When is the right time to have a baby?

[Gangle]

Hello everyone. First time on mumsnet and not yet pregnant so not really sure I should be on here but . . . question: When is the right time to have a baby? I'm 30 (31 in August) and got married last year and have started feeling v.broody of late. However, I have some reservations which mainly revolve around getting fat, feeling unattractive, loss of independence, leaving a fab job and never having quite the same relationship with my hubbie. Did anyone else have these fears and, if so, what did you do to overcome them? Any thoughts greatly appreciated.

Hi Gangle
me again! Another thing to bear in mind is that we are built to have babies and there is no reason that you body should look terrible afterwards. If you eat properly, which I'm sure you will, then you won't lose your figure. A few stretch marks aren't the end of the world and it's only your DH who will ever see them anyway and I'll never understand women who put up with men who critise their bodies. You're bring his child into the world so he can put up with a few wee lines on your tummy! As someone said ealier, their husband doesn't care and I'm sure yours won't either. Having said that I am the last person in the world to let themseleves go so I'm not of the 'hey I've had a baby let's let it all hang out' school of thought. If you look after yourself your figure will not be that different afterwards. My mum tells me all the time that she was back in her size 10 jeans with in a matter of weeks after I was born and she's no dieter let me tell you!
Do not equate being pregnant with being fat - you will look gorgeous and all the running around afterwards will keep you in shape. Most of my mates who have had babies are slimmer now than before because they have little kids to chase after.

gangle re your figure changing, well yes it does of course. Personally I love watching the bump grow and I also really like my maternity wardrobe! In fact, if we do have a third can't wait to get them out again. I've had a summer and winter baby-if I had planned it to the finest detail would probably have picked to have a baby in the spring-but there you go-these things aren't completely in your control.

Without any effort both times I have been back in my pre-pregnancy clothes quite quickly (by that I mean within a few months-I assume breastfeeding helps)but my stomach muscles certainly aren't what they used to be (and they weren't anything to write home about in the first place.) Most of my mates look pretty slim after babies-we all worked in offices and there is no sitting at a desk all day anymore immediately after giving birth!

Not everyone gets stretch marks

Hi Gangle... like you I'm 30, nearly 31. No kids and not pregnant but have spent the last couple of years thinking about it, trying to find the right time. I moved jobs last year so had to put off trying for a while, didn't want to take a new job and then disappear. Now I'm in a job I love but I know I can come back to it after maternity leave. Still there are reasons not to try - possibility of a big promotion, small flat but can't afford to move anywhere bigger, the state of the world generally, all sorts of 'buts'. But the biggest thing is DP and I feel ready, we want to be parents, not just 'I want a baby' but we can see ourselves one day dealing with a hulking great surly teenager, probably going insane but doing our best. And who knows how long we'll be trying before we manage to conceive, we've only just started!

I've gone on and on... what I mean is there wont be a right time. But if it's what you want (and I guess it must be or you wouldn't be on this site) just do it.

Hulking great teenagers are more fun than babies! Don't get me wrong... I worshipped mine the minute they were born, but it really is just the start of a wonderful relationship. My children's friends are brilliant people, too - I love 'em all. How cheeeesy is that? But it's true, I promise. We owe it to the world to give it some lovely people who will make it a better place.

Though if I'd never had babies and read something like that I'd be vomiting by now!

Hi everyone

I've been loitering for the past couple of months but only just joined....
I'm 34, 35 at the end of this year and BF just turned 30.
We've been together 4.5 yrs now and had the baby talk 2 years ago. I've always been much keener than him to start a family. He has a son from aprevious relationship who is 9. It was very hard for him & his ex when their son was born as they had no money and were quite young.
We decided we'd start trying last summer and had a big holiday at the beginning of last year in the hope it'd be our last for a while. Just as summer approached and we decided to start trying BF lost his job. We again had to put off trying. Although he is now working, the drop in salary is so great that we really cant afford for me to take time off work whilst pregnant/on maternity. We then have the nightmare of childcare and the huge cost.
But all these sensible, rational thoughts cannot deter us from wanting a baby.
We have been ttc 4 months now with no luck so far. We will have 9 months to get ready and by that time he will hopefully have a much better paid job. We had begun saving for our little one so have that to fall back on and have looked at several ways we can save each month when the time comes. Most of all we have each other and we'll manage. It's what we both want and I really feel if we wait too much longer it may never happen and we'll always find an excuse to say the times not quite right..

There is no 'right' time in my opinion but there is probably 'better' times ( eg finacially and house space etc)
Dp and I had both said we wanted kids in the future maybe when DP turned 30 (2009 and im 3 years younger) but then fate took the decision out of our hands and DS was born last july!
When we found out I was pregnant it was a massive shock but we both found ourselves excited and looking forward to it.
We live away from both our families and found it very hard to start with but now DS is 8 months old and life has never been better -yes we dont get to go out and we have to budget alot more but a smile from DS makes it all seem irrelevant and we wouldnt be without him.
At the end of the day you cope because you have to and its amazing how things you worried about during pregnancy (finances,social life and careers etc) just dont seem as important or work themselves out once your little bundle arrives
So I say go for it and enjoy it x

Hello, Gangle. I just know you'll be a WONDERFUL mummy!

Hi gangle,

Haven't read all the other messages so sorry if I'm repeating what someone else has said, but just wanted to say that I think all women worry about getting fat and not being as attractive and your relationship changing and I know I did, but I think i speak for most mums when i say that once you've actually had your baby all these things fade into insignificance (the first two anyway) and although your relationship changes, it often changes for the better

I had dd (17 months) when I was 31 and can't imagine how I used to spend my time before, now that I have her. She is without doubt the best thing that as ever happened to me or dp and I never imagined that I was capable of loving someone so much or being so happy. I know it sounds cheesy but motherhood makes you cheesy!

I say go for it and in a year's time you'll be posting nauseating messages like this to other mums-to-be!!