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Original poster

Is it cruel to have an only child?

46 replies

Rebecca11 · 21/04/2007 10:02

Our ds is a wonderful, delightful, adorable little boy of 18 months. He's happy, sociable and well integrated. He goes to nursery 3 days a week, and spends time with mum, dad, and extended family on the other days. I'd love for him to have a brother or sister to grow up with. Someone to play with and learn with as a child, and an ally throughout life. I couldn't imagine life without my own sister, and it makes me sad to think he won't have that. My dp is dead set against any more kids. I think it's cruel to make our little one grow up without siblings. What do you think?

OP posts:
pirategirl · 21/04/2007 10:06

I have a sibling, yet i dont think it is cruel by any means. Some people cant have them, or thier relationships ends. ( i'm a little of both !)

Perhaps the time isnt right for you, if you do really want another, perhaps your dh will feel the same in time?

I sometimes look at dd, who is nearly 5 and feel she must be lonely, but she doesnt know anything else right now. I do wonder too, how she will feel when she is older, you know an adult, but thats a long time off and who knows what might happen.

Your ds has parents who are together, and if its a hppy home, then he should be fine.

He will have lots of company at school.

pirategirl · 21/04/2007 10:07

sorry dp.

pointydog · 21/04/2007 10:07

No it's not cruel.

That is a potentially offensive opinion on a website of parents. You might want to reword it.

Lullabyloo · 21/04/2007 10:10

There are many,many reasons why some children are only children....cruel is an unfortunate word to use.

maveta · 21/04/2007 10:12

I don´t think it´s cruel in the slightest. I love having siblings and would hope I could have more than 1 child myself. I would feel quite sad if I could only have one, I would feel my child had been denied something so beautiful. BUT I am only on my first and none of us know what the future holds, maybe I will only be able to have one and if so, that´ll be that.

Furball · 21/04/2007 10:14

I have also been called cruel to my face for having an only. My ds is no way
'suffering' because he's an only. Each to their own and what is right for my family probably won't be right for yours, neither is right or wrong. I think to come here and say it' cruel is not fair, for a starts some may not have choice.

themildmanneredjanitor · 21/04/2007 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ali5 · 21/04/2007 10:15

Crazy. Sorry, I'm only child, at the moment ds will be an only child. I had a very happy childhood and intend ds to have one too.
It's a totally personal thing how many children you choose to have but using 'cruel' as a reason to have more than one??!?
Especially when you have already identified what a happy chappy you have!

madamez · 21/04/2007 10:17

Well I'm only having one. I'm too old to fancy risking another pregnancy even if I could actually manage it. DS may or may not get a half-sibling at some stage, who knows.
As to cruel, oh don't talk bollocks. Is it kinder to have more children than you can technically afford? More children than one partner actually wants, so later children feel unoved and unwanted? Indeed, will your eldest child thank you in the long run if you have another and the subsequent child turns out to be a vile monster who bullies the elder sibling?

Yes these are all absurd speculations, but so is the idea that having only one child is "cruel". Anyone who has a single child is quite capable of taking that child out to mix with others on a regular basis: DS sees other children at nursery and palygroup at least 4 days a week and has lots of friends.

lulumama · 21/04/2007 10:20

a child's life can be enriched in more ways than by having a sibling

saying it is cruel offends people who can pysically only have one, or have chosen to have one, in fact all parents of only children!

did you know your DP only wanted one child? if so, it is going to be virtually impossible to change his mind on this

Lullabyloo · 21/04/2007 10:20

I was an only child till age 6 when my brother came along..it totally rocked my little world & life was never the same.
We have never been close.
Ds is nearly three & an only child...I would dearly love another child but seriously doubt that I ever will.

Chocolateface · 21/04/2007 10:22

I have'nt read the whole thread. It's certainly not cruel. I think only children can have a lot of pressure on them when they're older, when you might need care, or you hope for grandchildre.
My DS1 would have loved to remain an only child.
My DH didn't want any more children, but hey ho we've now got three! And he even plays with them ocationally!

Lullabyloo · 21/04/2007 10:23

chocolateface

lisad123 · 21/04/2007 10:25

My DD is 4 years old and up until 6-8 months ago she was always going to be an only child. I got told I was being unkind and selfish to allow her to be an only child. Why is your DP so against having any more? I am now 17 weeks preggy, but it has taken a long time for me to say yes to another, its hard to think about upsetting the system you now have going with the one child, maybe thats what DP is worried about.
Good lUck
L

maveta · 21/04/2007 10:27

I even think the ´when they´re older they will have sole burden of their parents´ argument is a bit bogus.. my BIL lost his only brother last year, very unexpectedly, and now is the only one around to look after his aging parents. And the only one they look to for company for sunday lunch, and to provide the grandchildren etc etc etc

Who knows what life will throw at you? I guess you should talk to your dh but if he really really doesn´t want more, would you risk your happy home and marriage for it?

Astrophe · 21/04/2007 10:27

There are lots of good reasons to have more than one child, and I personally have never considered having just one, but cruel? No. Beating kids is cruel, starving them, emotionally abusing them is cruel - being an only child has some downfalls (imho, but many positives too I'm sure) but is certainly not cruel!

NKF · 21/04/2007 10:30

How could it be cruel? Different to having siblings sure but why would you even imagine it could be cruel?

chocolattegirl · 21/04/2007 10:41

It's not cruel, just different strokes for different folks. Cruel is a rather emotive word to use and implies that anyone who has less than 2 children (say) is doing it on purpose. Plenty of women can't even have one baby let alone two or three.

It's up to you as parents to ensure that your child gets a rounded upbringing - and mixes with other children. You can't rely on siblings to do it for you.

SmileysPeoples · 21/04/2007 10:47

Of course it's not cruel.

There are some huge postives and advantages.

And some negatives and disadvantages.

Just like most decisions.

I think we're all too hung up on creating the 'ideal' which doesn't exist. Are 2 children better than 3? Are same sex siblings closer? is 3yrs the best age gap? Would I like a boy or girl?

Familes come in all sorts of forms and the ideal one is a happy one.

ludaloo · 21/04/2007 10:50

only if you keep them in the cupboard

Astrophe · 21/04/2007 10:52

is it ok to keep 'em in the cupboard if you have 2 though?

October · 21/04/2007 10:52

Message withdrawn

Greensleeves · 21/04/2007 10:53

Good post Smileys

October · 21/04/2007 10:54

Message withdrawn

Greensleeves · 21/04/2007 10:55

It was an Easter/Spring thing (Green leaves) but no-one got it