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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To think it should not have been possible to conceive with this set of circumstances

32 replies

Cofaidh · 11/09/2017 11:55

DH and I are 42, with a lovely 6 year old DC who was conceived on our first attempt shortly before I turned 36. We haven't tried to conceive again due to our flat being small and also due to pressure of our respective careers. I have been aware of the biological clock in the past few months but we haven't TTC.

One night in mid-August DH was feeling amorous but couldn't find any condoms. I said as my period had only just finished, we could probably get away with not using one. He said "i'm not risking that" then I remembered I had a condom (bought about 2 and a half years ago) in the side pocket of my bag so we used that.

TMI alert - That was the 8th day of my cycle, well before the fertile window. On day 13 of my cycle I had stretchy fertile quality EWCM so probably ovulated on day 14. (I didn't keep a diary, but know the dates exactly, as we were on holiday and had different activities each day so it's easy to work out dates).

On day 20 I was shocked to see what I am certain was implantation bleeding. i had it with my daughter and it was the same, and at the same time in the cycle).

My period did not arrive on Thursday when expected and when i did a pregnancy test on Friday, it came up positive (albeit faint). The next day, my period did come, and when I did another test, there was a hint of a line, but fainter. Today, Monday, I still have my period, and when i tested, there is nothing. So although I had implantation bleeding, the pregnancy did not stick.

On Sunday I said to DH "Don't be shocked, my period has just started but I had a positive pregnancy test yesterday. Not sure if this is breakthrough bleeding or early pregnancy loss, but I do seem to have conceived".

He replied "Do you remember that evening you found a condom in your bag? When we had finished, I noticed it had leaked a tiny tiny amount. I didn't say anything to you as you had been talking about maybe TTC anyway. I just thought I would let nature take its course and if you became preg, we would work things out. And I thought it was too early in your cycle for it to happen anyway."

I am certain it was a chemical pregnancy. As we were not TTC, I am not particularly upset. But it has got me wondering.

The only 2 times we have ever had unprotected sex, we have conceived. The first time, we conceived our daughter. This time, I would have thought the conditions were almost impossible for conception. I am 42, my period had only just finished that day, there was no fertile cervical mucus, the condom only leaked a tiny amount, I was drinking about 6 or 7 cups of coffee a day right up until I saw the positive pregnancy test and I had a glass of wine every night on holiday until the implantation bleeding.
It has now got me wondering whether we should just go for it later this month. When we talked about TTC a few months ago, DH wasn't keen, but I think this has actually made him open to the idea.

Don't know whether the chemical happened because my eggs are too old. Or maybe the sperm had deteriorated after their difficult journey then a long long wait for ovulation. Or maybe it was just one of those things.

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 11/09/2017 12:02

Who knows? Just one of those things really!
You can conceive naturally at 42. Plenty of women do, OP.
Yes, the risk of the pregnancy not going according to plan is real on account of our eggs being older, but this doesn't mean it's impossible.
I had DC3 at 42 and I have a fair number of friends who've had kids at 42, 44, 45, and 46 naturally.

Get a Clear Blue digital ovulation kit, would be my advice. It will really help you to accurately identify your fertile window. Especially in our 40s, our fertile days can be a bit wonky. I've ovulated on day 8, day 13, day 17, etc. So a really good kit can take out the guesswork.

Good luck! I hope you go for it!

TheClaws · 11/09/2017 12:02

[Hmm]

Not quite sure what your AIBU is? I think you could be posting on the wrong board.

Crunchymum · 11/09/2017 12:05

I'm almost 20w with a CD7 baby. No condom but there was no ejaculation inside.

My 2nd child was the result of sex once in 6 weeks. Wasn't tracking cycles so not sure where I was in cycle when we had sex.

DC1 took 18m and 3 miscarriages to conceive.

Happydoingitjusttheonce · 11/09/2017 12:06

Whether you should go for it is a question only you can answer. I do sense a slight bit of upset over the chemical pregnancy so it strikes me that you would like another child, but inferring your partner is open to the idea isnt solid enough. Talk it through, and good luck x

BillBrysonsBeard · 11/09/2017 12:06

You hear so many stories of struggles especially on here OP but sometimes it can happen despite everything working against it. I was prepared for a wait to get pregnant but the first time was with a condom and the furthest day away from ovulation as possible. My second was in the fertile window and first time. It sounds like you have a good chance of getting pregnant again if you have sex at the right time!

Cofaidh · 11/09/2017 12:16

The Claws - Not quite sure what your AIBU is? I think you could be posting on the wrong board.

Hi, just asking whether my disbelief in the fact conception seems to have occurred is unreasonable.

Thanks for replies. I guess I am just a bit dazed as I wasn't expecting to be doing pregnancy tests, and a day after the positive pregnancy test, it was over. I don't think I am upset, just a bit shocked and freaked out.

The spooky thing is that the wonky condom evening was 18th August 2017, and our daughter was conceived on either 17th or 18th August 2010!

OP posts:
blue2014 · 11/09/2017 12:21

Are you not mildly annoyed that your partner didn't mentioned the leaked condom? He decided it was ok and would let nature take its course but didn't give you that choice?

HeartburnCentral · 11/09/2017 12:24

Discuss it with your DH before ttc. Make sure you both want another baby.

FizzyGreenWater · 11/09/2017 12:25

Blue's comment is exactly what I was thinking.

Everything else aside, I cannot tell you how angry I would be in those circumstances - let nature take its course? His decision? No reference to you?

Wow.

kaytee87 · 11/09/2017 12:26

I really think your dh should have mentioned the leaky condom. I'd be furious at my husband in those circumstances.
Other than that I'm not sure what your aibu is.

Dumdedumdum · 11/09/2017 12:27

If you're not sure you want another child I wouldn't ttc, as ttc in your forties can be a heartbreaking journey.

Cofaidh · 11/09/2017 12:28

Hi blue2014. I get what you are saying but no, I am not annoyed, because in the last 3 months or so I have been saying to him "i wonder if we should try for another baby."
He has been musing that he should have told me,. He said he didn't because he knew I had been talking about maybe having another baby. The other thing was that I had told him (truthfully) it was so early in my cycle that I couldn't get pregnant, so it didn't matter too much if he couldn't find a condom. So i am not cross with him at all.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 11/09/2017 12:29

I think you should make your husband aware of the fact that you're a human with a brain of your own and the right to know the circumstances of your own sex life and its implications.

I am sure you will come back to say that it's all fine and you have an understanding between you that if a pregnancy were to occur then that would be great. But that isn't true from the story you've told - you were not TTC, you had discussed it and your DH wasn't keen. For all he knows you could have come to terms with very much not having another pregnancy and, because of his witholding information, could have been denied the chance to take MAP and thus face a much more difficult decision.

FizzyGreenWater · 11/09/2017 12:29

Cross posts.

Londoncheapo · 11/09/2017 12:31

I believe sperm can live inside you for up to seven days.....?

A friend of mine got pregnant at 44 despite using contraception. Not planned or wanted (but she has tried to make the best of it as a single mum).

MatildaTheCat · 11/09/2017 12:32

At 42 you will ovulate more irregularly and also possibly release more eggs. An ovulation kit will be useful if you do decide to Ttc. Just be aware that twin pregnancies are more common in your age group.

Good luck.

PoorYorick · 11/09/2017 12:33

It can happen. That's why the rhythm method is so unreliable. It may be unlikely but it's not impossible. I remember watching some car crash talk show about testing paternity and some guy said he couldn't be the father because they'd done it only one time. Woman turned to him and shouted, "It only takes one time!"

He was the father.

Cofaidh · 11/09/2017 12:33

Hi, just to say I am not angry in any way with my husband, so please stay off that topic. I do get what everyone is saying, and generally agree that it would normally be unacceptable. If I hadn't been talking to him about having another baby, then I know he would have told me.

Also, if he had been desperate for another child, and I didn't want one, then it would have been dreadful for him not to have told me. But that is not what happened, and so i am not upset with him at all.

The AIBU is me asking whether it was unreasonable of me to be so surprised that conception could occur, given that I have a regular cycle, and the fertility signs were not there in thse days.

OP posts:
BeepBeepMOVE · 11/09/2017 12:34

I don't think it's that odd.

1.You aren't ancient,

  1. Old condoms are not reliable especially if its been in a bag exposed to friction and temperature changes,
  2. day 8 shag, ovulation day 13/14.Spuk lasts longer than that.
Dumdedumdum · 11/09/2017 12:35

I would have assumed sperm could easily live long enought to hit your fertile time Confused

TheClaws · 11/09/2017 12:35

Maybe you're new, Cofaid, and don't realise it could be kinder to take a conversation like this to the Conception Board. (You can report your post and ask MN to do this for you). I'm not trying to be arsey.

WorraLiberty · 11/09/2017 12:38

Neither of you decided to definitely try for another baby

Therefore he was out of order to not mention the leaking condom.

NachoAddict · 11/09/2017 12:39

I think sperm can live for 7 days so I am not surprised that you could have conceived which I think is the question you were asking.

Cofaidh · 11/09/2017 12:47

Hi, yes, i don't actually want to have a bunfight about ethical issues so maybe I will have the thread moved thankss.

I did not realise sperm could live for 7 days. I am interested to know whether their genetic material can deteriorate if they hang around for as long as that. Are they genetically fine until they die, or does the quality gradually decrease?

The other puzzling thing for me is that I thought the birth canal was supposed to be hostile to sperm until fertile cervical mucus is present.

OP posts:
Dumdedumdum · 11/09/2017 12:52

A "bunfight about ethical issues" is a strange way to describe posters showing concern that your own husband didn't alert you to a contraception failure. Best of luck whatever you decide.

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