The commune is gathering for a sacred BFP! We are worshipping our womble conkers and admiring penis statues, but we're still remembering to jump our miroids at every opportunity! It's Just Shagging 54

[jellypi3]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 53 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2457521-Oh-Shagging-Gods-Grant-us-our-Wish-A-Newborn-so-Tiny-to-Squish-By-Shagging-like-Stars-Or-with-Jizz-in-our-Bras-To-the-Disco-in-a-Petri-Dish-its-JS-53?msgid=56749960#56749960" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2444058-Just-Mumming-Thread-7-the-grads-grads-cope-with-walking-own-rooms-and-have-little-time-for-shagging" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Areyouthefarmer What happened to you didn't happen to me but if its any help, I know two people who got pregnant immediately after (one month) coming off the pill.

How long were your cycles before birth control? I hope it works out for you soon!

I blame cerezette for most things. I had perfect cycles prior to that we will ignore the 4 stone I put on while on it

TMI coming up...
Jesus Christ I've never seen so much blood! The witch even woke me up last night because I thought I was pissing myself . This AF is different to the rest I've had. Bitch.

I'm in a foul mood today. I'm also in a mood because I'm in a foul mood. I hate feeling like this. DH has wound me up this morning. Work winds me up full stop (well 90% of people here). The diet has gone tits up and I've put 3lb back on. Ive got pains. I want to be at home in bed. I'm pissed off because it's Monday. I want to be at home, in bed. I was nearly crying on the way into work this morning. I'm struggling with stopping smoking DESPITE how much I know it would help. I have no willpower. I'm a fat effer. I want to drink myself into oblivion. I want a dog OR a cat but apparently we have too many pets as it is.

I'm going back into the corner to sulk now.

Thanks London tbh I can't really remember what they were like pre bc - I've been on Microgynon for about 12 years with a break a few years ago when I had the implant but that didn't agree with me.

Think I'm just in for a wait, I think I've read that GPs generally say give it 6 months to regulate?

So sorry Keep that you're having such a hard time - I quit smoking a few years ago and have never been so furious with the world. My only tip would be to brush your teeth after you've eaten as that was when I craved a cigarette the most, when I was full. Having minty breath made me less likely to want to smoke. Maybe that's just me though. Hope you're ok.

Keep don't be so hard on yourself. None of us are doing everything perfect and we all have bad days as far as willpower goes. Don't try to fight the hormones. Just be in a bad mood until its over. My tactic is warning my team at work and hubby. People are usually understanding and somehow saying out loud reduces its power.

If you can muster the energy, sometimes a bit of exercise helps me rebalance all my brain chemicals!

farmer you need to speak to ain and jelly they both had mia af's after stopping birth control, though I think jelly was on depo not pill. I was on mycrogynon and had 2 perfect 31day cycles before a 6 week wait for another af (queue thinking we'd got pg quickly) and a 7 week af to follow. Since then cycles never really settled.

keep stop being so hard on yourself. But definitely don't eat all the pies, don't drink all the wine, and ABSOLUTELY DO NOT SMOKE! FC will want to know you've not been smoking for at least 6 months if they are going to treat you. It's just not worth it. And as for the diet, don't undo all the hard work you've done. You are worth more than a pack of greasy nasty brown crisps. You deserve better. and as for wine. i'm not allowed it so neither are you! But good on you for being determined to get a printout. Now THAT i'm on board with.

chat thanks. we just need to get those bfps first then!!

Loving the conception theme tune fruit that should totally be next thread title. which of course i won't be here for because i'll have finally buggered off to the grads

farmer i did indeed have a MIA AF after Depo, it took 9 months for it to come back for me. Basically what I learnt was it's a waiting game. I think with the pill you aren't expected to wait nearly that long, ain will be better placed to advise on the pill situation. BUT don't give up hope, you can ovulate without AF, so just shag like mad

I've also reaslied conception and have a baby is the worlds longest waiting game. You have the 2ww to endure initially, then if you do get a BFP you have the 8ww until your first scan, then another 8ww until your next scan, and then a bloody 20ww until you are full term, and to top it off a final 2ww until you are induced if you are overdue.

I'm about sick of waiting!

I don't think I do have access to reassurance scans - would I find out by asking my GP?

The only thing that puts me off going down the NHS route is having to wait in the EPU for hours on end. It will bring back horrible memories ...and I'll feel like I'm robbing someone else of their time in a potentially very stressful situation for them. On the otherhand, if they can offer me a time slot, I'll be getting in there!

We technically have no money due to new windows/roof/front door, but always find it for things we want/need and so will most likely shell out £100/125 for a private one I think. Following Chat's previous advice, I think I'll go for one between 8-9 weeks.

At the moment I'm just trying to set little goals to be happy about/celebrate. This week it's the continuation of symptoms (not feeling as sick but norks are hurting). On Sunday it won't be a celebration, but the goal is to try to remain positive (I'll be 7+4, my date when I last found out my pregnancy wasn't viable). On Thursday 8th October, it will - hopefully -passing the point when I last started to miscarry (8+1).

Lil - that freebie scan in the middle....every cloud and all that!

Keep what a shit day! Your AF sounds awful so don't beat yourself up even more! Get through the working day, go home and run a bath and languish for a while. Pamper yourself and be kind to yourself and don't put pressure on yourself fix everything overnight.

Thanks everyone - I'm leaving work early so I can go home and feel sorry for myself.

lil shit I didn't know that about the 6 months not smoking... Is that before the commence treatment, or will then want the 6 months before they start the investigating work?! Smoking was the cause of the argument this morning with DH

I've just binned the rest of my fags.

keep its different for every PCT but mine was 6months prior to treatment. it didn't get asked about until after the investigations so i was glad i wasn't a smoker as they hadn't told me about it beforehand (though it may have been on my gp records to be fair).

feathered technically it's cost me £3,270!! And I may not even get to a bFP, let alone that scan!! You're right though, it is a silver cushty embryo inviting lining!

jelly try waiting over 2 years just for the bfp :P lol. you have my sympathies! How many weeks are you now?

lil sorry none to freeze, best ones are in there though, right where they should be.

keep allow yourself a day of feeling shit and then get that pma back. Just wallow today, treat yourself nicely.

Now forgotten what everyone else said.
or all round as appropriate.

af not here yet

Lil where are the pictures of your ensuite? Are you on the FB page? I need some home renovations to perv over. An ensuite is infinintely more interesting than the shit roof/windows stuff I've got to do.

yeah lil i realised that sounded a bit insensitive after I sent it, but you know what I mean, it's one big waiting game!! I'm almost 23 weeks now!

just when is she due???

feathered an early scan will be a big reassurance I think, 8-9 weeks is good because you then get to see a heartbeat wheras earlier it can be difficult to see.

Feathered I got an early scan at 8 weeks. I travelled to Midlands as it was only £40 rather than £100+ here, and travel costs is waaaaay less than £60. It was with a company called "tummy 2 mummy" who are based in Leicester or Leamington Spa.

...Ditto Lil with my 'silver lining' comment. Should have added a winky face!

Jelly - yes. Just looked at the scanning options near work and they come up as having appointments at when I'd be exactly 8 weeks or 8+5. Rejecting 8 weeks due to last mc date and considering the 8+5. In a dilemma though. In one sense, if something's wrong at least I know sooner and can start to prepare myself. In another sense, I don't know how quickly I will bounce back from another scan with unhappy news.

I suppose there is a third option that it will be a happy and reassuring event (but not going to get my hopes up just yet).

Right. Self indulgence is now over from me!

Today jelly, shh I'm hoping she's forgotten me this month.

ooooo...won't get too excited as if

Right - lil or anybody else - can you translate these for me:

For me:
21 day results were 23nmol/l
Day 2-5 results were 6.7 for FSH and 3.3 for LH
Prolactin: 125mlv/l
TSH: 1.8mlv/l

DH:
Density: 34
Motility-rapid 0
Motility-slow 7 (%)
Morphology normal 5 (%)
Total normal motile count 0.12

I'm hoping they forgot to add zeros to the percentages...

I've just been doing by the writing on the proforma form

What do those figures mean, Keep?

I wouldn't jelly been feeling like it's coming for last two days.

I have no effing idea feathered those of the results from our tests we had done.

DH has just worked out what his mean (he's obviously been reading up). They did say his motility rate was low and from those results he's deciphered that he's only got 12% motility, when 50% is considered healthy.

Sorry keep got no idea. I'll be watching with interest before my results come back. Dr has prescribed me diazepam to take before so if af comes today ill brave it on weds/thurs

Keep sorry you're feeling shit . I don't know much about these things, and I know each lab will have its own reference range...but, I think the swimmers are acceptably formed (over 4% morphology, they have low standards!) but not swimming so much. Think your TSH is normal, D21 progesterone might be a little low?

Farmer after stopping the COCP I had weird cycles: 6w, 3w, 6w, upduffed.

Just when are you POAS?? You too YB. Brighten my world, I still have ages until I can pee!

I've POAS, bfn. Will try again in the morning if AF doesn't turn up before