There's Chickens up Trees and BOGOF Deals from the Stork! We're Seeking out the Magic Potion whilst avoiding the Rogue Penis - Don't Flash your Cat, it's JS 57!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a <strong>hooya</strong> = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 56 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2507776-We-are-all-a-bit-bonkers-worshipping-the-travelling-womble-conker-we-rub-the-grads-bumps-for-luck-and-shag-without-scientific-schmuck-Most-of-the-time-Its-Just-Shagging-56?msgid=58470102#58470102" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2533203-Celebrating-Christmas-with-the-arrival-of-BabyBloom-and-XmasPud-were-testing-our-pelvic-floors-through-the-festive-season-mince-pie-tasting-and-turkey-stuffing-nudge-nudge-its-the-JS-Grads-43" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10?watched=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

hahahahaha just!

I'm in London/Kent. Offer stands

corgi if I didn't drink in twot I would have been sober for 18 months! There is no real reason not to but some argument it affects implantation. It definitely doesn't get to any baby until after period would have been due as no placenta.

Fuck it, I'm having some wine. Or gin. Or maybe Campari and orange? So many choices from the bar...
Yes, I do have an area in my kitchen that I refer to as the bar

I want a bar!

corgi I hit a new low today, a glass of wine at 12:30pm in a wetherspoons with all the alcoholics in my defence I'd spent another morning doing nothing in a jury service waiting area and we were given two hours for lunch so a few of us went to the pub where amongst other things we came up with a great idea for a new sit-com entitled 10 days six inches don't ask!

Myblackcat sounds like jury service is proving fun! I did 2 weeks a few years ago and found it incredibly interesting.

I just had blow-out - lamb shish (first lamb since September) and now I am on to a lemsip (normally banned)... Kebab didn't even touch the sides...

I used to live in a bar... Literally flat was designed as a bar but then they did not get licence so added in some walls and rented as accommodation... I did not twig until about 8 months in... corgi make mine a mojito please!

How do people feel about reviewing squinters on here? Yay or nay viroids?

Kwick...I just realised you are TTC on your own. I was planning to do that at a certain point if I didn't meet someone.

Do you have a squinter stumbly? Show us.....

Nosy but why no lemsip and lamb? Do you not have anything beginning with l?

It's an UBER squinter and possibly imaginary.

I shouldn't be testing this early as I'm only about 7dpo but I'm crazy I've been having some symptoms and couldn't wait

Going to need uber squinter in colour. Have to say it's very unlikely at 7dpo as usually wouldn't have implanted by now....but you could have ovulated earlier.
Colour pic now please!

Just off to sleep...will post tomorrow!

Well what a tease stumbly!

Life really isn't fair Kwick I hope the one bum injection is all you need.

Do you have a diabetic cat just?

corgi I drink in the 2ww although I am not a big drinker anyway but I figure those two weeks drag enough as it is.

Hopefully you will have a clearer line in the morning stumbly.

Doesn't sound like a low at all BlackCat but a sensible way to spend your lunch break.

You really made me laugh just thank you!

Due to high ammonia levels in red meat I gave up when I did my first IUI in September - that was also supposed to help with weight loss but no such luck. I have been pretty good with only 3 major infractions (i am not counting times that plane only has a ham sandwich) in all that time. I gave up the sauce too and only have one normal tea a day now. Lemsip because it has stuff in it you should not take if upduffed (apparently - but I am no expert). I am feeling loads better already having embibbed. I am also glugging cough mixture... Another no-no.

Stumbly i will keep fingers crossed; please post in colour in the morning.
I am defo going it alone... Just spent time looking at new donor magic potion possibilities.

Right i am off to bed... just please dont worry... It will be 3rd night in the row with gum in... Really makes a difference.

Nooo, you can't sleep with gum in!

Yes got diabetic cat, used to be terrified of needles but am a pro at it now. Going on holiday or out in evening is a bit of a nightmare though!

Agreed black, would love a wine at lunchtime!

Hope they help you to feel better Kwick. My SIL is also going it alone although she seems to have paused in between getting all tests and looking at sleek donors, and going ahead with IUI/IVF. It seems terribly unfair that our fertile years are so limited.

A couple of my friends had diabetic cats just and, as you say, going out was a nightmare as they needed to be injected every 12 hours without fail.

Thanks chat

More jizz tonight. I told DH that we had to 'don the cape'... he thought I was referring to wearing my lacey outfit as I was going to wear it for him yesterday but never got to. (For the record, it isn't a cape! But that made me laugh so I put it on anyway..!)

Feeling a bit better compared to earlier.. I got to a point earlier where it felt like I was on a boat rocking on the water. It subsided a little as the afternoon went on, but I was glad to leave work when I did. I did still force myself to go to sw. Down 3.5lbs this week. December I basically failed in weight loss and put almost everything back on. I've picked up again in Jan and am now 3.5 away from getting my stone sticker. If I managed 3.5 this week maybe I can do it again and get it next week? More realistically though I'd like another 2 off. We'll see.

Looking forward to a colour pic stumbly . I don't want to fuel the crazy, but I think I might be seeing a very faint line. Are you sure of when you iced?

Some sort of disclaimer on the line spotting.. I have my phone light right down. Just turned the light back up and I'm not so sure. But with the light dimmed down its like there's a faint shadowy line there..

V well done on the 3.5lb and the sagging ain!! Glad you're feeling a bit better too :)

Campari? !...yuck!!

Well done Ain on the weight loss, with all this shagging you might make the stone mark next week

Yes stumbly you are a tease, a colour pic is needed! It is really too early to test though so don't be disheartened.

Kwick my friend who is a physio instructed my other friend (not at all medical) how to put an acupuncture needle in her bum. Not only was it hilarious but apparently it worked. Is there anyone you could teach to do it? I'm glad you gave yourself a break and allowed yourself a treat and lemsip :)

I drink in the TWOT too, in fact had a couple of maybe four glasses of prosecco last night with some girl friends. It was lovely, and nice to let go a little bit, I am sure the stress relief once in a while is well worth it.

Black that sounds like an excellent lunch break. I need to hear more of this sitcom :)

Just - if we're following those rules I'm pretty sure I'd have to do your bloods while a lovely but mad woman blew bubbles at you, or played where's wally...because you wouldn't fit in my incubators!

I drink in the TWOT - not a lot, but I don't see the point in making me any more miserable. Lemsip definitely isn't recommended in pregnancy, but I only take that if I know I'm not.

I made it through the night with gum intact! I need full of cold and would dearly love to be tucked up at home but office and then eurostar beckon.

cats i can certainly do it myself but nurse said would be loads more painful. Unless I commandeer a neighbour (all male and one most likely dealing drugs) I have no one who can do this :(