We are all a bit bonkers, worshipping the travelling womble conker, we rub the grad's bumps for luck and shag without scientific schmuck (Most of the time!) Its Just Shagging 56!

[MyBlackCat]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 55 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2485718-Were-Still-Gathered-Round-the-Sacred-Womble-Conker-for-a-Legendary-BFP-Bring-your-Fur-Babies-and-Pray-for-Merely-a-Hint-of-Menses-its-Just-Shagging-with-science-sometimes-55" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2505402-Its-the-dream-combo-of-carbs-and-couples-massagers-welcoming-pukey-newbies-and-teffrifying-norks-its-GTTs-a-go-go-on-JS-Grads-41" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2490199-just-mumming-9-we-re-suffering-the-curse-of-mel-b-st-syndrome-and-the-rise-of-the-sleep-snatchers-we-ve-all-had-enough-and-would-just-like-a-good-js" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Thanks just maybe you and sock have the right idea, perhaps I should tell my close relatives so they stop with the hinting.

oooh sock I think that's what happened to me, delayed ovulation could be possible - get the cape on!

Hi all, would you mind if I joined you? I think I may be in the right place....

CoffeeandStitches
30
No babies yet!

I don't really know how long we have been trying. Since August/September I suppose, but we get a positive very quickly, and a MC at 8 weeks. That was in October. One 'normal' cycle since.

And this is how I found you lot. We haven't really 'tried' since MC. It hit me hard and I wobbled a lot about getting back on the horse... it's been grotty, I'm a very emotionally closed person so have just braced up and got on with it. Within 2 weeks my two best girls both announced pregnancy...

But now I'm on CD 34. I'm usually 28 days max. So POAS, BFN. And again. And again. And again..... I googled, I'm symptom spotting, I'm being an irrational dick head. I'm crazy. I've literally turned into a complete looney bin, and I hate it.

I need your help. I need to stop pissing on things. I need to stop analyzing every bloody cramp, twinge, hunger pain, wee.... A BFN is a BFN.

I'm not like this. I don't want to be like this.

Help me!

I know I'm a crazy, but please can I come and be a crazy here? I'm not a talker, my DH sort of panics when I try and have an emotional conversation with him because it happens so rarely. But I have to talk to someone! I have to have someone put me back on the straight, sane and narrow!

Pls. Thanks.

Just catching up with you all.

CatsCats near Alton/Petersfield.

LondonGirl I used Clearblue dual hormone OPKs when I was ttc last time and, according to my 12 week scan, I ovulated the day after the second static smile (and twelve days after my first flashing smile). I used Internet cheapies as well and they showed my surge the afternoon before I got my static smile.

Welcome Crazy sorry to hear about your miscarriage, they really are devastating, so please do chat away here.

Coffee of course! That's what we're for. I sweat some of these ladies know more about my cycle than my gynae does! A lot of us have been there with a MC so feel free to vent if you need to. But good news is that loads of us who had them are now upduffed or sprogged up, so there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Hello coffee. You are definitely in the right place. I too had a late period bfn drama recently and without the viroids I wouldn't cope with this ttc business. Like you, I'm not a talker. This thread knows more about me than dp . Here to talk you down off the ledge of the toilet seat

Oops the was supposed to be a .

Coffee please come and be as crazy as you want to here. I can sympathise with you entirely. We started trying in September, got pregnant in October and also miscarried that month so we are 100% in the same boat.

I've had one proper cycle since then too and it was a BFN and my first cycle post miscarriage was super long so I went through the same thing and was positive I was pregnant. I'm currently in the two for my 2nd proper cycle post miscarriage so have no real advice as I'm still muddling through it just like you.

All I can say is feel your emotions. Cry if you need to cry. I'v broken down in tears more times than I ever imagined. I think it helps. Bottling it up only makes you go crazy. Stop peeing on stuff for a few days and remind yourself that you are only noticing every twinge because you are paying attention. Throw yourself hard into one of your hobbies as a distraction so its not so all consuming.

I hope that helps but just rant if you need to!

Oh, should say. I started trying Aug, got pregnant straight away then miscarried in September. It took me ten months (14 cycles for me) to be upduffed again. At times I thought it would never happen and wished I hadnt got preg in the first place... But these girls will get you through!

Ahhh thank you all for such a warm welcome :)

London We are in very similar boats! After MC I AF came 28 days later. Bang on. I thought i'd just switched back to normal, no such luck. I've also been told by a professional a long, long time ago that I need to feel my emotions, not just think to myself, 'That's sad, I'm sad' and move on. Easier said than done though...

just I saw and I was on the edge of my seat for you I found this thread yesterday morning in the midst of crazy googling and have read the whole lot. Aren't bodies sometimes very shit.

You lot have kept me so amused I have done eff all work for the last 2 days. Eeek.

I've given myself a stern talking to. I'm also weeing on nothing further for the next few days. It's just hormones going crazy which I suppose is to be expected.

Anyone else just feel like cancelling Christmas? [grinch] This limbo is horrid.

Oh Coffee, I am so sorry for calling you Crazy when I welcomed you . I think ttc is going to my head quite a lot! After my mc, I don't think I ovulated in the first cycle (wtf) and they were all different lengths until I got my BFP three cycles later. Sadly our bodies take a while to adjust but they do get there.

fuzzy Don't worry - I didn't even notice. This is how crazy I am at the moment :)

Thank you. We can sit in the crazy corner together!

Welcome to the newbies, hope your not here too long. The vidroids here are great when the crazies start to take over.

Sorry to every one with bfns recently, & anyone the witch is messing about .

Been awol recently, still lurking every now & then, just trying not let it take over everything as much. Tbh, the bfns & witch messing me about last month kinda messed with my head a bit, think I need to take the more relaxed approach, so not tracking cycle as much, or timing shagging. I'll still be lurking prob needing mutliple hooyahs during twot, hoping to see some Christmas bfps. Keep shagging everyone & happy Christmas

Hi coffee and welcome. I'm another one who has experienced mc in 4th cycle of trying, now 18 months on and not a hint of a bfp took my cycles a good six months before they settled down and went through many cycles thinking that it had finally happened to be met with a bfn. I don't test now, can't face it and just wait for the witch. I've not actually pissed on a stick of the pregnancy kid since March

I'm in the midst of a crazy cycle, Ov definetly delayed due to stress but had ewcm last week so assumed I iced around then. Normally I would be getting skittle tits by now but nothing. I'm around cd24 ish I think but don't know what the fuck is going on

I am on CD27 and iced a week ago (or probably a week and a day). We DTD more in the build up to icing this cycle than in years but despite normally deluding myself with a whole influx of symptoms, I can't even try to pretend I feel the remotest bit pregnant. I am either going to be celebrating on Christmas Day or getting very drunk and I think we can all guess it will almost certainly be the latter.

I didn't ovulate my first cycle post mc I realise now that I temp properly. I did get LH surge. This month, I ovulated CD 14 which is 3 days later than normal so can't say things are entirely normal yet. Shagged like a maniac up to the day of icing - I threw my back out! Hopefully its amounts to something!

Welcome, Coffee! Sorry to hear you've had a MC - you're in good company here, though. I've had a couple, and my cycles were messed up for two cycles apiece afterwards. Tiny's birth (I reckon) screwed them up for at least three cycles. Either that or AF is a bitch

Sock - could well be a late ice. Enjoy shagging regardless.

Finished work for Christmas! Not often I can say that this far in advance

chat yipee! Enjoy your holidays.

Hello coffee please feel free to share your crazy. I had a missed mc, then had DS then since TTC again had what my Dr called an early mc. That was last month and my cycle is completely all over the show this month. I am thoroughly intending on enjoying all the over Christmas. The viroids on here keep me sane, no one else understands the craziness.

fuzzy I'm in Winchester, so not far. We got married near Petersfield, what a lovely area.

Hi everyone, can I join in? I'm a long time lurker, I've recently hit the crazies in our TTC journey and I need an outlet other than poor DH!

I'm 28, now on cycle 8 of TTC#1. Been managing the disappointment every month ok up until the last couple of months when I've just crumbled when AF arrives. Like a lot of people I spent my teens and early 20's in the belief that you could fall pregnant just by looking at a penis...if only it was that easy!

None of our friends/family know we're TTC (although I think MIL suspects it) so the only person I've been able to talk about it with is DH who although he has been really supportive I think needs me to offload somewhere else now and then!

The rational side of my brain is telling me that these things can take time but recently the irrational panicky side has been shouting a bit louder that something isn't right and I'm trying to keep a lid on it so I don't lose it completely!

Hope you don't mind another crazy in the collection!

Didn't even notice fuzzy called you crazy coffee . We will get you through. It's awful though isn't it, truly awful. I just can't believe it hasn't happened.

Had a funny moment earlier when I called for my day 3 results which they didn't have yet as receptionist asked what consultant ordered them, I told her and she said she knew him well as he was responsible for her babies

NFMH(hair): New haircut , not had more than a "nibble" off for 5 years as I hate getting it cut and inevitability hating the result. My sil is my hairdresser and convinced me to actually have a style rather than just hair. Took it as the heavy hint it was that my hair was shit. So glad I did, it's awesome, I feel like a new woman! I've got a fringe!

Hi holo, welcome to the crazy corner! You will be well looked after here. I am so glad I've got the viroids to sound off to, dp bless him just doesn't get my devastation.

Molly had a boy over on the grads

Welldone just I had a fringe cut in about six months ago.... I spend most of my time clipping it up

Welcome Holo! Sorry for personal question right away, but were you previously on birth control? And if so, are you now getting regular cycles? A lot of the virpids have found the first six months or so to be a total write off as their cycles were still recovering. Still, 8 months is that awkward "been ages to me but not to my doctor" stage where the frustration really kicks in. Don't worry, the viroids will get you through!

Chat what's it like being back at work after your foreign break? Slipped back to it, or have you had to find your mojo again? (I always found going back to work after long summer break quite stressful as I was sure I had forgotten how to teach in the meanwhile. But luckily it worked out fine!)