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Conception

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Original poster

Feel like an awful friend

37 replies

SpongeCake23 · 31/12/2017 15:18

So how do you deal with one of your closest friends being pregnant and the other one with a 3 month old baby? The close friend just announced it to me this morning. She's about 6 weeks.
It's an overwhelming feeling of jealousy and I hate it. I want to be happy for these people but it's so difficult!
I also held the 3 month old yesterday. Which was very hard. Seeing him again tonight too Sad

Me and my DP have been trying to conceive for 6 months 😔 We've put it on hold for a month or two while we look into getting a mortgage and buying a house.
But I still feel like there must be an issue with one of our bodies (or both).

What makes it worse is that both friends conceived within the first month of trying! She said she only downloaded the pregnancy app to track her periods about 4 weeks ago!
If only it was so easy! Sad

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Chienrouge · 31/12/2017 15:22

6 months isn’t all that long to be trying. We tried for 13 months with our first, with no known issues/barriers to conceiving. Second conceived in the first month! You have a 20% chance of conceiving in any month.
It’s hard when things seem to happen easier for other people though, so Flowers

Timpani · 31/12/2017 15:42

In my experience, if you feel like there's a reason why you're not conceiving then it's possible there is. I was the same. Got to 6 months and felt like you. In the end we were diagnosed with male factor, which is what I suspected because I knew as far as possible that I was 'ok'. We had IVF in the end.

I understand your feelings entirely. It's so hard.

Original poster
SpongeCake23 · 31/12/2017 15:53

@Timpani I think it's a female factor issue in our case (it could be male too) but my periods are very heavy and painful. I think I may have endo/pcos.

I have spoken to my GP and they say they won't start tests until next summer when we've been trying for a full year Sad and may not even do all tests until 18 months have passed.

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BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 31/12/2017 15:53

This is our 6th cycle too and everyone else seems to be pregnant! You're not alone OP.

Ameliaxx · 31/12/2017 16:02

Me and my best friend went through a difficult patch when she told me she fell pregnant without trying. Worst thing is we worked in the same office too so she told the whole office on the same day so when we walked into the office in the afternoon everyone was shouting congrats and everynin and all the baby talk for the next three hours. And yes she knows how much ive been struggling. We dont speak anymore but thats because i had a rough patch with my bipolar so she didnt want to know xx

flumpybear · 31/12/2017 16:02

Both mine took two yeRs each ttc

Read up on agnus castus for period issues and ttc

Pibplob · 31/12/2017 16:09

How old are you? I'm sure you'll get there even if there are difficulties. There is so much that can be done to help now. Stay positive.

Owlpatrol · 31/12/2017 16:09

Similar situation to you....but I can't tell.my friend we are ttc. It seems to be all about her and I'm not ready to tell her I'm try and have been for over a year. It's all very hard. But the decision is always yours whether you seek solace from your friend or not.

Original poster
SpongeCake23 · 31/12/2017 16:17

@pibplob I'm 28. DP is 36.

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Pibplob · 31/12/2017 16:27

That's good then as you have lots of time ahead of you for it to happen. I'm sure it will all work out for you in the end. X

Timpani · 31/12/2017 16:51

I agree, your age is a good think (dp's age doesn't matter too much). Yes, it was a year of trying before tests for us. Personally I went just short of a year ans they were happy to get the ball rolling.
Despite our MF issues, we had no problem accidentally conceiving our second child. However the third is proving as difficult as the first so we are going to jump on the fertility wagon again. I understand you Feeling because I've been there with both of my sisters in law conceiving and having their babies and second babies during the time it took us to get pregnant with our first. And now again my best friend is trying for her third and will no doubt get pregnant immediately like they did for their other two. It sucks big time.

But believe me when I say it that one day you will be me and you will be dishing out this advice. I always believed it deep down and I was right.

Original poster
SpongeCake23 · 31/12/2017 18:50

@Timpani
Aww thank you. I feel like deep down it'll happen for me sometime too, but it's almost like it'll never happen too and that I'm tempting fate by thinking it.

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Original poster
SpongeCake23 · 31/12/2017 18:50

@flumpybear Can you give me some more info on agnus castus? Do I need to take it until ovulation and then stop?

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Original poster
SpongeCake23 · 31/12/2017 18:52

@Owlpatrol I haven't told my friends either because I don't want them to feel sorry for me. I also don't want to steal this particular friend's thunder.

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Original poster
SpongeCake23 · 01/01/2018 08:39

Feel shitty today Sad

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Fia256 · 01/01/2018 10:06

Not quite the same situation as you but I know exactly how you are feeling!

I had a late miscarriage in June, then my friend fell pregnant the next month but had an early miscarriage, then I did the month after but lost that one too (was actually my 4th in a row by this point). The month after that she conceived again. I just knew she had done, and she told us all at a party at 9 weeks. It was actually the same week my baby had been due which I was still struggling a lot with (the late loss). I smiled, congratulated and hugged her and then I drove home and sobbed. I sobbed all night and the next day, and found it all incredibly difficult.

Everything's been fine for her so far now and she's now halfway through. I recently got a bfp again and I can't lie, it's only now that the jealous feeling has started to lift slightly but it's definitely still there and probably will be until I know for sure everything will be ok with me. Please don't feel bad for how you are feeling. There's no feeling more powerful than longing for a baby, and it's completely natural to feel how you do. Take care of yourself and let it all out. I'll keep my fingers crossed you get your happy ending soon xxxx

WelshMammy123 · 01/01/2018 10:48

It's so hard not to feel the way you do when friends are falling pregnant around you and it's taking you a bit longer than you'd like. There's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. It took us over 3 years to conceive dd and I remember us counting up the number of babies born in our friendship group during that time and it was something like 17. Since having dd I've had a few losses and have had to deal with friends falling pregnant - seemingly easily - and having babies very close to various due dates of the babies I've lost. It's really really but what you're feeling is normal.

I'm sorry you feel something might be wrong - hoping that isn't the case and that it happens soon for you.

Original poster
SpongeCake23 · 01/01/2018 16:07

Thank you. I just feel really obsessed and disheartened by the whole thing. I can't stop thinking about it and my newly pregnant friend wanted to see me today and I can't face it so I said no.
I can feel AF coming and it's horrible. Coming into month 6 now. I hope 2018 is my year.

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Original poster
SpongeCake23 · 01/01/2018 18:13

Stupidly I thought because I'm 28, it would happen quickly.

Is there any possibility it's because my DP is 36?

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WelshMammy123 · 01/01/2018 18:29

I found myself avoiding certain people at certain times and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You just need to be kind to yourself when things feel a bit tough.

I doubt it's because of your DH's age. There is a reduction in fertility as men age but it happens much later than for women. I can't remember the exact ages etc but it's unlikely that age is a factor for you or him right now. I know that when it's not happening you desperately want to find an answer as to why it's not.

We were unexplained after 3 years and various tests. We've had some private testing done recently and actually think we now understand the problem but I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes there's no reason, it just takes some of us a bit longer. And it's totally normal for a perfectly healthy couple to take up to 12 months (and in some cases over that) to conceive which is why guidelines don't allow for referral for tests until after that point.

I know it feels like a lifetime but 6 months in is still relatively early on in the ttc journey.

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 01/01/2018 18:39

*@SpongeCake23 *

I'm the same as you. On 6th cycle now but I'm 32. I just presumed it would happen within a few months but nothing. Each month is horrible. I go from feeling optimistic to deflated to depressed in a cycle. I'm only a few days after ov but I've already somehow convinced myself that this isn't my month. I just feel like it can't happen which is so ridiculous really. I feel so neurotic.

I've been quite open with very close friends and family about TTC. They all say don't think about it and then it will happen! how do I do this!?

Anyway, just wanted you to know that you're not alone in this Flowers

Original poster
SpongeCake23 · 01/01/2018 18:48

I just think I have endometriosis, I feel pretty certain.

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Original poster
SpongeCake23 · 01/01/2018 18:50

@BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy Thank you, I appreciate your words x

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Original poster
SpongeCake23 · 01/01/2018 18:50

@WelshMammy123 Thank you, have you got children?

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surreygirl1987 · 01/01/2018 19:19

Hi @spongecake I don't have any advice but wanted to say hi and sympathise. I've been trying since the summer, was SO excited and sure it would happen immediately... and like you it hasn't yet. I'm 30. I know people say it can take ages but it's so frustrating when it happens so wuixkly for so many! Still, at your ages the odds are with you. The way I'm looking at it, we are likely to be pregnant by this time next year... which is pretty cool. However I have got the ball rolling with testing as I suspect I have a thyroid issue and luckily my GP is pretty cool with testing before it's been a year! Had a blood test today so we'll see. I think the hardest thing is putting life on hold 'just in case.' If we weren't ttc I would be joining a channel swim relay team for this coming summer and/or planning an exciting summer teaching abroad in Africa... not exactly the kind of things you can combine with ttc or do spontaneously!
Anyway basically just wanted to say there are a few of us in the same boat so you're not alone! 2018 may have started uncertainly... but who knows... this time next year we might be pg or have a baby!