We have a wedding in Hungary in June, Kent. Thankfully no date or written invite yet (just a verbal one last time we met up) so I am ignoring that one for now.
12dpo. Still tiny amounts of pink spotting about every second time I wipe after a wee. BFN this morning.
DH and I had a massive row last night and are still not speaking today. I was being a tiny bit unreasonable last night but since we have constant problems with him not listening to me at all when I have a reasoned argument and listening to others without question I got a mare on last night and just went and did my own thing regardless. He is furious and I am refusing to back down until he will actually have a discussion that involves listening to me and compromising. We are taking a friend of his out to lunch for her birthday today. I am hoping it won't be obvious. It is really stupid, every time someone says something may be bad for a pregnancy he is determined I should just stop doing that too for the whole week I may ovulate and the two weeks after that. I am now no longer doing yoga, climbing, running, cycling, driving. One of my friends died this week and in a way that is a good thing as he was totally against me going to see her in her hospice as it was an hour and 15 minutes away and I was struggling with just abandoning her for 3 weeks of the month. He is not getting the option about the funeral, I am fecking going. We were out to other friends (two sets) for dinner friday and saturday night. The friends on friday night know of the friend who died. I bumped into the wife during the day on the friday and she said she had told her husband to buy loads of wine for that night so we could let off some steam. I thanked her but said we were in our tww so I wouldn't be able to drink very much. We had a lovely night and I didn't actually drink at all. Same as last time we went there for dinner as were were also in a tww then. She knows about he m/c and it is not a problem having that conversation. The friends we went to last night know nothing about pregnancy, miscarriage, loss of friend or any of the other shit going on right now. It was a kind of tough night as they were asking all sorts of questions about how my climbing is going, where we are going on holiday this year etc. All the things you might talk about if you haven't seen anyone for a while. The husband is a major foodie and wine buff and always had different wines matched to each course etc. So I was 'driving' (all of about 10 minutes). I don't normally touch anything if I am driving but last night I made an exception of having less than a quarter glass of the three wines over the course of the evening and meal (5 hours in total) and making sure my tummy was well filled before I touched any of it. There would have been so little alcohol in my system that I was in no danger of being unable to drive home, even under the new laws. DH is utterly furious with me. We are scientists. He understands the concept of concentrations and how low the amount in my blood would have been. I am either having an implantation bleed or the start of a period this weekend. There is no placenta there. The baby is in no way going to be affected. He wanted to know why I didn't just tell them I was probably pregnant and then tell them I wasn't later. I cannot face the drama of going through that every month. So we can now rule out meeting up with anyone who may suggest a glass of wine during ovulation and tww. And if I get pregnant are we going to have a drama every time I eat a bowl of chips or a burger or anything less than macobiotic health food in case that too is bad for the baby? Right now I really do not want to be pregnant. He will not listen to me telling him how I feel my body handles things at all. But he will happily listen to anybody at work/home/on the street who says something might be bad and then announces I should stop doing that and is totally furious if I don't comply as 'it is better safe than sorry after all'. It is totally daft that I chose to make the issue over the wine. I like the taste but can happily go weeks without it. I just got to that point where I could not take another day of putting everything on hold just in case I may be pregnant by next week. I am far more upset about the restriction on movement/hobbies.
To make things worse I took the dog out for his morning walk this morning and was going to then get my car from the car park in our street to go and get some bread for breakfast. My ex had an affair with the mother of my godson and they bought a flat a bit further down our street. They now have a baby. She was only fecking in the carpark putting her baby in the car and I couldn't face barging past her to go and get my car, so I couldn't even get out for bread this morning. We are going to sell and move this year as soon as we have it confirmed that we both have contracts for the next 5 years as we can finally afford it. After 5 years of living in the same street as them. I am so fed up of worrying about leaving my house. The day I was miscarrying I left the house and bumped into the pair of them pushing their pram.
Today I am in bed crying my eyes out as I really cannot take any more of the shit that life decides to throw at me. Sorry about the wall of text. I am kind of stuck for situations where I can rant in real life right now. I am lucky really, I have a (generally) lovely husband, who just occasionally gets a bit blinkered, we have a good roof over our heads and payed off the last payment on the mortgage this month, we have jobs (probably) and food, a lovely if somewhat old and wonky dog and wonderful families. I am lucky. Having a family would be the icing on the cake.