Thread 25. TTC #1 - February Fertility Fighters on the FRONTLINE

[AlexiaB]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has somewhat worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We've ditched the Gregorian calendar in favour of the TTC Cycle Day calendar, and we don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

We have a new Grad's Thread. We recently lost a whole load of ttc veterans to the good side and we're absolutely desperate to join in the fun! May 2017 lead us all to upduffed heaven and the Grad's thread, amen.

We don't have rules as such but expect to be talked down from the ledge with kind but firm words if you get too hysterical. But most importantly, don't convince yourself that you're pregnant in the tww. That is paramount!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Oh flash you poor thing. I also suffer with anxiety and panic, it always amazes me how many people this affects. I've had medication and therapy over the years, and found CBT very helpful. I also second hep that regular exercise helps. Hope you are feeling better soon 🌸

You are all amazing! I felt I was going mad. Sorry that so many of you have been through something similar but nice to know I'm not alone.

How are you doing Jam?

Feeling a bit better than yesterday thanks but still not great! I'm just wiped out, it's so boring. Trying to read this Atwood I've been reading for weeks but struggling...

flash I've had bad anxiety since last summer I was having what felt like constant attacks from the moment I woke until I went to bed again, god knows how I got through work each days I felt totally spaced out. My counsellor said to imagine yourself like a bucket gradually filling with water then one day just the littlest thing can tip the water over the edge. This is what happened to me. There was no big event, nothing, just lots of bits of things that gradually pushed me over the edge. Counselling helps, CBT. I've also this weekend started taking lavender Kalms and they actually seem to be working to just take the edge off things. I didn't want to start taking full on meds because of the TTC thing, I realise lavender is not advised when pregnant but figure they will be easy to come off (no addiction risk) if I ever get my BFP.
Glad you have someone to support you this is the most important thing. Talk to them and tell them all the things you are thinking and feeling no matter how mad you think they are, it really helps.
There are also a few apps that can help Stop, Breathe, Think is great.
Big love x

Ooo which one?

And yes Kwick I love call the midwife. Last night's episode was so sad in so many ways. Keeping my FX for the Turners!

I am going mental here. I feel pregnant and I keep telling myself that it's all my head (like it always is) but something is not right. My belly feels bloated and solid, I have had light cramping AF feelings since CD1, my senses are accute (hearing/sight). Someone talk me down from this ledge please, I just can't deal with it when it's another BFN.

Skipper your symptoms may mean something good, but they might just be normal but nothing related to potential pregnancy. How many DPO are you?

Skipper I really hope you are pregnant. I was a bit convinced this month too, had this weird burning sensation in my boobs, very strong sense of smell, very bloated and windy. It's so easily done even after ttc a long time. I really hope you are right but if you can, try and keep a lid on it as the disappointment can be so crushing. Keeping everything crossed for you. Are you going to test Thursday?

You're certainly not alone flash, sadly it affects a lot more people than you would think but it is something you can get under control . I had CBT therapy to help cope with it and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself. My anxiety was around the fear of fainting in public, even though that had/has never happened! I had therapy for just over a year but that was more because I found it improved so many other areas of my life rather than I needed it to control the anxiety (if that makes any sense?!). The thing I would say is just be kind to yourself through it all, I was really hard on myself initially and got annoyed that I'd let myself get in that state but once I learnt to be compassionate towards myself it really helped

miranda I totally agree with you on the CBT thing it's actually helped me lots with loads of other areas of my life too for example TTC!! My anxiety was around feeling sick and nauseated (which if I do ever get preggo morning sickness is a big fear now so hopefully the CBT will set me up for this).
flash anxiety in itself can lead you to wanting to urinate more frequently so that fear might in itself be leading you to actually get the physical symptoms like a weird crazy cycle! I had this with nausea, the anxiety of nausea itself made me nauseated and which the led to more anxiety and it just kept going round and round and round...you need to try to break the cycle somehow.

my anxiety is based (or manifests?) on my house falling down..... crack in the plaster ->must be subsidence -> house falling down. slight damp patch in wall, or carpet -> house falling down. Too much clutter in attic -> well then surely it will fall down and take all the ceilings out -> house falling down. Too much slamming the door shut -> house falling down. GrumpyOldCat staring at wall-> He knows the house is falling down !!!

(and yes i have spent money on damp and structural surveys) Logic tells me it is irrational, but that isn't how anxiety works. And i know it is a symptom of other stress or things going on.

In conclusion flash you are not alone

I found that cross-stitch helped me. Although it has been giving me headaches, so perhaps I will restart trying to teach myself to crochet instead.

skip I really do hope your symptoms mean something amazingly positive but try to balance those thoughts with the fact that they can all be linked to something else. Last month I had bigger boobs than usual from ovulation onwards which never happens to me, I also had nausea and heightened taste so I did wonder if preg but it just must have been a weird hormone thing or because I was getting a rottton cold who knows! Perhaps just try to not symptom spot as much and just wait for the first sign of no AF then get excited. It's a real tough one because we are all hoping so much for that BFP!

Missy yes, I think it is all linked to anxiety, as the last few days I've been not allowing myself to go for at least 2 hours, and realising that most of the time I don't actually need to go even after 3 or 4 hours! And making myself breathe through what I think is an urge to go, and realising it isn't, its part of the panic attack.

Yeah I felt like I didn't have any reason to be stressed because I have a nice life and a lovely DH and so my wanting a baby/feeling grief for my ectopic was unreasonable when everything else was so good. So I think I ignored it because it felt self-indulgent. Which is awful as I would never think that of any of my friends/family/anyone if the situation was reversed.

Yay do you know what I love to hear that we are all normal and all have normal anxieties you can totally feel alone in this because no one shares due to stigma but we are all here talking about it
hep you totally sound like me in some respects - catastrophising (that's what my counsellor calls it) imagining the worst about things! Yours is around your house, mine is around health.

flash you should never feel bad about grief and an ectopic is a pretty big thing on many levels both physically and mentally. I'm the same so happy with brill family and so amazingly supportive DH, a job I love (albeit stressful) and so much positive l couldn't figure out why I was turning into a shell of myself and not wanting to go out or socialise like I usually do. It was so weird. But what you need to think about is that no matter how strong others seem to be a lot of the time they are going through similar things as you it's just we all cover it up due to stigma associated with anxiety and mental health.
We all need to make sure we look after our minds especially with TTC because anxiety and stress can really impact on getting pregnanct as well, not always but it can. TTC itself as we have all seen on this thread many times can get us all anxious and down so we need to continue to talk about it here to help us all though!
Much positivity and to all x

skipper look after yourself. step away from the ledge and have a nice cup of (decaf?) tex

*tea not tex

Tea fixes everything Hep (well it certainly helps for a while anyway!)

Hey skipper - I really really hope those are good signs, and they could be, but like others have said, try and counteract those thoughts with "it may be nothing." I know it's hard - the last few days are always the most difficult and I know you've been having to deal with the disappointment for far longer than I have. The HSG can't help but raise hopes as well, I know mine are raised. But like you said to me, we've got three cycles of increased fertility, so all is definitely not lost if this isn't the one. Big hugs to you xx

Jam - sorry to hear you are still feeling unwell, definitely seems to be some kind of virus. I would stay clear of the ibuprofen if you can, just to be safe. Try some paracetemol and a hot bath - that always gives me a degree of comfort with any illness.

Hep - yeah if you can still hobble on it, probably not broken. Just a very bad sprain - they can be pretty nasty though. Hope you can take it easy this week!

Flash - shit Flash, sounds bad. I get panic attacks when driving normally bought on by stressful situations so can relate. The best thing to do is to warm yourself up to those situations, so sit in the car for 10 minutes one day or go for a walk round the block and then build up slowly from there. Hep has already mentioned this, but caffeine reduction is an absolute must - it will make your panic attacks worse.

Thanks for all your comments girls, I am like a broken record every cycle and I hate it - I'm sorry if you are sick of hearing this every month. I don't believe it but I want to believe it so I get torn between these two scenarios. My brain is over analysing everything and getting me excited but in my heart I know its all complete bull. I will test on Thursday morning as I've got to have a filling at the dentist in the avo, so its as good a excuse as any. Then I can get out of this terrible limbo.

You ladies are amazing! Reading you talk about anxiety is so refreshing

flash you really hit the nail on the head with feeling like grief/anxiety over TTC feels self indulgent when everything else is good in life. That's exactly how I've felt. i wouldn't allow myself to grieve much about my chemical pregnancy as it felt it wasn't as bad as what other people might be going through. When you take a step back, its such a silly thing to think

I run to cope with my stress and anxiety. Its the only time that my head completely empties. Finding any activity that stops you focusing on whats happening in your head is really important.

hep I hope you find something else to do while your foot heals up. maybe swimming? And get icing and elevating!

Not a broken record in sight skipper! If we can't unleash the crazies here, then where can we?! I'm pretty sure this site is preventing me from driving DH and friends around the bend or being being sectioned.

This week is draaaaaaaging. Felt a bit of heaviness in womb area this afternoon - probably that lining prepping for imminent evac.

sk1pper, I go through exactly the same emotions you describe each cycle. That desire to believe it is so strong isn't it? I can't tell you how much I'm hoping that this is your cycle though.

Agree with running and yoga to deal with anxiety. I was such a laid back person when I was younger but I've definitely struggled a lot more as I've got older (despite the fact that I have a life that I adore). The combo of TTC and some other stuff over the last year or so has really tested me. Like Missy says, sometimes it's just the accumulation of everything and it can be the smallest thing that just tips you over the edge and even if you know logically that it's not a big deal or you shouldn't worry about it, it's so hard to deal with.

Cramps getting worse so AF will probably arrive overnight. In good news though, I may not have to rearrange my appointment on Thurs as my boss is trying to cancel his work trip so he can go to the meeting instead of me.

Hey flash! I'm another one that struggles with anxiety. Mine shows itself at night time, and keeps me awake worrying about things that I KNOW are ridiculous but I can't stop worrying about them. It's awful. I try and listen to audio books to help me sleep, and when I drive so my mind can't wander as much into overdrive. Hope this helps. Keep strong and remember we are all hear for you.

Skip, I'm exactly the same. Symptom spotting more than I ever have before. I've survived the day of my cycle that AF arrived on last month (well, touch wood as we still have a few hours to go yet today). Feel bloated, windy, cramps for a few days but not as strong as period pains, really weird taste in my mouth which is also making me feel sick. Arrrrrrrghhhh it's so hard not to symptom spot. Fingers crossed for you. Thursday is day 28 and last 3 Cycles have been 33,27,24 days so was going to go with Thursday as a test day but I really want to POAS tomorrow!!!! When are you going to test?

Thursday too MrsBlue - in the morning. Fx for you (and me) and everyone else in the terrible and depressing 2ww.

So so bloated and so much cramping if it's AF I wish she'd just show up already.