Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

There was a viroid named Just, who was all wanton and lust. But her fanjo's a numpty, so she named it country, and they have a skittletits bust! It's JSing 50!!

999 replies

lildottie · 27/06/2015 21:42

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
  5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 49 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2399734-These-be-our-very-Cs-our-Us-N-our-Ts-proudly-JSing-their-way-to-poetic-BFPs-in-49-Together-we-Shall-take-off-our-robes-to-shag-put-on-our-crowns-to-copulate-we-have-immortal-longings-in-us?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2407126-Avoiding-accidental-golden-showers-and-unsolicited-bump-touching-while-enjoying-the-gamble-of-the-poo-lottery-and-apparently-getting-more-massive-by-the-day-JSer-grads-31" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
21
ThursdayLast · 03/07/2015 08:33

So happy for you Carrot Smile

Just Country as an unofficial member of your fandom gang I'm just checking in with ALL the spots on my chin. My AF is due on the 8th.

jellypi3 · 03/07/2015 08:39

Congrats carrot :) someone on the grads was just saying how we haven't had a bfp in a while!

Gx for the rest of you, and lil yay for kinky jizz bomb details

honeysucklejasmine · 03/07/2015 08:44

Wow Carrot! Congratulations!

CountryGal4 · 03/07/2015 09:04

Thursday I believe we have a pissy party Grin I'm due 7th but won't think about pissing till 8th. I'm sooo over pissing on things this month!

ThursdayLast · 03/07/2015 09:38

It's my bday on the 8th so I think I'll leave it til the 9th if AF doesn't show. Gotta have a glass of wine or two on your birthday right??

TriJo · 03/07/2015 09:40

Congratulations Carrot :D

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 03/07/2015 09:43

Congratulations carrot Flowers x

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 03/07/2015 09:48

Quick question: what symptoms do you viroids get in the two week wait? It's been so long since I ovulated I can't remember how I normally feel / what pains etc!!
I'm on cd44/7dpo.

(Ps. My phone keeps autocorrecting viroids to virgins!!!! Haha)

WouldRatherHaveCake · 03/07/2015 10:06

Congrats carrot!

5hell · 03/07/2015 10:15

carrot 10/10 for being a good JSer, for not obsessing over symptoms (or not admittign it on here much anyway Wink) and for POAS at plenty days past icing Grin !!

cold i'm fairly symptomless boring all the time really, except right boob gets a bit sore in twot. CD44...you poor thing Flowers, still at least you've iced!

nfmv...due to ice soonish but going away for the weekend without DH, then he's going away until tues night! hoping a shag tonight and tomorrow AM will go some way towards covering me Confused sod's law as i'm finally feeling properly 'normal' after mc.

CountryGal4 · 03/07/2015 10:16

Sniggers yep virgins

cold to be honest everyone experiences different symptoms. What's even more confusing is a lot of people including me experience different symptoms compared to the previous month. Common ones include molten nips back ache headaches bloating ..... Isn't it ace being a woman Grin

I may be wrong but at 7 dpo I believe you've entered the crazies and might well be symptom spotting?

maemay · 03/07/2015 10:19

Congrats, carrot Woohoo!! Grin

jellypi3 · 03/07/2015 10:23

My twot symptoms included skittle tits, spots, bloating, nausea occasionally, and a strong desire to burn DP on days when he pissed me off.

I am glad to admit all those symptoms have remained since my bfp. Hmm

ThursdayLast · 03/07/2015 10:26

Spots and irritability.
Then more spots.
Then another one for luck.

lildottie · 03/07/2015 10:28

spreader bar, hands tied behind back, and blindfold jelly so he did pretty good. he just needs to work on the element of surprise/spontaneity

OP posts:
pretzelpieces · 03/07/2015 10:50

Congrats carrot!! Grin

And gx for country, Thursday and any other soon-to-pissers Grin

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 03/07/2015 10:57

I'm doing my best not to symptom spot country but been very hard!! I've been "questioning" things since Tuesday as I've been getting back pain on and off since then. Normally I'd put it down to af coming, but I had "period pains" for a week before my bfp with dd, so hard to get it out of my head!!!

Right.will snap myself out of it. I'm just feeling my womb actually doing something for the first time in years!!! I'm so used to feeling nothing done there I think I am noticing every twinge!!!Hmm

justtheonethen · 03/07/2015 11:17

Hooyah cold!

thurs you must have mine, I'm ridiculously clear skinned for 9/11dpo (depending on what mood I'm in/app I decide to trust)!
Also due either 7th or 9th so let's have a synchro piss on the 9th!

carrot holy shit that is a massive line! Congratulations!!!!

ChatEnOeuf · 03/07/2015 11:22

Congrats Carrot!! That's a beauty of a line :)

No idea what my TWOT symptoms are...so long since I had a normal cycle it's all a distant memory.

Excellent jizz acquisition Lil, onwards.

MyBlackCat · 03/07/2015 12:08

My twot symptom are sore boobs from around 7/8dpo, I tend to want to shout at someone a couple of days before af arrives, sometimes I'm crampy, I don't generally get spotty.

I've just had a major cat induced trauma.

Working from home today when I say working I mean staring at my laptop waiting for the hours to tick by cat was out, heard a bit of commotion with next doors dog barking, which is not unusual, then a couple of mins later heard more. My office is at front of house - looked out of window to see next doors dog chasing my cat across the road. Raced downstairs out the front door and find said dog but no sign of cat. Pick up dog and return to next doors house, search for cat. No sign, nothing.....

Panic setting in as she needs to go to Cattery this afternoon as we are of on holiday in the early hours. Walk the street, call her, return to get dreamies and she usually responds to a shaking of the dreamie packet - nothing.

Decide I'm not going on holiday if I can't find her, knock on neighbours doors, search their gardens, nothing. Walk further, call louder, nothing.

Start talking to another lady, start describing cat and she says 'is that her' turn to see cat running at 100mph towards our house, I shout yes and run after her! Grin

She's had lots of cuddles and dreamies and is now snoring away asleep on my bed. I think I've just lost 10 years of my life. Now considering why I want kids when my cat causes me this much stress Wink

LaLaLaaaa · 03/07/2015 12:41

Congratulations carrot!!!

Twot symptoms - grumpy, bloated, spots, big boobs

Nice one lil!!

jellypi3 · 03/07/2015 13:19

Wow lil. I'm so not living not variously through your sex lives right now.

5hell · 03/07/2015 14:01

cat you poor thing, and poor cat! hope she's ok

i know what you mean about pets/kids/stress though... one of the dogs stressed us out his week - was sick in dining room but seemed ok, then Dh gave him flea treatment and he went all weird, breathing funny, bloodshot eyes, lethargic but restless, the works! cue DH sleepign downstairs with dogs to keep an eye on him...of course by morning you'd never know anything had happened!

yesterday morning came downstairs to find other dog calmly lying down

5hell · 03/07/2015 14:02

stop it lil, you're turning me on

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 03/07/2015 14:21

Hooyah accepted just thanks
Will just ignore all symptoms until at least 16dpo, which would be Sunday 12th

Swipe left for the next trending thread