Come one, come all, to the shaggers ball, there's fanjo flags and party bags, we'll laugh a lot and we'll get our tots, so legs in the air for the shaggers extraordinaire! Recruiting YOU on JS52!

[pretzelpieces]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 51 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2426806-Were-peeing-over-pineapples-because-we-ran-out-of-sticks-but-staring-at-lines-is-how-we-get-our-kicks-Fred-50-was-lucky-with-6-BFPs-and-lots-of-grads-are-about-to-do-babies-We-are-Just-Shaggin-51?pg=2" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is [[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2440803-Were-marvelling-at-bucket-fanjos-peeing-while-we-vom-trying-subsistence-farming-and-staying-incontinent-Keeping-our-GX-and-firmly-holding-the-hands-of-viroids-having-a-hard-time-JSing-grads-36 HERE]

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2415890-Just-Mumming-Viroids-6-some-of-us-have-time-for-JSing-some-dont-but-were-all-grad-grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings has now been deleted so you'll just have to trust us that it was brilliantly pearl-clutchy.

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Men are a strange species indeed. ..dh keeps telling me not to worry - yes because that's how worrying works!! Its not like im worrying over nothing!
To be fair he's normally v good, esp with "womens stuff" as he has 4 sisters!!!

Agree that you might as well get incontinence stuff now. Morning sickness does not do your pelvic floor any favours!

Kez, men are idiots, that's how it is.

I'm also attending a wedding, this Saturday actually. The bride is expecting and her sister has just gone into labour Wednesday, so will no doubt have a baby with her

I sound really mean but I'll be trying my best to avoid any pregnant species whilst I'm there.

I just wish I could be happy for others without feeling sad for myself ????
What makes it worse is none of these babies were supposedly planned!
Which in my eyes makes it worse ????

Pee I did read about the woman who ran the marathon without sanpro.

My first thought - as a marathoner myself - was that no one running would have even noticed and if they had noticed, they wouldn't have given a shit. The number of willies and bums I saw during my marathon and half marathons is astonishing! No one really cares if you have a poo/wee/period.

My second thought was OH MY GOD that woman is amazing. She ran a marathon on day two of her period. Jesus. She needs an extra medal.

My third thought was yeah, a sanitary pad would have got soaked in sweat and chafed. A tampon would have worked for me but I know other runners for whom they rubbed/felt uncomfortable. Moo cups are meant to be good, but you're not going to risk it if you haven't used one before.

My fourth thought (actually, someone else gave me this thought, I read it somewhere) was that imagine if she got her period unexpectedly??? And had to run the course with a big blood stain? And imagine if she hadn't owned it like she had done - thumbs up and all? Some piece work would have put her picture up somewhere under "OMG! How embarrassing! Worst sports disaster ever Loooool!" Or some such shite.

All those things considered, I have a lot of respect for her. I would have felt too ill, too uncomfy and too embarrassed - but she did 26 miles on the blob with a smile on her face. Legend.

Nice post Feathered, my main thought about this was that it would probably have been most comfortable to run without any protection. Running a marathon with a sanitary pad in your pants? Ouch, chaf much?

I used to lead multi - day hiking/climbing/kayaking trips etc and it was always a bit of a nightmare to be comfy/make sure my hands were clean to change tampons/carry used sanitary wear around in a brown paper bag for a few days/have to string this all up in bear bags overnight! Wondering now whether it would just have been ester to bleed into pants/running tights, take a spare pair of each and wash one pair out each night... I think this woman might be on to something! Not sure if I would have been brave enough to do it but at least people could now consider this an 'option' as oppose to have never thought about it. A very interesting topic...

I once played football with a pad on, worst mistake of my life. Went in for a sliding tackle, pad came loose and basically got stuck to my inner thigh (luckily I was wearing long black shorts).

I don't think she did anything wrong. Haters gonna hate!

Well done pretzel on the recruitment, and hello all the newbies!

Sorry about the weird bitches viroids, and for those who need it!

Viroids with low sex drive OHs - I hope once you are upduffed your drive takes a nosedive so that OHs would be the ones pouncing on you and nagging. I hope it didn't sound too weird

Carrot, omg that would be lush! OH asking ME for SEX? Never

Would be marvellous though

Ladies I need some advice, I'm certainly not symptom spotting but I really can't ignore this one. It's 5 days before I'm due and I've got the most agonising period cramping in my uterus and lower stomach. Certainly not wind. Oh, and the light pink spotting hasn't stopped either.

What's going on? :(

I've taken good doses of Neurophen too, there's been no change really.

lain lets be honest none of have/had a clue what goes on in our bodies...once u get a bfp, retrospect lets us say 'oh yes, x was a symptom' conveniently forgetting we had xyz every other month ;)

In honestly before ttc i hardly noticed anything...even what I now know were blatantly obvious changes in cm etc!

The only symptom which really counts is missing AF...so have a little HOOYAH :)

Feathered I totes take you point about nobody even noticing the SanPro free lady, if it hadn't been drawn to media attention.

There's always an array bleeding nips and half dead people on long races and I did once see a man, with a full size giraffes neck and head attached to his shoulders, squatting for a poo at the start of the Great North Run.

Nobody batted an eyelid, like the rules had changed and if you were going to run a long distance, body fluids could fly free.

I'd never thought about running a long distance being uncomfortable while using a tampon, obviously a towel may not live up to the promises on the packet over 26 miles (good save with the sticking to inside thigh moment JellyPi) but that must be awful if it does feel iffy and you've trained for months for the big day.

She's defo highlighted some good issues with the race, and made me slap my own wrists at my squeamishness about bodily fluid. (Lain good point about the ejacualte though.)

And god – oneyorkshirepud I never thought about having to keep sanpro away from bears in the wilderness. Jesus. What if somebody had been eaten by a bear drawn to camp by the irresistible fragrance? (Clearly you couldn't have let the monthly cycle that stop you leading the group on an adventure though.)

Back to babies –Lain I had that pink thing last month ... it went after a few days and I did just have an AF a few days later. I'd never noticed that type of 'pink' before , maybe I've been driving wild by symptom spotting and it was always there? (I didn't have tummy pains though.)

So um, that's probably very inconclusive info for you!

I just can't mentally unsee the level of chafing that the extra moisture would cause. I'm lucky enough to have avoided my period for all 3 of the marathons and most of the halfs I've run, but on the day if it's there it's pretty much just a case of jam that clam with a super tampon, handful of ibuprofen and get on with it.

'Jam that Clam' ha ha!

Peenut, all kinds of things had to go in the bear bag, sun tan lotion, toothpaste, clean San pro etc as they are fragranced and therefore smell tasty to bears. While the bear bags were put up for safety reasons (to, you know, stop bears trawling through the camp), there were only black bears where we were so not a major issue. The bear bags did, however, stop chipmunks/racoons/SKUNKS chewing through your tent and then rucksack to find a snack. Skunks are not cute like in the films, they can write off a car by spraying them. If they sprayed your tent/clothes/gear you have to throw it out. If they spray your hair you are getting it all chopped off. Bear bags were a massive ball ache to rig each night and you could guarantee that after half an hour of work when you finally had the bear bag in the right place one of the clients would say 'Oh pud I forgot to give you my trial mix. MEH. One night my colleague got so annoyed that he just put the trail mix at the end of the tent. Something came sniffing at the side side of the tent - so he just punched it! We opened the tent to see the biggest skunk we had ever seen shuffling off looking rather upset with itself ha ha! V lucky escape!

Thank you ladies, think I'll end up in A&E tonight though. This is much worse than any period pain I've ever felt, I'm literally hunched over sitting at my desk :(

(Whilst cheekily browsing Mumsnet).

Thanks for the support viroids, hopefully I will relax and enjoy the wedding when I'm there. The anticipation is always worse with these events.
Ouch lain sounds bad.
Very true feathered I'm so impressed that not only did she run a marathon but she looked amazing at the end, very happy and healthy....and how fucking ridiculous that there are girls in the world who can't go to school when they're on their period. Does saying "in this day and age" make me an old bag??
Loving the bear stories!

Just to let everyone know, I've changed my name from Laindon to Reachout, fed up of the abuse I was getting from other posters on some threads, really annoying.

Lots and lots of lovely ladies on MN (this thread for example), but some real meanies too!

So viroids I'm away working for a few days and have developed an itch - down there

I've had thrush previously but not for years and years - not sure if it is that or not, don't have any discharge but been out and got some cream. It's not hugely uncomfortable but I know it's there and as I need to get some shagging done next week I was hoping to get to it early

Any advice on what it could be? Started a few days after AF went and before any shagging started. Dtd once since, no major issues with that, if anything my symptoms feel like too much shagging has been happening I wish

My I would say I'm quite sensitive down there. I think in personal experience the cream is a good start. I've done that before and it's sorted me out. Or something like vagisil might help to take the itch out? Then see how it goes. If it gets worse and you think it's def thrush I'd get the pessary ASAP so you can carry on shagging with minimal disruption. Sometimes anything can irritate, have you changed your washing powder etc? Also might be an idea to wear some cotton knickers instead of those silky crotchless panties

If the discharge starts to smell or anything you need to see the nurse/doc for antibiotics

lain/reach what abuse were you getting? fucktards also STOP with the nurofen. it's an NSAID which is bad for fertility. same goes for ibuprofen (which is basically what nurofen is-- paracetamol only from now on!

black 99% I'd say its thrush. get some vagisil shower gel stuff and get the cream on and take the capsule. hopefully you'll get rid of it before you start shagging that way. u don't want to be passing it back and forth with dh!

lil you are so wise

For Reach

if people are being bitches, report to HQ!

Are u from laindon lain/reach?
I drive right past it when visiting my olds and one of my school friends was from there :)

Having worst journey ever!!

5hell, I am indeed

And I've never really thought of reporting anyone to HQ.. Will do next time!

Basically people were being gobsmackingly rude because I said you should keep your mouth shut if you know you're going to hurt someone intentionally and the issue doesn't concern you.

Thanks for advice viroids - first application of cream seems to be easing things I need to shift this by Sunday pm as I need all of the jizz

My grandparents live in laindon 5hell! I go there at least once a week!