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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Young and ttc

56 replies

ThoughtHurricane · 09/03/2016 21:01

I'm just about to turn 18 and my partner is 32. We're engaged, about to move in together and we're trying for a baby. We both want this. I'm not looking for lectures about how I'm to young instead I'm just looking for general advice? Or anyone in the same boat as me? Thanks x

OP posts:
SpeakNoWords · 10/03/2016 12:20

Some women find the 1st trimester the hardest part of being pregnant, as "morning" sickness can be really unpleasant. Also, some women experience extreme tiredness in those early stages, which can be difficult alongside the constant nausea.

One thing that you have plenty of is time. I would live together for 3 months minimum, before trying to get pregnant. Make sure that you get on and everything's ok before you add more things into the mix. It's no time at all in the grand scheme of things, a tiny tiny fraction of your life.

(Btw, I would give the same advice to anyone who was considering ttc but wasn't yet living with their partner)

TheCrumpettyTree · 10/03/2016 12:21

I have to be honest, buying baby things before you're even pregnant doesn't make any sense at all. It could take ages to conceive, longer than you realise. There are always sales and baby events. You're not missing out by holding off. You seem very impatient and want to have everything right now.

GummyBunting · 10/03/2016 12:22

I would say you need to wait until you've been living together for a little while (nothing to do with age).

Have you been together very long? If you've been together less than 3 years and also never lived together, bringing a baby into the mix is a real gamble.

tabulahrasa · 10/03/2016 12:37

I hope they've been together less than 3 years as she'd have been 14 3 years ago...

The point about living together first is to make sure you can both happily live together and iron out any issues before adding a baby into it, if you got pregnant now, moved in and actually you were completely incompatible - it's too late, there's already a baby on the way.

You're not actually thinking through what people are telling you about why you should wait, which is kind of at odds with how mature you seem to think you are.

The reason people wait is to make sure it's the right time, not for your sake but because the best possible start for a child's life involves more than taking some vitamins and smoking a bit less.

JanetOfTheApes · 10/03/2016 12:40

If you really were mature for your age, you wouldn't be thinking of having a baby at 17, with a much older man you barely know. The very fact you want to do this means you absolutely shouldn't be.

If you do this you will regret it for the rest of your life.

mouldycheesefan · 10/03/2016 12:44

If you really were mature, you would not be having a baby aged 17 with a boyfriend that you haven't been with for very long and not even living with.
Get real this is a terrible mistake.

phoenix1973 · 10/03/2016 12:48

Not sure what to say. You sound like an in for a penny, in for a pound sort of person so would be pointless me saying hold on a while.
I know 2 people who had their child (both just had one child) at 16 so younger than you. Both of them didn't continue with the relationship but one kid is now 13 and the other is grown up. Both women are now still young and are well on the way to carving out their decent careers. The kids are well rounded and know what they want out of life.
Having a child whilst you are younger (16 is TOO YOUNG though imho) definitely has a few advantages its just that society puts so much pressure on women to gain their education and have kids later after developing their career. It's not the right way for everyone though.
Just be really sure that this guy will be a good, safe, stable and most of all USEFUL Dad to your child. And make sure you want to see this guy one way or another for the rest of your life because kids do stick you together whether you like it or not.
Stay in good health and get a network of other expectant mums, playschemes because you will need friends with kids to make life easier for you and your family.

What are you doing about wages/money?

JanetOfTheApes · 10/03/2016 12:52

Just be really sure that this guy will be a good, safe, stable and most of all USEFUL Dad to your child

He's a 32 year old trying to get a 17 year old pregnant. Since they are engaged, they presumably have been together more than 5 minutes, so he was 30+ dating a 15/16 year old?
What about that says safe or stable? Says dodgy fucking creep in my book.

mouldycheesefan · 10/03/2016 12:56

Op are you in care or do you live with your parents?
What do they think?
Are you in education or do you have a job?
What if your relationshipship broke up?

Original poster
ThoughtHurricane · 10/03/2016 13:03

Hold up a second. I asked for advice on having a baby. DO NOT BRING MY PARTNER'S AGE INTO THIS. And don't you dare suggest that my relationship is 'dodgy'

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 10/03/2016 13:07

"its just that society puts so much pressure on women to gain their education and have kids later after developing their career."

One huge reason for that is that the one of the biggest factors for health and educational attainment for children is their mother's education level.

The others are of course the woman's own wellbeing, but as that would be a conscious decision on the OP's part, that's her own issue or not.

JanetOfTheApes · 10/03/2016 13:08

You asked for advice on having a baby. Best advice is DON'T.

Of course your partners age is relevant, the fact you don't see that is more evidence of your immaturity.

FellOutOfBedTwice · 10/03/2016 13:09

Another one saying please live together for a couple of years first. A friend of mine from NCT classes didn't live with her partner until literally 10 days before the baby was born. It was a disaster. They could not live together, were just totally incompatible. The first two years of the baby's life were fraught with arguments and misery- despite the fact they'd dated for a couple of years and she said had literally never had a cross word when both in their seperate flats. They split up in the end I'm afraid, it was just a bad combination. Their baby was planned and they were in love but they just hated living together. I'm sure you won't be that way, but better to be safe than sorry.

FellOutOfBedTwice · 10/03/2016 13:14

OP I just wanted to add- and I'm sorry because you aren't going to want to hear this- I had a relationship at 17 with a 31 year old and I would have been absolutely adamant at the time that it wasnt in any way dodgy. I'm sad to say now, as a 30 year old, that when I look back it was dodgy as fuck.

Might be something to bear in mind.

SpeakNoWords · 10/03/2016 13:20

Um, you brought your partner's age into this I your first post. Your reaction is also a bit OTT to people asking what is a fairly obvious question, when considering a 32 yr old who is engaged to a 17 yr old.

Jackiebrambles · 10/03/2016 13:34

My advice is wait too, just live together first and get married. Being married gives you security, especially when having kids.

Only1scoop · 10/03/2016 13:34

Agree with pp

The ages seemed to be relevant to your post as you certainly made them clear.

TheCrumpettyTree · 10/03/2016 13:38

You can't tell people how to reply to you. The replies are based on the information you're giving out. The majority have said to wait and live together first, but that isn't what you want to hear. Don't forget that many of us have children already.

Theneedygonzales · 10/03/2016 13:48

I'm not really sure what you want to hear? Have a baby with a man nearly twice your age when you're still a teenager? I'm trying to think what I'd tell my daughter if she came to me with this problem but to be honest I'd just be trying my hardest not to burst into tears. I think you'd be making a terrible mistake having a baby at this stage.

Theneedygonzales · 10/03/2016 13:50

How long have you been together OP?

mrsjskelton · 10/03/2016 14:01

I would definitely second the quitting smoking advice. Your womb and the environment you create are definitely jeopardised when you smoked. A friend of mine miscarried last year and she blames this on not quitting whilst TTC. Whether that's the reason or not I don't know but it can't have helped.

StarkyTheDirewolf · 10/03/2016 14:11

You asked for advice on having a baby. Best advice is DON'T

This. It's not a good idea right now. Even if you take out the age thing. You need to have lived together and found that you're compatible as a pair before bringing a child into it. You need to get your finances sorted and be stable. Would you be moving into his house? I ask because if you are, and you're not married, you have very little control.

Having a baby isn't about stopping smoking and buying cute baby things. Live together, be engaged, get married. Even if you have the same ideals about how you want to bring up children, the reality is often very, very different.

Whatdoidohelp · 10/03/2016 14:15

You must move in together and see how that goes before making the commitment of having a child.

Have you spoken about finances, how will you share the bills/income etc. Do you have a career?

mouldycheesefan · 10/03/2016 14:23

How can a 17 year old have a career? They may at best have a job, to which even minimum wage does not apply.
The op is still a child. Children having children is a bad idea.

gunting · 10/03/2016 14:29

When I was 17 I had a relationship with a 29 year old and it seemed normal at the time but now I feel sick thinking of it.

I recently had my son and I'm 23. I wasn't ttc but I was SO naive about what having a baby involves.

I also have a career, a car, house and I've lived with my dp for 2.5 years. I wouldn't have entertained the thought of continuing with my pregnancy without some of these things.