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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

So - am i too old? (I think so - DH doesn't)

26 replies

Budababe · 03/05/2007 22:32

I will be 43 in 10 days.
Had a failed IVF attempt last year - only got one follicle 2 months running.
Periods have started to be irregular.

DH seems to think I could get PG tomorrow if I lost weight. (He has v. low sperm count and is impotent which doesn't exactly help matters).

Views oh wise ones???

OP posts:
Blu · 03/05/2007 22:35

I don't think anyone but a specialist can answer that for you, can they?
I was 43 when I had DS - but had not experienced any fertiliyt issues.

Is weight implicated in fertility? Is your DH looking for reasons for fertility issues that don't centre on him, do you think?

Original poster
Budababe · 03/05/2007 22:40

Well the specialist wasn't exactly encouraging last time we saw him but it was as he was telling us that the IVF hadn't worked. He suggested that if I lost weight it MAY help. I haven't managed to.

I can't even bring myself to plan IVF again. The fertility probs are DH - he know this. But we have DS and got PG with him first time trying IVF. DH seems to think it will be the same again - refuses to accept that age is a factor.

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 03/05/2007 22:44

Is this your first? I was told it was 'impossible' (not through age but because I have PCOS and wasn't ovulating) and had one session of acupuncture and got pregnant.

But honestly, with your partner's problems, it's probably unlikely (sorry, I don't want to burst your bubble but realistically I think you are right not to go for more IVF if the chances of success are so very low).

But do lose the weight for yourself if you want to though.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Blu · 03/05/2007 22:45

Sounds hard, Budababe
No advice, cos I have no knowledge - but it does sound hard - a complex mix of issues and feelings between the two of you.

Original poster
Budababe · 03/05/2007 22:54

Hard is right Blu. We did the last IVF in Oct and planned to try again in Jan and DH suggest that if that didn't work I would have time to try again before June when school breaks up. I haven't even mentioned trying again and he hasn't asked. I mentioned tonight that I was thinking about adoption with a view to a discussion and I got a look of total surprise. I said that I am too old to have another baby and he just said "no you're not". Have tried to explain but he just seems not to understand (or want to) the age limits on a woman's fertility.

OP posts:
Original poster
Budababe · 03/05/2007 22:56

Not my first whomovedmychocolate. Have one DS - IVF conceived first time. I was 37 having him. Wanted another straight after as knew age was a factor but DH didn't. Long saga.

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 04/05/2007 08:51

Ah! I see. In some ways it's even harder when you have one because you know what joy babies bring (don't jump on my TTC'ers please, I'm trying to be sensitive here).

Have you considered adoption?

expatinscotland · 04/05/2007 08:55

If your periods are becoming irregular and you only got one follicle, age could be a factor indeed.

A specialist should be able to better guage that.

Egg reserve and quality does decline with age.

Weight can affect fertility, but again, it's a factor amongst others and a specialist could better tell as he/she has a more intimate knowledge of your situation.

You may be in permenopause OR you could have a condition like PCOS, a thyroid disorder, diabetes, etc.

Don't think it's as simple as lose weight = get pregnant in your case, especially as your husband has know male factor infertility.

Original poster
Budababe · 04/05/2007 09:05

TBH expat - I am resigned to the fact that with all the factors added up - age, weight, his infertility etc, that it is unlikely that I will conceive and have a baby. Unfortunately I can't seem to get DH to understand this. I mentioned adoption last night and got a look of surprise. So I said well I am too old now to have a baby and he said no you're not.

Statistically there is about a 10% chance at my age.

Had lots of blood tests etc before the last IVF and everything was fine - just slightly anaemic. So I don't think it's thyroid or PCOS or diabetes.

OP posts:
NadineBaggott · 04/05/2007 09:07

reading between the lines are you not really up for another attempt?

expatinscotland · 04/05/2007 09:09

I would ring the specialist and ask him or her to have a word with your husband.

He's not listening to you or in denial and he needs to hear it from the horse's mouth.

You can have a blood test to determine if you are in perimenopause, as your irregular periods could possibly indicate as other medical conditions are ruled out (PCOS, thyroid, etc.).

Being in perimenopause would definitely reduce your chances of successful IVF.

But again, I think I'd give the specialist a call because your husband needs a word.

SSSandy2 · 04/05/2007 09:10

I'm not one of the wise unfortunately. Tough situation. How important is it to you, BB, to have another dc?

FioFio · 04/05/2007 09:13

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Anna8888 · 04/05/2007 09:16

I second expat.

But I would also say - try to lose weight, for yourself and for your family. Look after your health. I had my first baby at 38 and I am very aware that I want to be around and fit and healthy to enjoy her childhood to the full.

mumto3girls · 04/05/2007 09:17

Is it possible that your dh is just using this as a way of making himself feel better about his own problems?
He may feel bad that you haven't got pg and it's easier to share the 'blame'?

Maybe he feels guilty now about not trying straight away like you wanted to?

Budababe · 04/05/2007 09:25

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

FioFio · 04/05/2007 09:27

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Original poster
Budababe · 04/05/2007 09:28

Crossposted - not ignoring Anna and Mumto3.

Anna - am trying to lose weight - joined the lowcarbers on here. Having a bad week though.

Mumto3girls - defintely something in what you are saying. I have repeatedly warned him that I would end up resenting him hugely.

SSSandy - I have gone through stages of desperately desperately wanting another. I still do but am trying to decided whether I am being realistic to put myself through IVF again or if I should look at other options.

OP posts:
Original poster
Budababe · 04/05/2007 09:30

Do you mean Xenical Fio? I'm not sure I would be happy with it tbh. I know I just need to exercise more, drink less and eat properly.

OP posts:
Aloha · 04/05/2007 09:31

You know the truth, but how to tell your dh? Well the specialist might be able to help and you could show him the cold hard statistics about women's fertility - lots of stuff on the net. Sorry it's hard between you. I imagine he feels a failure because of his sperm count and being impotent so is finding it hard to accept.

FioFio · 04/05/2007 09:32

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Original poster
Budababe · 04/05/2007 09:35

Really Fio? Maybe I should look into it.

OP posts:
SSSandy2 · 04/05/2007 09:50

Under the present circumstances, I can totally understand that you don't want to try IVF. There's dh, probably unwittingly, trying to make out the problem is somehow you rather than his low sperm count or his impotency because I'm sure it gets him down a great deal. Then you had a failed attempt and you worry about your age. It sounds like a bit of a chore altogether which has to be fitted in around school dates and so on.

I think if you two are going to try for another dc, the whole atmosphere has to change. You have to feel he's being supportive and positive and that you're both excited about this happening, a bit like it was the first time round, don't you think? I think it's fine to say no if it absolutely doesn't feel right at the moment.

IMO you are not too old if you don't feel too old. I know 3 women who had their first dc at 44 or 45, I would worry about the risks to the baby though.

Anna8888 · 04/05/2007 10:07

budababe - you are quite right, a healthy lifestyle all the time is the key to sustained weight loss. I have never lost weight permanently on any diet.

LatenightOwl · 07/05/2007 19:24

Hi Budababe - well first of all you are not too old! Ive heard of lots of ladies big and small who have conceived beyond 43 - natural and with IVF. Im 45 (just) and DH is in his 50's and we did IVF for the first time in march. Believe me weight does nt matter - my consultant reassured me cos I too am past the BMI stats for my height - by quite a bit. You have to find a sympathetic clinic that will help you. My consultant found me a wonderful clinic that accepts people over 40 and with high BMI's - they have good success rates. I lost loads of weight a few years ago and tried IUI and it failed - I was well within the BMI. Interestingly this month I was on the diet trail again, only cos I had put on one stone doing IVF in March and cos Ive been taking my temps noticed that I didnt Ovulate! we ate well at the weekend and guess what yep, ovulation occured. So you see if you do diet the chances are your body goes into hibernation.

I would concur with the others on here to get yourself (and DH )checked out by a good specialist and you need to have a few months of blood tests cos beyond 40 they dip and rise on regular occurance. Ive picked up other tips re. different vitamins to take to improve the egg quality and if they only got one egg last time, no probs! it only takes one good one to make a baby! so pls dont despair or give up yet