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Conception

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Original poster

Is it cruel to have an only child?

46 replies

Rebecca11 · 21/04/2007 10:02

Our ds is a wonderful, delightful, adorable little boy of 18 months. He's happy, sociable and well integrated. He goes to nursery 3 days a week, and spends time with mum, dad, and extended family on the other days. I'd love for him to have a brother or sister to grow up with. Someone to play with and learn with as a child, and an ally throughout life. I couldn't imagine life without my own sister, and it makes me sad to think he won't have that. My dp is dead set against any more kids. I think it's cruel to make our little one grow up without siblings. What do you think?

OP posts:

October · 21/04/2007 10:56

Message withdrawn

belgo · 21/04/2007 11:06

Rebecca11 - I don't think it's cruel for a child to be an only child - but how do you feel about your dp's decision that you won't have any more children?

Do you feel your dp is being cruel to you?

pointydog · 21/04/2007 11:09

I think it's far more important that you focus on what you and your husband want rather than what your child might or might not benefit from.

pointydog · 21/04/2007 11:09

what your child might benefit from in terms of a sibling, I should have added

paddingtonbear1 · 21/04/2007 11:18

i am an only child. dd is too and is likely to remain so (I started late and am not sure we can do it again, financially and otherwise). It's not cruel at all, each to their own - not everyone can have more, and not all siblings get on anyway. My FIL hardly ever sees his brothers. MIL is close to her sister and brother but they live too far away to be much help with their ageing mother, so most of the work there falls to her.

fortyplus · 21/04/2007 11:27

I have 2 boys and they get a lot of pleasure from each other's company, but of course it's not cruel to have an only child.

Most only children that I know receive far more attention from their parents, so are slightly more 'demanding' than those with siblings.

I think you make things easier for yourself by having two, but I certainly wouldn't worry about only having one.

Hulababy · 21/04/2007 11:33

Of course it isn't cruel!!!

Is it cruel to have 2 or more children and then having to share your attention and time between them? Of course not!!!

There are many advantages to having one, and many advantages to having mroe than one. Theere are also disadavnatges to both situations.

I have been told I am cruel for only having one - my 5yo DD. I just don't get it! In what way does she suffer exactly!?!

Having a sibling does not mean they will play and be friends anyway. And siblings, esp when older, are a major factor of disagreements too - in many familes.

twentypence · 21/04/2007 11:36

You think that your dp is being cruel to you by depriving of more children. I don't think your ds will care either way for a long time - and maybe not ever. Stop projecting a feeling onto your son that he hasn't got and may never have. This is about you and your dp.

Gemtubbs · 21/04/2007 14:42

I haven't got any children at the moment, but we're ttc at the mo. I don't see anything wrong with people choosing to have just one child and I don't think it's cruel at all. I agree with and like Smileyspeople reply.

Love Gem.xXx

Kaleidoscope · 21/04/2007 14:49

no its certainly not cruel..there is no unwritten law that says we must have x number of children..I am an only child and am not deprived because i never had any brothers or sisters, and i never had any desire for a sibling.

dizzy36 · 22/04/2007 15:45

Hi rebecca11, hope you've not been frightened away!

I have one ds who is now 7. would love to have another but may not happen. I do feel that he is missing out in some ways...the main one being that he will be alone as an adult as he doesn't really have any cousins either. I have been told I was mean to not give him a sibling! but its not by choice beleive me.

I come from a family of 6 kids and we barely see each other and I have that 'alone' feeling more because we had that closeness when we were young. My Ds won't miss what he's never known. He's a happy, bright wonderful kid who is the light of our life.

If you do feel like your child is missing out do what I do and have his friends round for tea after school and throw parties at every opportunity (easter, halloween, birthdays, barbies in the summer) that are centred round the kids.

I still intend to keep trying for a while longer. If my ds is meant to have a sibling then he will but it won't be the end of the world if it doesn't happen.

drosophila · 22/04/2007 15:51

I think the possible cruelty is not in having one child but in one partner refusing what the other so desperatly wants.

I'm not sure how you overcome this but before I had kids I had no disire to have them but DP did and I knew it was a huge thing to refuse someone so even though it was my body and me having most of the strain I am happy I had children.

motherinferior · 22/04/2007 15:58

I absolutely loathed my sister for about 10 years.

SherlockLGJ · 22/04/2007 16:03

We are so cruel to our only child.

We keep him in the cellar and feed him on fruit shoots, sausage rolls and stolen grapes.

We subject him to trips to restaurants and the park and we take him bike riding and we take him to art galleries.

Somebody call Childline....

LittleSarah · 22/04/2007 16:03

No, of course not.

Original poster

Rebecca11 · 23/04/2007 11:48

Hi everyone. I'm really sorry if I offended anyone with the word 'cruel'. Really bad choice of word. I didn't realise at the time, but I do now.

OP posts:

NKF · 23/04/2007 12:10

The word "cruel" didn't offend me at all. It was just such a strong word and, to my mind, not applicable to the choice to have one child. I suppose I kind of wondered if there was more to it. All the best.

BaronessLazyLine · 23/04/2007 12:16

I think that you are putting your emotions onto your child. Your DS will not know any difference. Maybe he will think that he may have liked a sibling, in the same way that some children would wish to have been an only child, simply wishing for what they don't have.

I think the issue is that you want another child and your DP doesn't.

electra · 23/04/2007 12:17

I'm an only child. My parents only wanted one child. There are some advantages and some disadvantages but I don't think they are cruel

princesscc · 23/04/2007 12:24

There are lots of threads on here about very positive reasons for having one child, whether able to or not. I would suggest that you take a look at them. I've got one child and will only ever have one child. She is good, kind, lovable and not a bit spoilt or lonely. There are always swings & roundabout to one or more children. Horses for Courses as they say, but I think you and dp have some issues to talk out....Good luck

batters · 23/04/2007 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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