is pinkranger out there????

[anewme]

Hi
i've been hanging around on here for many months now and have banished myself from MN three times and have had to re-register three time too. My names in the past have been wright4845 and ladybump.

when i first joined Mn, i remember your name along with various others such as SOl and SOH.if you remember my story it is pretty similar to yours.i was just reading through preg. after miscarriage thread and your entries in late Nov really struck a chord with me. i lost my baby at eight weeks in July. It seems to have been such a long time now but i feel only like it's getting harder but i know what it is. It's that fact that i am still not pregnant.
Each time my AF arrives it actually breaks my heart but you have to try and keep it together for Dh who is doing his best but who wants a wife that cries all the time?! talk about adding pressure. i chart spotted for a month but bacame so obsesed with it that i was turning into a nutter.
last week, i went to see the dr about a coldsore i had. When he went to issue me with my tablets, he paused and said "oh you can't have these, you're 25 weeks pregnant", without even glancing at me. That was the straw that broke the camels back. I sobbed. Anyway, after profusely apologising ( i wouldn't mind but i def do not look preggers) he chatted to me for ages and has set me up with a counsellor to talk about it.My DH and everyone around me thinks it will help and i'm even starting to look forward to it in the hope it may remove this black cloud from over my head.

Finally, we all know that our 'due date' is looming and if you are like me you fully expected to be PG by then and now it looks like it might not happen. This is going to be so hard but i think once it comes and goes we'll feel so much better.
I don't know how long it takes to get over this type of thing. It's taking me so much longer than i expected it would and i feel people who i talk to about it feel i'm going on a bit but it is still, sadly, a big part of my life.
i just wanted you to know that I am here if you need to chat. It is so bloody hard that we all have to help pull each other through.
Keep in touch, I need your help too

Hi hun

I know this message is not for me but wanted to send you a big hug. Maybe try Cating pinkranger i know she was online before christmas.

Hope the counselling helps. x

Hi Anewme
Sorry to crash in on this-I had a m/c in April and another in August, found the build up to my first due date (18th Dec) really hard, especially as I'd been thinking I wouldn't be able to host Christmas as I would have a new baby (already have DS x 2) and then thought that I would be 5 months pg on my due date, but that wasn't to be either. I went to my doctor as I wasn't coping (not like me) she referred me to counselling, have had 1 session so far and have found it really useful, have got my next one next week.
Hope this helps as I can recommend counselling 100% , previously I hadn't really seen the point before I went.
Best wishes

Hi there, lovely to see you on here. I am really sorry to hear you are feeling low still after your mc. I am glad that you get to see a counsellor and I hope it helps.

All going ok here. Now 23 weeks pg and blooming.

Really hope you are ok. I have luckily had no experience of mc, but if I can be of any help, I will try my best.

Take care. xx

Hi anewme!!!! [fgrins] >>
i have often looked for you name!

So please to hear from you, I konw eaxcatly what you are feeling apart from that i had my BFp 2 weeks ago and although i am over the moon the worry is unbelivavlbe and i still cry for the one i lost, i should be that size of a house by now and it saddens me still. My fears of misscarage again are so strong , i had a bleed on thursday and have a scan book for Wednesday, only one lot of bleeding but thats what happened last time so i am dreading wednesday. i think conselling is great idea and i may even consider still going as i greive so much for the little one , i have never experince sadness like it.
I cant belive that happned with your dooctor, you must have been knocked for six.
I dont think i will ever get over it and i want to talk about it sometimes but it feels that know one else does. I will be here for you xxxxx
what ever our troubles my cyber friends have been amazing!!!!!

didn't know you got a BFP - congrats pinky xx

Thanks Natty - How are you doing ?

Sorry about spelling on last post !

i remember you as wright4845 and ladybump! i had m/c at same time as you, so sorry you feel like this(hugs) and maybe in time you will get pg?

pink, i didnt know you are pg, congrats so pleased for you hun

hi trace ,how are you dong you must be over 12 weeks now!

Alot of us fell off at that time didnt we xx

not good still very sick, but 16 nearly 17 weeks now! how far are you?? again i understand how you feel, i still worry

Hi - I remember you as Lady bump - also remember Trace and Pinkranger. I was FatFox.

I just wanted to send you a big hug as I remember when you lost MCied

xxxx

So nice to read all those messages and so encouraging that pinky, trace and SOl all doing so well can't believe nearly all of you have had BFP! I'll be glad when 2006 turns to 2007 tonight! I know i'll be pg at some point next year.

here's to a happy, healthy baby-filled new year. Love to you all, and your bumps....

XXXXXX

Happy New Year to you all. Lovely to see Trace and Pinky too. Any news from Coggy does anyone know?

Oh Wrighty. I would say it's lovely to see you (and of course it is) but it's terrible to hear how you sound. I think we all had m/c's around the same time and it's horrific, painful, sad, angering and so many other emotions beside. I remember feeling so guilty- that I'd let my husband down, that I wasn't getting over it quickly enough, that my body was failing me. What you have to remember is that you are not just grieving for those days or weeks that you miscarried, you are grieving for the nine months of pregnancy, the child you would have had and the life you imagined living from the moment you got pregnant. Of course it is agonising and who can tell how long it will take you to feel more at peace with what happened? I think the counselling is a fantastic idea. You must use it, talk lots and don't be afraid or ashamed of how you feel.

Getting obsessed with ttc is unfortunately very common- my life revolved completely around ovulation, charts, temperatures and BFNs. In the end I had to take a break from it all as I couldn't think of anything else. And of course everybody knows the rest of the story, you give up and you get pregnant. I am currently 21wks and there is not a day goes by that I am not thankful, sad for the baby that wasn't meant to be and mindful of every other lady I met on here who was in the same situation.

I wish you a restful New Year and a positive 2007. If you ever need to talk feel free to CAT me, I would be happy to waffle on endlessly at you.

Best wishes

SOH

PS Pinkranger- how the heck did I miss that! I could not be happier for you, but my God is it a worrying time, especially after everything you have been through. Like you and trace, I had some problems in the first trimester- bleeding, cramps, early scans etc but am happy to report that everything is as should be.

PPS SexOnLegs and Natty- lovely to see you both! Hope all is well and a very happy new year to you both.

SOH, fab to see you. It is so lovely to see all the old names on here. You are only a couple of weeks behind me! Hope you are keeping well.

soh 21 weeks already, that has gone so quick !!!!!!!
can i ask you a question, what was your bleeding like, i have posted on the due in Aug thread but not much response. really worried about tomorrow.

Oh yes, I'm well. Gargantuan, bump of epic proportions, need winching out of bed in a morning etc etc, but all well.

It is lovely to hear from everybody. I think Coggy must still be on her self-imposed break. Hope she comes back one day, she was such an inspiration.

I still can't read your posts without thinking of orange barcadi breezers. That mental image is going nowhere!

Hi pinkranger, sorry x-posts!

Apologies for tmi anybody else who reads this:

I was 7+5 and the bleeding was bright in colour- red and then a bright pink and later brown. I also had low cramps which were quite 'sore'. The bleeding was mostly when I wiped and lasted only for that day. I was scanned the same day on the gynae ward- abdominally and transvaginally- and was told that it was a visible cervical erosion (which explains why I bled at an earlier smear- very similar bleeding and feeling). The baby's hearbeat was visible. I had another scan three days later and they said the erosion was still there, the baby was fine, but I could very well bleed again. I think I have found out since that it is about 40% of women who bleed in the first trimester, most often from cervical erosions.

Drink plenty before your scan and it's easy for me to say, but try not to worry too much. How long did you bleed for? What sort of bleeding was it?

i was thinking the same great to see you all, i just started a thread mossing all ttc friends! coggy i spoke to here just befor christmas, ill e-mail her again telling her we all miss her

Can you tell her a special hello from me trace? I really do miss her and don't have her contact details to tell her myself!

no prbs ill do it now

Thanks soh,
i bleed one bleed that was only there when i wiped myself and it was bright red,(6 weeks ) i have had no more since and my symptoms have seemed a bit more over the last few days especially boobs! When i had my smear in November my nurse made me bleed then and she said that was a cervical erosion so im hoping that is why, i have had belly aches on and off the whole way through but not painful, im also suffering bad consterpation!!!
Will let you know tomorrow the outcome xxxxxx

Sounds exactly the same as me, just a week earlier. Best of luck to you and I want an update as soon as you have one. I will be thinking of you.

xxx

Oh and sore boobs and constipation my two worst symptoms apart from fatigue during the first trimester!

pink sounds like mine too i was 7 weeks, as you know every things ok now,

good luck but you really do sound ok

Pink, i'm sure you'll be fine. Five of my friends had babies this year and only one of them didn't bleed between 5&9 weeks!

SOH such a nice message. i remember crying my leg of when i read your post about your m/c. I was pg at the time and prayed the same would not happen to me.It's nice to still keep in touch and can't believe you're 21 weeks. You must of got pg before you even had af? wow! Lucky you! you know what you're having? is it your first?

Had a good chat to a midwife at my EPU yesterday she made me laugh and made me cry but more importantly made me feel really positive. As part of my ttc obsession, i had managed to convince myself i had PCOS as i heard sonographer use word during one of my scans. Yesterday She looked at scan again and told me ovaries were fine and it was probably used meaning shaded area as it appeared on scan could have been PCOS, until they investigated it and found it to be corpeus leutem.

I was on the phone to her for 40 minutes and she told me bascially to live my life while i'm young, enjoy being a newly wed and not, under any circumstances to chart. She said that everytime, you check cm, take temp, refuse a drink, deny yourself a treat, your brain thinks "pregnant" and soon you become incredibly obsessed and this in itself is one of the main reasons healthy couples don't concieve.

She also told me that male sperm is created 9 weeks before it is used. Apparently, stress/illness etc effects this too but nine weks prior to when it would fertilise an egg! interesting..

So the top and bottom of it is, i'm going to counselling, I'm switching off, going on a diet (feel free to join us on lose of few pounds after xmas thread if your not Pg) and am going to look after ME and my fab DH, get through my due date stresslessly (my new word)and count my blessings. Life's not all that bad.As my mum said, I'll have kids swinging off my neck in a few years so enjoy being US while i can. Hugs to you all.