed for you. When is AF due?
We finally got our BFP yesterday. I have no idea how as last month was so very stressful for us all as my daddy had a massive heart attack and heart surgery! Clearly took my mind and pressure off. I cannot wait to tell him his going to be a grandpa now!

Baby dust coming your way my love xx

Oh I've just finished AF. Just done last day for this month of clomid so will start dtd soon. Congratulations to you. That is very exciting!