There's Chickens up Trees and BOGOF Deals from the Stork! We're Seeking out the Magic Potion whilst avoiding the Rogue Penis - Don't Flash your Cat, it's JS 57!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a <strong>hooya</strong> = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 56 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2507776-We-are-all-a-bit-bonkers-worshipping-the-travelling-womble-conker-we-rub-the-grads-bumps-for-luck-and-shag-without-scientific-schmuck-Most-of-the-time-Its-Just-Shagging-56?msgid=58470102#58470102" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2533203-Celebrating-Christmas-with-the-arrival-of-BabyBloom-and-XmasPud-were-testing-our-pelvic-floors-through-the-festive-season-mince-pie-tasting-and-turkey-stuffing-nudge-nudge-its-the-JS-Grads-43" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10?watched=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Gx canters. I'm already waving pom-poms for my DPs sperm after DTD this morning so will do the same for you!

Ain hope you are feeling better later, it definitely sounds like your duvet day was needed.

Kwick I hope by the time you read this all is well and you are recovering nicely.

Just I love Malaysia, we went there on honeymoon, it is an amazing place to explore and less touristy than Thailand. I have never been anywhere more welcoming and interesting.

nfmv: I am still getting cramping even though the bleeding has stopped. My MIL reckons I could have had an infection at some point and my uterus is too acidic as a result. Apparently she had this and couldn't get past 5/6 weeks for several pregnancies. So I am waiting for my referral and will ask about that. We've decided to tell immediate family so we don't get so much pressure. I feel a bit despondent about it all at the moment really, like I have already failed and there is not a lot of hope. I did don the cape last night anyway though, best get back on the horse and all that....

Cats....that's an interesting theory from MIL. Any science behind it do you know?

TMI alert....but I worry I'm quite acidic as I wear mainly black underwear and my CM bleaches it

Does anyone else have this or just me?

I have found myself wondering how on earth DPs sperm will live in such a hostile bleachy environment!

Can't help myself but google everything! It's a bad habit!

Get ready for today's fanjo fact....__

"But you did hit on something that we never really talk about that is another fun vagina fact that I adore:
Vaginal discharge is super acidic!! So if you haven’t gone over acids and bases in science class yet, here’s a very quick rundown:
Think of acid as one end of the scale and base as the other. So if you think of lemon juice as super acidic, milk might be the drink you think of as its’ opposite. Milk isn’t even that basic, though - the more basic you get the fluid can get just as dangerous as acids.

So while human blood is at 7.4, very close to water (neutral), healthy vagina discharge is between 3.5 and 4.5, which is MUCH more acidic.
Sometimes vaginal discharge will even eat through your undies! "

stumbly I assume there is some as that is what she was told at the time, they treated her for it then she conceived DH and DBIL quite quickly after he was born!

Not TMI at all, I thought that was normal, is it not?

There is some theory that the male sperm survive the acidity of ladies orgasm juices and the female ones don't. Maybe when we do get our BFPs we will have boys.

Ain...I got carried away reading about acid and only just saw the last part of your post. You have NOT failed!

Anyone can have challenges TTC and it's just plain bad luck that it's taking longer for you. Be kind to yourself

Sorry cats not Ain!

stumbly and cats you have just taught me something new! and have explained the discolouration of my underwear!

I've barely done anything all day. I did go to tesco (down the road) to buy some iron tablets as I have a theory that my iron levels might have dipped again. I was lazy and drove, but the short drive was enough to make me feel a bit queasy again. I also started getting teary because one of the cheesy backstreet boys love songs was playing in the background .

Ain when are you planning on POAFRER?

Honey you said exactly what I've been thinking, have been checking back all day thinking ain sounds more pregnant by the minute! poafrerrrr
One of my best friends has had her baby, so happy for her as she has had a shit time ttc. He was a bit early though and has had to go to scbu so I'm worrying and trying not to text her and ask how he is doing...
Also don't want to go to night shift! Good luck for new job tomorrow canters and Scottish!
cats do you know when you are seeing the fertility clinic?

Nfmd: mushroom garlic cream pasta for two - shoved down my gob! Definitely still gonna eat the dairy free chocolate cupcake I have though :D

Ain no way you should feel guilty about not working today. Hope you are feeling better and know that you are much cared for.

My dear Viroids thank you ever so much for all the warm wishes. Procedure was very fast and I dud not feel sick but am now in AGONY. Am bleeding and have period like pains - have not eaten yet but will dose up on paracetomol when done. It seems that they did not find anything so image on friday was likely just some folded tissue...
I am going to take tomorrow off - if up to it I will do some work in the afternoon but I just feel like I need some rest before I fly off again.

The Zika thing is a worry... Lots of my family live in affected areas... So awful. I would strongly recommend Spain - the economy needs your moulare!!!! And there are some lovely places... Although Hawaii sounds nice too!

Thanks once again jsers - your support really means a lot to me.

PS is it naughty that my sil and I really contemplated taking a hole load if POAS from the clinic today?

Hope the op went okay Kwick.

Ain, even if this is all PMS it's good you're getting back to normal. I'm getting excited on your behalf though...can we call you a kitten if your first natural ice does a baby even though you've been around for ages??

Sorry the witch arrived Angel. Which rugby do you get to go to? Bit jealous, I'm working all w/e.

Stumbly - normal. Termed Swamp Foof on the grads side - expect it to increase in volume exponentially when you get your BFP.

Good luck for new jobs, GPs. I'm manning the floor in NICU and praying the new SHOs aren't afraid of ventilators/cannulas/MWs...

Ha ha I would have filled my bag kwick! Glad today went well, definitely take tomorrow off. You must rest!

Yes ain when are you going to poafrer?!

Dinner sounds lush country can you send some my way, feeling sick in bed. Don't know what to do about work tomorrow. I know I should be off, I went in today and felt horrendous, couldn't eat anything as stomach felt dodgy, went straight to bed when got home and have now got arse rain. Feel horribly achey and shivery. I'm covering for someone though so don't feel I can call in sick.

cats and stumbly, I also have acid foof! and some underwear I really should throw away

Spain won't be nearly hot enough at Easter kwick . I have been to Spain for last 3 years though, I adore the Sierra Nevada!

Ooh, holidays! I love planning them. Avoiding Cape Verde too, for now, we nearly went there in November, very glad we didn't. We've got skiing booked and I'm thinking of Italy (Sorrento or Puglia - I want to live in a Trullo).

I think Zika is felt to be present but not spreading so much in all areas where the aedes mossies roam. So it's been knocking around Africa and the far east for years but isn't causing floods of infections. The CDC issued the best advice I've seen so far - I found it on IFLS which directed to the NYT website.

We're going to need a new Fred soon - volunteers?

Sorry chat I am not eloquent enough to start the fred off...

Just if you have a lurgy which may be infectious it is your civil duty to put yourself in quarantine! Please dont make me come over and lock you in!

Have scoffed fish and chips which were delivered... Not bad but chips still not those I remember from my youff.

I've just spent an hour making a wish list on the Mothercare app...probably weird, but it was fun. DH is rolling his eyes at me.

Apparently grapefruit un-acids your vag-juice Ovia told me!

Ohh just. Gladly. I also have 5 bottles of unopened gin ican send over too? Do not go into work tomorrow. You are not a robot. You know how I know this? Robots don't get arse rain

Call in sick Just, you can't help being ill

I love you viroids!

you are not a robot. You know how I know this? Robots don't get arse rain! haha! That totally just made me laugh out loud!

I'm feeling a bit better, though still a bit queasy and tired, so have decided to take tomorrow off too. If I went in tomorrow and ended up feeling shitty and then taking Thursday off it would count as two counts of sickness. Figured I'd take tomorrow and have it just count as one.

As for poas.. I used a ic and a frer this morning. Both bfn as expected.. sorry to disappoint! the brown cm stopped for a bit, but started up again. We don't do tmi right? It looks a little like EWCM but brown... what does that mean? Old blood? There's not that much of it either. Just when I wipe.. its technically not full flow by any stretch of the imagination, but is it likely to be period related?

Acid foof also made me laugh.

And I forgot to say that I'm glad everything was nice and quick Kwick how are you feeling now?

Ain I aim to pleas glad you've chosen to take tomorrow off too.

Sounds a bit like what I used to get day before proper af start? Good news it really does sound like your body is managing a proper cycle!! Obv stil gx for a late bfp!