We may all have the --rabies-- crazies, but we don’t need no ‘hints’ thanks! Grab yourself a (small) cider, get your sex towels at the ready, it’s Just Shagging 47!

[5hell]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 46 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2374301-Sod-the-elections-we-want-erections-Were-hoping-our-miroids-will-deposit-their-seed-in-our-lady-gardens-and-well-all-end-up-growing-giblets-Come-and-join-us-on-our-magical-new-bedsheets-its-Jus?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE </a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2380377-JS-viroids-are-here-in-their-28th-outing-complete-with-exploding-belly-buttons-Theres-royal-foofs-and-jiffy-bag-gifts-but-most-certainly-NOT-x-rated-colouring-books-at-the-VAGINA-party-HQ" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

honey you legend, Iv just read back! giggles aside do you have a massive bruise?

jelly I hope your bean sticks.

So my vagina is angry! It's CD11 and there has been no Jizz. DH and I were too busy pissing each other off last night to have sexy time. I really hope he's awake enough when I get home tonight. Feel like the window is slipping away already this month

Keeping my GX for you jellzer!!

thanks all. do you think it's worth stocking up on some cheap tests like superdrug tests and test once a day? i assume if line gets lighter it's a MC? or is that just fuelling the rabies?

jelly don't fuel the rabbies, I really hope it's ok, lots of people get light bleeding around the time of af.

I've just been to see a really nice doctor, Im getting day 3 and 21 bloods done and getting referred for an ultrasound scan to check everything is ok in my vagina region. Nothing for DH just yet, good job as he is convinced that he has super sperm

Hoping I can invoke law of sod on what is now 12th cycle post mc - really not looking forward to the worst anniversary of all

jelly congratulations and let's hope it's just an IB!

honey you legend. Hope your nose gets better soon.

Haha honey well I try not to be a miserable cow the whole time.

Thankyou for the reassurances re miscarriage cycles. This period has been so back to front, I have just been so anxious as to what it could be. It's getting heavier and I have period pain now. I have got all sorts running through my head. Think I might have to go and have an mot just to put my mind at rest.

Well, I am glad my orgasm related injury is causing mirth! No bruise, but very tender and a wee bit bloody still.

Jelly no rabies.

Jelly it's fuelling the rabies

Keeping everything crossed for you

And no cramps is gooooood

Also a so-much-blood-it's-clearly-doomed survivor here, as well you know. Today you are pregnant!

Thanks folks :) I feel better just sure it's over

Jelly I have taken a preggo test every day for the past week. It didn't fuel the rabies, but helped reassure me!

I've had to stop because I've run out of tests and can't afford another £35 week supply

Honey I properly LOLLED at your post. Sorry about your nose, but that story gives a whole new meaning to 'coming together!'

Goat jazz should come with a health warning. "Attempt at your own risk" sort of thing.

Lol honey - love it! (Hope you're nose isn't too sore though! )
jelly- there is no point me telling you not to poas as I totally did every day until my hcg levels got so high they didn't work just don't over analyse! And if there is no cramping see if you can wait it out till the spotting has stopped- which just to warn you, for me was a week later.

Jelly my IB was so heavy that I starting drinking wine again, and then had to stop two days later. I pissed on ICS everyday for a week or so after bfp because it was fun and stuck them on a piece of paper in order. You could see them getting darker over time but they did fluctuates too depending on 'strength of wee'. Grads convinced me (eventually) that continuing to POAS would only cause stress so I stopped in the end. Everything crossed.

jelly apparently they've completely stopped making pissy sticks just yesterday. You won't find any anywhere in the world. No point looking for them. Tough luck. You'll just have to forget about poas, sit back joyfully at being pregnant, and look forward to your first scan. Relax! Today you are pregnant!

in honor of honey and in solidarity I think we should all share our sex-injuries (stealth boasts permitted)

...I once had hellish carpet burn on my spine from some passionate lounge floor action - probably not worth the pain

Hoping to also distract jel (who i agree should be joyfully relaxing) and others from their worries and cheer us all up

jelly spotting when AF is due is very common. I haven't had this, but my sister did. She thought it was her AF. When it was super light and only lasted a couple days she thought it was weird and POASed. I'm sure this is what's happening here. Feet up, get some and watch some rubbish telly. Today you are pregnant

If you are feeling very anxious I'd say POAS in a few days again, not daily. You could also keep temping

Working at home today and dp popped back for a stealth lunchtime shag. That makes it three times in two days! Hope he doesn't wear himself out for the rest of week! Got a flasher (smiley one not pervy one) this morning so hopefully I'll ice in next two days

What can I do with 30 egg yolks? Been making loads of meringue and feels wasteful to chuck em!

30?! bloody hell just!

how about lemon curd mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
or www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/top-10-ways-leftover-egg-whites-and-yolks (decadent omelette?!)

just mayonaise? chocolate pot puddings? apple cake?

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Actually, what 5hell said. MMMMMMMMMMM.