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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

He doesn't want me to track ovulation

47 replies

Lajumelle81 · 04/02/2018 10:49

Hi there, I'm 36, my dp 35 and he has finally agreed we can try for a baby. He already has one DD from a previous relationship, I have no DC but have been desperate for a child for many years.

I told him that as we are ttc now I want to do things properly and will track ovulation to let us know when is the best time to TTC. However, he doesn't want to do this and says it would put him under too much pressure to perform. His belief is that these things happen naturally which I know but I've also tried to make him aware that a woman can only get pregnant a few days out of the month and that time isn't on my side.

If we are ttc I don't see why we shouldn't give things the best chance. AIBU and should I reign it in a bit?

OP posts:

Serafinaaa · 04/02/2018 13:14

I tracked with my first, got really anxious and it took ages to get pregnant. Got accidentally pregnant on a one-off event with my second! I think there is something in the advice to relax.

Original poster

Lajumelle81 · 04/02/2018 13:19

Aw thanks everyone. The trouble is that we normally wouldn't dtd as often as every 2-3 days so I thought at least this way, I would be able to make sure it was at my most fertile time.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lajumelle81 · 04/02/2018 13:21

Also, does anyone know... If the tests show I'm ovulating does that definitely mean I can get pregnant? Assuming of course that his sperm count is high enough.

OP posts:

Teetotal2018 · 04/02/2018 13:30

Lajumelle81 unfortunatly just because we have a positive ovulation test it doesn’t actually mean that you will release and egg. It’s only an indication of a raise in the LH hormone. We don’t always release an egg every month and a healthy person only has around 20% chance of pregnacy each cycle. A previous poster said that she conceived first time because of tracking. I hate to say it but it was pure luck for her. Just because we track does not mean we will get pregnant first try xx

Praisebe · 04/02/2018 13:32

The test just tracks your LH surge theres no proof an egg has been released only a transvaginal scan at the fertility clinic can detect that. That's how i found out i don't ovulate every month or if at all. If youbtry for a year with no success ask your gp to refer you

Original poster

Lajumelle81 · 04/02/2018 13:44

Thanks. Good to know in case things don't go as planned.

OP posts:

littlecabbage · 04/02/2018 13:51

When we started TTC Dc1, nothing was happening. We were making extra effort around day 14 - the so-called "average ovulation time". But when I tracked ovulation, it was actually at day 20-21 consistently, so we were totally missing the window.

So I would track but just in secret. You can't take your temps though, as it has to be done as soon as you wake up, before you get out of bed, so he would know.

But the cheap One-Step ov tests from Amazon are v reliable. Do this twice daily (see instructions) to make sure you don't miss the window. Good luck.

thecapitalsunited · 04/02/2018 14:14

My DH didn't want me to track ovulation either but then complained that I wanted to have sex every 2 days because it's way more than we would usually do it. I think all the school days lessons about unprotected sex can cause pregnancy at any time of the cycle have a lot to answer for! He just didn't get that it's only possible a few days a month and if he didn't want to be constantly asking for sex then I needed to make sure we were targeting the right days.

ChaosNeverRains · 04/02/2018 14:26

I agree with him.

If you’re having regular sex you will get pregnant providing you don’t have any issues preventing that from happening.

Ovulation kits and predictive tests etc are the biggest con out there and the manufacturers are raking it in off the back of people’s desperation to fall pregnant.

There is no evidence that ovulation tracking is any more beneficial than regular sex, so assuming you have a regular sex life you should just carry on and provided you’re having sex every two/three days it will happen as and when and you won’t be feeding into some company’s coffers.

Ditto pregnancy tests which claim to tell you before your period if you’re pregnant. A lot of eggs do fertilise and never implant and this notion of finding out before a period only leads to extreme heartache if said period then arrives because the egg didn’t actually implant.

Celebelly · 04/02/2018 15:18

While I see your point, in reality it's not that easy for many people. Just 'doing it every two or three days and it will happen' isn't the reality for quite a lot of people. We see that on here every day. And actually, some people aren't able to do it every two days through a whole month (and frankly that sounds bloody exhausting). I firmly believe women should know what's going on with their body and be able to recognise the changes that lead to ovulation. I can tell when ovuluation is close without peeing on sticks because of changes in my cervical fluid.

Also while early preg tests can be heartbreaking, they can also be very valuable. A friend of mine had several chemical pregnancies in a row that she woiuld have assumed were periods if she hadn't been testing. She was able to go to doctor with the knowledge that she was conceiving but something was going wrong, and they were able to find the cause.

OPKs and tests don't have to be expensive. You can get three months' worth of OPKs for a few quid online - less than a cup of a coffee from Starbucks.

Celebelly · 04/02/2018 15:22

Also a small point. A pregnancy test will not be positive if the egg fails to implant as HcG is not produced unless implantation has occurred. A chemical pregnancy requires the egg to have implanted and then a miscarriage to take place subsequently. If an egg is fertilised but doesn't implant, then there will be no positive on any test.

Original poster

Lajumelle81 · 04/02/2018 16:47

Thanks @Celebelly Certainly having sex everyday wouldn't work for us as it's just too much. You're right that it sounds exhausting. I just want to get too own what my cycle is like and whether I tend to ovulate around the same time or not. I realise at my age things may not happen instantly and for me, it's worth £10/20 per month to keep a track on things.

OP posts:

Cakelaur · 04/02/2018 17:08

@Lajumelle81 I’m in a similar position. My OH has a ds from previous relationship. He was an accident from one nights mishap. So my oh thinks that things just happen. I tracked things secretly and just didn’t tell him when I was ovulating. I had to let on once I started doing bbt. But I never told him when I was fertile. I just made sure I pounced on him a lot whether I was or not. My little secret came out when about a year after ttc I got a Peak Day and he had to work late and stay in a hotel and I had a massive hissy fit and demanded he came home. 🤦‍♀️ he told me to come meet him at the hotel and sure enough that month we got our bfp. Sadly we lost the pregnancy and are now ttc again. This time he knows about it all. But he’s a lot more understanding now that it’s taken so long and the loss has brought us so much closer together and he was gutted. Good luck. And I hope you get your peak day soon. 👍🤞😁

isthismummy · 04/02/2018 17:11

OP. Can I recommend a book called Taking charge of your fertility by Toni Weschler. You will find it invaluable.

I would also recommend charting your basal body temperature for a few months, as this is the best method short of blood tests for finding out if you're ovulating or not. Ovulation kits cannot tell you this for certain. They can only track the rise in LH, but your LH can in face rise and ovulation still not take place.

Given your age (and I say this as someone who started ttc at 37) you should make it your mission to become as educated about your fertility as quickly as possible. Your DH "wait and see" attitude is a little unrealistic here. He needs to realise that time is of the essence for you.

If you can afford it I would highly recommend a private fertility check for both of you. This will give you an idea of your egg reserve levels and your DH semen quality. I wish so much that I had done this when O started trying. We spent nearly 18 months ttc before I found out I have premature ovarian failure. Not that this is likely to be the case with you as its mercifully quite rare. I do believe that every woman ttc should be as educated and knowledgeable as possible regarding her own body though.

As a flip side to my own sad tale...my friend recently got pregnant at 40 after ttc for a while two months. Hopefully that will be you. Good luck with it all

AuntyElle · 04/02/2018 17:16

How long have you been together, OP?

BarryTheKestrel · 04/02/2018 17:17

I used an app to track my cycle as my periods were a little all over the place in my eyes. Once I'd tracked for a few months I realised they weren't at all, my cycle was just longer than I thought it was. It also then gave me my estimated ovulation window. 9 months of tracking this i made sure to pounce every month during those days and we've just had our BFP. He didn't know I'd been tracking until I showed him the app after the test. I used the Clue app.

Dazedandconfuzzled · 04/02/2018 17:19

With my dd I tracked ovulation, i have irregular periods so thought it was the best way possible. It stressed me out massively and therefore stressed my dh out too. It took us 18 months. This time I decided to just go with the flow it took 6 months. I think to begin with it's best to just relax, have regular sex and enjoy yourself.

ComeTheFuck0nBridget · 04/02/2018 17:37

I went through a period of religiously tracking and DH found it really stressful and in the end asked me to stop as it was really taking the fun out of it. Now, I've started enjoying sex again but I do still lightly track things, I just don't let DH know so he doesn't feel any stress or pressure over it.

PNGirl · 04/02/2018 19:50

I have to grit my teeth when people say "Just relax, enjoy it, etc". It's been over a year for us and the first time I tracked anything at all, my BBT, was through December. Upon going to the Dr she was all "Stop tracking, if you relax it'll happen!" which I had to rathe icily comment hadn't worked for 11 months. I firmly believe you sometimes just know you're going to have problems.

I would track on the quiet. Hopefully you won't, but if you do need it you'll be glad of the data.

isthismummy · 04/02/2018 21:38

I couldn't agree more PNGirl The first time I went to my doctor she told me my body was designed to get pregnant. Well not in my case seeming as though I'm going through an early menopause!

MajesticWhine · 04/02/2018 21:51

Tracking on the quiet seems reasonable. Maybe it’s just me, but it is always blazingly obvious to me when I am fertile. If you are feeling up for it then do it. Failing that have sex on day 9,11,13,15 of your cycle if you are regular.

NimbleKnitter · 04/02/2018 23:47

You should also learn to recognise your body's own ovulation signals - mainly cervical fluid.

In the run up to ovulation your cervical fluid becomes more fertile, which keeps the sperm alive. You can also check for when your cervix is opening.

All of these things you can do without telling him, but you will have to have sex pretty regularly.

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