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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Is not trying to stop conception, the same as TTC?

41 replies

AnguaVonUberwald · 12/12/2006 20:00

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, we stopped using contraception 3 months ago and are BDing etc. But haven't been doing anything else positive towards TTC.

I really want to conceive but feel really ambivalent about all the TTC strategies - especially taking temperatures, which really wouldn't work for me, as I always wake up in the night etc.

The point to this post, if there is one, seems to be that I have thought about us as TTC - but just having sex, without any kind of counting of days, temp taking etc, doesn't seem to really, well, count, as TTC - it just seems to be a negative - i.e. not trying to stop conception.

I have thought a lot about this, and in the end we have bought a clear blue fertility monitor and plan on using it from next month.

I am really rambling here, and probably won't get any responses, but just really trying to clear my head.

I think the issue for me is that I think its really too early (only three months in) to be doing things like using fertility monitors. On the other hand I don't want to take temps/count days, and then I feel like we are not TTC, just not trying to stop conception happening.

Does this make sense to anybody?

OP posts:
PortAndLemonaid · 12/12/2006 20:06

I would say if you are having pretty regular sex with the intention of getting pregnant then you are TTC.

"Not trying to stop conception happening" is more what we are doing -- I don't really want to get pregnant again yet but it would be fine if it happened, so we aren't doing anything to actively prevent it.

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 12/12/2006 20:08

I am 31 and DP is 41 - so the chances of spontaneously conceiving are lower than they could be. I guess I just felt like the chances of actually bd on the right day were pretty low - and therefore we weren't really trying. (plus really don't want to start counting days etc)

Hope you don't mind me asking - if you don't want to get pregant again, why not use something to stop it happening?

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MerryPiffmas · 12/12/2006 20:10

Angua
You said exactly what I said 3 years ago
I did end up the worst kind of ttc nut
A great book is Taking Charge of Your Ferrtility
if I had the bok at the start I would have saved myself a lot of heartache.
onlt thing worth doing in early days is noting when your af comes to see is it regular.
I always thought temping and charting was for nutjobs
in which case I am president nutjob
But a pregnant one at that

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 12/12/2006 20:18

MerryPiffmas. Its not that I think temping and charting are for nutjobs, its that I think doing it would turn me into a nutjob!!! I am a tendancy to be slightly obsesive, I have "issues" about being pressurised about sex, and I wake up in the night a lot to pee!!!

so I am worried that temping and charting wouldn't work properly for me and that I would feel so pessurised about sex I wouldn't want to have any!!!

Hence the fertility monitor - which I am also not sure is a good idea!!

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Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 12/12/2006 20:19

p.s. God, I am the one sounding like the real nut job here!!

p.s
p.s.s - the book you were refering to "taking charge of your fertility" - who wrote it?

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Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 12/12/2006 20:51

Anyone else?

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sykes · 12/12/2006 20:55

That's exactly what i did - no contraception but nothing else. What's BDing - shows what I know ... I never even did the other stuff when we had problems later on. And, now have two wonderful daughters. Hope this helps. Probably doesn't.

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 12/12/2006 21:01

Congratulations Sykes. I guess I find it hard to belive its going to be that easy for me!

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hulababy · 12/12/2006 21:02

I am not TTC, but DH and I are not doing anything to stop conception at present. It is highly unlikely to happen anyway though - 18 months of active TTC didn't result in anything a couple of years back and I am still waiting for a gynae op anyway.

I think TTC is when you actually are wanting to have a child and that is the main reason why you are not using contraception of some form.

sykes · 12/12/2006 21:03

Well, it wasn't initially, had two missed abortions and missed periods for at least a year so it was a long and painful process but I couldn't have handled taking temperatures etc, etc, but, as you say, that was just me and each to their own. Lots of luck.

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 12/12/2006 21:05

Hulababy, interesting, so do you think you would be activly TTC - even if you weren't doing anything differently, if you were activly thinkging about TTC right now, if you weren't doing anything different?

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foxinsocks · 12/12/2006 21:06

I don't think being 31 and 41 will mean your chances are that much lower !

I think if you feel that charting/temping/whatever it is would turn you into a nutjob, then I wouldn't go there. It's only been 3 months - I'd give spontaneity a bit more of a chance.

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 12/12/2006 21:06

Sykes, thats the thing, I am not sure I could handle that either, but my response has been to go out and get a fertility monitor, very early in the process, which I am not sure is the right way to handle it either!

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hulababy · 12/12/2006 21:07

I think TTC is when you are thinking that yes, we want to have a baby and will stop using contraception for tht purpose. Even if you don't really mind if it takes a while or not.

More active TTC is more like the temping, timing sex, etc. I guess.

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 12/12/2006 21:08

Foxinsocks - it really would turn me into a nutjob!! Now I might end up there anyway, but I would rather try something else first. Now we have tried spontenaity, admitidly only for three months, but when I look back afterwards, we never seem to be BDing at the right time - feels a bit like a rock and a hard place - don't want to count, but do it at the wrong times!! What are the chances of "catching" if do it spontaneously anyway?

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Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 12/12/2006 21:09

Hulababy - DP is stressed about his age, how soon we have baby etc. My problem is that, once I plan something, I like to make it happen. Not doing anything more active than just stoping contraception, doesn't feel like I am activly making it happen, IYSWIM

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hulababy · 12/12/2006 21:13

I agree. First time round DH and I just stopped using contraception. 2.5 years later I was pregnant (has an early mc between that time). It took lomger than average but I was fine(ish) with that and we didn't do anything more active.

Second time round I knew we might have problems and went for the old timing, monitoring, temping, OPKs, etc. It is pretty nightmareish though after a while of not working - we kept going for 18 months with nothing before stopping TTC and restarting contraception. I needed the brak and to really just get on with living proeprly againf or a while. I now know there are reasons for all the problems, which is why we are using no contraception now as it is highly unlikely we'd get pg again.

foxinsocks · 12/12/2006 21:14

I'm probably not the one to ask about fertility - I'm clueless. But 3 months doesn't seem that long to me.

You must have a rough idea of when your period is?

(aren't you planning a wedding some time soon )

hulababy · 12/12/2006 21:17

3 months is way below average length of time to get pregnant, so no need to worry about it yet. Just try to have regular sex, and try to aim around midcycle as much as possible.

merrylissiemas · 12/12/2006 21:18

ive always thought of myself as not preventing pg. but now we are def ttc \link{http://www.babycentre.co.uk/tools/ovu/try this} it's just a calculator, to let you know where your body is at good luck and enjoy the practice

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 12/12/2006 21:19

Hulababy. I hope it worked out for you.

Foxinsocks - we are indeed! Currently planning for June! - I know I should be happy to wait until after the wedding to get pregnant - and I am kind of - its just that I worry I won't be able to get pregant then, so should start trying proprly now!! And then I worry I am doing too much (plus started new job two weeks ago) and thoughts go round and round!!! I guess there is never a perfect time to TTC though. so we thought, lets go for it! - plus not too stressed about the whole pregnancy before mariage thing! (though I have made DP promise, if I can't drink at the wedding, he can't get pissed)

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merrylissiemas · 12/12/2006 21:21

sorry

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 12/12/2006 21:21

Thanks for that Merrylissiemass. One of the problems is that my cycle is strange (3weeks/5weeks/3weeks etc) so I am worried that will affect how fertile I am!

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hulababy · 12/12/2006 21:21

I'm fine now. No longer TTc. Just want my op to stop the pain I have each month now. Dd is now 4y8m and a very happy only child. We are happy as a family of 3 now

Good luck. You'll get there.

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 12/12/2006 21:24

Thanks Hulababy - and so happy for you and your family .

I guess I just like having some kind of feeling I am affecting these things.

Anyway - first day at new unit tommorow after just finishing training for new job, must go and relax.

Thankyou all for the responses. Will log on again tommorow night!

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