Thread 21 TTC #1 - The one where all our cycles went haywire but we DID NOT GIVE UP

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Calling all clomid-ers, OPK-ers, temp-ers and anyone else on the TTC Bus.

We are long past cervix prodding (in fact we know where it is at any given time just by closing our eyes) and we have ditched the Gregorian calendar in favour of the TTC Cycle Day calendar. We don't do baby dust, or baby-dancing, we just keep legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX) We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate, but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face. You get kwick-cake if you behave, and talked down from the ledge when you need it.

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share....

Morning girls

SO hoping to see some BFPs this week!

Currently glugging water for my ultrasound - I'm not very good at putting water away quickly! It makes me feel sick! Plus I'm nervous. What if I don't have any ovaries

Also - meant to add I've popped tonight's Panorama on Fertility Clinics on record. Thanks for the recommend.

No ovaries, Jam? I think you'll be assured they'll at least find them! I know what you mean though but try not to be nervous - you'll be getting some questions answered at last. I'm in for an ultrasound in the next couple of weeks myself (FINALLY) and it can't come soon enough - I want to know if anything's blocked or if I have cysts or something. Anything that I can fix and identify as a problem that's been holding things up would be fabulous.

I have a lot of days these days where I feel like I'm kidding myself and it will never happen for me - that something about me was put together wrong and I'll be physically incapable of having a baby. I've had to stop myself imagining what it'll be like to tell people I'm pregnant. It even hurts to type about imagining the actual experience of being pregnant. We all want this so badly and I'm sitting here feeling shaky and slightly tearful trying to keep it all together.

This post started off meaning to be comforting and it somehow veered off track. Sometimes I think I'd benefit from speaking to a therapist to get all this off my chest - but I'm so very glad this safe place is here. I know I don't post often but I know here that we're all in this together and all know how it feels to want something so badly for so long.

It will happen. It WILL. I have a friend who waited FOUR YEARS and got pregnant - her Facebook is now full of baby bump pictures. If she can wait that long and not lose hope then I need to stay positive. I've barely started to try in comparison!

Hugs to all here, and LSFX ...

No worries kav! I'm holding out as I can't handle another bfn :( will try to wait until later this week. Af may well come today, but I haven't had any symptoms yet.

Good luck london, you'll be fine

Good luck with the ultrasound Jam

London - good luck for your ultrasound, trying to create and maintain a full bladder is a horrible experience. I was glad when the lady said I could empty mine for the internal part.

Scan done, all good. Had to go internal to see everything clearly but it was fine, only a tiny bit uncomfortable. The sonographer confirmed I have a retroverted uterus, which I already knew about, and said everything looks completely normal. She said she could see I had recently ovulated from my left ovary.

So I've got to repeat the blood test to check my prolactin then see the GP again to discuss all the results and be referred.

Am relieved but just impatient

Good news London, Great that everything seems ok though totally understand the impatience. Hang on in there- FX your BFP is just around the corner

I'm amazed they can see so much on those machines but really glad there aren't any unknown issues for you xx

Skipper it is amazing isn't it. She showed me the corpus luteum on my ovary where the egg had come out. It was really clear!

Thanks binky

Sat in work toilets crying. I'm pretty sure AF is coming. I just wiped and it had splodges of fresh and brown blood, I've wiped again and nothing. Gutted.

:( and for you Mouse. Be gentle to yourself and maybe indulge in a little wine/cake/your treat of choice this evening. AF can fuck off.

Oh mouse I'm so sorry is it more like spotting or definitely af?

sorry mouse how long will that make your cycle is this is AF? I hope its a sign that your cycles are becoming more regular, if it is.

Well I waited an hour and checked. Nothing. But I'm having mild tummy ache. It's CD24 today for me. 8DPO. I'll wait to see if it comes tonight. Looks like Rome conception is up the swanny lol

Mouse - how's your chart? Could be implantation spotting! FX

Mouse - sorry hun, it's fucking terrible when you have the feeling AF is on its way. I hope you are taken by surprise and it's just implantation bleeding. Hope you're ok xx

I'm not convinced my chart is very accurate this cycle. I've been temping at random times as I've not really been sleeping well. And today I got a very very low temp (35.34) followed by the one I added to the chart so I think my thermometer is probably crap too. I don't know what's going on. Trying not to stress myself out. I'm gonna go to the gym after work to clear my head. I've been a bit of a muddle recently. Getting the wrong tram home, forgetting to put washing liquid in the machine, spacing out.

I'm having waves of tummy ache. More so on the left side. I'll keep you updated. I'm ok.

mouse yes, it's hard to tell from the chart. If you feel like temping is stressing you out a bit you could try giving it a break for a while? Going to the gym sounds like a great idea. I went for a jog yesterday to achieve the same thing.

I'd echo Music's advice, Mouse - I temped every day for the first 4 or so months and had to stop as it was basically dictating what kind of a day I would go on to have. If my temp was low in the TWW then the day would be shit and I would be grumpy from the moment I opened my eyes. I've found it's less stressful just to keep an eye on CM and do OPKs so I don't miss ovulation.

Mouse - I'm not temping seriously this cycle. Just taking my temp as and when I get up and not even looking at the chart. Normally I'd set my alarm for 7, take the temp then lie awake unable to get back to sleep - at the weekends it's really shit. I'm off this week and just being casual about it, temps seem much less all over the place so wondering if I was stressing over it before causing it to fluctuate. I might stop doing it altogether, it seems a bit unnecessary and it's not doing an awful lot for me personally.

So sorry Mouse really hope it's not AF

It's an interesting one I think. The reason I started temping was because I wasn't getting +ve OPKs and my LP was so short I wasn't sure I was even ovulating. So it was reassuring from that perspective. But the stress of temping in the tww is pretty awful when you get a bad temp. I agree that it can ruin your day, kav!

To be honest I'm not that fussed about temping. I log each day but unless I remember I might not look at it for a few days. If that makes sense.

I've not had anymore loss. Possibly a tiny tiny bit of light pink. I'll see if eating triggers AF. I think it was just the initial shock that rocked me. Wasn't expecting to see that. I'm not sure what spotting is but there was a bit of fresh blood (maybe 2cm) and then little globs of dark stuff (0.5cm) which kinda looked like coloured cm? Maybe I'm spotting? I had twinges last night. Should have known.

I really hope it's implantation bleeding Mouse the cramps and spotting do for the bill along with being 8dpo.