Is this my first BFP?

[RainbowsAndLemonDrops]

I'm sat shaking. We've been trying to conceive in what seems like forever! Is this my first BFP?!

violet I've wanted this for so long and thought he did too. Nothing makes sense right now, i'm sat at work sobbing.

Before I found out I was pregnant, I told him my boobs hurt and he replied saying "I feel you are pregnant, congratulations my love, we have a baby on the way! and a silly/happy face. Now I really am. He's very calm and saying it's ok you can have an abortion, we'll pay to go private and is bombarding me with private clinics. I want this baby, i'm not sure I want to raise it alone and I don't want to lose him but he isn't my first priority at the minute.

I'm hoping it's shock. It's all surreal

I'm panicking, what if he doesn't change his mind? There's no way we can stay together. I don't want to do it alone.

He wants you to abort and still stay together? You know you won't be able to do this happily. You will resent him. It sounds strange. You planned this together.

He can't control you like this. I'm really hoping he's in shock. Try to stay calm and remind him you've been planning this together for a year.

How long have you been together?

I really do think starting a thread in relationships would be helpful. More insightful women would see it and help you work your way through this.

By the way, many women do do it alone, and very successfully. There are many threads here of women getting through this alone.

I actually didn't find it easy to do it WITH DH as he found the baby stage tough.

Rainbows congrats on your pregnancy. It must have brought you so much happiness after a year of ttc.
I am sorry your partner is being an asshole. But just know that you don't have to make a decision straight away and the decision you take should be yours and yours alone. Can you report your own thread to MNHQ and ask to be reposted to relationships where you will get a lot of advice from many lovely wise mnetters.

and I will echo Violet and say yes you can do it alone.
There's only the unknown to fear but there's a lot of help out there and you will get through it. Do you have friends and family you can talk to irl?

Oh how horrible OP... have you tried asking him what his reasons are?

Tbh if i was you i would be prepared to go it alone... a mothers love for a child is much greater than the love for a man

Thank you so much ladies. I've asked his reasoning, why he had unprotected sex with me almost daily for over a year and why he's being so brutal right now. Not much of an answer to any of my questions...

But I've wiped my eyes, put some powder on and refreshed my lipstick. I've drove to Asda and got myself another pregnancy test that gave me two huge immediate pink lines that gave me that lovely warm, excited feeling inside.

I've wanted this for so long and he will not take that away from me. It's so sad, in the whole time we've been together he's never once not supported me through anything. He's my world but absolutely not my first priority now.

Fuck him - i'll absolutely do this thing on my own!

Good attitude Rainbows! You will be fine, with wobbles yes but fine.
As a mother myself, I can tell you the love for a child is bigger than the love for a man. Start building your support system, get all your plans together and you will make it.

Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS

Secondly, I Agree with blacknred, good attitude!!!

Make your decision wisely, you can do this rainbows ..seem like a strong lady to me

Cant believe what I'm reading!? What a strange reaction if its been planned? This must be horrible for you. Try not to stress. Easy said I know... Hopefully he will come round. If not, you will do just fine. You have been blessed with this baby for a reason. If I was in your situation I would ask him to leave until he can discuss this like adults xxx

That's the response. My friends and family don't yet know I'm pregnant so I'd prefer to keep it quiet. They'd be outraged! My heart is in my mouth. I've attached the last message I've sent to him. We've never had a proper argument before, it's all horrible, he's my best friend.

Thank you so much for your congratulations.

Wow i didn't expect this!

What a mature message to him, i hope it's just complete shock on his behalf and perhaps him going to his mums might clear his head and a good talk from her might help too

Good luck Rainbow

Good message, well done Rainbows. He may still come round but I'd be pretty shaken by this. If he does, I'd consider some counselling to make sure you both know where you stand and where you're headed.

I cant see the message pic won't load on my phone. Hope all is ok. X

Has he responded to your message?

I never expected this either. Our relationship is perfect (well obviously not now) we compliment each other so well and bring out the best in each other. I've never seen this side to him. My heart is breaking. I'll try and focus on myself and my baby and do my best to ensure this pregnancy ends well.

It's planned why is he doing this?

I came across your thread this morning and was so excited for you and remembered the times I got my BFPs with my 2 babies and felt a stab of jealousy and wistfulness at the wonderful times ahead you were going to face.

Then I read on about your DH's response I was going out so put your thread on my watch list to return to later and respond.

As others have said it could be shock from him. However that is no fucking excuse tbh. Especially after you've BOTH been trying to conceive for a YEAR. When I told my then DP about our first pregnancy we had, at that time, been FWBs only for an extremely short time I wasn't long out of a very long term serious relationship and it was not ideal timing in the slightest. However he was amazing and we'd only been together 5 minutes and when drunk! We're now married with another baby. I'm not trying to make you feel worse, what I'm trying to say was that your "man" should have feigned being delighted and should have been extremely supportive even if he was shitting himself underneath as mine probably was although he has never once said that or admitted it to me to this day - even when asked!

Your H will probably come round. However I personally would not forgive and certainly not forget very easily. How dare he taint this moment for you like this when, by the sounds of it, he's been more than a willing participant until now?! Dick. Sorry but I'm extremely angry on your behalf!

Your H will probably come round. However I personally would not forgive and certainly not forget very easily. How dare he taint this moment for you like this when, by the sounds of it, he's been more than a willing participant until now?! Dick. Sorry but I'm extremely angry on your behalf!

Me too. Silly arse!

Oh my goodness!? Wtf is up with him?!

Your message is perfect, I hope it brings him to his senses.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

dance i'm so glad things worked out for you. Your DH sounds lovely. You've hit the nail on the head, he should be happy and if he was scared, anxious or shitting himself he should deal with it properly. Not bombard me with abortion links and say he'll pay for me to go private. I am distraught, he's not normally this selfish or thoughtless. He has a daughter from a previous relationship and adores her. Is it just because he doesn't see a future with me, what is wrong with me?

I feel like this is what i've wanted for so long and he's dampening this very special and exciting time for me. He's asked to still go for dinner tomorrow, do I go? he's not staying with me tonight. I'm crying again.

He already has a daughter? Bloody hell its not like he hasn't been here before then?

No. Don't go to dinner. He needs to work a lot harder than one day away from you to make up for this.

polly he just keeps saying sorry, he asked if we can still go for dinner tomorrow as he's been looking forward to spending time with me. He's still being so nice and loving, except towards my pregnancy.

I was in a very similar position last year, my DP wanted a baby, I got my bfp and he had a meltdown! He wouldn't really speak to me and didn't know if he wanted the baby- it was the most awful time.

A few days later I made him tell his dad (they are so so close) and he was suddenly happy about the pregnancy and apologised to me. I think his dad being excited made him feel like all would be okay.

To skim over the next 9 months he was a different person to the one I agreed to marry just 4 days before my bfp, I didn't feel supported and felt like he was keeping me around purely because I was pregnant. He took some interest in the pregnancy, he didn't say it wasn't what he wanted but he has since admitted he was stressed at the thought of having a baby and that is what caused him to behave the way he did.
To be honest, I struggled with the idea of being pregnant too even though he was planned and very much wanted.

Fast forward to now and our little boy is 5 weeks old and his dad adores him and can't believe that he ever doubted the pregnancy and can't believe he acted like he did when he loves the baby like he does. He is a different person, intact he's back to the man I agreed to marry. He has apologised endless times for the way he was, it doesn't make it okay but I love him and want our family to be the best it can be so I'm keeping my (bit of) resentment to myself and enjoying having the man I know and love back and seeing him dote on his little boy.

I'm not saying it will be the same for you but I just wanted to share my experience and hope all works out for you as it has for us. I found the thought of having a baby and the reality was massively different but when he's here you wonder what the worry was for.

Is there anyone he can talk to about the pregnancy who can give him a bit of tough love? To tell him everything will be okay? He might need a few days to get his head together, he doesn't deserve your compassion right now but if you give him a bit of time you might find he realises what a mistake he is making.

I'm not making excuses for him, far from it but it's a massive life changing event and there is stress that comes with that. It would be such a shame for him to ruin your relationship only to find 9 months down the line he'll love that little person more than anything and wish he could go back in time and change his complete outlook.

I really feel for you, you can never get this moment back and I know how horrible it is for it to be ruined like this but your baby will be so worth it.

I really wish you all the best

Sorry posted too soon. Yes, he has a daughter already, he's absolutely fantastic with her. A real doting dad, another reason I thought i'd be ok trying for a baby with him, he actually is an amazing dad.