What are the chances of having another miscarriage?

[hopingandprayingthistime]

I posted a similar thread over on the conception board but didn’t get many replies so trying again here for traffic. I would be really grateful to hear some positive messages about people who went on to have a successful pregnancy after a miscarriage. I had an early loss in August and I am now pregnant again (very early days) and I am struggling to keep positive and stop worrying that it’ll happen again. I know nobody can tell me what will happen - just looking for reassurance and positive messages to keep me going through these agonising first few weeks. Also any tips of things I can do / not to to give the pregnancy the best chance (I am taking folic acid and trying to eat more fruit and veg and stopped drinking / caffeine).

I’ll also have to deal with the problem of not drinking over Xmas as nobody will know, which will be problematic / exhausting. We don’t want to tell our families because they will be so excited and don’t know about our previous loss, and we can’t handle their disappointment as well as our own if something goes wrong. We also don’t want our private life (which we are struggling with) to be gossiped about amongst the family.

Queen because I am super nervous and don’t know what I’d do if something happened / what I’d say to the others on then hen / how I’d deal with it without DH etc.

Well, the chances of you needing it are really quite low, but personally I'd just look up the nearest hospital and make a plan for how I'd get there if I had to. You don't have to tell the hens anything, or you could tell one of them and ask for help if you did have any bleeding.

But if you're so anxious about it you really feel you can't enjoy the weekend then you could just not go.

Yes I suppose that’s right. Maybe I will see how I feel closer to the time and can always feign illness. Not sure what else I’d say as an excuse and I’ve paid for it all now anyway.

Thanks for the answers on the scans. Maybe I will leave it for now. It’s just a waiting game isn’t it really - I would still worry after a scan. Also don’t like the idea of an internal scan.

I was lucky on getting an early scan at 9w. Told them the truth; I had a mmc at 11w and it was surgically concluded.

I did have to say “please” but they were awesome.

PS: I’m going to level with you, when we saw a heartbeat at 9w it was a huge relief but it still tilted my brain into the “what if I lose it in the next three weeks” category. They scan at 12w for a reason, the vast majority of pregnancies survive after this point. But seeing a hb is always a very very positive thing.

Regarding the hen I completely understand why. Yes there’s no clinical reason why you can’t travel but if you’re nervous plus you don’t want to tell folk you’re pregnant yet then don’t go. If the hen/maid of honour is a good friend, tell the truth - they will understand.

Thanks @TheLegendofBeans - I hope my booking appointment comes through soon so I can at least get a date for my scan. Crossing everything that I get that far. So sorry for your loss.

I haven’t had any sickness yet and that’s worrying me as the internet is awash with “helpful” articles about how no sickness = bad news

Hi all,

We're just moving this over to conception at the OP's request.

How do you know you are actually pregnant before you’ve had a scan? I am starting to worry that I’m not actually pregnant anymore. My symptoms are so mild. However, no bleeding. How common is missed miscarriage?

Hi. I'd try not to worry too much about lack of symptoms. You might just be one of the lucky ones! When I had my MMC I had strong symptoms which then went rather than having no symptoms at all. I don't know how common they are - I think perhaps with the advent of early scans they seem more common than they once were. So in my case I found out at an early scan at 10 weeks that baby had died at 8 - I probably would have miscarried naturally by the time my 12 week scan came around. So it would of course still be a loss but not a MMC. I know you asked about an early scan up thread - maybe that's worth considering if you think it might help ease your mind.

Thanks WelshMammy I have booked an early scan for when I will be 8+3. Hopefully that’s a good time to do it as should definitely be able to see a heartbeat by then if developing normally? Still worried though and another week to get through yet.

Hi OP
I had a MMC, seen at 14 weeks but hadn't developed past 5 weeks. I got pregnant 4 months later and am now sat with my 6wo DD on my knee. Its devastating and you will worry this entire pregnancy but to reassure you, I actually started to show with my miscarriage and had loads of symptoms even though it had never developed into a foetus. So don't let the lack of symptoms worry you too much.

Personally I would have the early scan, I had one at 7 weeks and it gave me that added piece of mind that she was developing. However I never really relaxed and it just got worse because come the third trimester you are on kick counting and you might have one day where baby is resting and just go into panic mode.

Yes after 8 weeks is a really good point for a first scan. If baby's heartbeat is seen then then there's a good chance all will be well. I had two losses last year so totally get how you're feeling. I'm 16 + 2 now and was a nervous wreck through the early part of this pregnancy - and still am now to be honest!

Cheesecake and WelshMammy thank you for your replies. So sorry for your losses. Congrats Cheesecake and fingers crossed all will be well this time WelshMammy

Hi @hopingandprayingthistime
Congratulations on your pregnancy

I can absolutely sympathise with how you're feeling, it's an incredibly anxious time. I had an early loss but got pregnant again 2 months later. I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant and those first 12 weeks were so hard, especially as I didn't have a huge amount of symptoms. Started to convince myself I was imagining it!

I was so worried something bad would happen again (and those worries have never completely disappeared, if I'm honest...they're just easier to reassure when the baby kicks!).

I had 2 early scans - one at 6wks through NHS as I was experiencing pain and one at 9wks that we paid for. Both were amazing and did reassure me and my DH. I can see the argument for not having an early scan, but it helped me.

I went abroad for a fortnight during the first trimester (6-8wks) and I was very anxious for the first week so didn't end up being the relaxing holiday we'd hoped for. But I was pleased we went in the end. You're the only person who can decide whether you go on the hen party, but it might do you some good to take your mind off it. Like a PP said, maybe check where your nearest hospital is, just for peace of mind. It might be worth confiding in someone who will be there too, not in case anything happens, but just so you have a friendly face if you're feeling anxieties creeping in.

Good luck with the next 30-odd weeks! I hope all goes well

Thank you Bows for your kind words and best wishes for your pregnancy

I had 10 pregnancies
DS
Dd1
Dd2
Mc
Mc
Mc
Dd3
Dd4
Mc
Mc
Just random it seems! Mine were all early mc except for the last one which was a MMC at 12 weeks. By far the worst!
Chances are you’ll be totally fine!

Thanks Bella. Wow - congratulations on your children and I am so sorry for your losses. A good example of how random it can be. Thanks for sharing your experience.

This is a very useful thread. I had a MMC in November and had no symptoms that anything was wrong. I am going to try again this month but I'm already worried about how anxious I'll be the next time (fingers crossed) I conceive. For me an early scan would be helpful as I had a a embryonic pregnancy so that would have been discovered at an early scan.

Good luck OP, try and stay positive although I completely understand your anxiety.

Meant to say my MMC wasn't found until the 12 week scan so I had weeks of symptoms when the pregnancy wasn't progressing so my hopes were sky high. I think I would have found it easier if I had discovered it earlier (although still devastating).

I had an early scan at 8 weeks - baby looked like a prawn! But you can see the heartbeat and that's what I needed :) I'm now 21 weeks and all looking ok. A positive story for you x

BeingGood I am so sorry for your loss - that must have been really shocking and heartbreaking after going in to the scan with high hopes. Wishing you the very best of luck for TTC again. As many PPs on this thread have shared, just because it happens once doesn’t mean anything. More people (anecdotally) seem to experience a loss on their first pregnancy too, although I don’t believe this stat is recognised “officially”.

Thank you to everyone on this thread for your support. You’re really keeping me going. I have nobody in RL to talk to apart from DH (who is supportive but really doesn’t understand and just tells me not to worry!), so I am very grateful for your replies and hand holding.

Thanks OhhGreat that’s good to hear. Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy x

I had an awful and very vivid dream last night that I lost the baby. Has anyone else experienced this and everything still been fine? I hope it’s just my mind acting out it’s worries.

Your dream is your anxiety expressing itself - it means nothing wrt the actual chances of your pregnancy - congratulations on that btw

I had 3 MCs before DS1 'stuck', then DS2, another MC and a further 2 DSs.

Every pregnancy loss is very upsetting, of course, but you do sound anxious.
Address your anxiety now, before you have a baby, because, trust me, looking after a newborn/baby/toddler/child/teenager is absofrickinglutely terrifying .

There is some evidence that reassurance scans are helpful - so go for one if you want. The problem is that no statistic in the world can tell you what you really want to know: will your pregnancy continue? So from that point of view, yes, it is a waiting game.

Wrt train journey/hen weekend: medically speaking, of course you can go. Only you can decide whether you are comfortable going.

It helped me to remind myself that women all over the world are pregnant and have babies under the most gawd-awful circumstances, so my normal activities are nothing compared to war zones and refugee camps .

IME conception/pregnancy etc are a total lottery and it is most helpful to really practice staying in the moment (look at Mindfulness techniques), enjoy the good bits and don't worry about the bad bits until they actually happen