We are all a bit bonkers, worshipping the travelling womble conker, we rub the grad's bumps for luck and shag without scientific schmuck (Most of the time!) Its Just Shagging 56!

[MyBlackCat]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 55 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2485718-Were-Still-Gathered-Round-the-Sacred-Womble-Conker-for-a-Legendary-BFP-Bring-your-Fur-Babies-and-Pray-for-Merely-a-Hint-of-Menses-its-Just-Shagging-with-science-sometimes-55" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2505402-Its-the-dream-combo-of-carbs-and-couples-massagers-welcoming-pukey-newbies-and-teffrifying-norks-its-GTTs-a-go-go-on-JS-Grads-41" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2490199-just-mumming-9-we-re-suffering-the-curse-of-mel-b-st-syndrome-and-the-rise-of-the-sleep-snatchers-we-ve-all-had-enough-and-would-just-like-a-good-js" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

I'm glad they've made enough progress to call off the strikes, but fuming at Jeremy Hunt's twatty smugness on Twitter etc, like it was all down to the BMA being unreasonable when initially he wouldn't even go to ACAS! Cock.

Another dildo-cam session tomorrow post-night shift, but thankfully DH has agreed to drive me so I don't die on the road. More concerned at the moment that I have toothache and am not registered with a dentist here, so I also need to find an NHS dentist with spaces asap - the private prices for a root canal (which I fear I might need) are terrifying!

sock there is a number you can call and they will tell you nearest NHS dentist who is taking on patients can't remember the name of it but I'm sure if you Google I used it when I moved and now have a lovely dentist just around corner!
chat I have relented and am now taking full dose of bisoprolol against my better judgement but it's making the palpitations worse and can't get an appointment now till the week after next so am having to put up with it as the doctor told me you can't just come off them have to cut down slowly and the same warning is on the pack too so I guess not wise to just stop taking feeling totally washed out was hoping to get back to work next week as well

Just I think you deserve a night on the tiles, go out & enjoy

Sock boo to the toothache, hope things go well tomorrow.

Poor you Cori, sounds horrible, look after yourself.

Haven't posted in a few days but still lurking, nothing really to update, still no witch, treating this as a new cycle, so hopefully ice next week.

You know standard smp. You get 90 % for 6 weeks. Is that working weeks full weeks? I'm confused how many working days does that equate to?

Shit sake wrong Fred agina. Sorry gals

Ergh typo as well.... Fuck sake

If you weren't pregnant I'd say you were drunk country

We are going wine tasting at midday then out after , bet I'm in bed by 8!

Sorry you don't know what's happening angel

cori

sock good on eh, hope scan goes well

Haha just write me off as mental

Dp back after four days away and we just had a row, .

Tired row about nothing in particular?

Basically

Take a walk round the garden with a big glass of wine take a deep breath and remember...... You need his sperms

Swimmers can't be argumentative twats, Just - see through him? Or get the proper mulled wine out. There's a good chance your thermometer is here - have you seen my onions?? Waffles made it safely - I've also got the chocolate ones this week.

Country you've always been mental, it's why we love you!

Booked my first day back at work - torn between being really excited to be back, and bricking it. Mostly the latter. Nurses are pleased to see me, though, despite my above average admissions tally

good for you chat. Very possible I've got the onions, I seem to have loads I've just discovered, God knows what I was planning on doing with them I'll send them your way!

He's being a twat, or I am, who knows.

Scan was meh. There's an 11mm follicle, as well as loads of other smaller ones, so not totally sure if I will ovulate this month. Also got a lecture on my weight, which is totally justified, but made me feel a bit wibbly.

Going to dentist tomorrow, I now can't eat anything hot so I think I need to get it sorted out ASAP.

The sonographer lectured you about your weight?! Poor you, doesn't sound like they were very sensitive.

Not a sonographer, it was one of the fertility clinic nurses - they do the scans and give advice on when you're likely to ice, what bloods you need, doses of Clomid for the next cycle etc. She's perfectly entitled to tell me to lose weight, and I already know it, but I was already feeling delicate so it got to me a bit.

Hugs to you

And now I need a fecking root canal. Stupid, stupid me didn't get an NHS dentist when I moved out of London, so I paid £50 to see one privately today, which is ok, but the treatment + crown will be almost £1000! We can afford it, and they do payment plans, which makes it easier than one big lump, but it puts a dent in our house deposit/IVF fund.

Can't you find an nhs one now?

Oof, Sock that's a bit of a kick in the teeth if you pardon the pun especially after nights. They going to give you a trigger shot or leave you to it?

Dammit, I knew they would be somewhere. Send them along, Just!

I've tried, but several of the local ones which say on their website/NHS website that they take NHS patients currently aren't taking on new ones, and the ones which are only have appointments in the new year and won't see you as an urgent before then if unregistered. It's my own stupid fault for not doing it as soon as we moved.

Oh sock, what a week it has been for you, I hope at least the private dentist will have some perks.

just the wine tasting sounds amazing!

Well I fell off the fred a bit because DS's vomitathon on Saturday night turned into 5 days of vomit. I got it too and so did DH. I think we are all just about over it now but it has played havoc with everything. No flipping chance of DTD, and now DH is working well into the night to make up for being off today while I tried to fit a whole week's work into one day.

I think I am due to ice on Saturday so am going to make a concerted effort when he gets home but I feel like it might have happened early and we've missed it. That would just about top off the last two weeks!

cats I can't even work out if I iced or not this month being on clomid would suggest I did my opk suggest otherwise was awaiting af to start today but nothing would normally be getting hopes up but tbh have never been more convinced I'm not pg!
sock