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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

He doesn't want me to track ovulation

47 replies

Lajumelle81 · 04/02/2018 10:49

Hi there, I'm 36, my dp 35 and he has finally agreed we can try for a baby. He already has one DD from a previous relationship, I have no DC but have been desperate for a child for many years.

I told him that as we are ttc now I want to do things properly and will track ovulation to let us know when is the best time to TTC. However, he doesn't want to do this and says it would put him under too much pressure to perform. His belief is that these things happen naturally which I know but I've also tried to make him aware that a woman can only get pregnant a few days out of the month and that time isn't on my side.

If we are ttc I don't see why we shouldn't give things the best chance. AIBU and should I reign it in a bit?

OP posts:
Changedmynameo · 04/02/2018 10:52

I would say that’s too much pressure to start with. He’s probably thinking of trying as a fun, spontaneous unprotected sex stage. Let him have his fantasy for a few months and then start to introduce more routine if nothing happens

Bluntness100 · 04/02/2018 10:53

Surely you can track it privately and not tell him, but be, ehrm, more amorous at that time?

I think he's right, it can put men under a lot of pressure. He doesn't want that pressure, so don't give it to him. It doesn't mean you can't still do it.

lalaloopyhead · 04/02/2018 10:54

I can understand where he is coming from. I went all out when ttc dc3 following a mc - we both found it too much pressure and dtd under instruction felt forced and awkward.

We decided to stop trying so hard and it happened anyway.

Original poster
Lajumelle81 · 04/02/2018 10:55

Thanks for the replies. I suppose I can still track it anyway a d make sure that we dtd on one of the four days the kit says. I just want to give us the best chance possible a.d have absolutely no idea when I ovulate or if it's at the same time each cycle.

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 04/02/2018 10:56

You can track it for yourself and not discuss it with him. I think it's fair for him to say that specifically mentioning it will make him nervous/worried about having sex as a result of it being the right time.

I think keeping any pressure off is the right thing to do, as stress and worry won't help with TTC.

Fridgedooropen · 04/02/2018 10:56

Just don't tell him. And make sure you're having sex often enough that it isn't glaringly obvious when the crucial days come around. I see his point about the pressure, but also yours about wanting to maximise chances. This is the best middle way.

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/02/2018 10:57

He has made you wait to a point where your fertility could plunge at any point and he is still calling the shots.
If he wanted to let things come naturally then he should have started earlier

Magpie24 · 04/02/2018 10:57

Just track and don't tell him.

AssassinatedBeauty · 04/02/2018 10:58

Once you've tracked your cycle and if it's regular, you can simplify things by just trying to have sex every other day over your most fertile part of your cycle. I think focussing on specific days just makes it all a bit over organised.

Original poster
Lajumelle81 · 04/02/2018 11:00

I've bought a couple of packs of the Clearblue 4 best days kit so will use those up and see how it goes. The main thing I want to do is see that I'm definitely ovulating as if not, I'll see my GP. Any other tips for getting pregnant fairly quickly?Smile

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 04/02/2018 11:01

Are you sure he wants another child?

You are at a point in your life when it will be, statistically speaking, more difficult to conceive. He knows you have wanted a child for years and has presumably asked you to wait. And now he doesn't want you to help nudge the odds in your favour?

I'd worry about his commitment to having a baby with you, tbh. Watch how 'keen' he is when you are to try... it may be telling.

Original poster
Lajumelle81 · 04/02/2018 11:03

@Oliversmumsarmy I agree and I think this is why I was a bit angry he just dismissed the ovulation kit idea. I have waited long enough and now we've agreed we're TTC I want to maximise our chances. The suggestion to track it and say nothing is probably best as then he won't feel under any undue pressure.

OP posts:
PericardiumOne · 04/02/2018 11:05

I work in healthcare and during a training course with a well respected fertility expert, he said that letting your partner know that you are ovulating is the surest way to ensure there will be a fight and therefore, no sex that day. He said that from what he has seen, men feel really pressured to perform, so the best thing is to just ensure you have sex every other day all the way throughout the cycle, and they won't complain about that Grin

Original poster
Lajumelle81 · 04/02/2018 11:06

@BewareOfDragons I think he is keen but because he already has a DD it doesn't matter as much to him. He said he wouldn't mind one way or the other if we had DC but that he knows not having any is making me unhappy. Just yesterday he was talking about trading in our car for a more family friendly one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lajumelle81 · 04/02/2018 11:08

@PericardiumOne haha fair point. Thank you for the advice!Smile I can understand why men would feel under pressure and I definitely don't want sex to feel like it's purely a baby-making exercise.

OP posts:
MooMummy12 · 04/02/2018 11:19

My partner had the same view. It'll happen when it happens. I tracked my ovulation and he didn't know about it. We tried for about 14 months with me doing that. When I finally gave up and stopped tracking everything, after 2 months I was pregnant.

My advice would be don't track and just have fun without the added stress of 'trying'. Everyone I've spoken to says they got pregnant when they stopped trying so it seems the best thing to do ☺️ x

TurquoiseDress · 04/02/2018 11:42

Hi OP

I would suggest just tracking quietly on the side, you will be keeping a close eye on your cycles anyway- download an app to use, Ovia is a decent one.

Also, have you thought about temping, rather than spending too much £££ on all those Clearblue ovulation kits?

Just take your temp first thing each morning when you wake up, this will help you get to know your cycle better.

It doesn't predict ovulation, more that it shows when you have ovulated- this info will be v important for timing things the next month, once you start to see a pattern.

I know you could just "go for it" and not track anything etc but I think it won't hurt to get more aware/informed re your cycles as you are 36.

Not too late at all, but say if you were 10 years younger, you could take a much more wait & see approach.

Just my thoughts.
Good luck!

BewareOfDragons · 04/02/2018 11:49

Fingers crossed for you both then, OP. Flowers

Owlpatrol · 04/02/2018 12:00

Mine has been a bit like this in the past apparently he just "knows" when I'm ovulating haha yeah right! Anyways I use opks anyway and the gently encourage more sex around the right time. He doesn't seem to complain!

Teetotal2018 · 04/02/2018 12:29

I track but don’t tell my partner as men are such sensitive beings 😂 I just jump on him when it’s the right time - he seems pretty happy with this arrangement x good luck OP

Teetotal2018 · 04/02/2018 12:30

I second the OVIA app and the amazon ‘one step’ cheap ovulation tests x

Praisebe · 04/02/2018 12:35

I track mine but would never discuss it with DP. Men tend to get freaked out by stuff like that and it puts them under too much pressure

mintich · 04/02/2018 12:42

We tracked our ovulation and sex did feel like a military procedure! However tracking it meant we got pregnant first try!

TurquoiseDress · 04/02/2018 12:48

@Teetotal2018
Yes I agree with the 'One step' ovulation sticks- v easy to order off Amazon.

Plus you can normally get a pack with One Step pregnancy tests too- all for less than ten quid or so!

I only ever used the 'One step' preg tests apart from one time I splashed out on a double pack of FRERs (?) for a change, BFN those times, didn't bother with them again & just waited til period was due/late

UnaOfStormhold · 04/02/2018 12:59

I think it's best not to track - remember sperm can last a week so start as soon as your period is over and carry on every 2-3 days, that way you have a good chance not just of hitting the fertile window but of having fresh and agile sperm at that time. Even if you catch the exact moment of ovulation, sperm that's 5 days old isn't going to give you a great chance.