Worried il never have children ..doctor won't help.

[Lousa31]

I'm 31 nearly 32 and for the past 4 months have tried to get pregnant.
I'm a massive healthy anxiety worrier.
I went back and forwards to the doctor who told me to try for a year etc.
Finally a doctor agreed to run some tests.
She did blood tests day 3/21 etc and they came back fine so she reluctantly sent me for a pelvic ultrasound.
That came back fine and yesterday I went to talk about things and she said nothing on the ultrasound was wrong and no reason to believe I had any issues but I've been reading online that it doesn't show endometriosis or if your tubes are blocked.
So it's not much use.
The doctor won't give me a laparoscopy to look for endo and I asked about the test where they inject dye into you to check for blockages but she said no.
I'm just worried that whatever is stopping me getting pregnant is being missed.
My periods are every 29 days and the ultrasound showed I was about to ovulate from my right ovary.
I just don't know what to do now.

Has your dh been checked?

Ask your GP for extra help with the health anxiety - there is help available.
But in the fertility front, do you monitor your cycle? I found the Clearblue fertility monitor brilliant. Try that to see if it helps.
But I agree, four months is nothing.
And you're still v young

I say this kindly:

1. Your doctor would be grossly negligent and irresponsible if she authorised invasive procedures at this point

1. Humans have a really low rate of sperm+egg= healthy baby. For an AVERAGE healthy young couple it takes a few months. That's an average, so for everyone who has nothing wrong with them and gets pregnant immediately there are others who also have nothing wrong with them and take many months. It's just how it is. We are shit at segregation of chromosomes, we create a lot of sub standard embryos that don't make it very far. All this is normal.

I'm 38, trying to ttc my second and I've had a chemical pregnancy and a miscarriage so far. I KNOW that this is within the bounds of normal. No doctor would investigate me just now.

If you want to maximise your chances then look at apps that chart temperature, pee on opk sticks and examine your cervical mucous.

You're also experiencing a high degree of anxiety. Please if you can get some help in place NOW for that, because the hormonal and physical changes that come with pregnancy can worsen anxiety massively.

At this point, there is no reason to suspect anything is wrong. The chances are you will conceive and carry a perfectly healthy child. It may take several more months. If it's not happening for you after a year, then your GP should start more thorough investigation

OP, I think you would be well advised to hold off from ttc until you have your anxiety under control.
I say this because I am not at all an anxious person, but being a mother has made me worry in new and intense ways.
As others have said, 4 months without a pregnancy is no big deal. A laparoscopy is invasive, not entirely without risk and expensive, particularly where there is as yet no reason to think you need one.

I agree with getting your anxiety sorted first before getting pregnant. Otherwise you are more likely to be having a stressful pregnancy and birth, and possibly PND.
You have plenty of time.

Stay calm. I'm 33 and fell pregnant so you have time.

Things to consider:
Have you been on the pill? It might take a while to get out your system. When did you stop taking it?
Are you fit and healthy in other way? Do you eat well and exercise? You'll want to be as fit and healthy and it makes conceiving more likely
Are you calm? I really believe your body protects you. So if you are too stressed your body won't let you get pregnant and put you at more risk

My friends took 6 months on average. I fell within a couple of months but had been off the pill for 18 months.

Look after yourself. And don't let it become you're everything (although I understand how it consumes your mind).

I spent six months trying to conceive. Four months doesn't sound an excessive amount of time at all.

You need to clam down OP!

It's only been 4 months.

Also if you have endometriosis you would know about it.

It can take a couple 2 years with no problems/health reason and feasibly healthy and fit are you on anything for your anxiety?

Also if you have been on pill ect 4 months is no time at all for any of that to be totally out your system that can take up to a year my GP told me and sometimes longer he said.

I really think you need to be on something to manage your anxiety.

Some people could be completely fertile and it take up to a year.

Some people could have fertility problems and are fortunate to conceive first go.

Some people could have this happen and later find out about any issue further down the line when trying for another child.

It's all down to chance. Seriously. There are so many different scenarios.

I'm not surprised your doctor was reluctant to send you for tests. It isn't uncommon for concieving to take a while, not everyone just stops contraception and suddenly gets pregnant. I dont think the Infertility board is the right place to post this either? There are women on here who have been trying and are still trying after many years. Not just 4 months.

You will have to learn to ride out the anxiety and either use self-management strategies to reduce it, or just let it peak and decline. Which it will. Seeking reassurance just lands you in an unproductive vicious cycle.

Op read this ^ its bang on.

All those tests you had didn't help. No matter how many tests you have it won't help. If you have a laparoscopy (which would be medically indefensible at this point) it won't help. You'll just latch onto something else.

The only thing that will help is having strategies to manage the anxiety itself, whether that's trying to reduce it or just cope with it.

I suffered with severe an anxiety and OCD after the birth of my first. I was very, very ill. I'm getting through it now but please, get a grip on the anxiety before you are pregnant

It took me a year to get pregnant the first time round. It eventually happened when I gave up worrying about it, went on holiday and drank a lot of alcohol

The second time we decided to have a second and three weeks later I was pregnant. It's completely random and you need to relax a little.

Hi there OP,

We're just sending this over to our conception topic - we think you'll get some helpful replies over there.

All due respect to those suggesting checking DH/ tracking ovulation but unfortunately with anxiety this kind of advice on how to do ttc "better" can just feed the anxiety. I think getting the anxiety better managed has to be the focus before doing more around ttc (or doing more ttc at all).

@Tiramisu I agree with that. It may well be that they do eventually test his sperm count and they come back as all fine - then what happens? The OP may then be worried about it still as it "should" be happening but isn't. I guess the same applies if it's a low count too but that's probably a different road to take.

OP, I understand that you are having or have had counselling? Has TTC been brought up with them at all? I can understand you perfectly when your anxiety is through the roof as you just want something so bad and it's out of your control. For now, it has been 4 months and your tests have come back clear so far which is wonderful! I would take your GP's advise and go back when a year is up. I know it sounds like a lifetime away but right now, work with your GP.

As someone with sometimes very severe health anxiety, I know this won't help much now but please try to hear... you have to stop thinking about it. Stop googling. Stop reading about possible problems. Find sonething else to focus on. You are young and the tests you have had show there are no problems, so you're just going to have to wait it out.

If you're having CBT you'll know how to address your worries - head on. Make a list of what you're worried about, and how you would deal with each problem if it happened. It will help you realise that none of these problems have actually happened yet. And if they do happen, you can and will cope.

I'm a healthy person. We've been ttc for 11 months but nothing. I've been through some basic tests but nothing more until 18 months of trying.

Each month, you have a very small fertile window and an ever smaller chance of conceiving - it is normal! It can take healthy and normal couples up to two years to conceive!

What will not help, however, is the amount of stress you're putting yourself under. It can delay periods and even ovulation, messing up your cycle. As someone who suffers from anxiety, I know it's hard to manage but your anxiety levels now will be nothing compared to the levels you will experience when pregnant and a new mother. For your sake, and any childs, please try to get it under control. I find practicing mindfulness and yoga has helped dramatically.

Has your partner been tested?

My GP wouldn't consider me for tests until we had tried for over a year and I was 38.

I agree that you need to sort your anxiety out as a priority over getting pregnant.
You think you're anxious now, what are you going to be like through the pregnancy? Even the calmest mums to be panic with twinges and bleeds etc. It won't do you or the baby any good. Please concentrate on getting yourself better because from what you've put about your experience so far with the dr it looks like you're physically healthy enough to be trying just not mentally prepared

The most important thing for you seem to be to actively address your anxiety.

Nobody knows what their fertility is like until they try to use it and it is always a bit of a game of roulette.
Your doctor is right to not subject you to risky and at this point inappropriate investigations.

Have regular unprotected intercourse (no more than every other day during the middle 10 days of your cycle assuming a monthly one), take pre-conception vitamins (Folic acid and Vit D) and accept that there is a bit of magic or something involved that defies logical explanation.

I think maybe a while out from TTC to focus on your counselling might be a good idea - because your health anxiety is the actual issue here, not your fertility, and I can't honestly see how you'd cope with pregnancy if you feel this way after 4 months TTC with no sign of any problems whatsoever.

I'm amazed you managed to get this far with tests after 4 months tbh, took me a lot longer even with warning signs.

Get some ovulation tests , have sex every day when you are ovulating . You can only get pregnant a few days every month so concentrate your energy on working out when that is .. also stick your legs in the air straight after sex for a while .. sounds bonkers but I know so many people who this ha worked for .

You need to address your anxiety before ttc imo.
Pregnancy would bring a multitude of problems except it wouldn't just impact on you anymore.
Be responsible about this

You're not thinking rationally. This is anxiety talking...

I've been ttc for nearly a year and a half and have had to beg for the same tests. Leave the NHS resources alone for women who need them. You've got to play the game and wait in the queue. You taking up the time of an infertility clinic puts someone who has waited further down the queue. Your surgery would bump someone who's been ttc at least a year and a half (if not much longer).

With a 20% chance of falling pregnant each cycle, about 80% will become pregnant in a year.

Honestly you need to address this anxiety. Your post is a bit offensive to people going through actual infertility, as at this stage, yours is perceived, not real. Leave ttc for a few months to work on you. Be the best you that you can for your future child(ren).

I do hope you get the help you need - and not with ttc...

Be kind to yourself. You're hurting yourself right now...