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Conception

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Original poster

interview tomorrow but might want to ttc!?!

30 replies

shouldIshouldntI99 · 14/06/2015 11:20

Hi all. New here and looking for your thoughts please. I'm going to be 32 in 6 months and for the past ten years have been really unsure If I want children and DH said he would go either way (my decision) I was torn between deciding for a promotion at work (additional stress but also at the back of my mind I was thinking about how I would want to commit to doing it for at least 2 years and the thought of children was on my mind).

The interview is tomorrow and I have woken up in a tizz thinking I should pull out of the interview as I may want to try for a baby!! I'm in with a good chance of getting the job and I'm not the type of person to get a promotion, only do it for a year and then go on maternity. I've agonised for years about knowing if I want a child and maybe this is the sign I've been waiting for?

On the other hand if we did decide to TTC who knows how long it would take. My cycle is irregular so it could be years. DH is away and not back until this evening so I can't discuss with him. My age is also on my mind and feel as though it may be now or never (as if we did conceive I think I would want 2 children)..... feel so confused! Any thoughts from anyone? Thank you.

OP posts:
WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 14/06/2015 11:23

Go to the interview, good luck!

You can still ttc, but no one knows how long this can take, every time is different so enjoy the new job in the meantime.

crazytyke · 14/06/2015 11:31

Give the interview your best effort.

to do anything else, for a hypothetical child you may or may not want to or be able to conceive would be utterly bonkers

Oysterbabe · 14/06/2015 11:32

Go for the job. Women shouldn't let motherhood limit their careers, in fact there are laws in place to stop this happening. Get your promotion, take maternity leave then go back to it.

FishWithABicycle · 14/06/2015 11:40

Go for the job. You never know what will happen with ttc. The recruitment process needs to select the best person for the job and if that's you it is equally true if you are going to be off for a few months. They shouldn't have to recruit someone second best because of you withdrawing. And if they do it's entirely possible that that person could go off for 9 months maternity or paternity leave themselves. So such considerations should be irrelevant.

DoTheDuckFace · 14/06/2015 11:43

Go for the interview. If you get the job, don't let that stop you ttc either, who knows how long it will take anyway.

Original poster
shouldIshouldntI99 · 14/06/2015 11:43

Thanks everyone. The other thing on my mind is that if I did get the job and then fall pregnant I would want to go back part time. And I couldn't do this with the new job so I would have to give it up anyway.....

Does that change your advice?

OP posts:
WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 14/06/2015 11:58

No, go to the interview, give it your best. Think about the baby stuff when you need to.

DoTheDuckFace · 14/06/2015 12:36

Not at all. Cross that bridge when you come to it. Your employer would have to have good business reasons why you can't be part time and if they do, well you have experience in the role to apply for other roles.

Original poster
shouldIshouldntI99 · 14/06/2015 12:49

Okay thank you posters. I'm going to interview but will also see what DH reaction is when I tell him I've wobbled!

OP posts:
DoTheDuckFace · 14/06/2015 13:24

Good luck!

Original poster
shouldIshouldntI99 · 14/06/2015 13:46

Thank you! I'll update tomorrow.

OP posts:
butterflyFairy1 · 14/06/2015 14:08

I'm in a similar position.

I got a promotion at work, and I'm now on a training course to learn how to use different systems etc.. It's mainly active training, where I learn on the job, and I'm loving it. I have this for eleven weeks now as I've just done the first week, and I'm planning on going in for IVF in October, a month after the training ends. I work in finance, and I'm lucky that they've got such good maternity schemes in place. My only concern was what would I do with my job? How would they react?
But this is something I've had my heart set on for a long time, so I'm going to go ahead and do it.

Sounds like a silly question, but have you looked into the maternity plans they have in place? That could help you a lot. I'll be going back part time after maternity leave, and work have no idea of my plans but they're accommodating and I'm not the first one to have done it, and I'm sure you won't be either honey.

Good luck x

Athenaviolet · 14/06/2015 14:13

You are thinking way to much into this. These are hypothetical questions.

You want the job? Go for it.

You want to ttc? Go for it.

You want to quit after mat leave, this is rarely a good idea but if you've weighed it up, sure, go for it.

What ever you do don't put your life on hold because of 'maybes'.

RoseBud2015 · 14/06/2015 14:31

I accepted a big promotion just before starting TTC. I also had 3 holidays abroad booked for the following year. I'm glad I did accept the promotion because 10 months on and we are still trying and are now on clomid! We've been on 2 of the 3 holidays and go on our big summer holiday in July! I'm so glad I have something exciting to look forward to.
Don't put anything off for TTC. You could be unlucky and require help to conceive, or it might just take a while naturally. Life is too short to put things on hold!

Original poster
shouldIshouldntI99 · 14/06/2015 15:33

I work in the public sector so the mat leave arrangements are good and quite flexible but the type of job it is I'd have to be full time. But if I were to have children the job is so consuming that there is no way I could do it and be a good parent/wouldn't want to be full time as presumably want time with said child!

I think because I'm not fully committed to ttc I'll give the interview my all and just see how things go. It is scary though that there are several people on here at the age where they think they need to try but are not sure they are fully committed to having a child.

Good luck with the IVF butterfly, you're ahead of me as at least you know you want to try!

Rosebud, good luck and in the meantime nice you've had holidays.

OP posts:
butterflyFairy1 · 14/06/2015 15:51

Thank you shouldi :)

I'm so nervous about it all haha. Knowing this could finally be it brings so many emotions.. Panic, because what happens if I'm not a good mum? Worry, because it may not work. And obviously excitement!

If you're not ready to start TTC now, you've got a good few years ahead of you. You're only 32 - lots of women have babies in their 40's!! Public sector is a hard one though... I can understand how consuming it is.

You'll get there :) go ahead with the promotion, and fingers crossed you get it (I know you will)!! Don't stress about things too much. My godmothers had babies 35+, and they wouldn't have it any differently. Everyone's different and has different thoughts and feelings. What's right for you may not be right for another. I'm young, in my early 20's, but I KNOW this is what I need/want. As I said.. Each to their own. Xx

cheminotte · 14/06/2015 15:57

Good luck with your interview.
You may think the job can't be done part-time from the outside but once you've got it you'll be able to suggest ways that it is possible. Or you may be happy to go back full-time. You really can't tell yet. Don't put your life on hold for a baby that might never happen.

Original poster
shouldIshouldntI99 · 14/06/2015 16:19

oh wow butterfly! You are so young. I hope you get what you want. I'm sure having a baby is hard work but you obviously want it and will give it your all. I think some women put too many expectations on themselves as mothers to be 'perfect'. No one is though x

You're right cheminotte, there are so many unknowns. I need to live this life not one that may or may not happen in the future.

OP posts:
Rainy34 · 14/06/2015 16:32

My advice to you is go for the interview, my dh and i have been trying for over a year and i have put so much off as "incase " i got pregnant , the chances are you may fall straight away but you just never know,

BathtimeFunkster · 14/06/2015 16:37

You can start thinking about arrangements for maternity leave when you are pregnant.

You can figure out what to do about going back to work after maternity leave when you have a baby.

This is all so previous. You aren't pregnant, you might never get pregnant even if you decide you want to.

You would be CRAZY not to go for this promotion. It doesn't make any sense at all.

MrsPCR · 14/06/2015 22:31

Go for it! You never know, you might not get it (or is it a given?) but at least you'll have an answer rather than always wondering what if? I went for a promotion in September with no intention of ttc for at least 2 years. If you'd have told me last year I'd be coming to the end of my 3rd 2ww I would have never believed you. I am anxious about telling my work and unsure how well that's going to go down (behind my back!) but as people say, it might take longer than you expect. I keep thinking about doing things in the future and hopefully not being able to as pregnant, but still plan stuff.

Good luck, but I try to avoid as many what ifs in life as possible.

butterflyFairy1 · 15/06/2015 18:23

Thank you! I am really young; but this is always the way I've wanted it. My Mum had had me and by brother by the time she was 22, and by the time my Nan was 22, she'd had my Uncle, Auntie and Mum. I've always wanted to be a young mummy, but this is just the way I've always wanted things. I want it so bad. I've literally never wanted anything more. I had a miscarriage in Oct last year & even though I'm in a much better place, I still feel like there's something missing. Not the reason I'm having one though, just to fill a hole. It's because the only thing I feel like I'm here for is to reproduce! It's my life goal to have a big family, haha. So IVF is scary, but fingers crossed it'll work.

People do put too much pressure on themselves to be perfect. I know I won't be perfect. I know I'll make mistakes but as long as I give it my all I can't go wrong! X

butterflyFairy1 · 15/06/2015 18:23

Ps, sorry for rambling haha. X

YesThisIsMe · 15/06/2015 18:27

Cross that bridge when you come to it. You might get pg with twins instantly but your DH could equally well be made redundant in a financial catastrophe that destroys his entire industry, making him available to be a SAHD and making it vitally important that you maximise your earning potential.

ScrewFix · 15/06/2015 18:31

Definitely go for it.

Even if you got pregnant immediately (no guarantee) you'd have a year on your CV and a job to go back to after the baby comes.

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